TIME Television

The Bachelorette Recap: Will You Mariachi Me?

Welcome back to The Bachelorette, where we rejoin Kaitlyn’s journey to find Love and Truth and a man who is here for the right reasons and looks good in roses and isn’t wearing too much cologne (just guessing about that last part). When we last saw our fun-loving, loud-laughing heroine, she was considering giving Nick V. another chance at love. While even onion-loving Ashley S. thinks it’s a bad idea, Kaitlyn decides she has to trust her heart and invites Nick on to the show. She swears that she didn’t want to hurt the guys’ feelings, but did anyway.

Here’s what happened on The Bachelorette:

The Nick Situation: When we last saw Nick, he was engaged in the hellish act of trying to pull a suitcase through Times Square, a torture so horrible that even the Greek gods couldn’t have devised it. After that travail, he had to go to a hotel room with a dozen men who hated the fact that he was there to prove he was there for the right reason. Nick swears to the men that he is not there to cause drama or to make a scene, but because he likes Kaitlyn. The men prove that they are well read on their supermarket tabloids and grill Nick about the fact that he hung out with Bachelorette Andi a month ago. Nick swore it was just to bury the hatchet (in her back, probably). He swears he is here for Kaitlyn, but one man demands to know whether she is “just a cool chick or an amazing woman to you?” but there is no right answer to that question.

The Cocktail Party: The men take over Citi Field, because with the addition of Nick, they don’t fit anywhere else in New York City and/or the Yankees don’t have time for this nonsense. The men are not thrilled to have Nick in their midst, but J.J., who is not here to make friends anyway, doesn’t care and takes advantage of the awkwardness to get some alone time with Kaitlyn. He picks her up and runs the bases, but does not score a home run. (That comes later in the season, hopefully with someone else.)

The Rose Ceremony (Finally!): Kaitlyn walks the men out to shiver on the field and lines them up like it’s an execution (of hearts). To recap, Jared, Justin and the dentist already have roses. So Ben H. gets the first rose, followed by the other Ben, Shawn, Tanner, Joe, Ian, J.J., Joshua, and then Chris Harrison finally shows up to announce that it’s time for the final rose. Obviously it goes to Nick, because why else is he here? Ryan, Jonathan and some other guy who does not look even mildly familiar (maybe he’s a Met hanging out in the off-season?) are sent home, and the men grumble that Nick took a rose that belonged to someone more deserving. In case you didn’t think Kaitlyn was a good actress, she probably earned herself an Emmy nod for being able to say that she’s “always wanted to go” to San Antonio with a straight face.

First Date: Kaitlyn wants to get to know Nick, but not as much as she wants to get to know Ben H. For their trip to San Antonio, they have a true Texas date complete with flannel and denim, cowboy boots, red Ford trucks, country dancing and lots of dance-as-marriage metaphors. They compete in a dance competition and lose, so Kaitlyn vandalizes the oldest dance hall in Texas with a “K + B” in a heart. Then they make out outside to give the old folks something to talk about. Over dinner, Kaitlyn doesn’t want to talk about his past relationships, but totally does. So he tells her about his broken engagement over their uneaten entrées. He passes her “openness” test, which is only nominally different from a Scientology personality test, and earns a Date Rose (from Kaitlyn, not Xenu).

Group Date: While everyone expects Nick to get the remaining one-on-one date, Kaitlyn surprises them by dunking him in the deep end of a group date to see if he will sink or swim like a witch. This week’s challenge is to write and sing a mariachi song — and to steal Kaitlyn’s heart back from the most adorably, brash little mariachi muchacho ever, Sebastian De La Cruz and his band El Charro De Oro. The men dress in traditional outfits and embarrass themselves by serenading Kaitlyn with their own mariachi songs. As the newbie, Nick knows he has to go big or go home, so he makes an extra spectacular spectacle of himself. As Jared says, “Nick has the worst voice I’ve ever heard, but he owns it.”

