TIME Television

The Bachelorette Recap: Kaitlyn, Britt and 25 of Their Closest Boyfriends

Craig Sjodin—ABC

Hot tub car, an exotic dancer and Chris Harrison riding a triceratops and, it was only the first episode

The Bachelorette is back! This season, the producers, in their infinite wisdom, decided to shake things up and have both Britt Nilsson and Kaitlyn Bristowe, who were winnowed from the herd of women looking for love with Chris Soules on the most recent season of The Bachelor, vie for the chance to pre-mate (in a hot tub!) on live television. Both women will be at the mansion to meet and greet a fresh batch of eager beaus. Then, instead of letting Britt and Kaitlyn fight over the men in a Thunderdome of Love, which would be uncivilized and one of them might break a nail or something, the men will choose who they will woo. Isn’t that nice of them?

As we wait to see how this new twist on an old formula unfurls, let’s scope out the competition. People to watch include Shawn E., an “amateur” sex coach from Ontario. Amateur as in he didn’t want to spring for the professional licensing fees? Or like he’s the ABD of the sex-coaching PhD set? Then there’s Josh, a 27-year-old law student who is putting himself through school as an exotic dancer (basically a “real” life version of Danny Castellano from The Mindy Project). On the other end of the sexy-job spectrum, there’s Ryan M., a junkyard specialist from Kansas City. There is also a healthy array of blokes with incredibly soporific-sounding jobs, like, investment bankers, former investment bankers, insurance agents, international auto shipperzzzzzz. Need to raise your heart rate after all that? Never fear, there are three trainers on hand. There’s also a healer in the mix, sure to use his talents to heal either Britt or Kaitlyn’s broken heart. Then there’s the guy who shows up at the mansion with a giant cupcake, which either Britt or Kaitlyn can drown their sorrows in if the men choose wrong.

Before the show begins, Chris Harrison reminds viewers that change isn’t easy and that we will all get through his awkward, painful process together. So pull out your favorite adult beverage, grab your Kleenex, sprinkle your couch with rose petals and get ready to walk hand in hand with either Kaitlyn or Britt on their journey to find love.

Here’s what happened on The Bachelorette:

The Arrival: Britt and Kaitlyn awkwardly stand across from each other in the mansion’s rounded driveway, dressed in their sequins, sparkles and lip gloss, and side-eyeing each other like crazy. The limos pull up, and as the 25 men spill out, it’s clear that Britt is winning (or those sneaky producers want it to seem like Britt is winning) as all the men flock to her and Kaitlyn stands there like a fourth-grade nothing in gym class.

Team Britt: Jonathan an automotive spokesman (he speaks for the autos?) from Detroit with a 5-year-old son (or in Bachelor parlance, “baggage”). Brady, a singer-songwriter, who marries together pain and joy in his music, but hasn’t found love yet. He thinks Britt is a “solid billion” on a scale of 1 to 10. Ryan, a realtor, thought he was a Kaitlyn, but now is totally a Britt.

Team Kaitlyn: Joe from Bluegrass Country considers himself both a Southern gentleman and a hair-gel enthusiast. He kindly brought the ladies some moonshine to chug. Joshua, a welder who is rivaling Chris Soules for smalltown-hero status, makes a lot of puns about welding. Ian manages to mention that he is a Princeton grad in his intro video, but balances it out with a tragic backstory about getting hit by a car and left for dead. He tells Kaitlyn that he wants it to be her. Jared would prefer that we call him “Love Man,” as opposed to”restaurant manager with an asymmetrical haircut.” While he pronounced his love for Kaitlyn in his intro video, Love Man chose to neg her, stepping out of the limo and only talking to Britt. JJ, the former investment banker, told Kaitlyn that as a lifelong hockey fan, he wants to “puck her” and handed her a puck. While Britt liked Shawn, one of the personal trainers, he told Kaitlyn he was there for her. Tanner, an auto-finance manager, gives Britt a box of tissues to dry her impending tears, but mostly to be mean, because he’s Team Kaitlyn.

