TIME Food & Drink

Holy Guacamole: You’ve Never Seen Avocados Like This

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Cross section of ripe avocado Patrick Llewelyn-Davies—Getty Images/OJO Images RF

The food porn parody of Topless Tuesdays on Reddit.

For a certain subset of the Reddit population, Tuesday is better known as Topless Tuesday, which is exactly as NSFW as it sounds.

But the parody Reddit thread Avocados Gone Wild epitomizes the phrase “food porn” and gives Topless Tuesday a new, much more innocent meaning. While browsing photos of these delicious-looking meals that have raunchy titles like “lubricant” and “messy” and “jailbait”, your imagination is your own worst enemy. A plate with a whole avocado next to a chicken illustrates “spreading with a hot chick”, while an open-faced sandwich topped with avocado slices illustrates “being on top.”

Below are a few recent examples:

“I know the guys in this band, so I modeled for their (a)lbumcover. I like showing off my body ;)”:

“I know you want me.. ;)”

“Open and ready to be take in the kitchen”

MORE: The Six Most Important Moments in Reddit History

MORE: Canadians Will Get a Taco Bell Breakfast Menu If and Only If They Take Justin Bieber Back

TIME food and drink

Ex-Taco Bell Interns: We Invented Doritos Tacos in 1995

The former interns claim to have photographs showing they pitched the billion dollar food hybrid in a 1995 internal competition… and lost

Doritos Locos Taco might have premiered in 2012, but ex-Taco Bell interns have told the Huffington Post that they are the ones who first pitched the billion dollar idea way back in 1995 as a part of an internship competition. And they lost.

While the ex-interns don’t expect any compensation—”I’m sure I signed away that anything I pitched to them was their property anyway,” Andrea Watt said—they do want some recognition.

“I remember being mad we didn’t win because I thought we had the best product,” fellow ex-intern Roy Brown told HuffPost. Although the team did make the fatal error of calling the product “Dorito” instead of “Doritos” tacos, $1 billion in sales after the similar product’s launch shows that it was a pretty winning idea.

“Good ideas can come from anywhere, but an idea without execution does not make a successful product,” Taco Bell director of public affairs and engagement Rob Poetsch told HuffPost. “The concept of making a taco shell out of Doritos may have come to people’s minds which is why we’ve had no shortage of those who have claimed it was their idea.”

[Huffington Post]

TIME technology

This App Could Let You Count Calories by Taking a Picture of Your Food

Smartphone food picture
Getty Images

Brought to you by the same team who developed Apple's Siri, the new app is still in its developmental phase

What if taking photos of your food could serve a real purpose besides helping you brag on Instagram and Facebook?

SRI International, the lab responsible for the technology behind Siri, is developing an app that would let you snap a picture of your food to get an approximate calorie count, Gigaom reports. It would use image recognition to scan the photo and analyze the different components of your meal.

One of the major challenges here is hidden fats like oil and butter, SRI Ventures executive director Dror Oren tells Gigaom. So while you probably can’t get an exact count, you can still get a fairly accurate range. The team is aware, for example, that some of the best (and most caloric) foods — like burritos — have hidden components, so they’re taking that into account as they continue to develop the app.

SRI expects the technology to become mainstream in about a year, which gives us all plenty of time to perfect our food-photography skills.

TIME U.S.

Watch New Yorkers Completely Lose It Over a Rat

He totally terrorizes an entire subway car

When you live in New York City, you grow accustomed to rats. You kind of just accept that they’re everywhere and don’t let them bother you too much. But apparently, when you’re sharing a subway car with one, all hell breaks loose and everyone just completely loses it.

So when a rat made his way onto an A train yesterday, one New Yorker decided to record a video of the madness — and we really mean madness. He posted the video on YouTube, with the following explanation:

A usually boring Monday morning commute to work at Brooklyn was stirred up by this little guy.He joined us at the Fulton street station on the A train going downtown. Someone getting off the train was screaming “RAT on the train!”. But by the time everyone realized what was happening, the doors closed and the train entered the tunnel. We were stuck with him till the other end.

Watch above as a group of New Yorkers — usually so stoic and unfazed by pretty much everything — scream bloody murder over a rat.

