TIME Television

Conan Made the Donald Trump Ovulation Predictor of Your Nightmares

Trust the Donald

While Stephen Colbert rubs his hands together on the sidelines waiting for his chance to poke fun at Donald Trump (is it Sept. 8 yet?), Conan O’Brien has jumped right into the fray. Last night on Conan, he debuted an ad for a “new product” that the real estate mogul can add to his entrepreneurial empire—the Trump Ovulation Test Kit.

The gag product features Trump’s face and trademark hairdo on the end of a plastic stick: Simply dip Trump’s head into urine, and Trump’s voice will tell you whether or not you are ready to make a baby. As Conan puts it on YouTube, “When it comes to knowing when you’re fertile, why not trust someone with a proven track record on women’s issues like the Donald?”

TIME movies

Winona Ryder Says Beetlejuice 2 Is Happening

Beetlejuice 2! Beetlejuice 2! Beetlejuice 2!

Way back in December, Tim Burton said that a sequel to Beetlejuice was “closer than ever.” Last night on Late Night with Seth Meyers, Winona Ryder confirmed it, but unfortunately she didn’t have any additional details to offer.

If all was right in the world, fans would simply say the name of the movie three times and the sequel would be in theaters, but apparently there is more to it than that. All fans know now is that Burton confirmed it and said that the sequel was written with star Michael Keaton in mind. Speaking to IGN back in December while promoting his film Big Eyes, Burton said,“There’s only one Betelgeuse, and that’s Michael. There is a script, and I would love to work with him again. I think there is now a better chance than ever,” Burton said. “I miss that character. There’s something that’s cathartic and amazing about it. I think it’s closer than ever.”

Keaton said in February 2014 that he was in if Burton was, and then in October 2014, Keaton said they were waiting on a script. We’ll be watching the “Day-O” scene on repeat while we wait.

TIME animals

Watch This Golden Retriever Puppy Try to Figure Out How Rain Works

The struggle is real

Gene Kelly went singing in the rain, Milli Vanilli blamed it on the rain, Prince had a purple rain. It seems like everyone from Missy Elliott to Bob Dylan to the Eurythmics wrote a song about the rain — and it seems that Jack the Golden Retriever puppy has listened to none of them.

In a new video making its way around the web, Jack the puppy has never seen rain before and is completely confounded by the concept of water falling from the sky. Clearly the only thing to do is try and catch it — every single drop of it. The pup quickly gets the handle of it and seems to be enjoying himself in the rain. Seems like he has found the perfect activity to entertain himself while he updates his playlist.

TIME Television

Watch John Oliver Conscript Nick Offerman, Laverne Cox and Others For a Sex Ed Video

The video is both highly educational and highly NSFW.

On Last Week Tonight, John Oliver tackled “the conversation that animals in zoos refuse to let you not have,” a.k.a. sex education in schools.

Oliver started the segment by showing a vintage sex education tape starring Jonathan Banks, who is better known as Mike Ehrmentraut from Breaking Bad and Better Call Saul, and used it as an example of the fact that in the U.S. there is no required standard for sex education—meaning it can vary wildly from state to state, district to district, and even school to school.

For example, in Mississippi, sex education is allowed, but condom demonstrations are not, despite the fact that the state ranks number two in teen pregnancy. Other states, like Utah, refuse to step into the fray at all, preferring to leave sex education to parents. “Here’s a conversation that has never happened: How are you so good at sex? I was home schooled,” said Oliver about that idea.

Then there are schools that opt for abstinence-only education programs. Abstinence can be a healthy decision for a teenager, whether by choice, or in Oliver’s self-professed case, “by circumstance.” But when abstinence-only programs are poorly designed, they can do a great deal of harm, according to Oliver.

For Oliver, though, one of the biggest things missing from most sex education programs in the U.S. is a frank conversation about consent. “Sex is like boxing, if one of the parties didn’t agree to participate, the other one is committing a crime,” said Oliver. To that end, Oliver conscripted Nick Offerman, Laverne Cox, Megan Mullaly, Kristen Schaal, Kumail Nanjiani, Jack McBrayer, Aisha Tyler and, naturally, Jonathan Banks to help craft a better sex education video.

TIME movies

This Supercut of Movie Villains Will Make You Feel Extra Evil Today

So many bad guys

From The Shining to Schindler’s List, Misery to Man of Steel, Rocky IV to Home Alone 2, this new supercut from CLS Videos features a comprehensive compendium of cinematic bad guys. There are the villains that look like the rest of us — Patrick Bateman, Norman Bates, Hannibal Lecter — and those that look like something else — Bane, The Terminator, Ronan the Accuser. Animated enemies are in the mix. There’s Tai Lung from Kung Fu Panda, Syndrome from The Incredibles, and, of course, The Lion King‘s Scar, who can never be forgiven for what he did to Mufasa.

Check out the Tumblr for the full list of evil doers in the supercut, then cook up some fava beans and pour yourself a glass of a nice Chianti and watch the power of the dark side.

