--- description: Robin Dreeke is head of the FBI’s Counterintelligence Behavioral Analysis Program. In his book It’s Not All About “Me”: The Top Ten Techniques for Building... title: Top 10 FBI Behavioral Unit Techniques for Building Rapport With Anyone image: https://static.time.com/v3/assets/bltea6093859af6183b/blt346953a4ea0ba4b0/69868f3dadae4401fc543118/fbi_building.jpg?branch=production&width=3840&quality=75&auto=webp&crop=16:9 ---  * [Ideas](/section/ideas/) ## Ideas Update your preferences in [Account Settings](/account/preferences/) Close * [Psychology](/tag/psychology/) ## Psychology Update your preferences in [Account Settings](/account/preferences/) Close # Top 10 FBI Behavioral Unit Techniques for Building Rapport With Anyone by [Eric Barker](/author/eric-barker/) ## Eric Barker Update your preferences in [Account Settings](/account/preferences/) Close May 14, 2014 4:01 AM CUT  The FBI building is seen in Miami. The FBI building is seen in Miami.Joe Raedle—Getty Images by [Eric Barker](/author/eric-barker/) ## Eric Barker Update your preferences in [Account Settings](/account/preferences/) Close May 14, 2014 4:01 AM CUT Robin Dreeke is head of the FBI’s Counterintelligence Behavioral Analysis Program. In his book [It’s Not All About “Me”: The Top Ten Techniques for Building Quick Rapport with Anyone](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B0060YIBLK/ref=as%5Fli%5Fss%5Ftl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=B0060YIBLK&linkCode=as2&tag=spacforrent-20 "undefined") he simply and clearly spells out methods for connecting with people. Here’s a quick breakdown of the methods. ## 1) Establish artificial time constraints Nobody wants to feel trapped in an awkward conversation with a stranger. Robin often begins a conversation with something along the lines of **“I’m on my way out but before I left I wanted to ask you…”** Via [It’s Not All About “Me”: The Top Ten Techniques for Building Quick Rapport with Anyone](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B0060YIBLK/ref=as%5Fli%5Fss%5Ftl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=B0060YIBLK&linkCode=as2&tag=spacforrent-20 "undefined"): ## 2) Make Sure Your Body Language is In Sync **Make sure your words and body language are aligned and both are non-threatening.** A simple smile is the most powerful nonverbal technique, as [Dale Carnegie](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/2013/01/truth-dale-carnegies-how-win-friends-influence-people/ "undefined") let us know. Via [It’s Not All About “Me”: The Top Ten Techniques for Building Quick Rapport with Anyone](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B0060YIBLK/ref=as%5Fli%5Fss%5Ftl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=B0060YIBLK&linkCode=as2&tag=spacforrent-20 "undefined"): ## 3) Speak Slowly Quick speech can sound nervous and jumpy, not confident. Crazy people speak quickly; self-assured people speak slowly. Via [It’s Not All About “Me”: The Top Ten Techniques for Building Quick Rapport with Anyone](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B0060YIBLK/ref=as%5Fli%5Fss%5Ftl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=B0060YIBLK&linkCode=as2&tag=spacforrent-20 "undefined"): ## 4) Ask For Help **When a request is small, we naturally feel a connection to those who ask us for help.** Via [It’s Not All About “Me”: The Top Ten Techniques for Building Quick Rapport with Anyone](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B0060YIBLK/ref=as%5Fli%5Fss%5Ftl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=B0060YIBLK&linkCode=as2&tag=spacforrent-20 "undefined"): ## 5) Suspend Your Ego Avoid correcting people or anything that could be interpreted as one-upmanship. **Just listen. You don’t** **_need_** **to tell your story; just encourage them to keep telling theirs.** Via [It’s Not All About “Me”: The Top Ten Techniques for Building Quick Rapport with Anyone](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B0060YIBLK/ref=as%5Fli%5Fss%5Ftl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=B0060YIBLK&linkCode=as2&tag=spacforrent-20 "undefined"): ## 6) Validate Others **The simplest way to do this is to listen.** Via [It’s Not All About “Me”: The Top Ten Techniques for Building Quick Rapport with Anyone](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B0060YIBLK/ref=as%5Fli%5Fss%5Ftl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=B0060YIBLK&linkCode=as2&tag=spacforrent-20 "undefined"): ## 7) Ask: How? When? Why? **Ask open-ended questions.