Team TBD: Josh, the law student, considers being an exotic dancer “the best job on earth,” which it is when compared to corporate litigation. He performs a sultry strip down for the ladies, which causes Kaitlyn to happily hand him over to Britt. Ben is a personal trainer whose life highlight is that he got to try out for the NFL — not play, just try out. Chris, a dentist, pulls up in a car shaped like a cupcake to woo the sweeties. Tony, the healer, showed up with a black eye, which he apparently couldn’t heal before the show. He feels like he has been training for this moment his entire life. While he came for Kaitlyn, he is won over by Britt and now feels “energy pulsating” with Britt’s name on it. Clint, an architectural engineer, who took styling tips from Thor. Ben H., a software salesman from Denver, David, a real estate agent from Orlando, Kupah, an entrepreneur from Boston, and Corey and the Cory, the Bens, Shawns, and Ryans are all blending into a crowd of spray tans, white teeth and implied cologne.

The Scandal: Kaitlyn ran inside the mansion to say hello to the men. Britt thought that was cheating. The end.

The Drunk: Every opening night there is someone who can’t hold their liquor. This time it’s Ryan M., the junkyard specialist from Missouri. Not only did he get completely blitzed, but he came outside the mansion, sat in the shrubbery and heckled Shawn E, the amateur sex coach, who had the brilliant idea to pull up in a hot-tub car. That’s right, a hot tub inside a car. The ladies were dying of laughter, but Ryan kept yelling “stupid!” like if Statler and Waldorf lived in a bush and were idiots. Later, Shawn tried to talk to Ryan about it, not realizing he was black out drunk and beyond help. Then he drunkenly touched Britt’s face and slapped Kaitlyn’s rear. Then he stripped down into his skivvies to take a dip in the pool while yelling, “I’m so horned up!” Finally a security guard showed up to taken Ryan to the principal’s office. The principal being Chris Harrison, who sent him home to think about what he’s done.

Bachelorette Milestone: Chris Harrison came into the mansion and told the group that Ryan was sent home, not because he was drunk or inappropriate, but because he wasn’t there for the right reasons.

The Cocktail Party: Kaitlyn kicked things off with a knock-knock joke (“Knock knock!” “Who’s there?” “Two Bachelorettes!” “Two Bachelorettes who?” “Two Bachelorettes, that’s the joke!”) while Britt tried not to cry while telling the room that she’s looking for a best friend. It’s an awkward evening. As Britt and Kaitlyn mingle with the menfolk, they can’t help but glance over their shoulder to see who is taking a shine to the other woman. The men are inside strategizing. Do you take the one you like most or the one who likes you the most? Thor (a.k.a. Clint) won Kaitlyn’s heart by handing her a picture he drew of Chris Harrison riding a triceratops.

The Voting: Chris Harrison kills the vibe in the cocktail party by announcing that the voting room is open, and the men must choose. The women get slightly panicked looks in their eyes, but try to swallow it down to continue their flirting and run their own personal get-out-the-vote drive fueled by eyelash batting, sweet smiles and sultry looks. The men slowly file into the voting room and drop their roses into a box under either Kaitlyn’s or Britt’s glamour shot. Some men went with their guts, some went with lower body parts, some (the investment bankers) did their due diligence before making their decision.

Best Reason to Come Back Tomorrow: The roses are tallied, and one of these women will be The Bachelorette.

TIME Television

Dancing With the Stars Recap: Last Dance, Last Chance

Rumer, Riker and Noah dance their pants off

It’s the final round of Dancing With the Stars, and the stakes couldn’t be higher (well, other than in the final round of every other season of Dancing With the Stars, of course). Tonight the finalists — veteran Noah Galloway, Hollywood scion Rumer Willis and struggling pop star/Hough family relation Riker Lynch — will compete in two rounds of dance. First comes a repeat performance of a dance from earlier in the season. The real test will come with the freestyle, where emotions rule and stories are told, plus lots of fog, spotlights and shadows, so if you’re playing a drinking game where you have to take a shot for dramatic lighting, you should be well toasted by the end of the show.