 

TIME fashion

See 100 Years Of Men’s Swimsuit Fashion In 3 Minutes

A very revealing video—in more ways than one

Before you hit the beach this weekend to ogle at the array of board shorts, Speedos and everything in between littering the seaside, take a quick gander through men’s swimsuit history with this video.

This look back through swimwear history is very revealing — in more ways than one. The slightly racy video from Mode Glam, starts all the way back in 1915, which is when men first donned bathing attire, according to the site. The vintage swimsuit could double as long underwear, a look that had only marginally improved by 1925 when men’s swimwear bore an uncanny resemblance to a wrestling singlet.

As fashion’s long march continued, the parade of bathing beauties hit the beach in smaller and smaller swimwear, hitting their peak in the 1970s. While the 1980s are generally known as a time of excess at least their swimwear was moderate.

Read next: Watch a Woman Recreate 100 Years of Fitness Trends in 100 Seconds

TIME food and drink

An Instant Noodles Vending Machine Just Opened in the U.K.

Pot Noodle vending machine
Alex Britton—PA Images/AP Pot Noodle vending machine. A Pot Noodle vending machine, which has been installed on Mansfield Road in Nottingham on Aug. 3, 2015.

It's called the Hot Pot Shop

It might be time to throw away your microwave, because hot instant noodles are now available in a vending machine — in part of the world, anyway.

So-called pot noodle vending machines (not to be confused with actual pot vending machines) have been a regular fixture on Japan’s streets for years, but the U.K. just got its very first one on Mansfield Road in Nottingham. It could mean the U.S. is on the brink of a ramen vending machine invasion.

The nifty vending machine is called the Hot Pot Shop and provides a cup of noodles, hot water and a fork for just a few pence.

Choices include chicken and mushroom, tomato, beef, spicy curry, or whichever button you drunkenly hit with your finger as you stagger home from the bar.

If a trip to Japan or the U.K. aren’t in your imminent future, you can purchase your own instant ramen vending machine to install in your living room.

[H/T Mashable]

TIME Television

Arby’s Gets The Last Laugh In Farewell to Jon Stewart and The Daily Show

The fast-food chain wished a fond farewell to their long-time frenemy

Last night, fast food chain Arby’s bid farewell to its best frenemy — The Daily Show host Jon Stewart.

Stewart has frequently used the restaurant chain as a punchline on his show, calling them everything from “a dare for your colon” to “shock and awe for your bowels.” Over the past decade Stewart has even aired brutal fake tag lines like “Arby’s: Technically it’s food,” “Arby’s: Isn’t there something else we can eat?” and “Arby’s: You think pain and grief are hard to digest.”

While most businesses would revel in the fact that Stewart’s run with The Daily Show is ending and he could no longer use the restaurant as the target of his jokes, Arby’s got the last laugh. The burger chain put together a supercut of Stewart’s harshest words about the restaurant and aired it during one of the final installments of Stewart’s The Daily Show while the Golden Girls’ theme song “Thank You For Being A Friend” played.

It was a fitting farewell from one frenemy to another.

TIME food and drink

Everybody Get Ready, Pumpkin Spice Peeps Are On the Way

Pumpkin Spice Peeps

Delicious or disgusting? You decide

There are two ways to take the news that pumpkin spice Marshmallow Peeps are coming soon.

One way to view the new flavor — which is part of the Peeps fall flavor collection that also includes caramel apple and candy corn — is with joy, that the great corporate minds behind Peeps have finally realized that the only possible way to improve the confectionary perfection that is a Marshmallow Peep is to add pumpkin spice flavoring.

But then there is the other school of thought, which will see the pumpkin-spice Peeps as just the latest travesty to be unleashed upon the world, following in the wake of the deep-fried pumpkin spice latte and the pumpkin spice burger as the pumpkin spice reign of terror continues.

If you want to try the new flavors of Peeps (or purchase them all and burn them in a glorious display of anti-pumpkin spice fervor) they will be available starting August 31st.

[H/T Thrillist]

TIME Crime

Cold-Hearted Popsicle Thief Steals $1100 Worth Of Frozen Treats

The ice-cold criminal is still on the loose

A cold-hearted caper came in the midst of a summer heat wave when a thief broke into a fleet of Good Humor trucks and made off with over $1100 worth of ice cream popsicles.

The burglar broke into an ice-cream truck parking lot in Brooklyn between 1:00 and 3:30 a.m. on sundae ..er, Sunday morning, and along with the popsicles, swiped $140 in ice-cream cones and eight Yogolicious ice creams, according to New York City Police, as reported by DNA Info. Not content to eat unadorned frozen goodness, the bandit also took $30 in almond and marshmallow toppings and $500 worth of “ice cream products.”

The thief also took $2,200 in cash and a Sony television. Police are still looking for the culprit. Hopefully this thief gets a serious ice cream headache.

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