TIME Videos

Watch Rowlf Sing Biz Markie’s ‘Just A Friend’ to Miss Piggy

Even Muppet dogs get put in the friend zone.

Have you ever met a girl that you tried to date, but she was smitten with your little green friend Kermit? Welcome to the friend zone, Rowlf.

Biz Markie’s 1989 riotous rap classic “Just A Friend” gets a Muppet-themed remix video by Mylo the Cat and it’s the perfect thing to watch on a Monday afternoon (or if you’re snowed in thanks to winter storm Juno).

In the video, Rowlf, the piano-playing Muppet dog, sings about his love for a certain blonde pig, who has a thing for a frog, but swears he’s just a friend.

By the end of the song, though, it’s clear that Rowlf tragically learned his lesson to never talk to a pig who says she just has “a friend.”

[via Laughing Squid]

TIME celebrity

Watch Jennifer Lawrence Give the Most Jennifer Lawrence Speech Ever

She manages to be cute and endearing while also joking about drug use

Everybody’s bestie Jennifer Lawrence is back in action. At the Producers Guild Awards in Los Angeles Saturday, the actress brought the laughs as she presented an award to Jon Feltheimer, CEO of Lionsgate, which produces the Hunger Games films that Lawrence is known for.

“Jon has been in this business longer than I’ve been alive,” the 24-year-old begins. “I love saying that. Anything like that.” She continues with an irreverent speech that blends slightly off-color jokes with sincere praise and gratitude. Because she’s J-Law, and she knows how to make you want her to be your pal.

She explains that she normally says no to this kind of stuff due to her “crippling anxiety” and the “unbreakable bond between woman and couch” — but she agreed because she assumed she was contractually obligated.

Watch highlights from J-Law’s speech above.

TIME Food & Drink

Thanks to KFC’s New Hot Dog Wrapped in Fried Chicken, Gluttony Has Never Been So Easy

We're all doomed

KFC’s Double Down Dog is as real as it is terrifying.

The hot dog wrapped in a fried chicken patty is currently a special promotion that’s only offered in the Philippines.

To help build buzz, KFC provides only 50 Double Down Dogs Monday to smiling — still breathing — customers at select stores:

Lucky number 9 goes to Daisy! She's all smiles while enjoying the #NewKFCDoubleDown at Fort Triangle.

A photo posted by KFC Philippines (@kfcphilippines) on

Even though the over-the-top snack is already a source of Internet derision, it’s just the latest in a line of gluttonous fast-food trends.

KFC Korea offers a Zinger Double Down that puts a bacon cheeseburger between two pieces of fried chicken:

And other forms of the Double Down sandwich have existed in the U.S.

There are hot-dog-stuffed pizza crusts, waffle-wrapped tacos, macaroni and shrimp burgers.

The world is doomed.

TIME animals

Smartest Man Ever Teaches Pet Rabbit to Bring Him a Beer

Wallace the rabbit has his very own custom beverage cart

Man’s new best friend may be a rabbit.

In this video, a Brooklyn, N.Y.-based rabbit named Wallace—”Wallace the Mad King” on YouTube—delivers a beer to his owner’s boyfriend by pushing a cardboard “beer cart” containing a bottle of beer toward the man. As the user writes in the YouTube description, “I have been collaborating for the past year with my girlfriend’s pet rabbit to create performance art and ‘happenings’ that capture this rabbit’s capabilities and worldly passions.”

 

TIME celebrity

Watch Lena Dunham and Mindy Kaling Discuss Sexism in Hollywood

Other topics include Woody Allen, reproductive rights and sexual assault

At this year’s Sundance Film Festival, a few female Hollywood heavyweights gathered for a panel called Power of Story: Serious Ladies. Moderated by The New Yorker‘s TV critic Emily Nussbaum, the panel brought together Lena Dunham, Kristen Wiig, Mindy Kaling and Orange Is the New Black creator Jenji Kohan to talk about their experiences in the TV and film industries.

In the clip above, Dunham talks specifically about how females are so often compared to their characters in a way that is damning — and in a way that their male counterparts never experience. Kaling soon chimes in to back her up, referencing a specific scene on Dunham’s HBO show Girls.

Other topics include campus sexual assault, Woody Allen, better school lunches, reproductive rights, body image and more. You can watch the entire panel here.

