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title: Top 10 FBI Behavioral Unit Techniques for Building Rapport With Anyone
description: Robin Dreeke is head of the FBI’s Counterintelligence Behavioral Analysis Program. In his book It’s Not All About “Me”: The Top Ten Techniques for Building...
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# Top 10 FBI Behavioral Unit Techniques for Building Rapport With Anyone

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by 

[Eric Barker](https://time.com/author/eric-barker/)


## Eric Barker


May 14, 2014 4:01 AM UTC

![The FBI building is seen in Miami.](https://static.time.com/v3/assets/bltea6093859af6183b/blt346953a4ea0ba4b0/69868f3dadae4401fc543118/fbi_building.jpg?branch=production&width=1200&quality=75&auto=webp&crop=3:2)

The FBI building is seen in Miami.

The FBI building is seen in Miami. Joe Raedle—Getty Images

by 

[Eric Barker](https://time.com/author/eric-barker/)


## Eric Barker


May 14, 2014 4:01 AM UTC

Robin Dreeke is head of the FBI’s Counterintelligence Behavioral Analysis Program.

In his book [It’s Not All About “Me”: The Top Ten Techniques for Building Quick Rapport with Anyone](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B0060YIBLK/ref=as%5Fli%5Fss%5Ftl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=B0060YIBLK&linkCode=as2&tag=spacforrent-20) he simply and clearly spells out methods for connecting with people.

Here’s a quick breakdown of the methods.

## 1) Establish artificial time constraints

Nobody wants to feel trapped in an awkward conversation with a stranger.

Robin often begins a conversation with something along the lines of **“I’m on my way out but before I left I wanted to ask you…”**

Via [It’s Not All About “Me”: The Top Ten Techniques for Building Quick Rapport with Anyone](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B0060YIBLK/ref=as%5Fli%5Fss%5Ftl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=B0060YIBLK&linkCode=as2&tag=spacforrent-20):

## 2) Make Sure Your Body Language is In Sync

**Make sure your words and body language are aligned and both are non-threatening.**

A simple smile is the most powerful nonverbal technique, as [Dale Carnegie](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/2013/01/truth-dale-carnegies-how-win-friends-influence-people/) let us know.

Via [It’s Not All About “Me”: The Top Ten Techniques for Building Quick Rapport with Anyone](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B0060YIBLK/ref=as%5Fli%5Fss%5Ftl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=B0060YIBLK&linkCode=as2&tag=spacforrent-20):

## 3) Speak Slowly

Quick speech can sound nervous and jumpy, not confident. Crazy people speak quickly; self-assured people speak slowly.

Via [It’s Not All About “Me”: The Top Ten Techniques for Building Quick Rapport with Anyone](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B0060YIBLK/ref=as%5Fli%5Fss%5Ftl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=B0060YIBLK&linkCode=as2&tag=spacforrent-20):

## 4) Ask For Help

**When a request is small, we naturally feel a connection to those who ask us for help.**

Via [It’s Not All About “Me”: The Top Ten Techniques for Building Quick Rapport with Anyone](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B0060YIBLK/ref=as%5Fli%5Fss%5Ftl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=B0060YIBLK&linkCode=as2&tag=spacforrent-20):

## 5) Suspend Your Ego

Avoid correcting people or anything that could be interpreted as one-upmanship.

**Just listen. You don’t** **_need_** **to tell your story; just encourage them to keep telling theirs.**


Via [It’s Not All About “Me”: The Top Ten Techniques for Building Quick Rapport with Anyone](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B0060YIBLK/ref=as%5Fli%5Fss%5Ftl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=B0060YIBLK&linkCode=as2&tag=spacforrent-20):

## 6) Validate Others

**The simplest way to do this is to listen.**

Via [It’s Not All About “Me”: The Top Ten Techniques for Building Quick Rapport with Anyone](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B0060YIBLK/ref=as%5Fli%5Fss%5Ftl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=B0060YIBLK&linkCode=as2&tag=spacforrent-20):

## 7) Ask: How? When? Why?

**Ask open-ended questions.**

Via [It’s Not All About “Me”: The Top Ten Techniques for Building Quick Rapport with Anyone](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B0060YIBLK/ref=as%5Fli%5Fss%5Ftl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=B0060YIBLK&linkCode=as2&tag=spacforrent-20):

Dreeke also recommends using a number of standard FBI active listening techniques you can read about [here](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/2013/06/hostage-negotiation/).

## 8) Quid Pro Quo

Some people don’t speak much. Other times you listen too well and people feel self-conscious about talking so much.

**In these two cases it’s good to give a piece of personal information for every one they reveal to get a flow going.** 

Via [It’s Not All About “Me”: The Top Ten Techniques for Building Quick Rapport with Anyone](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B0060YIBLK/ref=as%5Fli%5Fss%5Ftl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=B0060YIBLK&linkCode=as2&tag=spacforrent-20):

## 9) Give A Gift

[**Reciprocation is deeply wired into human nature**](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/2013/06/robert-cialdini-influence/)**. When you offer people something, they will naturally feel the need to help you in return.**


Doesn’t have to be a big box with a bow on it. Offering someone anything, tangible or not, counts.

Via [It’s Not All About “Me”: The Top Ten Techniques for Building Quick Rapport with Anyone](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B0060YIBLK/ref=as%5Fli%5Fss%5Ftl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=B0060YIBLK&linkCode=as2&tag=spacforrent-20):

## 10) Managing Your Own Expectations

If you don’t manage your expectations properly it can lead to disappointment, resentment and anger.

**Play it cool. Focus on the other person’s needs and don’t let your expectations rise.**

Via [It’s Not All About “Me”: The Top Ten Techniques for Building Quick Rapport with Anyone](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B0060YIBLK/ref=as%5Fli%5Fss%5Ftl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=B0060YIBLK&linkCode=as2&tag=spacforrent-20):

A number of the ten methods are similar to those espoused by other FBI specialists I have interviewed, including former head of international hostage negotiation, [Chris Voss](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/2013/01/interview-negotiation-secrets-learn-top-fbi-hostage-negotiator/), and FBI profiler [Jim Clemente](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/2013/10/fbi-profiler/).

## The Right Attitude

And what does Robin say is the best attitude to take when trying to build rapport? **_Make sure the other person walks away better for having met you._**

Via [It’s Not All About “Me”: The Top Ten Techniques for Building Quick Rapport with Anyone](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B0060YIBLK/ref=as%5Fli%5Fss%5Ftl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=B0060YIBLK&linkCode=as2&tag=spacforrent-20):


**Join 45K+ readers.** Get a free weekly update via email [here](http://eepurl.com/o6uAD).

Related posts:

[The top FBI hostage negotiator teaches you the art of persuasion](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/2013/01/interview-negotiation-secrets-learn-top-fbi-hostage-negotiator/)

[Persuasion expert Robert Cialdini explains the best ways to influence people](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/2013/06/robert-cialdini-influence/)

[6 hostage negotiation techniques that will get you what you want](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/2013/06/hostage-negotiation/)

_This piece originally appeared on_ [_Barking Up the Wrong Tree_](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/)_._

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