The After Party: Josh decided to use a haircut as a metaphor for marriage and it did not work out well. He trusts Kaitlyn, but apparently she was not worthy of that trust and Josh ended up with a half-bald head and all the men laughing at him. Nick uses his time with Kaitlyn to make out with her, which does not make Josh any happier. So Josh and his half head of hair go to tattle to Kaitlyn that he doesn’t think Nick is here for the right reasons. Josh says everyone hates Nick being there and is lying to her about it. She decided to confront the men about their “dishonesty,” but they all deny it and Josh looks like a troublemaker and Nick gets the Date Rose.

Second Date: Kaitlyn invited Shawn to go kayaking in San Antonio, and they spend the bulk of their time together talking about Nick and Josh, which are the most romantic conversation topics. Then they make out on a bridge. Later they snuggle by a campfire and Shawn opens up about being hit by a car and then tells her that he is falling in love with her. Kaitlyn tells the camera that it felt “like her husband” telling her that. She hands him the Date Rose and informs the camera that she feels like she is falling in love with Shawn.

The Alamo: Ian decides he has had enough, and if Kaitlyn doesn’t want to date a Princeton man who has been around the world a few times, he’s going to go home. Does she know he went to Princeton? Maybe he should mention it a few more times to make sure she is aware of that fact.

The Cocktail Party: Kaitlyn makes all the men toast to honesty before spending some alone time with each of them. Jared tells her he’s falling in love with her, and she makes out with him while thinking of Shawn. Meanwhile, Ian is on a tear because “against all his logic,” Kaitlyn doesn’t seem to like him and “he’s a gift you unwrap for life.” He sits her down on a couch and tells her that he thought she was going to be brokenhearted and despondent over getting dumped by Chris, and he is disappointed to see that she’s recovered from that heartbreak and now just wants to make out with a bunch of hot guys. He’s not into her and is going to make sure she knows it. Strangely he didn’t mention Princeton even once. Maybe that will happen … next week on The Bachelorette.

TIME Viral Videos

Watch These Kittens Recreate The Psycho Shower Scene

Terrifying!

Anyone who has seen a kitten get a case of the zoomies knows that all kittens have a little psycho in them. So it’s no surprise that YouTube user Pasdidée has followed up the smash hit all-kitten reenactment of the dramatic final fight in The Lion King with something a little more frightening.

Specifically, in the new video, the furry little felines reenact one of the most gruesome scenes in cinematic history — the shower scene from Psycho.

It’s dark and disturbing, and will make cat owners across the globe lock their bathroom doors to bar furry intruders from entering the room before stepping into the shower.

 

TIME Television

Humming the Game of Thrones Theme Tune Can Have Serious Consequences

To Westeros!

Every office seems to have at least one person who hums and it’s always distracting to hear bars of Beethoven, the Beatles or Berlin floating through the air while you are trying to work. But when someone starts humming the theme song to Game of Thrones it’s not just distracting, it’s a noble and glorious disruption — at least according to a new video from College Humor.

There’s something about the show’s long opening theme song that stirs the blood and makes you yearn for Westeros. The tune could also lead you to believe that “Winter is Coming” to your cubicle and the only option is to march into war and/or the conference room.

While work day disruptions are usually frowned upon by HR, reenacting the Game of Thrones opening sequence is the best way to kill time until the new season starts next year.

TIME Television

John Oliver Conscripts Helen Mirren to Read the Senate’s Report on Torture

Blame Jack Bauer

While John Oliver took a moment to respond to embattled FIFA executive Jack Warner’s assertion that he was a “comedian fool,” a title Oliver did not dispute, the real brunt of the political force of Last Week Tonight was focused on the Senate Intelligence Committee Study on CIA Torture.

Despite the Senate’s findings that the CIA’s “enhanced interrogation techniques” were not effective, 57% of Americans believe that torture can work to prevent terror attacks, while only 46% of Americans believe in the Big Bang theory, according to Oliver. Oliver thinks this might be beacause torture always works on television, specifically on 24. Jack Bauer’s interrogations are so effective that Justice Antonin Scalia even referenced him in the Supreme Court, according to Oliver.

