TIME society

This Sketch Hilariously Skewers the Way Women Food-Shame Themselves

The clip from 'Inside Amy Schumer' is very funny, but it also has a message

Inside Amy Schumer
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On this week’s episode of Inside Amy Schumer, the comedian took on the topic of female food-shaming in a sketch reminiscent of last season’s brilliant “Compliments.”

A group of women are out to a seemingly normal lunch when the conversation takes a dark turn. The friends all begin to shame themselves for unhealthy eating choices — “I ate a ball of mozzarella like it was a peach” — followed by the familiar lament, “I’m so bad.” Meanwhile, they pepper in stories about things they did that are actually reprehensible — “I took a smoke machine to the burn unit to see how they’d react” and “I knelt on my gerbil to see what sound it would make” — without a trace of concern.

As Paste magazine points out, there’s a deeper message here, which is that “conversations like these are a natural byproduct of the beauty-first onslaught we get from the media—women’s magazines in particular—and the ways women can’t help falling victim to it.”

The sketch takes an unfortunate gory turn at the end, but otherwise, Amy Schumer gets two very enthusiastic thumbs up for this one. We’d suggest she celebrate the success with a big piece of chocolate cake, but that would be so bad.

TIME

See Every #Selfie Posted on Instagram in Real Time 

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Getty Images

Feed your selfie habit

Judging selfies has become something of a habit for Internet users. Who does it better, Kim or Taylor? Even devoted selfie fans, however, will be overwhelmed by Selfeed, a website that shows every selfie posted on Instagram with the #selfie hashtag in real time.

Created by artists Tyler Madsen, Erik Carter, and Jillian Mayer, the site presents an endless deluge of self-portraits, each one on the screen for less than a second. Certain trends emerge: a downward angle, pursed lips. But more than anything, Selfeed is a pure flood of humanity.

“We created it because we wanted it to exist,” the artists told us. “We enjoy the constant flow of selfies and find it incredibly hypnotic and fascinating.” The site is “supposed to exist neutrally,” they explain. A hot-or-not, selfie-rating version would no doubt be popular, but Selfeed is about inspiration. It creates a kind of communal global, selfie that goes beyond any one person.

“Most of the selfies that are aggregated are self-portraits with one singular figure,” the artists say. “On Selfeed, these figures exist alone, but together.” What better way to connect with the world than taking a selfie and joining the feed?

TIME animals

Now There’s Yoga for Horses

You'll neigh-ver believe it

Avid yogis may be familiar with “horse face pose” (Vatayanasana), but they may not know that horses do yoga, too.

An Outside Online article going viral this week highlights yoga as a method of taming “wild, traumatised or nervous horses” at Doma India School in San Luis, Argentina, a philosophy championed by father and son pair Oscar and Cristobal Scarpati.

This video of a horseman working with the animal — even doing a handstand on its girth — reportedly provides a glimpse of this technique in action:

PHOTOS: This Little Girl Is Amazing at Yoga

TIME Arts

Time-Lapse Video Shows An Entire Saturday Night Live Taping in Two Minutes

Watch the complete transformation of Studio 8H

Ever wondered how an episode of SNL comes together? This time-lapse video, posted on the show’s YouTube channel, shows the entire taping process, condensed into just two and a half minutes. It’s from this past weekend’s episode, which featured Anna Kendrick as the host and Pharrell as the musical guest.

You can see everything: the producers and camera guys who all seem to be bald (so, real-life Pete Hornbergers), the cue cards, the set changes, the Weekend Update desk, etc. The only thing missing is Stefon. (Rest in peace.)

TIME society

Dove’s New Ad Makes Women Look Gullible and Kind of Dumb in the Name of ‘Real Beauty’

How Dove's newest Real Beauty ad fails

Dove’s empowerment-as-advertising Real Beauty campaign has taken a recent turn towards deception—and it’s a deception that is so obvious to viewers, it’s become almost insulting to watch.

The concept of the four minute spot above is simple and only unpredictable to anyone completely unfamiliar with psychology: Unilever’s Dove has created a “revolutionary” magical beauty patch (RB-X) that will pump bursts of self-confidence into what you’ll soon start seeing as Michelle Obama-quality arms. After two weeks, it will enhance women’s perception of self-beauty.

Suspect as the product sounds, real-life women tell a real-life psychologist their very real-life insecurities—”If I was more confident I would have the ability to like approach a guy maybe”; “I almost kind of avoid marriage lately because I, you know, feel bad about myself”— and then join a “trial” to test the product and keep a video diary to track the change. Just as marketers predicted, while at first the women saw no difference (because it was a placebo?), in a couple days they were getting called pretty by coworkers (placebo effect?), smiling at strangers (placebo effect?), and confidently dress shopping. (Dare I say placebo effect?)

