TIME viral

Jeff Goldblum Recreates Jurassic Park Scene in This Awesome Wedding Photo

Pamela and Jesse Sargent Wedding
Adam Biesenthal Photography

Hold on to your butts

Look, if Jeff Goldblum is at your wedding, it’s perfectly understandable that you’d see that as an opportunity. An opportunity, for example, to take an awesomely over-the-top Jurassic Park-style wedding photo.

Photographer Adam Biesenthal captured the shot at the request of the groom, Esquire reports. (The dinosaur was photoshopped in later, obviously.) Goldblum was attending the wedding of Pamela and Jesse Sargent, who are friends of the actor’s fiancée, Emilie Livingston.

Biesenthal told Esquire that Goldblum was “a very cool guy, who when the groom asked him to do this shot he enthusiastically agreed.” In fact, he was one of the few people who really got into character for it. Everyone else was just smiling!

We can only hope he found a moment to throw in his famously weird laugh:

 

TIME viral

Here’s What Happens When Pranksters Turn the NYC Subway Into a Spa

Improv Everywhere's latest prank

Ask any New Yorker and they’ll tell you: While summer in the city has some perks (see the Lovin’ Spoonful for verification), commuting on the subway in the summer is miserable. As the temperature rises, even the shortest subway trip can turn a rider into a sweaty hot mess as the heat turns stations into saunas.

For their latest subway prank, Improv Everywhere have taken something that every New York City commuter knows and taken it to its next logical step. They transformed the 34th Street subway stop into an actual sauna, complete with fresh towels, relaxing music, ice water steeped with lemon slices and hot stone massages. After all, if the subway station is a sauna, you may as well get a facial.

As with most of the Improv Everywhere pranks, the reactions of the passersby are the best part with jaded commuters smirking and shrugging while tourists gawk at the crazy city they are visiting.

MORE: City Dwellers Drop Trou for Annual No-Pants Subway Ride

MORE: Watch: Improv Everywhere Turns Subway Into ‘Sleeper Car’

TIME animals

Watch Cows Come to Hear Farmer’s Moo-ving Rendition of Lorde’s “Royals” on the Trombone

Move over, Old MacDonald

Sorry Old MacDonald, but cows these days have no interest in your E-I-E-I-O schtick. Luckily, Derek Klingenberg is a modern farmer and farm-centric musical parody artist who has a YouTube channel and some unique ideas for bringing his cows home for the night.
 
In this video, Klingenberg set up his chair and video camera, whipped out his trombone and started to sweetly serenade his herd with a cover of Lorde’s hit “Royals.” As the dulcet strains of his trombone take on the chart-topping tune echoed across the Kansas plains, the cows came home to hear the concert.
 
It’s a sweet scene of bovine fandom. We can only hope they don’t stampede when the find out that Lorde is writing a new track for the Mockingjay soundtrack.
 
MORE: Lorde Is Writing a New Song For the New Hunger Games Soundtrack
 
MORE: Weird Al’s Parody of Lorde’s “Royals” Is About…Foil

TIME animals

Why New Yorkers Are Getting Matched With Dogs on Tinder

Swipe right to adopt

Posing with a puppy to prove your humanity is a Tinder trope as old as, well, Tinder. But starting last week, New Yorkers found themselves swiping right with literal dogs. Like, the four legged kind, not the kind that sends you lots of suggestive eggplant emojis.

East Village no-kill shelter Social Tees Animal Rescue teamed up with The Barn at ad agency BBH to push pet adoption … via a dating app.

Since Tinder requires a Facebook account for entry into its vortex of swiping, Social Tees set up ten separate Facebook pages for various abandoned puppies looking for a home. Bios ranged from typical exhortations of “Single and ready to mingle!” to the less subtle: “Roses are grey, Violets are grey, and everything is grey because I’m a dog.”

The adoption initiative began July 31, and Social Tees told TIME that its staff had individually approved all potential matches. There were 2,500 matches as of Monday, and people are encouraged to foster a dog for two weeks or to adopt one permanently.

This isn’t the first time shelters have targeted lonely singles on dating sites. The ASPCA put targeted ads on OKCupid in February, right in time for Valentine’s Day, in a pro-bono promotion that resulted in 6 dog and 35 cat adoptions over the course of a weekend.

TIME viral

Watch This Hilarious Little Kid Completely Steal the Show During a TV News Segment

Somebody give him his own show immediately

While reporting at a Pennsylvania county fair, WNEP anchor Sofia Ojeda took a moment to hand the mic over to a young boy named Noah Ritter. Though he makes sure to let everyone know that this is his first time on live TV, he totally nails it, turning an otherwise ordinary segment into a delightful minute of pure entertainment.
 
“I don’t watch the news because I’m a kid,” he explains, “and apparently every time Grandpa gives me the remote I have to watch the Powerball.”
 