Here’s what happened in the finals:

Round One: Repeat Performances

Noah Galloway and Sharna Burgess: As they head into the finals, Noah has stars in his eyes and thinks he really has a shot at winning this thing. He and Sharna returned to their solid, if not especially stunning Argentine tango. The lack of drama was mostly due to the strangely poppy song choice of Clean Bandit’s “Rather Be,” which lacked some much-needed gravity. The judges spent a lot of time talking about how tight the final round of competition always is and how Noah should be proud of himself for making it so far and reminding him that he had one more dance in the final to go. That was basically a nice way of saying his lifts were shaky, his footwork was wobbly, and better luck next time, without actually saying any of that to a veteran. Luckily for Noah, the producers cut to his newly minted fiancée frequently to remind viewers to vote not just for Noah, but for love. 32/40

Riker Lynch and Allison Holker: Captain Jack Sparrow is back for another Pirates of the Caribbean–themed paso doble. For their repeat performance, Riker bearded up and put on his big-boy pantaloons for another go-round of the frenetic number he debuted during Disney week. By the end of the piratical paso, the audience were on their feet and cheering — and not just because the producers made them. Even Len Goodman gave them a standing ovation, calling it “epic” and a “swashbuckling” performance. 40/40

Rumer Willis and Val Chmerkovskiy: Rumer headed back to church for another attempt at her foxtrot to Hozier’s “Take Me to Church.” Once again it was full of dramatic lines, sharp angles and everything that the judges love. Bruno Tonioli shouted out Rumer’s impressive lineage, while calling her “dancing royalty.” Len said he knew way back in the beginning of the season that this was her year, and he still believes it. Cut to a shot of Bruce Willis in the audience crying his eyes out, while Erin Andrews shakes her head and intones, “Die hard, baby, die hard.” 40/40

Round Two: Freestyle

Noah and Sharna: Noah cracks a little under pressure, and admits that he wishes he had the dance skills of Riker and Rumer, but his body holds him back. He thinks he brings something else to the table though, and thinks Sharna really tapped into his story in the dance. He proves that correct in a heartbreaking freestyle routine set to a mashup between David Guetta’s and Sia’s “Titanium” and Coldplay’s “Fix You” for the extra punch in the gut. Len, who has never been Noah’s biggest booster, admits “that was amazing.” Erin had to shoo Red Foo from the set before the judges could weigh in on the routine. Julianne Hough thought the dance was beautiful and “a celebration,” Carrie Ann Inaba called it art, and Bruno thought the choreographer was perfect. 40/40

Riker and Allison: For their freestyle, Allison choreographed a Jazz Age number set to a swinging funky version of Frank Sinatra’s “I Won’t Dance.” Riker looked dapper in white tails, and while he lost his timing a bit doing a flip, the judges didn’t care. Time was running out on the live show, so the judges rushed through their critiques, but Bruno summed it up when he called Riker “Fred Astaire reborn.” 40/40

Rumer and Val: There were only six minutes left in the show when Rumer and Val took to the ballroom floor, but while Tom and Erin may have been sweating, Rumer and Val looked completely cool. Their freestyle was based on their shared trauma of being compared to people: for Val, it’s always following after his brother Maks, while Rumer grew up in her parents’ shadows. They chose to set their freestyle to a slinky, slowed-down cover of Britney Spears’s “Toxic,” probably because their therapists told them to. In a judging blur, with only a minute left in the show, Carrie Ann called her “a dancer’s dancer.” 40/40

Best Reason to Come Back Tomorrow: Someone is taking off their Spanx and taking home a Mirror Ball Trophy.

TIME Television

John Oliver Has Beef With the Treatment of Chicken Farmers

Many poultry farmers live below the poverty line

On Last Week Tonight, John Oliver spoke about America’s favorite food — chicken. He didn’t focus his diatribe on the treatment of chickens (although video clips of Paul McCartney and Pamela Anderson assured viewers poultry is treated abysmally), but rather on the treatment of America’s chicken farmers.

According to Oliver, to sate the American appetite for chicken, the big four poultry companies use a system of contract farmers to raise their product — which currently requires 169 million chicks a week, which is as Oliver put it, “Warren Beatty numbers.”

Despite those impressive stats, according to Oliver, a surprisingly large percentage of those contract chicken farmers live at or below the poverty line. But when asked to comment about their impoverished contract farmers, a spokesman for the National Chicken Council asked, “Which poverty line are you referring to?”

As Oliver pointed out that, it doesn’t matter, because “the poverty line is like the age of consent, if you find yourself parsing exactly where it is, it you’ve probably already done something very, very wrong.”