Despite the effectiveness of Bauer’s fictional torture techniques, the “advanced interrogation” techniques listed in the report were so graphic that not even Helen Mirren could make them appealing — and she tried. Oliver somehow convinced the Oscar-winning actress to read aloud passages of the report and the results are jarring. Warning: you may never look at hummus the same way again.

TIME Television

Watch Jon Stewart Get Mercilessly Teased By The Daily Show Staff and Mark Ruffalo

Looks like someone hasn't been doing his homework

The Daily Show
Get More: Daily Show Full Episodes,The Daily Show on Facebook,Daily Show Video Archive

Jon Stewart is a busy man. As the host on The Daily Show, he interviews four or five guests a week, each of whom are hawking a movie or a book or some other important cultural event. With that many guests, Stewart can’t possible be expected to watch every movie and read every single book to prepare for his interview with the author. After all, Stewart has other hosting duties to perform, jokes to write, a family to see and a life to live.

While the fact that Stewart doesn’t always do his homework is understandable, that doesn’t mean that his staff can’t tease him about it. In a new video, introduced by Mark Ruffalo, some evil genius on The Daily Show staff has made a supercut of all the times that Stewart didn’t quite get a chance to prepare for his interviews.

TIME Viral Videos

The Piano Guys Take On The Jurassic World Sonatas

Beauty and dinosaurs

The Jurassic World sonatas may have originated as part of the soundtrack to the uber-dino action flick Jurassic Park, but in the skilled hands of internet sensation the Piano Guys, the scores are heart-wrenching and beautiful.

The Piano Guys are part of that rare corner of the internet where truly talented performers become viral video stars. For the uninitiated, the Piano Guys are four Utah dads who started down the road of viral stardom with a series of self-made music videos that offered a virtuosic take on classical music for the internet generation. Fast forward and the Piano Guys’ videos have a staggering 500 million views — their take on One Direction’s “That’s What Makes You Beautiful” alone has 41 million views — and 3.8 million subscribers to their YouTube channel, plus four chart-topping albums and IRL concerts that have sold-out around the world.

Their timely take on the Jurassic World sonatas is just further proof that the Guys know how to tap into the internet zeitgeist.

 

 

TIME Television

Watch Kit Harington Judge a Jon Snow Impersonator Competition

Jon Snow sounds good even when reading a box of Frosties

Kit Harington’s Jon Snow has had a rough go of it on Game of Thrones. His father was beheaded, his siblings scattered and his time on The Wall has been marked by unrest and threats from the South, North and within. None of that prepared Harington for what he faced last night on Jimmy Kimmel Live!

Kimmel wasn’t content to have one Jon Snow on the show so when Harington stopped by, Kimmel invited three of the internet’s finest Jon Snow impersonators for a Jon Snow-off. On Game of Thrones, Snow is limited to conversations about White Walkers, life among the Crows and sorrow, but on Kimmel the Snow sound-alikes were given less tragic material to work with. Specifically, a box of Frosties, a real-estate listing and a bottle of Pantene shampoo. Needless to say the phrase “zero heavy build up” has never sounded so life or death.

Read next: More Game of Thrones Cast Set to Join Video Game Adaptation

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TIME Television

Jerry Seinfeld Talks ‘Creepy P.C.’ Culture with Seth Meyers

The star is really bothered

Jerry Seinfeld made headlines earlier this week when he revealed in a radio interview that he no longer performs at college campuses because of the political correctness. While Seinfeld is known for being a clean comedian, who doesn’t use profanity in his routines and rarely delves into controversial topics, he thinks the obsession with being politically correct hurts comedy as a whole.

