From monkey abandonment to pot planes
Soon, several comedians will have the opportunity to collect their easiest paycheck to date. All they have to do is make fun of Justin Bieber.
Comedy Central announced that the Canadian pop star will be the subject of its next roast, to be taped and aired at a later date.
While roasters won’t have to search hard for material — see: literally every single news story about the Biebs from the last year — here are some points we hope they hit.
That time he caused $80,900 of damage by egging his neighbor’s house
No, that’s not a typo.
That time he abandoned his pet monkey in a German airport
Mally the monkey was seized by German officials when Bieber tried to smuggle him out of the country without permission during the “Believe” tour. According to The Guardian, “emails from Bieber’s management to the shelter [where the monkey was held] indicated the singer does not want the monkey anymore.” Bieber reportedly owed Germany $11,000 for the incident.
That time he peed in a restaurant’s mop bucket while saying “F*** Bill Clinton”
He later thanked the former president on Twitter after Bill called the Biebs. No words on a reconciliation with the bucket.
That time he was arrested for a DUI and drag racing
In a yellow Lamborghini, obvi.
That time he decided this was a good look for a mugshot
That time the FAA investigated him for a “pot plane” incident (he was cleared)
What’s the point of having a private jet if you can’t hotbox it?
That time he thought he was being super thoughtful about Anne Frank
In April 2013, the Biebs took a trip to the Anne Frank House in Amsteram and wrote in the guestbook: “Truly inspiring to be able to come here. Anne was a great girl. Hopefully she would have been a believer.” Because, yes, the true tragedy of Frank’s early demise was that she never got to see Never Say Never. In lieu of an apology, Bieber posted a shirtless selfie on Instagram the next day. #Dontbecreepin (his words, not ours).
That time he was probably photoshopped for a Calvin Klein underwear campaign
That time he had an identity crisis
Repeat after me: I am not Eminem
That time he literally begged Comedy Central to roast him
Nothing’s hotter than desperation.
“We’re thrilled he listened,” Comedy Central president Kent Alterman said in a release.