TIME viral

WATCH: “Rapping Staff Sergeant” Teaches Little Girl How to Take Care of Her New Cast

The most adorable clip you'll watch all day

In a video uploaded by YouTube user Amanda Luhr, a “staff sergeant” appears to be showing a little girl how to take care of the new pink cast on her leg for the next three weeks: “Don’t get the cast wet, don’t stick nothin’ in it ’cause if you did you’re the one who got to deal with it.” We dare you to watch this clip without smiling. (Viral Viral Videos)

TIME animals

WATCH: China Zoo Builds Amusement Park to Cheer Up a Sad Panda

If you have ever been lonely after a good friend has moved away, then you’ll understand what one giant panda in southwest China is going through. Sijia has reportedly been depressed and not eating well since Meixi, her best friend for six months, left. So as a consolation, the staff at Yunnan Wild Animal Park set up parallel bars, swings, a climbing apparatus, and a flat screen TV that “plays video footage of her and her old companion,” according to The Telegraph. Now she is reportedly playing on her own more and more without any prodding.

Watch her play in this NBC video:

TIME celebrity

Drop Enemies Like They’re Hot While You Play Call of Duty, Now Narrated by Snoop Dogg

Snoop Dogg
Jordan Naylor / Getty Images

"It's the coolest game in the hood. All my homies play this game."

Fans of the first-person shooter game Call of Duty: Ghosts can soon enhance their playing experience by downloading an add-on pack featuring narration by Snoop Dogg.

Yes. Really. Snoop Dogg! The rapper has lent his voice to the game to provide commentary like “Ballistic vests ready. Those are some fine ass threads” and “Rack up points by reaching the enemy portal, ya dig?”

Snoop will also provide encouragement to players with pep talks like “Don’t stop! Cap ‘em and shank ‘em.” Oh man, now we kind of wish Snoop could just narrate out everyday lives.

“What interested me most about the project is that my voice could be connected with a game that’s so hip, that’s so hood,” Snoop said in the announcement video. “It’s the coolest game in the hood. All my homies play this game.”

The Snoop Dogg voiceover pack will cost $2.99, available on April 22 for Xbox One and Xbox 360. We suggest sippin’ on some gin and juice while you play.

TIME

Joe Biden Joins Instagram, Everyone’s Lives Improve Exponentially 

Fingers crossed for daily selfies of the Veep rocking Ray-Bans

Well, it finally happened. Vice President Joe Biden has joined the selfie-snapping, brunch-loving, filter-abusing masses of Instagram, and we couldn’t be more thrilled about it.

His handle is @VP and everyone should probably start following him immediately.

Seriously, his first post is utter perfection:

Can’t wait to see what else you have in store for us, Amtrak Joe.

TIME Food & Drink

KFC Is Reintroducing a Sandwich That Replaces Bread With Fried Chicken

KFC Launches Controversial Double Down Burger
XXX YYY at XXX on May 10, 2011 in Auckland, New Zealand. The KFC 'Double Down' is a 604-calorie 'bunless' burger that consists of two strips of bacon, cheese and 'special sauce' served between two KFC chicken fillets and has been a hot topic after being condemned by nutritionists concerned with the high calorie and saturated fat content. Sandra Mu—Getty Images

The Double Down is coming back

Maybe KFC felt like it didn’t go far enough by bestowing a $20 fried chicken prom corsage upon the world earlier this week. Wednesday, the fast food chain announced that is bringing back the Double Down starting April 21.

To the uninitiated (way to keep those arteries unclogged, guys!), the Double Down is a sandwich that replaces bread with fried chicken, used to hold together an assortment of bacon and cheese. Although the item has been in and out of stores since its 2010 premiere, now is the obvious time to bring it back. Why? Because the internet is currently facilitating American consumers’ slow overdose on viral food hybrids. Taco Bell uses both Doritos and waffles in place of taco shells. McDonald’s has new ads for it’s pancake breakfast sandwich. Dominos announced a fried chicken crusted pizza Monday. (Pizza Hut Middle East stuffed chicken nuggets and cheeseburgers into its pizza crust in 2012, so we’re slightly underwhelmed.)

Can the Double Down stand tall in among its Twitter-friendly “food” hybrid counterparts? Maybe it can make a compelling SnapChat campaign to convince us. According to USA Today, the tagline has been dubbed “Double Down Dare”… so we’ve been warned.

