TIME Television

Dancing With the Stars Watch: The First Cut Is the Deepest

NOAH GALLOWAY, SHARNA BURGESS, PETA MURGATROYD, MICHAEL SAM, ROBERT HERJAVEC, KYM JOHNSON, EMMA SLATER, REDFOO, TONY DOVOLANI, SUZANNE SOMERS, CHARLOTTE MCKINNEY, KEO MOTSEPE, TOM BERGERON, ERIN ANDREWS, CHRIS SOULES, WITNEY CARSON, NASTIA LIUKIN, DEREK HOUGH, PATTI LABELLE, ALLISON HOLKER, RIKER LYNCH, WILLOW SHIELDS
Adam Taylor—ABC

Patti LaBelle wins the night with her salsa to 50 Cent

It’s Week 2 of Dancing With the Stars, and the producers are ready with a hashtag of a title, #MyJamMonday, which they are trying to make happen. To wit, the Whitman’s Sampler of ragtag stars (An ex-Bachelor! A Carl’s Jr. commercial star! A 14-year-old! An LMFAO-er!) choose their favorite “jam” and head to the dance floor to prove their mettle. This week, one star will be cut as the journey to the Mirror Ball Trophy gets under way.

Here’s what happened on Dancing With the Stars:

Chris Soules and Witney Carson: Did anyone doubt that The Bachelor star Chris Soules loved Pitbull? It’s clearly the foundation of his relationship with both Whitney, his reality-TV-selected life partner, and Witney, his dance-floor partner. Therefore, he chose to do his cha-cha to Pitbull’s “Time of My Life.” Len Goodman thought that his “jam got into a pickle” (Is Len pregnant?) but thought he did a pretty good job for someone without any dance experience. Carrie Ann Inaba encouraged him to focus on the details of the choreography. 20/40

Suzanne Somers and Tony Dovolani: Last week, the judges suggested that AARP member Suzanne Somers get “raunchier” in her dancing. So this week, there was a whole lotta shaking going on during her Jerry Lee Lewis–inspired jive with Suzanne wearing a pink-and-leopard-print ensemble straight out of Betsey Johnson’s leftover wardrobe. The judges appreciated the shaking and the effort. 28/40

Robert Herjavec and Kym Johnson: Before they could hit the dance floor to Michael Bublé’s version “You Make Me Feel So Young,” which is the Shark Tank star’s favorite jam (pretty sure that is not “a jam” by any definition, though), Robert and Kym had to address rumors that they were dating. They claim they aren’t, because they are too busy dancing, but no one believes them. Their foxtrot earned appreciative nods from the judges as well as a surprise video conference from Bublé himself applauding Robert’s prowess. 28/40.

Charlotte McKinney and Keo Motsepe: To remind everyone that she was once on a popular Super Bowl commercial, Charlotte McKinney staged her cha-cha to fellow Super Bowler Katy Perry’s song “California Gurls.” The judges deemed it “better than last week,” which is pretty feeble praise. Then after talking about the dangers and damages of cyberbullying, Bruno Tonioli told Charlotte that she had no idea what to do with her body and should work on that. Then Charlotte announced, “We have crabs!” and it took host Erin Andrews a moment to realize she was referring to the giant crabs dancing behind her. 26/40

Michael Sam and Peta Murgatroyd: NFL baller Michael Sam was tuckered out after playing football at the NFL combine over the weekend, but he didn’t let it slow his foxtrot set to the Motown sound complete with red-clad backup dancers. Len declared that in addition to crabs, he has “scarlet fever.” Julianne Hough thought it was “Broadway,” but she may have meant that in a good way. 28/40

Rumer Willis and Val Chmerkovskiy: Rumer and Val staked a claim to the top of the leaderboard after their dramatic foxtrot last week. To keep the pressure on their competition, this week they delivered a surprisingly fierce cha-cha to Adele’s “Rumour Has It,” which is Rumer’s jam because it has her name in it and serves as her own personal hang-in-there-kitten poster. The judges enthused all over it. 32/40