So he doesn’t watch the news much — but he should totally get his own news show because we’d watch every minute of it. Also, be sure to take note every time he uses the word “apparently” which, apparently, is his all-time favorite word.

TIME Maps

19 Awesomely Revealing U.S. Maps You Won’t Find in a Textbook

Including Craigslist missed connections, lake-monster sightings, and states nobody can remember. (Sorry, Minnesota!)

1. The map that suggests everyone in Wisconsin is drunk right now.

More info via Flowing Data

2. As is everyone in Oregon.

More info via VinePair

3. The map that reveals every state’s top porn search.

More info here

4. The map that proves you’ve probably been to Pizza Hut.

More info here

5. The map that proves you’ve definitely been to Wal-Mart.

More info here

6. And McDonald’s.

More info here

7. The map that’s trying to prove…something.

More info via I Love Charts

8. The map that suggests Oklahoma singles should attend the state fair.

More info via Andrew Sullivan

9. The map that shows where you’re most likely to get struck by lightning.

Screen Shot 2014-02-28 at 12.03.59 PM

PHOTOS: The Beauty of Lightning
More info here

10. The map that quantifies Florida’s undying love for Rick Ross.

More info here

11. The map that shows Americans can’t agree on how to pronounce crayon

More info here

12. …or mayonnaise.

More info here

13. The map that will make you feel poor.

More info via Movoto

14. The map that will make Alaskans feel lonely.

More info here

15. The map that quantifies the invasion of cows.

More info here

16. The map that highlights lake-monster sightings.

More info via Atlas Obscura

17. The map that confirms the spread of Smith.

More info via National Geographic

18. The map that proves there are no Oakland As fans.

More info here

19. And the map that will school a lot of you on state geography (or not).

More info here

TIME viral

Watch This Baby Completely Lose It When She Hears Katy Perry’s “Dark Horse”

She stops crying and fussing IMMEDIATELY

At a loss for how to calm your baby down? Try blasting Katy Perry’s “Dark Horse” — apparently, that will do the trick.
 
But if your baby is still crying, then maybe try playing “Copy of A” by Nine Inch Nails. Or at least that worked for this youngster.
 
MORE: Mom Sells “Brat” Daughter’s Katy Perry Tickets on Facebook
 
WATCH: Prince Harry Dances to Katy Perry’s “Firework”
 
PHOTO: Katy Perry and Joe Biden Took a Selfie
 
WATCH: 5-Year-Old Cancer Survivor Stars in Her Own Katy Perry Music Video

TIME celebrity

Watch Chris Pratt Perfectly Rap Eminem’s Verse From ‘Forgot About Dre’

He also casually disses Orlando Bloom

There are a lot of really impressive things Chris Pratt can do. For example: he can magically transition from a chubby, lovable idiot to a dead-sexy action hero. Also, he can do a mean french braid.
 
Now we know he can also rap. In a recent radio interview, when the conversation turned to music, the Guardians of the Galaxy star revealed some deep-seated love for Eminem’s “The Slim Shady LP” and Dr. Dre’s “Chronic 2001.” Soon, he launched into a flawless performance of Eminem’s verse from “Forgot About Dre.”
 
Next, we’d like to see him rap and french braid and star in an action flick ALL AT THE SAME TIME.

TIME apps

Author Goes on Epic Twitter Rant After Kid ‘Accidentally’ Spent $120 on Kardashian Game

"I'm now funding Kim Kardashian's lip gloss"

Kim Kardashian is no friend to 11-year-old Abe Chabon, whose mother said he “accidentally” contributed $120 in two days to the celebrity mogul’s expected end-of-year $200 million paycheck for her “Kim Kardashian: Hollywood” game.

Things got a little tense when Abe’s mother Ayelet Waldman, acclaimed author of bestseller Bad Mother and wife to fellow novelist Michael Chabon, found out that her kid had been making real life payments for in-game perks. Like small pets and Miami mansions to up celebrity clout. (Payment options for “koins” range from $4.99 to $99.99).

And so began a Twitter tirade against the “scumbag” Kardashians.

Waldman claims that even though a credit card was attached to the iTunes accounts, she had been under the impression it was capped to $20 a week.

This is hardly a new problem. In March 2013, two British parents had to petition Apple to refund the £980 ($1,652!) bill their son ran up buying virtual donuts on his “Simpsons: Tapped Out” iPad game. In fact, a January FTC settlement left Apple paying $32.5 million to parents whose children bought apps and in-app purchases without their consent. The ominously titled ‘Tiny Zoo Friends” game was allegedly inspiring purchases of more than $5o0.

