TIME animals

Americans Could Spend $703 Million on Their Pets This Valentine’s Day

Getty Images Dog wearing tiara

Nothing says "I love you" like a diamond collar

The candy and flowers industrial complex that is Valentine’s Day had gone to the dogs. Literally.

One in five Americans will take their pets into consideration on Feb. 14, according to a new study by the National Retail Federation, a trade association. Out of a total of $18.9 billion spent on the holiday, consumers will drop $703 million on their furrier companions, the group forecasts.

While the figure at first appears staggering, the retail group points out that consumers will just spend $5.28 on their pets on average.

But even though opting for heart-shaped Milkbones suffices, nothing says I love you like splurging for that diamond dog color Fluffy’s been eyeing.

TIME Comedy

Watch Louis C.K. Take On Babies and Gay Marriage in His New Stand-Up Special

The comedian has a few thoughts about babies.

Louis C.K.’s new stand-up special isn’t available yet, but you can watch the first four minutes of “Live at the Comedy Store” now.

The four-minute clip revolves around everyone’s favorite airplane companions: babies. After a recent travel experience, C.K. finally figured out why so many babies spend their time on airplanes crying. The cause? According to C.K., “they are upset because gay people are getting married.”

To be clear, C.K. doesn’t agree with their temper tantrums, because love is love and babies are selfish. “I think if people are in love, they should get married,” he clarified. “But they can’t accept that. They’re just being babies.”

As he has done for the past few years, the comedian is making his latest comedy hour available to stream and/or download on his website for just $5.

[Via Uproxx]

TIME celebrity

Watch Channing Tatum Brilliantly Imitate His Baby Daughter’s ‘Poop Face’

He says it reminds him of Marlon Brando dying in The Godfather

Channing Tatum stopped by Jimmy Kimmel Live! Monday night to talk about general celebrity things — but the conversation got really good once it turned to the topic of fatherhood. And then also poop.

Tatum’s daughter, Everly, is one and a half now, and Chan is still really, really into being a dad. One of his favorite things about babies in general, he says, is that they all have “these different poop faces.”

Then he demonstrates what Everly’s poop face looks like and says it reminds him of the scene in The Godfather when Marlon Brando dies.

It’s a pretty good poop face, but we’re a bit disappointed it doesn’t look like this.

Read next: Watch The Decemberists Sing YouTube Comments on Jimmy Kimmel

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Watch Kim Kardashian Mock Herself Perfectly in a Super Bowl Ad

It involves selfies, obvi

T-Mobile’s Super Bowl ad stars “Kim Kardashian, Famous Person” discussing a very serious matter.

“Each month millions of gigs of unused data are taken back by wireless companies. Tragic,” she says over somber PSA-style music. “Data you paid for that could be used to see my makeup, my backhand, my outfits, my vacations and my outfits. Sadly all lost. Please, help save the data.”

What follows is an ad that could be for T-Mobile’s Data Stash program or for Kardashian’s new book, appropriately titled Selfie.

Last year T-Mobile did a text-only ad that ended with the message: “Maybe next year, we’ll do an ad with overpaid movie stars.”

Let’s hope they spring for puppies in 2016.

Read next: These Incredibly Realistic Celebrity Portraits Were Made Entirely With Emoji

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TIME Sports

Louis C.K. Says It’s Totally Fine If the Patriots Deflated Balls

"I have no problem with it. I think it's hilarious."

Some people are really, really upset that some of the footballs the New England Patriots provided for the semifinal game against the Indianapolis Colts were under-inflated. Most people are referring to this scandal as “Deflategate” or, in some cases, an even more tasteful moniker: “Ballghazi.”

But comedian Louis C.K., who, as a Boston native, identifies as a Patriots fan, isn’t upset at all, as he explained to David Letterman Monday night. Why? “It’s a stupid football game. Just deflate the balls, poke a guy in the eye or whatever. It’s football.”

C.K. also made sure to defend the Patriots when Letterman asked why the team might do such a thing. “Well, because they want to win real bad. Sometimes you do stuff that’s not fair, so that you can win. I have no problem with it.”

Can someone give Louis C.K. a job as a sports commentator please?