Redfoo and Emma Slater: LMFAO’s Redfoo wore sparkly overalls for his jive to his jam “My Sharona” by The Knack. After tanking last week, Redfoo realized this was a competition and not just a very public lark and decided to commit to practicing. His newfound commitment to rehearsing paid off, and Bruno announced that he went from “running on empty to running on plenty,” which is not really a thing that people say, but Redfoo appreciated it. 31/40

Willow Shielda and Mark Ballas: There is no way that 14-year-old Hunger Games actress Willow Shields’ favorite song is Gotye’s “Somebody That I Used to Know,” because she was in elementary school when the song came out. Still, it worked well as a soundtrack for their Argentine Tango (plus, it’s always nice for Gotye to get a few more royalties). The judges were impressed with the lines and shapes of their dance. 32/40

Noah Galloway and Sharna Burgess: Veteran Noah Galloway chose Darius Rucker’s song “Homegrown Honey” and dedicated his rumba to his girlfriend, who is in basic training. Their dance was spot-on and Julianne praised Noah’s “musicality,” but the judging was overshadowed by the fact that the U.S. military decided to spring Noah’s girlfriend early to surprise him at the show. They reunited on stage and hugged and hugged and there was nothing but smiles and tears and Erin trying to cut in on their reunion to shove a microphone in his face to ask how it all feels. 27/40

Nastia Liukin and Derek Hough: Olympic gymnast Nastia Liukin thinks Ed Sheeran’s “Thinking Out Loud” is a “jam,” so Derek choreographed an intimate samba to the sappy song. The only problem is that Nastia had all her emotions trained out of her on the path to Olympic glory, and Derek has to spend a lot of time re-training her to emote. He must have done a good job, because his very own sister, Julianne, said so. Carrie Ann was speechless at the end of the routine and doled out the season’s very first nine. 34/40

Riker Lynch and Allison Holker: Third-string Glee extra and aspiring singer-songwriter Riker Lynch chose to dance his foxtrot to “Sugar” by Maroon 5. To make it work, Allison had to give him a Pretty Woman-esque makeover, which impressed the judges enough to dole out a decent score. 32/40

Patti LaBelle and Artem Chigvintsev: Patti LaBelle is no joke, and when asked what her jam is, she chose 50 Cent’s “In Da Club,” which definitively fits the bill. Then she busted out some sassy salsa moves and the crowd went suitably wild. Julianne and Carrie Ann bowed at the feet of the queen and Julianne demanded an invitation to “the club.” Bruno declared Miss LaBelle, “So Cookie, so Empire,” which is clearly the highest compliment possible. While Patti’s probably not long for the show, since it’s only Week 2 and she already has a knee injury, it’s great fun having her now. 28/40

In Jeopardy: Redfoo, Suzanne Somers, Chris Soules, Charlotte McKinney are all called to the bottom of the stage. Chris and Charlotte are safe, leaving Redfoo and Suzanne Somers in jeopardy.

Going Home: Redfoo, who is probably not LMFAO right now. The audience booed the decision loudly and host Tom Bergeron chided nonvoters, because the decision was made on less than 0.1% of votes.

TIME Television

Rumer Willis Is Determined to Win the Mirror Ball on Dancing with the Stars

RUMER WILLIS
Craig Sjodin—ABC DANCING WITH THE STARS - RUMER WILLIS - The 10th anniversary celebrity cast of "Dancing with the Stars" is strapping on their ballroom shoes and getting ready for their first dance on MONDAY, MARCH 16 (8:00-10:01 p.m., ET) on the ABC Television Network. Rumer Willis is partnered with Valentin Chmerkovskiy. (ABC/Craig Sjodin)

Rumer Willis talks Val, Mirror Balls, and all those pesky rumors

Rumer Willis had her doubts about being on Dancing with the Stars, but things have certainly changed. The show’s 20th season kicks off Monday on ABC at 8/7c, and the 26-year old daughter of Bruce Willis and Demi Moore is joining a cast that includes Patti LaBelle; LMFAO’s Redfoo; Michael Sam; actress Suzanne Somers; and Willow Shields, best known as Primrose Everdeen from The Hunger Games movies.

“When [the producers] asked me a few years ago, I didn’t think it was something I would even be capable of,” Willis said in an interview with TIME. “But I’ve been doing a show called For the Record and I’ve been dancing a little bit more, so when they asked me this year, I thought, ‘What an incredible opportunity to learn how to dance properly from a great teacher.’”