Luckily for Waldman, she says Apple ended up refunding her son’s purchases one-by-one. And lessons were learned all around. The parents have cut off credit cards from the iTunes store. And as for Abe:

(h/t: Cosmo)

TIME NextDraft

The Booming Instant Gratification Economy and Other Fascinating News on the Web

August 4, 2014

nextdraft_newsfeed_v2

1. Now Has Arrived

For those of us around during the first Internet boom, few corporate deaths were more painful than Kozmo; a service that deployed a swarm of speedy bike messengers to deliver food, movies, and other goodies to your doorstep. But the time wasn’t right. Kozmo never had enough customers or technological efficiencies to survive. All that has changed. The instant gratification economy is booming: There are lots of investors, lots of customers, lots of mobile technologies, and lots of people who may never leave the house again. ReCode begins a series on the instant economy with this aptly-titled overview from Liz Gannes: I want it, and I want it now.

+ As per usual, The Onion is on top of the gratification trend: Millions of Americans demanded a new form of media “to bridge the entertainment gap they endure while turning their heads from their laptops to their cell phones.”

2. Not Just Another Pretty Face

“I come before you today as not just another pretty face, but out of sheer talent.” So said James Brady during his early days as the press secretary for Ronald Reagan. The life-course of James Brady (and, to some extent, American politics) shifted dramatically a couple months later when he was shot in the head during an assassination attempt on the President. The shooting left him partially paralyzed. From his wheelchair, he became a central figure in the nation’s gun control debate. James Brady died today at the age of 73.

3. The War on Empathy

In the Middle East, another truce that was supposed to last a few hours was interrupted by violence which led, once again, to both sides claiming violations.

+ Jerusalem is on high(er) alert as a pair of attacks have many concerned that the violence is about to spread beyond Gaza.

+ “It’s very easy to move from a person that you know, that you see the face and the suffering and everyday care and concerns — a human being like you like me — and an abstract, a general enemy, a demon” From NPR: Is there any empathy left in the Israeli-Palestinian conflict?

4. What’s Next?

“Our species does remember certain things ‘in our bones,’ and we have deep resonance with personal tragedies and with societal traumas. Our species is also forgetful and easily bored. So no wonder we lose interest in a calamity and go on to the next.” Foreign Policy’s Lauren Wolfe: Turn on, Retweet, Tune Out.

+ “Videos that do show crimes in progress may be helpful in identifying perpetrators or in drawing attention to an injustice that might have been neglected. But the proliferation of those videos can have a numbing effect.” The New Yorker’s Margaret Talbot on the always-on video culture that is turning us into judges and jurors: Instant Replay.

5. Human Testing

How was Kent Brantly able to walk into Emory University Hospital in Atlanta only a short time after he contracted Ebola in Liberia? It seems to be due to a very experimental treatment known as ZMapp, which before this week, had only been tested on monkeys.

6. Cheech and Mom

“At some point in the middle of my 70-year-old mom’s bong rip, as the distinctive schalp schlap schlap sound echoed in the kitchen, it dawned on me that my family life had recently taken a strange turn.” From NY Mag: How my parents became late-life pot moguls.

7. Mute to Kill

Personal Audio is a company that doesn’t actually produce podcasts. They merely demand cash from those who do, claiming they are infringing on a patent. Last week, the company dropped one such lawsuit against comedian/podcaster Adam Carolla after realizing he doesn’t make all that much money. But here’s the thing. Carolla won’t let them drop the case. He and his company intend “to continue to vigorously defend Personal Audio’s lawsuit and to pursue its counterclaims against Personal Audio, which include a request that the Personal Audio patent be invalidated so that Personal Audio cannot sue other podcasters for infringement.” How did Personal Audio get the patent in the first place? Well, they used to release magazine articles on cassette tapes.

8. Won’t You Stay…

“Reps are also encouraged to build rapport with customers with lines like, Enjoy Game of Thrones tonight.” The Verge takes a look at Comcast’s internal handbook for talking customers out of canceling service.

9. Time for Reflection

“It’s the American view that everything has to keep climbing: productivity, profits, even comedy. No time for reflection. No time to contract before another expansion.” That was George Carlin back in 1982. Imagine what he would have thought if he looked out and saw an audience filled with people holding up their cell phones. Longform has reprinted a great old interview with Carlin.

10. The Bottom of the News

“For weeks I’d been wanting to write a straw man argument takedown, but I couldn’t find the right argument to oppose. Then my four year-old said something totally wrong about String Theory.” For the good of journalism and the future of media, I’ve decided to share this list (yes, of course it’s a list): An Internet Journalist Shares Eleven Breakthrough Moments.

+ Quartz: The next era of the public payphone is about to begin.

+ Congrats to Syracuse, this year’s number one party school.

+ “Nobody eats the green melon.’ So why even serve it? ‘It looks nice next to watermelon, cantaloupe and pineapple.'” The NYT takes a stand for Honeydew.

nextdraft

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