Sidenote: If you want more information on what the Double Down is actually like, here’s TIME’s Joel Stein chowing down when it was first released:

TIME Science

This Is How Caffeine Actually Affects Your Brain 

The science behind America's favorite drug

Over 83 percent of Americans drink coffee, making the U.S. the world’s largest consumer of the potent beans. We probably love it so much because it’s also our favorite drug—caffeine keeps us going (even in today’s strangely wintry weather). But only a fraction of addicts actually understand how caffeine impacts the brain. Here’s a video that explains the addiction.

The Reactions video explores the chemistry of caffeine, which breaks up into three different molecules: theobromine, paraxanthine, and theophylline. The combined impact of these three compounds induces the wakeful state we all need to start our mornings.

TIME animals

See One Man Perfectly Imitate 30 Different Animals 

Who needs a zoo? 

RudiRok is a Finnish comedian and beatboxer, but he also wouldn’t be out of place on Noah’s ark. In this video, he perfectly mimics the sounds of 30 different animals, from horses and pigs to lambs and even flies.

The beatboxer’s lion and pig imitations are spot-on, the wolf perfect. He yowls like an upset kitten, then purrs like a contented one.

While RudiRok’s other videos haven’t catapulted him to instant Internet fame, mimicking animals seems to be a particular talent. Just imagine the possibilities! Helping pandas mate by faking their calls. Ordering bears to catch salmon for him. Attracting ducks for hunters. Way better than being a DJ.

TIME animals

Dog Gets Summoned for Jury Duty In New Jersey

German Shephard
German Shephard Getty Images

Unfortunately, she didn't up serving

It’s always a hassle getting called for jury duty. This is something all of us can agree on. Now, there’s a dog out there who can also agree on this, because she too got called in to fulfill her civic duty.

Yes, really. Last week, New Jersey’s Cumberland County sent a jury summons to resident IV Griner. But IV Griner is not a person. She’s a German Shepherd. Her owner, Barrett Griner, tells CBS Philly that he figured out the mishap quickly, but it was still pretty funny. His full name is Barrett Griner IV, so a computer likely mistook the roman numerals for his first name before the summons was mailed out.

So unfortunately, no, the five-year-old pooch will not be serving on a jury. Although that could actually make for a pretty compelling TV series, right? The German Shepherd who turns out to be a very skilled juror and ends up working her way up through the ranks of the local justice system? If anyone from HBO is reading this, we’ve got plenty more ideas where that came from.

 

TIME Internet

Good News For Aspiring Wizards: You Can Now Take Online Hogwarts Courses

Harry Potter
Warner Bros.

Pet owl not included

It’s pretty impossible to read the Harry Potter books without imagining that you too could maybe one day be a wizard studying at Hogwarts.

Luckily, a group of die-hard Potter fans would like to help you come a little closer to achieving that dream with the creation of HogwartsIsHere.com, a site that lets you enroll in free nine-week courses and meet fellow Potter fanatics.

Classes include Charms, Potions, Defense Against the Dark Arts, Astronomy, Herbology, History of Magic, and Transfiguration. Each course is divided into nine weeks, with actual homework assignments, quizzes and tests. So you’ll feel just like Hermione, Ron and Harry!

Participation is entirely free, and the site is in no way affiliated with J.K. Rowling or Warner Bros. or anyone else related to the Harry Potter franchise. It’s just the work of some very enthusiastic muggles. So grab yourself a butterbeer and get to it.

TIME viral

Guy Attempting to Take a Selfie in Front of a Speeding Train Gets Kicked in Head by Conductor

This is the world we now live in

A guy attempting to take a selfie in front of an oncoming train has learned an important lesson. That lesson is: maybe don’t attempt to take a selfie in front of an oncoming train.

He’s got his serious selfie face all ready when all of a sudden the train’s conductor lets out a yell and then sticks out his leg, kicking the guy square in the head.

This would-be selfie-taker, Jared Michael, posted a video of these action-packed 10 seconds on YouTube, explaining, “I tried to take a selfie while a train passed a ‘safe’ distance behind. I guess I was still too close and got kicked in the head. I messed up.”

“Messed up.” Yes, that about sums it up.

(h/t Business Insider)

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