Her new teacher and partner is Val Chmerkovskiy who will show Willis the ropes of the foxtrot, pasodobles, salsa and more during the show’s 20th season. He’s also exactly who Willis hoped to be partnered with when she signed up for the show. “I think he’s one of the strongest competitors and the best teacher, so I couldn’t be happier,” she says. While Chmerkovskiy has been a fixture on the show for the last seven seasons, he has never won the show’s coveted Mirror Ball trophy. He has come close several times, though, including last season where he reached the finals with his partner actress Janel Parrish, best known for Pretty Little Liars. Willis thinks this year is his year, though. “I think we can do it.“I think we have it in the bag if we work hard and put as much passion as we have into our dances, we’ll be fine,” Willis says.

Before she can figure out where to put that trophy in her house (she plans to move it from room to room), she has round after round of competition to get through. That means spending hours in the rehearsal studio with Chmerkovskiy, who has a reputation for pushing his partners to their breaking point. Willis thinks that reputation is a bit undeserved, though. “So far, he’s been an incredible teacher and so patient. I think sometimes that the passion that he has for dance and making his partner great can be taken as harshness, when it’s really just dedication,” she says. “To be honest, I put more pressure on myself than Val could ever put on me.”

Rumors tend to follow Chmerkovskiy off the dance floor, too, where his on-screen chemistry with his partners leads to rumors of off-screen romance. Despite the fact that the show hasn’t even started yet, Willis has already run into this during press conferences. “I feel like people give him a bad rap,” she says. “People misconstrue someone having dedication and an emotional bond with their partner for something else. I didn’t sign up to be on Dating with the Stars. If I wanted to find a boyfriend I would do that on my own time.”

Chmerkovskiy recently put to rest rumors that he wooed his partners as a ploy for votes. “The last thing I would do for votes, ladies and gentlemen, is play with my partner’s emotions, or with your emotions,” he said during a Q & A session. “The votes are important to me …the performance is more important.”

While Willis is confident that she and Chmerkovskiy can bring home the trophy, she won’t be able to do it without votes from fans. To help rally the troops, her famous parents will be on hand to support her from the audience. “Everyone has been really supportive,” says Willis, “and I can’t wait to get on the dance floor.”

Dancing with the Stars airs on ABC tonight at 8/7c.

TIME Television

Watch John Oliver Get Mad About March Madness

"The only other people who say 'they're not employees' that much are people who run illegal sweatshops"

Just as March Madness swings into high gear, John Oliver squared off against the NCAA on Sunday’s Last Week Tonight.

Oliver is troubled by the fact that the NCAA makes money hand over fist on the sweat of so-called student athletes thanks to sponsorships and TV deals and yet adamantly doesn’t pay them for their services. While the NCAA holds that student-athletes are amateurs who are compensated for their services with an education, Oliver argues that the athletes are employees of the colleges for which they play.

Oliver points out how poorly some universities treat some of their athletes, the sub-par education that some student athletes receive, the fact some students are actually starving while playing for these teams, and caps it all off with a disturbing montage of coaches spewing epithets at their athletes, which would definitely disappoint Coach Taylor. All that and less than 2% of NCAA players go on to lucrative careers with professional sports teams.

Luckily Oliver has a suggestion that can help the NCAA earn more money: an ultra-realistic video game that shows what it’s really like to play ball in the NCAA.

Watch the full clip below:

Read next: 6 Ways to Win Your March Madness Office Pool

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TIME viral

Watch Sarah Michelle Gellar Throw Down in a Disney Princess Rap Battle

It's Cinderella vs Belle—and no one should get in their way.

Buffy the Vampire Slayer star Sarah Michelle Gellar dons Cinderella’s crown for a serious Disney Princess Rap Battle against young upstart Belle (played by Whitney Avalon).

In the blue gown, we have Cinderella, the legendary rags-to-riches story who has “rhymes sharper than a needle.” She doesn’t hesitate to dish out insults, and that includes mentioning Belle’s friendly relationship with a certain hairy fellow.