** Via [It’s Not All About “Me”: The Top Ten Techniques for Building Quick Rapport with Anyone](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B0060YIBLK/ref=as%5Fli%5Fss%5Ftl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=B0060YIBLK&linkCode=as2&tag=spacforrent-20 "undefined"): Dreeke also recommends using a number of standard FBI active listening techniques you can read about [here](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/2013/06/hostage-negotiation/ "undefined"). ## 8) Quid Pro Quo Some people don’t speak much. Other times you listen too well and people feel self-conscious about talking so much. **In these two cases it’s good to give a piece of personal information for every one they reveal to get a flow going.** Via [It’s Not All About “Me”: The Top Ten Techniques for Building Quick Rapport with Anyone](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B0060YIBLK/ref=as%5Fli%5Fss%5Ftl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=B0060YIBLK&linkCode=as2&tag=spacforrent-20 "undefined"): ## 9) Give A Gift [**Reciprocation is deeply wired into human nature**](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/2013/06/robert-cialdini-influence/ "undefined")**. When you offer people something, they will naturally feel the need to help you in return.** Doesn’t have to be a big box with a bow on it. Offering someone anything, tangible or not, counts. Via [It’s Not All About “Me”: The Top Ten Techniques for Building Quick Rapport with Anyone](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B0060YIBLK/ref=as%5Fli%5Fss%5Ftl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=B0060YIBLK&linkCode=as2&tag=spacforrent-20 "undefined"): ## 10) Managing Your Own Expectations If you don’t manage your expectations properly it can lead to disappointment, resentment and anger. **Play it cool. Focus on the other person’s needs and don’t let your expectations rise.** Via [It’s Not All About “Me”: The Top Ten Techniques for Building Quick Rapport with Anyone](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B0060YIBLK/ref=as%5Fli%5Fss%5Ftl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=B0060YIBLK&linkCode=as2&tag=spacforrent-20 "undefined"): A number of the ten methods are similar to those espoused by other FBI specialists I have interviewed, including former head of international hostage negotiation, [Chris Voss](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/2013/01/interview-negotiation-secrets-learn-top-fbi-hostage-negotiator/ "undefined"), and FBI profiler [Jim Clemente](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/2013/10/fbi-profiler/ "undefined"). ## The Right Attitude And what does Robin say is the best attitude to take when trying to build rapport? **_Make sure the other person walks away better for having met you._** Via [It’s Not All About “Me”: The Top Ten Techniques for Building Quick Rapport with Anyone](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B0060YIBLK/ref=as%5Fli%5Fss%5Ftl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=B0060YIBLK&linkCode=as2&tag=spacforrent-20 "undefined"): **Join 45K+ readers.** Get a free weekly update via email [here](http://eepurl.com/o6uAD "undefined"). Related posts: [The top FBI hostage negotiator teaches you the art of persuasion](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/2013/01/interview-negotiation-secrets-learn-top-fbi-hostage-negotiator/ "undefined") [Persuasion expert Robert Cialdini explains the best ways to influence people](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/2013/06/robert-cialdini-influence/ "undefined") [6 hostage negotiation techniques that will get you what you want](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/2013/06/hostage-negotiation/ "undefined") _This piece originally appeared on_ [_Barking Up the Wrong Tree_](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/ "undefined")_._ ```json [{"@context":"https://schema.org","@type":"OpinionNewsArticle","@id":"https://time.com/98473/top-10-fbi-behavioral-unit-techniques-for-building-rapport-with-anyone/","mainEntityOfPage":{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"https://time.com/98473/top-10-fbi-behavioral-unit-techniques-for-building-rapport-with-anyone/"},"headline":"Top 10 FBI Behavioral Unit Techniques for Building Rapport With Anyone","datePublished":"2014-05-14T04:01:10.000Z","dateModified":"2026-04-13T08:54:05.841Z","description":"Robin Dreeke is head of the FBI’s Counterintelligence Behavioral Analysis Program. 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