TIME viral

Weird Al Yankovic Makes Fun of Your First World Problems

Forgetting the name of your gardener? No gluten-free cookies in the airport lounge? So annoying.

The sixth installment of Weird Al Yankovic’s eight videos in eight days campaign takes a stab at those of us with First World problems. If you’ve ever been plagued with petty inconveniences like un-foamed coffee, bills to large for a vending machine, filling up on bread at lunch and not leaving room for tiramisu, then you’ve got First World problems. In a song set to the musical styling of the Pixies, Weird Al dons a blonde wig and plays a spoiled, rich man whose life appears to be a series of frustrations borne from having too little to worry about.

Embedding of the video won’t be available until July 21, but you can watch it here now.

TIME NextDraft

The Malaysia Airlines Crash and Other Fascinating News on the Web

July 18, 2014

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1. Outrage

President Obama called the downing of the Malaysia airlines plane an “outrage of unspeakable proportions.” Early indications suggest the plane was shot down by a missile fired from the area controlled by Russian-backed separatists. Meanwhile, the UN security council called for a “full, thorough and independent international investigation.”

+ Samantha Power, the U.S. ambassador to the United Nations: “It is impossible to rule out Russian technical assistance” in the operation of the surface to air missile system.

+ “We have just shot down a plane.” Is this alleged intercepted audio a smoking gun?

+ Putin has now called for a ceasefire. (He’s a little late with that request.)

+ “Vladimir Putin, acting out of resentment and fury toward the West and the leaders in Kiev, has fanned a kind of prolonged political frenzy, both in Russia and among his confederates in Ukraine, that serves his immediate political needs but that he can no longer easily calibrate and control.” David Remnick nails it in a must-read New Yorker piece: After the Crash.

2. The Bitter Trail

There is the geopolitical story which is just beginning to unfold. Then there is the immediate shock of the human tragedy summed up just after the plane’s downing by the NYT’s Sabrina Tavernise: “Headphones and computers were scattered throughout a field of sunflowers. In another field, a Dutch passport lay open. Bodies fell from the sky, looking like rags or clumps of ash.”

+ Joep Lange and many other AIDS researchers were on the plane, enroute to a research conference in Melbourne. BBC on some of the passengers.

+ A family that lost two members on the still-missing Malaysian Airlines flight lost two more on Flight MH17.

3. Weekend Reads

“I was 29 years old and living the dream, or at least my version of it, when everything changed. I was in love with an amazing woman and had a rent-controlled sublet in New York City’s West Village and a good job at a glossy magazine. By any estimation as I now recall my life before it was tossed upside down, my girlfriend and I had no discernible problems.” In Matter, Larry Smith’s My Life with Piper: From Big House to Small Screen.

+ Pitchman: How Tom Emanski changed the sport of baseball — and then disappeared.

+ How long do you have to react when a line drive is hit into the stands? Sometimes, not long enough. From Atlanta Magazine: Foul Territory.

+ Speaking of baseball, if you enjoy the sport, you’ve got to watch the new Netflix documentary: The Battered Bastards of Baseball.

+ As NFL players and staff get ready to report to training camp, check out the story of the building of the new 49ers stadium. It began with a really bad stink.

4. No (Ha)mas

As his military targets tunnels used by Hamas militants, Israel’s prime minister warns that the scope of the ground war could widen.

+ Bill Clinton: “Hamas was perfectly well aware of what would happen if they started raining rockets in Israel. They fired a thousand of them. And they have a strategy designed to force Israel to kill their own civilians so that the rest of the world will condemn them.” Jeffrey Goldberg: Understanding what Hamas wants.

5. Calling All Cars

Law enforcement officials and fellow drivers rightfully cheered when California banned the use of handheld phones by motorists. The law has been in place for six years. So why hasn’t it reduced motor accidents?

6. Pill Drop Shipping

When your fix absolutely, positively has to be there overnight… “US prosecutors have unveiled allegations that FedEx, despite warnings from the government, acted as the distribution network for illegal online pharmacies that sold restricted drugs, from pain-killers to anti-anxiety medicines, to be used recreationally.”

7. Quinoat’s Up With That?

Here’s the thing about fruits and vegetables. They’re (sort of) designed to kill. And that’s the element that’s missing from many supplements. “Fruits and vegetables are indeed healthful but not necessarily because they shield you from oxidative stress. In fact, they may improve health for quite the opposite reason: They stress you.” They definitely seem to stress my kids. From Nautilus: Fruits and vegetables are trying to kill you.

+ Quinoa has risen to the top shelf in your supermarket thanks to the gluten-free movement. But there are more supergrains on their way to a shelf near you. (You can’t say you weren’t warned.)

+ Join Chris Ziegler as he spends a month living on Soylent. (Unfortunately, I’m lab-made liquid nourishment intolerant.)

+ What are we chewing now that we are chewing so much less gum?

8. It’s How You Live

The Espy’s are usually a pretty playful awards show. But this year, ESPN’s Stuart Scott gave a moving and poignant speech about his life with cancer. “When you die, it does not mean that you lose to cancer. You beat cancer by how you live, why you live, and the manner in which you live.”

9. Yo Money

Remember Yo, that sort of goofy notification app that swept the Internet a few memes ago? Well, they just raised $1.5 million to expand the product. Maybe to $Yo.

