TIME Bizarre

Man Reportedly Gets Revenge on Scammer by Texting Him Shakespeare’s Entire Works

The Cobbe portrait of William Shakespeare (1564-1616), c1610.
Fine Art Images/Heritage Images/Getty Images

An Englishman is trying to get revenge for being scammed by an online seller by texting him the entirety of various William Shakespeare plays after he failed to receive a PlayStation 3 he thought he ordered at a great price

An Englishman is trying to get even with an Internet seller who has not come through with an order by texting him entire William Shakespeare plays to annoy him, The Bristol Post and CNET.co.uk report via SWNS.

Edd Joseph, 24, of Bristol, England, reportedly has yet to receive an £80 PS3 that he ordered from the classifieds website Gumtree. He’s now taking revenge by copying the full text of plays like Hamlet, Macbeth, and Othello, and pasting them into text messages to the seller, which he sends online. So far, he’s texted 22 full plays, which amounts to 17, 424 texts. Joseph claims to have an unlimited data plan.

“If nothing else I’m sharing a little bit of culture with someone who probably doesn’t have much experience of it,” Joseph told The Bristol Post. “I’m not a literary student, and I’m not an avid fan of Shakespeare but I’ve got a new appreciation you could say – especially for the long ones.”

But if he read Hamlet as he was texting it, then he would know that “brevity is the soul of wit.”

TIME Transportation

Terrifying Video Shows Man Inches Away From Being Hit By Speeding Train

Your heart might stop for a little

A man was literally inches away from being hit by a speeding commuter train in Northern California when he decided to ignore the warning bells and dash across the train tracks. Caltrain posted the heart-stopping video, captured by surveillance video at the Redwood City stop, to emphasize the importance of taking safety precautions. Apparently this lucky soul also ruined everyone else’s commuting schedules that day, since every near miss — and this was definitely a near miss — has to be investigated.

[CBS News]

TIME

Woman Loses 100 Pounds For Soldier Husband’s Return Home

When Larry Shaffer left for Afghanistan, his high school sweetheart Misty weighed about 260 pounds. When he returned after a year, she was less than 155 pounds

When Larry Shaffer returned from Afghanistan, he had no idea of the surprise awaiting him at home.

When Shaffer left, his high school sweetheart weighed about 260 pounds. When he returned after a year, she was less than 155 pounds. At the airport, Misty Shaffer, 25, just ran and jumped into her Army specialist husband’s arms. It was the first time he’d been able to lift her.

He said just one word: “Wow.”

Misty Shaffer said that she decided to lose weight because she wanted to surprise her husband and have a better life.

“I just sat in bed one night and was like, ‘I can do this,'” she told CNN. “‘I need to do this.'”

Watch the video above for the details.

TIME Crime

Woman Allegedly Stabs Husband for ‘Worshipping the NASCAR Race’

Food City 500
Jerry Markland / Getty Images

Stephanie Hamman was arrested in Tennessee for attempted first-degree murder and felony vandalism

A Tennessee woman allegedly crashed a car into a church, called her husband, and then proceeded to stab her husband in the chest with a kitchen knife Sunday. Why? According to police, Stephanie Hamman was angry at her husband for “worshiping the NASCAR race at Bristol.”

Hamman was arrested for attempted first-degree murder and felony vandalism.

According to police, Hamman said that God wanted her in the church — at which she falsely claimed she was baptized that day. Hamman, who talked to police about her love of pot, reportedly told her husband, “The devil is in me,” before stabbing him. He was in a stable condition as of Monday.

[WJHL]

TIME weather

Animals Have Actually Rained from the Sky

[Duncan] / Flickr

We're going to need better umbrellas

Modern Farmer, our generation’s foremost chronicler of animal weirdness and the current host of a live pig webcam, reports that animals raining from the sky is a thing that has actually happened.

Pick your favorite creature, and it’s pretty likely it has fallen like rain from the clouds. Fish are a classic choice, of course, but the list goes on, Justin Nobel writes:

Tadpoles over Japan; spiders over Brazil; frogs over Serbia, ancient Egypt and Kansas City; brown worms over Indiana; scarlet worms over Massachusetts; red worms over Sweden; snails over England; a shower of raw meat (thought to be venison or mutton) over Kentucky; blackbirds over Arkansas; eels over Alabama; snakes over Tennessee and fish over Australia, India and Honduras.