TIME nation

Here’s the Chilling 30-Second Ad about the Dangers of Texting and Driving That Everyone Is Talking About

The super short ad shows how fatal a quick text can be

The U.S. Department of Transportation launched its first-ever national advertising campaign last week, featuring a 30-second PSA going viral now that depicts a fatal side collision in which three young Americans are in a car, and the driver is killed after she runs a stop sign and fails to see the truck coming from the side because she picked up her phone to answer a text. The tagline: “U Drive. U Text. U Pay.”

It is the latest graphic PSA about the dangers of distracted driving to go viral worldwide. While the DOT spot is graphic, a 2009 dramatization produced by a Welsh police department now boasts 5.3 million views on YouTube because of its gory scenes of women’s heads slamming into windows and blood streaming down their faces, a strategy that raised eyebrows at the time. A 2012 video produced by Belgian road safety NGO Ryd Belgium that has racked up more than 2 million views shows an instructor dictating texts to student drivers because he says they need to know how to type accurately while they are driving to get their licenses. When the tables are turned, the younger men and women end up being the ones shouting “It’s impossible!” while the older adult chastises them for misspellings.

The most moving texting-and-driving PSAs seem to be the real testimonials. Last summer, in what some have called the most gruesome driver’s ed movie ever, a documentary directed by Werner Herzog and produced by AT&T’s “It Can Wait” campaign features interviews with victims of crashes caused by drivers who were texting and driving, such as the mother of a child who is now a paraplegic and a woman who is now brain damaged after being struck while walking her dog. And just this time last April, police in northern Colorado released a photo of a text message that a 22-year-old driver was midway through typing when he was killed after drifting into oncoming traffic: “Sounds good my man, seeya soon, ill tw.”

But will video PSAs work? According to a New Yorker article on the effectiveness of the Herzog film and PSAs from government agencies in general, “This kind of behavior modification is tough to pull off, and many psychologists have argued that people require more tangible incentives to make these kinds of changes—for example, rewards system similar to the lowered insurance rates offered by State Farm to young drivers who submit a driving log, or by Geico to customers willing to take a defensive-driving course. A plea to stop texting may be emotionally powerful, but it might not be enough.”

TIME beauty

Human Ken and Human Barbie: Destroying Our Girlhood Dreams One Interview at a Time

Justin Jedlica who lives in New York is a real life "Ken" from the other half of Barbie and Ken.
Justin Jedlica who lives in New York is a real life "Ken" from the other half of Barbie and Ken. Jae Donnelly—The Sun/NI Syndication/Redux

The 9-year-old Barbie obsessive in me just died a little.

Justin Jedlica, the so-called Human Ken doll who reportedly spent $150,000 on cosmetic surgery to look like Barbie’s plastic beau, is once again making it clear that he is no fan of Valeria Lukyanova, often referred to as “Human Barbie” because of her obsession with making herself look like the famous doll. In an interview with GQ, which recently ran a detailed (and weird) profile on the Ukrainian model, Human Ken recalls the moment he met Human Barbie.

And unfortunately for the inner Barbie-girl in us all, the two did not ride off in a hot pink convertible into the burnt orange Malibu sunset, giggling and canoodling while planning to purchase a three-story townhouse replete with photos of the two in silicone harmony. No, Human Ken was not impressed.

Though he calls Valeria a “cute girl,” he compares her to a drag queen and wonders why people care about her. (Author’s note: I’m trying to figure out why any of us care about either of them).

“I don’t really get her,” Jedlica told GQ. “I don’t get why people think she’s so interesting. She has extensions. She wears stage makeup. She’s an illusionist.”

Jedlica then went into detail about his plans for creating an “artistic muscle-augmentation-implant line” for all the little boys and girls out there who too dream of one day looking just as plastic. But hopefully, for the sake of humanity, those are few and far between.

 

 

TIME Crime

Portland’s Fedora-Wearing Hipster Bandit Has Finally Been Caught

Portland Police Department

He robbed two American Apparels and an Urban Outfitters in October 2013

Back in November 2013, we first encountered the “Nerdy Bandit,” a Portland hipster with chunky glasses and a fedora who robbed two different American Apparel stores and then an Urban Outfitters, brandishing a gun on his last outing. Now, he’s in custody.