Dove then has the beaming, beautifully confident women women gush about RB-X and how this has “definitely been a life altering experience” only to reveal that the patch was, in fact, a placebo. It contained nothing all along. The music swells, tears fall, we were beautiful all along.

For ten years, Dove’s Real Beauty campaign has used female empowerment as an advertising tactic, wooing female customers by proving they are more beautiful than they think they are and that their bodies should be a source of pride rather than anxiety.

And Dove has used said feel-good strategy with great success. Real Beauty Sketches, in which a forensic artist was employed to draw sketches of women who underestimated their looks, became the eighth most-watched (says Visible Measures) and fourth most shared (says Unruly Media) video ad of all time. With a success like that, it’s no wonder that Dove has tried to replicate and replicate the model with hopes that women will share branded video content not because it’s for a beauty product, but because it exposes the fault of their own insecurities and make them feel beautiful.

As someone who tears up during emotionally fraught pet food commercials, I’m overall okay with some degree of emotional manipulation in the name of marketing. Even though there is an argument to be made that the ads problematically show beauty is paramount when evaluating self-worth, I kind of liked Real Beauty Sketches because I could identify with the insecurities and believed the concept of the ad.

And that’s why I think Dove has failed in its latest Real Beauty iteration. While I believe that I would hide from a camera on a bad hair day, and I believe that I would accentuate the size of my nose to a forensic artist who asked me to describe myself, I just can’t believe the thinly-veiled marketing ruse that there is a patch that can make us more beautiful. It makes women seem too gullible, too desperate, and overall helpless against the all-knowing master manipulators at Unilever.

TIME Arts

This Doo-Wop Remake of Ellie Goulding’s “Burn” Is Possibly Better Than the Original

Plus, the video features a saxophone that shoots actual fire

Look, Ellie Goulding’s hit song “Burn” is really, really catchy. It’s the kind of song I’d want to use as the anthemic track in a pseudo-indie flick about a ragtag team of very smart but very troubled teens who, in the film’s key pivotal scene, just let it all go and dance their way to finally feeling. Most likely in a field in the middle of the night. Because they’ve got the fire, fire, fire, and they’re finally gonna let it burn, burn, burn.

Right? Can’t you totally picture the scene I’m talking about? But alas, that’s a project for another day.

So anyway, in the meantime, the same folks who brought us a doo-wop cover of Pitbull and Ke$ha’s “Timber” are back, this time with a vintage version of “Burn.” And it’s surprisingly good. Seriously, this might be better than the original. Or maybe I’m just coming from a place of passive-aggression and ennui because I’m pretty sick of the original.

TIME NextDraft

What to Know about the Heartbleed Web Security Flaw and Other Fascinating News on the Web

April 9, 2014

nextdraft_newsfeed_v2

1. A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Insecurity

You know that little locked padlock next the address of the site you’re visiting? Apparently, it’s intended to be ironic. Researchers say that about two-thirds of all the servers on the Internet are running security software that has a key flaw — a bug called Heartbleed — that could expose your data. Here’s GigaOm’s Mathew Ingram with everything you need to know about the Heartbleed web security flaw.

+ James Fallows shares the five things you need to do about the Heartbleed bug.

+ WSJ: “The bug exploits a problem in certain versions of OpenSSL, a free set of encryption tools used by much of the Internet. OpenSSL is managed by four core European programmers, only one of whom counts it as his full-time job.”

+ How did Heartbleed become the first security bug with a cool logo?

2. Rock the Vote

Following Afghanistan’s elections, “the leading candidate to replace Hamid Karzai is Ashraf Ghani, a former World Bank technocrat who has a Ph.D. in cultural anthropology from Columbia University, a Lebanese Christian wife.” He’s even done a TED Talk. But the big news out of Afghanistan isn’t just the the election results, it’s the turnout and the security. Even with the threat of Taliban violence, 58% of eligible voters turned out, and security seemed to hold.

3. School Stabbings

A student brandishing two knives is in custody after injuring twenty people at a Pennsylvania high school. He was eventually tackled and restrained by an assistant principal.

+ One of victims of the attack took a selfie from the hospital. The Internet is making a big deal out of that for some reason.

+ “The accident was that I discharged my firearm because I believed an intruder was coming to attack me… The discharge was accidental. Before thinking, out of fear, I had fired four shots.” Things get heated as Oscar Pistorius takes the stand.

4. I Lost Myself

From NPR on our forgotten childhoods, and why memories fade. “Scientists have known about childhood amnesia for more than a century. But it’s only in the past decade that they have begun to figure out when childhood memories start to fade, which early memories are most likely to survive, and how we create a complete autobiography without direct memories of our earliest years.” And while we’re on the topic, why do we mostly remember the bad stuff?