TIME Food & Drink

Here’s How McDonald’s Makes Its Egg McMuffins

Go inside the poultry farm

McDonald’s is continuing its skepticism tour by answering the most obvious questions about its most basic, yet questionable, foods. In a series of new videos, the fast food giant has teamed up with MythBusters co-host Grant Imahara to answer important queries like, “Is the McRib made of actual food?” And, “Are the fries even made out of potatoes?”

Now the beloved Egg McMuffin is getting the transparency treatment as Imahara asks, “Do McDonald’s egg McMuffins use real eggs?”

(Enter literal poultry farm.)

Read Next: Here’s How McDonald’s Makes Its French Fries

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TIME Travel

Disney to Bring the Frozen Experience to Cruise Ships

Frozen Disney
Disney Elsa in Frozen, 2013.

The Academy-Award winning movie and its beloved songs are hitting the high seas

Parents may be sick of hearing the songs from Frozen, but Disney can’t quite Let It Go.

Select Disney Cruise Line ships will debut a new “Frozen experience” starting summer 2015 on trips to parts of Europe and Alaska, the company recently announced.

The experience will treat guests to a daylong Frozen-themed experience complete with a three-song production, character meet-and-greet, and storybook adventures. Or for some families: a regular Saturday morning.

A couple of songs and scenes will be performed for the first time in forever on the cruise — but don’t worry fans and foes, there was no way this could happen without a performance of the film’s mega-hit song “Let it Go.” In fact, a press release bills it as a sing-along.

Perhaps they’ll make Frozen margaritas a part of the deal, too.

TIME viral

Watch This Incredible Archer Split an Arrow Fired Right at Him

Just like Kevin Costner in Robin Hood. Only for real

When Kevin Costner split an arrow in Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves, cynics everywhere rolled their eyes. But now a Danish archer has matched that feat and much more besides — even splitting an arrow fired directly at him at high velocity.

Lars Andersen has spent a decade honing his archery skills to levels seen only on medieval battlefields, using ancient texts and tapestries for guidance. This video shows the 50-year-old firing at moving targets, from moving targets, using his feet, spearing soft-drink cans, hitting the ring-pulls from soft-drink cans, and much more besides. He can even catch an arrow fired at him and shoot it back in one swift movement.

To capture his grand finale — splitting a moving arrow — took years of preparation and 14 takes. The trick, he says, is to hit the target arrow just behind the head so that the shafts fluctuate against each other, splitting the bamboo (while not flinching at the thought of impending death, of course).

“The arrow fired at me was not fired with a very powerful bow, though it was definitely dangerous enough,” says Lars in a statement. “I hope to try it again using a proper high-speed camera.”

Give it your best shot, Lars!

TIME viral

Watch Two Guys Appear to Get Tricked Into Catcalling Their Own Moms

Now, that is an awkward dinner conversation

A filmmaker in Peru seems to have come up with an ingenious solution to men sexually harassing women in the street — trick serial offenders into catcalling their own mothers.

Two moms are shown agreeing to be secretly filmed as they donned flattering disguises and strolled past their unwitting sons. After the men shout out sleazy comments, the women pull off their wigs and confront their red-faced boys with a very loud and very public rebuke.

One enraged mother is seen hitting her son over the head with her handbag.

The clip, created by American clothing brand Everlast, was filmed in Peru’s national capital Lima, where the company says 7 out of 10 women report being harassed in the street.

TIME viral

Watch a Principal Announce a Snow Day With a ‘Let It Go’ Parody

Watch out, Idina Menzel

Schoolteachers must be sick of hearing “Let It Go” from Frozen by now, but there’s probably no better way to get kids’ attention than with the Disney tune. Just ask Matt Glendinning, the head of school at Moses Brown School in Providence, R.I., who announced his school’s snow day with his own “Let It Go” parody, “School Is Closed.”

Don’t be surprised if Glendinning has been waiting to break this out for some time — the production value here is suspiciously high for a blizzard that only just took the East Coast by storm. That, or Glendinning should become the faculty sponsor for the film club ASAP.

Read next: Blizzard Gives New York City a Miss, Hits New England

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