TIME animals

Honor the True Spirit of Valentine’s Day by Adopting a Cockroach in Your Ex’s Name

Revenge special

Feeling particularly spiteful as Valentine’s Day approaches? The San Francisco Zoo’s new fundraising campaign offers an opportunity to adopt a hairy scorpion or hissing cockroach in honor of your ex.

As the zoo describes the promotion:

Much like your low-life ex, they are usually found in and around low-elevation valleys where they dig elaborate burrows or “caves.” Also just like you-know-who, when a suitable victim wanders by, the scorpion grabs the doomed creature with its pinchers and stings the prey. After the prey is immobilized, the scorpion tears the carcass apart with its pinchers and begins feeding. Charming.

Donations support the San Francisco Zoological Society.

TIME viral

Watch John Oliver Audition for 50 Shades of Grey

"It hurts not to have even been asked," Oliver says

Before Last Week Tonight ends it hiatus next month, John Oliver took to YouTube on Sunday night to half-heartedly apologize to 50 Shades of Grey star Jamie Dornan for perpetuating the #NotMyChristian hashtag.

“Now look, I’m sorry if anyone was offended by my incredibly accurate evaluation of a casting choice for a movie whose target audience, going by the trailer, seems to be suburban mothers of three who have somehow never had sex before,” Oliver began, bemoaning Hollywood’s safe choice of casting an actor “who specifies in handsome” rather than make a more daring choice.

MORE: How the John Oliver Effect Is Having a Real-Life Impact

Namely, a spectacled British comedian.

“It hurts not to have even been asked,” Oliver said, before launching into a passionate audition “for a movie that has already been made from a book I’ve never read.”

Luckily for Oliver, Fifty Shades is a trilogy.

See the full clip below.

TIME animals

This Man Turned His Home Into a Purr-fect Playground for Cats

He calls it the House of Nekko, meaning cat in Japanese

A builder from Goleta, Calif., has spent the past two decades converting his house into a kitty playground.

Peter Cohen spent tens of thousands of dollars building an elaborate home filled with colorful catwalks, hideouts, ramps and tunnels for his 15 rescue cats, the Huffington Post reports.

“I never intended to have so many,” he told the website Catster in an interview last year. “It is way too expensive and a tad too much work.”

Despite the expense, Cohen and his roommate are happy that they’ve built a safe and fun, and also very bright, feline haven.

“They give us unconditional love, and building the catwalks is one way of expressing my gratitude for that,” he said.

[Huffington Post]

TIME Bizarre

Parents Can’t Name Their Child ‘Nutella,’ French Court Says

A judge noted that Nutella "is the trade name of a spread"

A recently-born baby named Nutella was renamed by a court in the French city of Valenciennes after a judge ruled that the parents’ decision to the name the child after a food was against the child’s interest, according to a new report in the newspaper La Voix Du Nord.

“The name ‘Nutella’ given to the child is the trade name of a spread,” the court’s decision read, according to a translation. “And it is contrary to the child’s interest to be wearing a name like that can only lead to teasing or disparaging thoughts.”

The judge renamed the child Ella after the parents failed to show up at a court appointed day in November. The baby was born in September.

[La Voix Du Nord]

Read next: The Definitive Ranking of Nutella Alternatives

Listen to the most important stories of the day.

TIME NFL

Watch Bill Nye the Science Guy Debunk Belichick’s ‘Deflategate’ Theory

"What he said didn't make any sense"

 

Wondering who would be the first prominent scientist to come out against New England Patriots Coach Bill Belichick’s explanation for the under-inflated balls his team was accused using during the NFL playoffs last Sunday?

No? Well, we were. And since Neil deGrasse Tyson didn’t step up to the plate, it had to be Bill Nye.

Belichick’s “internal review” offered a variety of reasons why the team’s footballs wound up under-inflated – everything from “atmospheric conditions” to “air pressure.” He added that the team’s process of breaking in footballs by rubbing them altered the pressure in the ball.

Nye was not impressed. “What he said didn’t make any sense,” Nye told ABC News on Sunday. “Rubbing the football – I don’t think you can change the pressure [that way].”

Nye does close his segment by saying, “Go Seahawks,” so he’s an admittedly impartial judge.

Tyson, do you want to weigh in?

This article originally appeared on People.com.

Read next: How to Get to the Bottom of ‘Deflategate’

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