Not one to take things lying down, we have Belle in the yellow gown, who is her own Beast. She drops some serious shade, name-checking Cinderella’s dead mother (ouch!) and pointing out that her 1950s values are seriously retro and not in a good way (“clean the floors, do some chores, until a man just appears?”).

It’s a battle of words as the two beauties trade barbs in a masterful freestyle that ends — like any good Disney tale — with a memorable moral to the story. If only fairy tales really ended with a mic drop.

Read next: See the Cinderella Whose Performance Reached 100 Million Viewers in 1957

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TIME viral

This Dog Has the Best Reaction to Tasting a Lemon

He'll help get you through the day

Move over, Gene Kelly, this dog is the Internet’s new dancing star.

YouTube is filled with videos of people doling out citrus to unsuspecting babies, but no human baby can compare to this puppy taking a first lick of a lemon.

This fluff ball excitedly goes in for a taste of the fruit, but the overpowering sour flavor gives him a start that has him tap dancing across the kitchen floor. Of course, being a golden retriever, the pup can’t help but go back for a second taste, yet somehow expects a different result, which just makes it all the more hilarious.

Don’t try this at home, though, as it should be noted that the ASPCA says that lemons can be toxic to dogs.

TIME Television

Everything We Know About The Bachelorette‘s Big Twist

ABC Kaitlyn Bristowe and Britt Nilsson

On last night's episode of The Bachelor, Kaitlyn and Britt were both chosen as the new Bachelorette

Meet your new Bachelorette, America: Kaitlyn…and Britt!

Last night it was announced that the popular ABC reality show couldn’t choose just one woman to escort on their journey to love, so instead the show is shaking things up—the next season will star both Britt Nilsson and Kaitlyn Bristowe, who were winnowed from the herd of women looking for love with Chris Soules on the most recent season of The Bachelor.

One of the longest running tropes in The Bachelor‘s history is for host Chris Harrison to dolefully intone that there will be “a dramatic twist” that is “unlike anything in Bachelor history” and will have “everyone talking.” Usually this speech precedes a particularly gruesome hissy fit or a contestant sneaking into the Bachelor’s suite for same late-night nookie (which is so unfair to the other 11 women he’s dating), or someone “shockingly” turning down a rose—but all of that is pretty typical turbulence for fans of the reality show. Last night, however, Harrison’s words actually had the ring of truth to them.

He announced that the producers of The Bachelor were evenly split between casting Britt or Kaitlyn as the new Bachelorette, and since the fan community seemed evenly divided as well, the show was going to try something new: They would cast both women.

Here’s what ABC’s press release had to say about the twist:

ABC’s hit romantic reality series, “The Bachelorette,” will kick off its 11th the surprises of this season’s “Bachelor” with the biggest one of all: there will be two Bachelorettes: the charming, charismatic beauty, Britt, who captivated Chris Soules and the rest of Bachelor Nation with a memorable hug on that first night at the Bachelor mansion, and Kaitlyn, the gorgeous, fun- loving, warm-hearted, but irreverent firecracker who let down her guard only to have her heart crushed. Who will the men prefer? Eventually, only one woman will be left to hand out the final rose.

So here’s what we know: the show has cast both Kaitlyn and Britt, but, much like The Highlander, there can be only one Bachelorette. Last night, Chris Harrison said something along these lines: both women will arrive at the mansion for an opening night cocktail party and then the men will decide which woman continues on her journey to love. This is what happened way back in Season 6 when The Bachelor tried to boost its ratings with a similar twist. The show cast both Byron Velvick and Jay Overbye and 25 women chose between them by handing out roses to their preferred suitor during one of the show’s infamous cocktail parties. Byron earned the most roses and went on to be The Bachelor. It didn’t end well. Yet, the producers are trying it again.

On The Bachelor: After the Final Rose, when Harrison asked Kaitlyn for her take on the twist on The Bachelorette formula she admitted her first thought was: “Well, that’s not ideal.” America just might agree with that sentiment.

