Let me hear you say "Happy birthday, Mrs. Carter!"
Bow down. Today, Sept. 4, is Queen Beyoncé’s 33rd birthday.
Unfortunately, the United States government has yet to recognize this as a national holiday, but you should obviously still celebrate this glorious occasion. To help you kick off the festivities, we’ve come up with some birthday wishes for Bey. Yes, it’s hard to imagine what else Beyoncé could possibly need, but we still came up with a few ideas.
Here’s what we hope for Bey in the coming year:
- No more elevator drama.
- To surround herself with positive things, and not diss anyone on the Internet, because her Mama taught her better than that.
- To encourage more ladies who truly feel her to throw their hands up at her.
- To wake up like this (flawless) every single day.
- That when she needs Jay Z everything will stop and he will put her love on top.
- To help an elite coterie of girls develop the skills necessary to run the world.
- A surfbort.
- That matchy-match loin cloths will come back into fashion.
- To continue to buy the shoes on her feet, the clothes she wearing, the rock she’s rocking, the watch she’s wearing, the house she lives in and the car she’s driving.
- To get five more Rock and Roll Hall of Fame exhibits.
- That her pet alligators live long, healthy, happy lives.
- That every vehicle she enters has a functioning partition.
- A dance party with Laverne Cox.
- A brand new freakum dress.
- A brand new pizza outfit.
- To grace the cover of TIME every week this year (or forever.)
- That she and Jay will open up a classy but affordable pizza and wine restaurant in Brooklyn called Pizzoncé.
- An awesome Halloween costume that will empower women.
- That Blue Ivy will become best friends with Suri Cruise.
- A rollerskating rink inside her house (if she doesn’t already have this.)
- Her face on an official U.S. stamp.
- Another surfbort (in case something happens to the other one.)
- That this year’s TIME 100 will just become the TIME 1, and only feature Beyoncé.
- That Blue will hang out with more presidential dogs.
- That the Brooklyn Bridge will be renamed the Beyoncé Bridge.
- That the Grand Canyon will be renamed the Grand Beyoncé.
- That the United States of America will be renamed the United States of Beyoncé.
- A box to the left to put Jay Z’s things in, if it really comes to that.
- Someone to follow her around and make sure a fan is always gently blowing her hair.
- That her birthday party will be jumpin’ jumpin’.
- That “surfbort” will get added to the Oxford English Dictionary just like “bootylicious.”
- A Beyoncé Instagram filter.
- That VMA she really did deserve for the “Single Ladies” video.
Oh, and to continue celebrating, be sure to check out these 33 gorgeous photos of her. HBD, Bey.