The “Nerdy Bandit” was arrested on April 4. In his mugshot, he’s missing his signature glasses and fedora, but he still has a perfectly disaffected look on his face. Turns out even his real name is appropriately hipster: Thaddeus Lindsay-Woods.

Thad, as we like to call him, is a skinny white male with shaggy brown hair. He’s also described as having yellow teeth, the likely result of drinking too much fancy drip coffee. But even in the hipster Haven of Portland, the hat wasn’t enough to disguise him—police used a forensic sketch (pictured above) to find the thief.

Too bad, so Thad.

TIME Art

This Wine Cup Is Worth $36 Million

Global News Channel / YouTube

Don’t tip it over! 

The most expensive bottle wine ever sold: $156,450 for a Bordeaux owned by Thomas Jefferson. The most paid for a wine glass? $36 million. A Ming Dynasty porcelain wine cup just sold for that staggering price at a Sotheby’s auction in Shanghai.

The sale is another watershed moment in the booming market for Chinese antiquities, which has grown exponentially as China’s wealthy upper class gains a taste for collecting their country’s heritage. And the Ming Dynasty wine cup deserves the price. It’s one of China’s iconic cultural treasures.

Just 19 of the small vessels (it’s less than four inches wide) were made under the Ming Dynasty’s Chenghua Emperor, who reigned from 1465 to 1487. Of those, only four are owned by collectors; the remainder are in museums. “This is really the holy grail when it comes to Chinese art,” Sotheby’s deputy chairman for Asia told USA Today.

The vessel is also called the “chicken cup” for its miniature paintings of roosters and hens. (We like to think it’s also because only a chicken would drink that small a glass of wine.)

The winning bidder was Liu Yiqian, who founded the Long Museum in Shanghai to hold his collection. He says the cup will eventually go on display there.

TIME feminism

WATCH: New GoldieBlox Ad is the Smartest Thing You’ll See All Day

It's a classic coming-of-age tale...

Correction appended, April 8.

GoldieBlox, the engineering toy for girls, has smart new ad and it’s the best one yet.

Reasons this ad is amazing:

1) It’s an old-school allegory for style over substance: an innocent young egg gets all dolled up for what she thinks will be a straightforward path to happiness, but then the path ENDS (because beauty fades!) and she gets caught up in a whirlwind of awesomeness and ends up learning she’s more than just a shell, all in under 90 seconds. Tightest screenplay ever.

2) It explicitly connects princessy beauty obsession with girls’ waning interest in STEM, and links that to lower wages as adults (since female engineers make 33% more than women in other fields.)

3) The egg turns the whole “girls are fragile” thing on its head. Plus, it’s Easter-themed!

MORE: The War on Pink: GoldieBlox Toys Ignite Debate Over What’s Good for Girls

Correction: The original version of this story misstated the wage discrepancy between female engineers and women working in other fields. Female engineers make 33% more than other women.

 

TIME Advertising

New Veet Ads Shame Women by Claiming Having Body Hair Makes Them Dudes

"Don't risk dudeness," says new Veet ad, because having body hair is of course a uniquely male quality

Like a desire for human connection or a deep abiding love for Beyonce, we all have it: body hair. But if you’re a woman, you’re probably frequently made to feel unnatural about that universal fact. Now, a new series of ads from Veet, a hair removal cream, is delivering that backwards trope straight to your TV: according to Veet, if you have body hair, you’re actually a dude.

In the first ad, a man wakes up next to his girlfriend, but when he touches her stubbly legs–ones she “shaved yesterday”–he’s horrified to find that she’s turned into a man, all because her body did a thing that all bodies do: had hair on it.

In another spot, a woman tries to hail a taxi but finds out that in less than 24 hours her armpit hair has gone from nonexistent to a veritable follicle jungle, demonstrating both an unnecessary haterism towards women’s choices about body hair and a warped understanding of how fast it takes said hair to actually grow.

Of course, whether or not you keep all your body hair or pay a scary lady to painfully rip it out of your skin is up to you–but being afraid of “dudeness” probably shouldn’t factor into that decision.

(h/t Jezebel)

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