Right now it sounds like what has ostensibly been a woman-powered show, where an empowered woman chooses her own life partner, is now becoming a show where two women compete for male attention for sport. Does America want to watch Britt and Kaitlyn enter a Bachelor version of the Thunderdome where the men will decide who is showered with roses and who gets the thorns? Who knows! It doesn’t sound like ABC knows yet, either. Based on the vagueness of the press release, it seems like the network is trying to keep their options open, depending on how this twist will play out with fans. If fans are unhappy, maybe the show will decide to let both women stay and find their own paths to love on reality television—just like our fore-mothers dreamed.

The Bachelorette returns to ABC, on Monday, May 18.

Read next: The Bachelor Explains His Big Decision

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Watch a Flight Attendant Entertain Passengers by Dancing to ‘Uptown Funk’

Dancing in the aisles.

There is very little joy in air travel these days with smaller seats, fewer amenities and closer quarters. So it’s nice when the flight staff goes the extra mile to help travelers enjoy the trip — even if that extra mile means going all the way “uptown”.

YouTube user Charlie Sierra caught a flight attendant going downtown on “Uptown Funk” and busting a move in an airplane aisle.

The flight attendant looked suitably fly as she threw out some old-school moves to the Mark Ronson/Bruno Mars hit. Not only did she get to have a little fun, but she also kept the passengers from grumbling.

As this video goes viral thanks to Reddit, hopefully other flight attendants will see it and kick off a competition among those flying the friendly skies so passengers get some free entertainment along with their peanuts.

Read next: HBO Unveils New Game of Thrones Trailer Along With Apple TV Service

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The Bachelor Watch: Farmer Takes a Wife

ABC

Also: The Bachelorette is revealed. Sort of

Tonight on the Bachelor finale, Chris Soules, America’s very own Fresh Prince of Farming, engages in a little animal husbandry on himself. The gentleman farmer’s journey to find love draws to a close, and tonight he makes his decision between Chicago-based fertility nurse Whitney and the San Diego–based chiropractic assistant Becca. Will he choose the woman who loves him (Whitney) or the woman who might some day love him, but she isn’t exactly sure when (Becca)? Will the farmer take a wife? Or will the cheese stand alone? Let’s get to it.

Here’s what happened on The Bachelor:

Whitney Meets the Family: There’s little doubt that Whitney really, really likes Chris, so she really, really wants Chris’ family to like her. So when she goes to the farm she wears a plaid flannel shirt dress and does her best to blend in with the triumvirate of blonde sisters. During dinner, she gives a toast and manages to make herself cry — and then makes Chris’ dad cry. The sisters pull Whitney aside to grill her about giving up her life in Chicago to live in the micro-town of Arlington, Iowa. Whitney makes it clear that she is done making other people’s babies and wants to start making her own, which is good enough for the sisters. Then Whitney tells her possible future mother-in-law (PFMIL?) that Chris makes her feel like the “only woman,” which is pretty impressive considering that up until very recently he was dating a baker’s dozen of other women. Whitney tells her PFMIL that since her mother died, she has been waiting for someone to call mom. The PFMIL wisely tells Whitney she likes her fine, but it’s up to Chris. While Whitney has charmed the pants off of Chris’ family, Chris can’t help but talk up Becca. His brother-in-law points out that he probably likes the slight mystery that is Becca, because he took a psychology class in college and knows things.

Becca Meets the Family: Becca tells Chris’ family that she’s not in love yet, and she’s scared that Chris is going to dump her because Whitney wants to get married and have babies right now and she’s not sure. Chris thinks Becca is worth the risk, but the sisters are not impressed. Chris swears up and down that he and Becca have a special relationship, and he knows that she will fall in love with him eventually. The PFMIL grills Becca about the fact that she lives in California, and Becca shrugs that she’s not in love with him yet and isn’t ready to move to the middle of nowhere yet. Chris’ mom keeps optimistically trying to point out that Becca might be in love with him, but she’s like whatever. Chris’ dad opines that he thinks Whitney is the sure thing, but thinks Chris loves Becca.

Post-Family-Visit Scorecard: Becca isn’t in love with Chris yet, isn’t ready for a proposal, and is not sure she wants to live in Iowa. Whitney loves Chris, wants to marry him, wants to move to Iowa. While his choice Chris should be clear, it really isn’t.