In Marksville, Louisiana in 1947, fish even fell out of a clear sky, with various species ranging from two to nine inches in length. But why does this bizarre meteorological phenomenon actually happen?

Modern Farmer tests a variety of hypotheses, including powerful tornados and waterspouts, a vortex that forms over a body of water and sucks up the water along with it, perhaps including any stray fish or frogs. “It seems very reasonable that they could be flung airborne and carried some distance away,” says University of Georgia scientist John Knox.

Sharknados, however, are still completely impossible. Unless, one expert explains, global warming causes heavier rainfall and stronger storms. Uh oh.

TIME Television

This Website Graphs The Popularity of TV Shows

The site aims to visualize IMDb ratings by episode.

If you’re a data whiz who prefers to view the popularity of stuff via linear regression rather than glowing reviews, then Graph TV is the perfect website for you.

Users type the name of a TV show and then the program “assigns a different color to each season and generates a simple linear regression from the ratings given to episodes each season,” as the app’s creator Kevin Wu, a software engineer at Academia.edu, explains on the app’s website. “Each point on the graph displays the episode title, rating, and other data and is clickable to reach its IMDb entry.”

TIME animals

Orphaned Squirrel Now Lives in This Girl’s Ponytail

Have you check your hair for critters lately?

Ponytails aren’t just for… horses anymore. An abandoned, two-month-old squirrel is now living in the hair of Abby Putterill, the daughter of the owners of a wildlife sanctuary in Zimbabwe.

The squirrel, named Hammy, “was playing with Abby and he managed to crawl into her hair. He seemed to make himself at home and still does it now,” Abby’s mother Debbie says.

Given that squirrels usually curl up in nests, the choice of dwelling isn’t exactly surprising. It is extremely cute, though.

TIME Humor

Here

CeBIT 2014
From a story titled "Oh" Jochen Luebke—EPA

Some (imaginary) headlines from the year 2020

It is the year 2020 and journalism is now transmitted to your brain via one sentence stories that pop up on your retinal implant whenever your eyes scan a relevant bit of visual info. Informative headlines have become useless; every news story must be boiled down into the fewest possible characters. Here, a sampling of news headlines from the year 2020.

“Can’t,” a story about an army of Beyonce robots, published August 2, 2020

“Lol,” a story about a drone that pulls hilarious (and sometimes deadly) pranks on people, published February 27, 2020

“Stop,” a one-sentence treatise on gender stereotypes (sexism still isn’t solved in 2020), published April 19, 2020

“Everything,” an ironically titled picture showing the entire galaxy, published December 13, 2020

“This,” a post about nothing at all, but one that you and your peer group wholeheartedly agree with, published November 30, 2020

This post sponsored by FutureOptic Retinal Implants (no it’s not that company doesn’t really exist).

TIME viral

We Literally Can’t Even With This Video

Dyyyyyying.

In this YouTube parody video by NYC sketch comedy troupe Garlic Jackson Comedy, a frantic boyfriend calls 911 because his girlfriend keeps saying she is dying after entering a hypnotic trance caused by listening to or watching Beyoncé. Remember, this is not an urgent enough reason to call 911, even if you literalllllly can’t.

 

(h/t Digg)

LIST: 72 Percent of Millennials Literally Can’t Right Now

TIME Art

Student Breaks 19th Century Greco-Roman Statue While Taking a Selfie

Because who wouldn't want to Instagram a picture of themselves sitting in the lap of an ancient statue?

There are a few basic rules in museums. The first: don’t touch the art. The second: don’t take selfies while touching the art.

At a museum in Milan, Italy, a student reportedly broke that second rule: he climbed on a statue dating back to the early 19th century to take a selfie and caused the statue’s left leg to fall off. The discovery was made on Tuesday morning by the staff of the Academy of Fine Arts of Brera, one of Italy’s most renowned academic institutions, and it was apparently also recorded by security cameras.

The statue depicts the “Drunken Satyr,” an ancient Greek sculpture of the Hellenistic era showing a human-like figure with animal features drunkenly sleeping. Fortunately, the statue is a copy located in the academy’s hallway leading to a room full of more valuable works of the most famous sculptors of the era, including Antonio Canova, Italian newspapers reported.

Unfortunately we don’t know whether the student, whose name has not been reported, was actually able to snap the ambitious photo before the amputation occurred.

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