10. The Bottom of the News

Build a rocket. Shoot some arrows. Swim, ride, throw, camp, and more. It’s the season for Summer Camp for Adults. (When your kids are away at summer camp, and you’re at home, that’s summer camp for adults.)

+ The average shoe size is up about two sizes since the 70s. I wondered why my bell bottoms looked like skinny jeans.

+ It’s been a long news week. Let’s unwind with a kids swearing in movies mashup.

nextdraft

TIME viral

WATCH: Weird Al Makes Fun of Every College Fight Song

They all sound the same

“Weird Al” Yankovic has been parodying songs by prominent pop artists – from “Word Crimes”, the grammar-themed spoof on Robin Thicke’s “Blurred Lines”, to “Tacky”, a spoof on Pharrell Williams’s “Happy”, to “Handy”, a spoof on Iggy Azalea’s “Fancy.”

His latest music video makes fun of every college fight song. Sample lyric: “We’re great, and you suck.”

Cheer that way at your own risk, for some sports are trying to crack down on vulgar chants.

WATCH: Weird Al and His Famous Friends Take On Pharrell’s “Happy”

WATCH: Weird Al’s Lorde Parody of “Royals” Is About…Foil

TIME Crime

Arrested Man Orders Pizza to Police Station, Gets in More Trouble

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Getty Images

He faces a slew of new charges for the stunt

A man in Kentucky who was arrested for shoplifting and public intoxication decided to pull a little prank — which totally ended up backfiring.

This jokester — 29-year-old Michael Harp — asked for permission to make a call on his cell phone and then used it to order five pizzas from Domino’s, WKYT reports. The pies arrived under the name of Officer Wilson, who had originally arrested Harp. They tracked the call to Harp pretty easily since, you know, he’d used his own cell phone.

Harp, however, denied the whole thing.

“I’m wrongfully accused on this here,” he told WKYT. “They’ve charged me with two felonies over this pizza deal because I had my phone inside the holding cell. There was about 10 people who probably used the phone, so it’s hard to say. Like I said, I never heard anyone say a word about Domino’s pizzas. Any of it.”

Still, he’s now facing additional charges including theft of identity, theft by deception and impersonating a police officer. Rough.

TIME Pictures of the Week

Pictures of the Week: July 11 – July 18

From the escalating violence in Gaza and the crash of Malaysia Airlines flight MH17 over eastern Ukraine, to the growing influx of unaccompanied migrant minors entering the US and the rise of the Super Moon, TIME presents the best pictures of the week.

TIME Internet

Today’s Google Doodle Is a Beautiful Tribute to Nelson Mandela

On what would have been his 96th birthday

Seven months after Nelson Mandela’s death, Google is paying tribute to the iconic leader with an interactive illustration. It traces Mandela’s legacy through six of his most memorable and influential quotes paired with corresponding drawings.

“Something that stood out to me about Nelson Mandela was his eloquent way with words,” the doodle’s designer, Katy Wu, writes in a blog post. “I thought his words gave a great insight into the kind of man he was, so I wanted to focus the creative direction of the doodle on his quotes against a backdrop of the history of South Africa.”

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Be sure to check out the rest of the doodle on Google’s homepage today.

MORE: The Indispensable Man: Nelson Mandela (1918–2013)

MORE: A Final Farewell to Madiba

PHOTOS: Mourning Madiba: South Africans Say Goodbye to Nelson Mandela

TIME celebrity

Watch Conan O’Brien and Dave Franco Test Out Tinder

The results are hilarious

Well, it looks like Conan O’Brien decided he was sick of hearing about Tinder and that it was time to try it out for himself. He enlisted certified young person Dave Franco to take the plunge with him. Watch as the pair bust out their smartphones and give the popular dating app a whirl. Naturally, the whole thing ends up being pretty hilarious. WATCH: 6 Minutes of Conan Wrecking Chicago in Video Game WATCH: Conan Plays The New Super Smash Brothers. Horribly.

TIME Photos

Feel Good Friday: 12 Fun Photos to Start Your Weekend

From Bastille Day to baby ducks, here's a handful of photos to get your weekend started right

TIME Internet

A 13-Year-Old Built His Own Google Glass and It’s Pretty Impressive

Take that, glassholes.

Who needs to shell out $1500 for a pair of Google Glass when you can just make your own? Clay Haight, 13, created his own (quasi-functional) pair as a part of a DIY project.

According to Make:

Clay’s DIY “Google Glass” uses the sensors on the Arduino Esplora along with the Arduino LCD screen and a 3D printed frame. He can use voice commands to bring up a calendar with his schedule, local maps, and temperature and weather info. A headband on the back keeps it from tilting to one side.

(h/t: Daily Dot)

TIME Food & Drink

The Beer List at This Bar Looks Like a Stock Ticker

Invest responsibly

The Beer Exchange

A bar in Kalamazoo, Michigan, takes the fun of happy hour to a whole new level.

The Beer Exchange has been going viral on Reddit and Imgur in the last day because its beer list resembles a stock ticker — or a Bloomberg Terminal that dispenses alcohol. It displays the current prices for various kinds of beer, and as demand for the different types ebbs and flows, the prices rise and fall. Once in a while, there’s even a market crash that brings the beverages to their all-time low.

It’s a happy hour all the time—as long as you’re interested in the right beer. But unlike stock trading, there’s no reward for buying low and selling high. Besides getting buzzed, that is.

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