Final Date with Becca: Chris goes to Becca’s hotel and tries to kiss her on the bed, but she pulls away to talk. They finally have The Talk. Chris wants to know if she has any interest in being part of his small town life, and while she swears she’s excited to be with him, but she can’t make any promises about when she would be willing to move to Iowa. She doesn’t know why she’s not in love with him. Chris looks brokenhearted as she lays out all her fears and concerns and won’t commit to anything. She finally admits that she is not that into Arlington. She says, “I’m not just gonna pick up my life and go anywhere for someone,” which is not a sentiment that has ever been uttered on this show, like, ever. They hug and try to pretend there aren’t cameras trained on them. Afterward, Chris has no choice but to go stand in a field and stare into the middle distance.

Final Date With Whitney: Whitney gets dropped off in Chris’ field (which is not a euphemism, but could be) and they go jump on a combine with his dad and harvest some corn. Whitney is so touched that he wanted to bring her here to see the harvest (but, seriously, it’s just free labor). Whitney does Emmy-worthy work pretending that she is thrilled to be on a tractor harvesting corn in the middle of winter. Then he takes Whitney to his house and says leading things like, “It’s made for a family!” and she wanders around redecorating with her eyes. They sit by the fire and try to figure out why Whitney is getting the loser edit on the show. Later, at Whitney’s hotel, they have cocktails and talk. Whitney loves small-town life (although does she know she probably can’t get her eyelashes done in Arlington?), she love Chris, and can’t wait to get married and have babies. No pressure. Chris says, “I reciprocate that.”

The Decision: As Chris mulls over his options, Neil Lane comes to glamorous Iowa to help Chris choose an engagement ring. As Chris’ disembodied voice floats over the image of a limousine cruising through frost-covered corn fields, Chris stands in a barn (which is set decorated into an inch of its life filled with hurricane lamps, decorative blankets, and flower arrangements on wrought iron pedestals) and waiting to make his decision. It should be noted that the barn is so cold that you can see his anxious breath circling his head.

First Out of the Limo: Becca steps out of the limo, wearing high heels and a long-sleeved burgundy velvet dress to the final Rose Ceremony. Chris tells her that he’s always liked her and tells her that he could see her as his wife. Then he makes the trademark Bachelor sigh. The one that means: I didn’t choose you. He tells her that she’s just not ready. He knows she will make some guy happy, but it’s not going to be him. Becca looks relieved, but probably mostly because that means she can go inside where it’s warm now and end this farce. He tucks her back into the limo and sends her off. She does her best to cry during the limo ride, but doesn’t. She claims she can’t process it and might be in shock, but also just kind of shrugs.

Second Arrival: Whitney pulls up in front of Chris’ family’s barn and Chris Harrison pats her on the back and wishes her good luck, presumably he’s talking about getting up the barn stairs in heels. Whitney looks elegant in black as she goes to tell Chris that she loves him and that she is so scared right now that he is going to dump her for a 26-year-old chiropractic assistant. Then Chris tells her that she is “perfect for him.” As he talks she anxiously studies his face, looking for a clue as to whether he will fall on his knee or send her out the door. Then he tells her that he loves her and gets down on one knee and asks her to marry him. She says yes and he slips a giant Neil Lane diamond ring on her finger. Then they sit in the barn and make out.

After the Final Rose: Chris Soules joins Chris Harrison for a little Chris Time in front of a live studio audience. He is excited to finally tell the world that he is engaged to Whitney and declares her the right person for him. Chris S. reveals that Whitney has only been watching their dates in order to spare herself any unnecessary heartache. Being a smart lady sure makes for boring reality television, though.

Facing the Ex: Before the happy couple can revel in finally going public, Chris must endure facing Becca. Normally facing The Shunned is a grueling ordeal that makes everyone uncomfortable. Becca, however, clearly doesn’t care. She is totally nonplussed, because despite Chris S.’s claim to “strong feelings” about Becca, Becca just wasn’t that into him. She basically high-fives him and is like, “we’re chill.”

The Happy Couple: Chris and Whitney finally reunite and out themselves as an engaged couple. Chris H. asks Chris S. what he likes about Whitney, and he basically says that since he can’t marry his sisters, he wants to marry someone as close to them as possible. Whitney doesn’t seem to think that’s off-putting or odd at all.