Oliver then asked members of Congress to enact meaningful legislation to protect chicken farmers — and a call to arms to change their Wikipedia pages if they didn’t.

TIME Television

Amy Schumer Knows Who the Bachelorette Is and Will Totally Tell You

Will you accept this rose?

Amy Schumer stopped by Jimmy Kimmel Live! Thursday night pretty much just to gloat about the fact that she knows the identity of the next The Bachelorette.

As you may recall, The Bachelorette threw a wrench in its well-tested, very greasy works and decided that this season, which premieres on Monday, will feature not one, but two bachelorettes. Britt and Kaitlyn, who vied for the heart of Chris Soules on last season of The Bachelor, will have to face off in some sort of rose petal strewn Thunderdome while a selection of well-coiffed men choose which of the two will move forward on a journey to find love. Until the two-part season opener, though, no one knows which of the women will be the actual Bachelorette—except Amy Schumer.

While talking to noted Bachelor enthusiast Kimmel, the Trainwreck star revealed that not only did she get to go on a date with all the men (testing them out for the bachelorettes, of course), but she also absolutely knows whether Kaitlyn or Britt is the winner. Before you get too jealous of Schumer’s insider knowledge, turns out she will happily tell anyone who the winner is, NDA be damned. Don’t worry you can still be jealous of her wine glass.

TIME Television

Watch Snoop Dogg and Jimmy Fallon Make Cookies with Fake Arms

Things get messy in the kitchen

Snoop Dogg swung by The Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon to talk about his new album, Bush, and things got interesting. Fallon resurrected a clip from one of Snoop’s moments on the (fake) 90s Canadian soap opera Jacob’s Patience, which has a roster of impressive stars like Jim Carrey, Jeff Daniels, Justin Timberlake, Steve Carrell, and Will Ferrell.

While the show’s plot may not be memorable, its special effects are well known, because one of the show’s stars (Snoop, supposedly) refused to show his arms on camera. To show support, the director insisted the entire cast use fake arms. “I have to say it was pretty inconvenient,” noted Fallon.

Watch the clip from Jacob’s Patience, where the two make their best attempt at baking cookies with fake arms.


TIME Television

Watch George Clooney Handcuff Himself to David Letterman

Bravo, George

Last night, George Clooney did his part to make sure that David Letterman doesn’t leave late night any time soon. As the date of Letterman’s impending retirement approaches, the stars have come out to pay tribute to the beloved Late Show host. Adam Sandler serenaded him, Julia Roberts planted one on him and Tina Fey stripped down to her skivvies (sort of) to bid him farewell. Clooney, however, decided to take matters into his own hands to stop the beloved host from leaving the show at all.

“Let me see your wrist,” he requested after taking a seat. Letterman obliged, and Clooney promptly slapped a pair of handcuffs on the host, gleefully telling him, “You’re not going anywhere, David Letterman.” Mission accomplished.

Despite Clooney’s best efforts, Letterman is leaving The Late Show next Wednesday, May 20. His final guests will be Tom Hanks, Eddie Vedder and Bill Murray. Stephen Colbert will take over as host in the fall.

Jimmy Kimmel: Watching David Letterman ‘Was More Important Than Sleep’


TIME movies

Indiana Jones-Themed Bar Could Be The Best Reason to Go To Disney World

Harrison Ford as Indiana Jones in "Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom."
Paramount Pictures/Lucasfilm Harrison Ford as Indiana Jones in "Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom."

Rolling Boulder Meatballs are on the menu, of course

If you’re looking for a place to throw back a few shots of whiskey after raiding a Venezuelan tomb for archaeological treasures or, you know, standing in line for Space Mountain for two hours, the new Indiana Jones-themed bar might be just the place.

As Disney mulls over making another Indiana Jones film, they are making the most of the franchise by opening a themed bar at Walt Disney World Resorts in Orlando, FL, this fall — perfect for thirsty parents and their tiny adventurous whippersnappers.