When Seinfeld stopped by Late Night on Tuesday night, host Seth Meyers engaged him on the topic along with New Yorker editor David Remnick, who was also on the show. Seinfeld held his line saying that there is a “creepy P.C. thing out there that really bothers” him, using an example of one of his jokes whose punchline is about a “gay French king.” He’s seemingly worried that it is becoming inappropriate for him to suggest that gay people “move their hands in a flourishing motion.” He feels that the lines of what is and is not politically correct are being constantly moved inwards, to the detriment of comedy.

It was nice of Seinfeld to stick around for the conversation, because earlier in the episode he made it clear that he did not want to be on the show at all:

Read next: Watch Jerry Seinfeld and Julia Louis-Dreyfus Having a Mini Seinfeld Reunion

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TIME viral

Before You See Jurassic World Watch The Honest Trailer For The Lost World

Don't be surprised to root for the dinosaurs

Jurassic World hits movie theaters on Friday. To mark the occasion Screen Junkies are taking fans down memory lane for a frank look at one of the franchise’s less successful installments — The Lost World: Jurassic Park, the 1997 sequel to Jurassic Park that both critics and fans agreed fell far short of Steven Spielberg’s original.

The new Honest Trailer, at bottom, starts with the film’s name (“Shouldn’t that title be the other way around? No? Okay.”) and gets more, well, honest from there. According the new trailer, “the unnecessary sequel” features “more deaths, more dangling vehicles, and more giant, practical T. Rex heads passing next to things.”

The Honest Trailer finds plenty of flaws to point out in the film, including the strange loss of charisma by Jeff Goldblum’s character, Julianne Moore’s scientist who is dubbed “The Worst” and the overall dullness of the “generic run-away-from-dinosaurs movie.”

Ultimately, the trailer asks the important question: “Are we supposed to be rooting for the dinosaurs or the people?”

Watch it below:

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TIME movies

Original Star Wars Script Found, Solves Long-Running Mystery

In a scene from George Lucas' epic space opera Star Wars, the American actor Harrison Ford as rebel smuggler Han Solo draws a gun against enemies; behind him can be seen a fantastic space shuttle. USA, 1977.
Mondadori Portfolio—Getty Images Harrison Ford as Han Solo in Star Wars, 1977.

The script was discovered in a Canadian library

A newly discovered Star Wars script solves one of the longest-running disputes in the franchise’s history: who shot first, Han Solo or Greedo?

In Stars Wars Episode IV: A New Hope, Han Solo has just finished conducting business in the Mos Eisley Cantina on Tatooine, when Greedo, a bounty hunter working for Jabba the Hutt, pulls him aside for a little chat, demanding that Solo pay Jabba the money he owes him for a botched smuggling job.

What happens next is undisputed. There was a quick gun fight and Solo emerged victorious, while Greedo went on to whatever afterlife the Rodians believe in. But who shot first? Was Solo acting in self-defense? Or just doing whatever he could to get out of paying Jabba?

According to CBC, a recently discovered early draft of the Star Wars script makes it clear that Solo was the trigger-happy aggressor in the fight. The script, which Lucasfilm Publicity said looked to be a “fan-made” replica version of the real early script, was unearthed in the University of New Brunswick Library’s science-fiction collection. It is marked as a “fourth draft” and dated March 15, 1976, well ahead of the film’s 1977 release date. It is such an early draft of the script that the film is called Star Wars: Saga I instead of its eventual title of Star Wars: A New Hope and Luke Skywalker’s character has the much more ominous name of “Luke Starkiller.”

But for fans, one of the most interesting revelations resolves the case of the shoot-out at the cantina. In the original, Solo fires at Greedo without warning. The 1997 version of the film altered the scene to make it look like Solo was acting in self-defense. It was a move that enraged fans (though not as much as the introduction of Jar Jar Binks). But librarian Kristian Brown, who discovered the script, told CBC, “Based on the script, I can tell you 100%, Han shot first.”

That settles that.

Read next: A New Star Wars Game Was Just Announced and It Sounds Amazing

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