Surprise Guest: Jimmy Kimmel comes out to congratulate the happy couple — and congratulate himself for setting them up on their first one-on-one date. He brought them a wedding present, too: a cow named Juan Pablo. Chris H. leans over and says, “Ees O.K. Ees O.K.” to the poor cow, which was pretty much the best thing ever.

The Big Surprise: Chris H. finally reveals who the new Bachelorette will be. It’s not Britt. It’s not Kaitlyn. It’s both of them! Apparently they will both show up on the first night of The Bachelorette, and the 25 men will determine which of them will make better marriage material, which sounds completely bananas. The new season will definitely be one to watch.

TIME Television

Watch John Oliver Cast His Ballot for Voting Rights for U.S. Territories

Rock the vote

To help commemorate the 50th anniversary of the march on Selma, Alabama, John Oliver focused his Last Week Tonight ire on a topic that does not tend to generate headlines: voting rights for the U.S. island territories — that is, the U.S. Virgin Islands, Puerto Rico, Guam, American Samoa, and the Marianas Islands.

According to Oliver, there are 4.1 million people living in Puerto Rico and the island territories. Of that population, 98.4% are racial or ethnic minorities, none of whom have the right to vote in U.S. elections. According to Oliver, the more you look into the reasons that the U.S. territories don’t have voting rights, the harder it is to understand why these dated laws have not been changed. Way back in 1901, it was said that the island territories were inhabited by “alien races” that couldn’t “understand Anglo-Saxon principles” and thus were denied the vote. That hasn’t changed, despite the fact that even at the time, American legal thinkers thought that the territories’ lack of voting power should only last for a limited time. Fast forward 114 years and the U.S. citizens living on these territories still can’t vote, which Oliver compares to failing to update your computer operating system for over a millennium.

To bolster his argument that many U.S. citizens don’t understand the relationship between the 50 states and the U.S territories, Oliver showed clip after clip of news sources reporting that U.S. Supreme Court Justice Sonia Sotomayor was the child of Puerto Ricans who “immigrated” to the United States. As Oliver says, “If Puerto Ricans are immigrants, so is anyone who moves anywhere.” Despite the fact that Puerto Ricans are U.S. citizens—and has more U.S. citizens than 21 states— they can’t vote for president, have no representation in the U.S. Senate and send only one non-voting delegate to the U.S. House. Oliver compares this status to letting a six-year old “vote” on where to spend the family vacation.

But Puerto Rico is lucky compared to some of the other U.S. territories. American Samoans aren’t even automatically granted U.S. citizenship, which, according to Oliver, renders the “American” part as moot as the phrases “social media expert” or “People’s Choice Award nominee.” Instead, they’re considered U.S. nationals, but not citizens. Over on Guam, 27% of the island is occupied by U.S. Navy and Air Force bases, and a staggering high number of Guam citizens are veterans of the U.S. military, but they still have no voting rights. Despite that, Guam holds a straw poll every presidential election and has higher voter turn-out than any other U.S. state — you know, the ones whose votes actually count.

It’s a valuable civics lesson and an important reminder to ask — if you don’t mind cribbing a line from Oliver — how is this still a thing?

 

TIME Television

Watch John Oliver Nail the Ridiculousness of Daylight Saving Time

"How is this still a thing?"

John Oliver tackled the most pressing question of the day on Sunday’s episode of Last Week Tonight: How is Daylight Saving Time still a thing?

Everyone seems to blame the existence of Daylight Saving Time on the farmers. But that blame is misplaced, because as Oliver put it, cows don’t care what time it is and we’ve all been unfairly accusing America’s agriculturalists.

The real instigator of the dreaded “spring forward” was Kaiser Wilhelm, who wanted to preserve daylight on the battlefields of World War I. Yes, you lost an hour of sleep thanks to Germany.

While the ritual of moving clocks forward one hour has old roots, the practice continues on the grounds that it conserves energy. However when Indiana instituted Daylight Saving Time it found the opposite to be truem and noted a 1% increase in energy consumption. There are two other areas that show a marked increased as well: researchers found that there is a rise in car accidents and work-related injuries the week after the time change.

Watch the full clip below:

Read next: Seriously, Stop Worrying About Daylight Saving Time

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