The new watering hole is named after Indy’s trusty pilot Jock Lindsey and has an airplane hangar theme. According to the Disney blog, the bar will reflect the Indiana Jones story, complete with aviation-themed decor, vintage travel posters, propeller-based ceiling fans (don’t stand too close!) and a diving bell “booth.” Rumor has it that Jock’s pet snake Reggie will also be incorporated into the restaurant somehow. (Perhaps to discourage too much adventurousness from those whippersnappers?)

Naturally, the menu features themed cocktails like the “Hovito Mojito” and will include food like “Rolling Boulder Meatballs.” There’s no word yet on whether the entire bar is booby-trapped if you attempt to make payment with a bag of sand.

TIME Television

Dancing With the Stars Recap: Here Are the Finalists

One star is sent home right before the finals

Welcome back to Dancing With the Stars. The results are in and after an hour of filler, one of the semifinalists will be cut right before they earn the bragging rights of making it into the final round of the competition. Last night, Olympic gymnast Nastia Liukin and Hough family scion Riker Lynch earned perfect scores, with Rumer Willis and veteran Noah Galloway fast on their heels. As we approach the finals, it’s anyone’s ballroom.

Here’s what happened on Dancing With the Stars:

Noah Galloway and Sharna Burgess: Noah is going into the semifinal voting in last place, albeit in a very tight competition. That said, he has a trump card: his midshow proposal. Will the prenuptial boost be enough to keep him in the competition? Maybe! Throughout the season the judges have called Noah an inspiration, but it wasn’t enough to inspire voters to put them through to the final round easily. They are in jeopardy.

Requisite Patriotic Dance Routine: While the only military veteran performing this evening has just been told he is in jeopardy of being sent home, the show has no qualms about following his judgment with a USO-inspired patriotic dance number. The routine kicks off with a cover of Bryan Adams’ “Summer of ’69,” filled with a lot of passion and tremolo (but not as good as Ryan Adams’ take on it), which quickly segues into John Mellencamp’s “R.O.C.K. in the USA.” It’s fun, fast-paced and flashy for a time killer of a number.

Riker Lynch and Allison Holker: After a season spent at the top of the leaderboard and a semifinal round in which they earned perfect scores for both of their dances, there was little doubt that Riker would be in jeopardy. Plus, he’s the young, cute boy that all the girls watching this show with their parents can vote for over and over and over again. That said, you never know about the fickle heart of the American voter. Aw, who are we kidding: he’s safe.

Dance Through the Ages: In an interesting bit of primetime network television mimicking the Internet, Sasha Farber and Emma Slater performed a YouTube-ready routine with the click-worthy title of “Watch a Decade of Dance in Two Minutes.” Thanks to their dance skills and some careful costuming and even more careful editing, the two pros covered the major dance styles of the 1900s, including the Lindy Hop and the Charleston to disco and the hip-hop era. Look for it in your newsfeed tomorrow!

Nastia Liukin and Derek Hough: Like Riker, the Olympic gold medalist has consistently been at the top of the leaderboard throughout the season. Also like Riker, last night both her dances earned a string of perfect 10s from the judges. Nastia has regularly delivered technically perfect moves and lived up to Derek’s exacting standards — even when Derek wasn’t dancing with her. However, Nastia lacks some of Riker’s elan and artistry, so it’s less of a surprise when it’s announced that she is in jeopardy.

Girl Power: To continue killing time until the results are announced, the women of the dance corps took to the floor to dance with the ghosts in the machine. Set to Jordin Sparks’ “I Am Woman,” the women danced with computerized versions of themselves until everyone got weirded out and the number ended. The future is weird.

Special Musical Guest: Flo Rida stopped by the show to perform his song “G.D.F.R.,” which stands for “going down for real.” The performance was capped off with host Tom Bergeron loudly proclaiming, “Flo Rida!” because there was really nothing else to say.

Rumer Willis and Val Chmerkovskiy: Rumer came in third in last night’s semifinal round, but has uniformly been at the top of the leaderboard this season. However with only four contestants left, anything is possible, especially as voters might enjoy the schadenfreude of seeing the daughter of two very famous celebrities disheartened. (No one said voters are nice!) Sure enough, she’s in jeopardy. The producers now have three out of the four contestants in jeopardy, but theoretically someone is going to have to stick around to compete against Riker in the finale. Seems likely that Rumer will last to the final round.