+ Narratively: My Childhood in an Apocalyptic Cult.

5. The Deep

Searchers have detected more signals that could be connected to Flight 370. Here’s the joint Agency Coordination Center chief: “What we’ve got is a great lead. I’m now optimistic we will find the aircraft, or what’s left of the aircraft, in the not too distant future — but we haven’t found it yet, because this is a very challenging business.”

+ How challenging? To get an idea of just how deep the aircraft could be, take a look at this amazing graphic from WaPo: The Depth of the Problem.

6. Font Rushmore

“They were famous before they got together, so that’s how they’re not like the Beatles. It’s more like Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young … You know what — I’ll tell you what they were like. They were like Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt.” From BloombergBusinessweek: Inside the Design World’s $20 Million Divorce. (I just hope the Dear John letter wasn’t written in Comic Sans…)

7. Rejection Letters

“Kids see that the admit rates are brutal and dropping, and it looks more like a crapshoot. So they send more apps, which forces the colleges to lower their admit rates, which spurs the kids next year to send even more apps.” This year, elite colleges turned away up to 95% of applicants. And it’s getting harder to distinguish between the credentials of those who got in and those who didn’t.

+ “You could take Mad Men: Media, Gender, Historiography, with me, and make your friends wonder exactly how you got your parents to pay for you to binge a show on Netflix.” What exactly do you get when you take a college course on Mad Men? Professor Anne Helen Petersen shares her syllabus.

8. Me, Myselfie, and I

They say that opposites attract. They’re wrong. FiveThirtyEight’s Emma Pierson studied one million matches at an online dating site and determined that, in the end, people may really just want to date themselves. (It’s always nice when big data confirms what you’ve known since you were about eleven)

+ The same part of your brain that screws up your love life also makes you think you can win money at casinos.

9. L’chaim!

Oy, I have such a deal to tell you about. Just in time for Passover, a private equity firm has acquired Manischewitz. For their sake, I hope they celebrated with someone else’s wine.

10. The Bottom of the News

“As it was coupled with the bicycle emoji, I think this was the closest she’s ever come to clicking through to my profile, divorcing Jay-Z, and giving this 17-year-old man from Missouri a chance.” From McSweeney’s: This is the Instagram comment that will finally ignite my relationship with Beyonce. (I think it’s fair to assume that Jay and Bey are NextDraft subscribers.)

+ From ICEE through the present, at long last, here is the history of the Slurpee.

+ InFocus has some great shots from Smithsonian Magazine’s Photo Contest.

+ A message in a bottle arrives after 101 years. That’s a long time to wait for a retweet.

nextdraft

TIME Accident

Try To Watch This Dashcam Video Of A Cement Truck Crash Without Flinching

Miraculously, drivers of both cars walked away with only minor injuries

An A&M University Professor in College Station, Texas, captured heart-stopping video of a cement truck barreling toward his car Tuesday afternoon. The truck driver plowed through a red light, swerved to avoid traffic and lost control, tipping over as he slammed into the car, KBTX reports.

Dr. Guan Zhu installed the dashcam in case he got into an accident, and it’s a good thing he did, since the video helped him recreate what transpired in the blink of an eye. “I could not remember in my memory, a truck is coming,” Zhu said, “and I could not remember exactly how it happened and then the video says that’s how it happened.”

[KBTX]

TIME

Veet Apologizes After Backlash Against Ads Shaming Women for Having Body Hair

Around Mercedes-Benz Fashion Week Swim 2014 - Day 4
Andrew H. Walker—2013 Getty Images

The hair removal company has pulled the ads in question

Yesterday we introduced you to Veet’s newest ad campaign, which proclaimed that having body hair–something that practically all human beings are born with–actually makes you a dude, and we all know there’s nothing worse than being a dude.

As the backlash spread across the web and landed on their Facebook page, Veet decided to yank the trio of ads, which all depict women turning into men as soon as their body hair begins to grow back after shaving. A spokesperson for the company that owns Veet also provided the following statement to Jezebel:

However we are very concerned by any misinterpretation of its tone or meaning, and in the light of the feedback received we have decided to withdraw it. We would also like to apologise for any offense it may have caused. That was certainly not our intention.

(You can read the full statement over at Jez.)

Feminists: 1, Veet: 0.

TIME viral

WATCH: 2 Year Old Has a Lot of Feelings During Her First Car Wash Experience

During her first ride through the car wash, this two-year-old starts out by sobbing and whimpering and pulling a blanket over her head, then winds up feeling positively euphoric when it’s all over. See, that wasn’t so bad!

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