Nepotism in Action: For no apparent reason, Riker’s brother Ross showed up on stage to lip sync the song “Gotta Be Me.” He gave up lip syncing after a few bars and hit the dance floor to promote Teen Beach 2, which is premiering on the Disney channel later this month. Ross is a more talented dancer, than lip syncer, but that doesn’t increase the likelihood of wanting to watch Teen Beach 2.

Who Went Home: Riker is already in the finale, and it is quickly announced that Noah and Sharna are … safe! That left one spot for either Rumer or Nastia. The spot in the finals goes to Rumer, and Nastia is going home. She is gracious as you would expect a former Olympic gymnast to be about it, thanking everyone for the opportunity.

Best Reason to Come Back Next Week: Someone is taking home a Mirror Ball!

TIME celebrity

Did Dancing with the Stars Host Erin Andrews Roll Her Eyes During a Proposal?

She said it was her "ugly cry face"

During last night’s semi-final round of Dancing with the Stars (read the recap here), competitor Noah Galloway decided to use the spotlight to drop to one knee and ask his girlfriend, Jamie Boyd, to marry him. Very cute (and for the cynical among us, very voter savvy). Now, some fans are saying that host Erin Andrews rolled her eyes during the romantic moment—and they aren’t very happy about it.

The moment came just as Galloway finished a Viennese waltz with his pro partner Sharna Burgess and had ascended to Andrews’ aerie in the sky to await the judges’ scores. The producers had conscripted Boyd to come to the skybox and provide moral support for her veteran boyfriend, who has performed remarkably well for any contestant, let alone someone who has just one arm and one leg. Galloway’s seemingly surprise proposal left judges Carrie Ann Inaba and Julianne Hough crying daintily, but Andrews, who is tasked with making sure the live show runs on time, looked nonplussed.

Us Weekly claims that Andrews was eager to wrap up the proposal, saying she looked “more than annoyed” and later “was caught on camera rolling her eyes while touching her ear piece.” Some fans agree, taking to Twitter to call Andrews “rude” and “so freaking awkward” and more.

To ward off the claims that she is the enemy of love, Andrews has mounted a defense of “ugly cry face.” She replied to US Weekly’s comments with a tweet that read, “uhhhhh it’s called an oh great I’m going to bawl on camera..ugly cry face alert.” She later tweeted a picture of the moment and apologized, again, for her face.

Our take on it? Andrews looked touched by the proposal, but is also a professional woman just trying to get her job done with a clock ticking and producers yelling into her earpiece. Watch a clip of the proposal here:

TIME Music

Lil Jon Gives Talk at Oxford University

Rapper Lil Jon arrives for the PANDORA GRAMMY after party featuring Lil Jon in Hollywood, on Feb 8, 2015
Rapper Lil Jon arrives for the PANDORA GRAMMY after party featuring Lil Jon in Hollywood, on Feb 8, 2015 Rapper Lil Jon arrives for the PANDORA GRAMMY after party featuring Lil Jon in Hollywood, on Feb 8, 2015

His appearance earned the hashtag #TurnDownForOx

While noted college drop-out Kanye West was making headlines for collecting an honorary doctorate from the School of the Art Institute of Chicago this week — and Chance the Rapper was at Harvard the week before — rapper Lil Jon was busy lecturing at Oxford University.

Wearing an Oxford appropriate v-neck sweater, the King of Crunk discussed such wide-ranging topics as his thoughts on President Obama’s administration, media relations, what he would be doing if he wasn’t a rapper (psychologist!), his initial reaction to be asked to speak to the Oxford Guild (he thought he was being catfished), and, perhaps most importantly, where his former backing band/steady sidekicks The Eastside Boyz are at, according to The Tab Oxford and The Independent.

The “Turn Down for What” rapper had many thoughts on Obama’s presidency, comparing it to restoring old cars: “He put a new engine in it, he put some new rims, got a paint job.” Sadly, when it came to what the Eastside Boyz are up to, Lil Jon couldn’t provide any answers, saying instead, “I have no idea, dawg.”

While the Atlanta-based artist didn’t take his guest lecture position as seriously as West did when he made a similar appearance at the British institution, it seems clear that Lil Jon had a lot more fun.


A photo posted by LIL JON (@liljon) on

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