--- ---  # Good Parenting Skills: 7 Research-Backed Ways to Raise Kids Right ## Video: Attachment Parenting: Dr. Sears and the Origins of a Movement [Watch (HLS stream): Attachment Parenting: Dr. Sears and the Origins of a Movement](https://cdn.jwplayer.com/manifests/yMNteD4K.m3u8) (4:11)  _Published 2012-05-10. TIME reporter Kate Pickert explains how 'The Baby Book' author Dr. Sears' controversial ideas on parenting have trickled into the mainstream_ by [Eric Barker](https://time.com/author/eric-barker/) ## Eric Barker May 10, 2014 11:00 AM UTC  Daughter kissing mother outdoors Daughter kissing mother outdoorsOliver Rossi—Getty Images by [Eric Barker](https://time.com/author/eric-barker/) ## Eric Barker May 10, 2014 11:00 AM UTC **I’ve posted about the research behind** [**happy families**](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/2013/10/how-to-have-a-happy-family/) **and** [**solid marriages**](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/2013/10/recipe-for-a-happy-marriage-2/)**, but what does science say about good parenting skills?** Po Bronson and Ashley Merryman do an excellent job of rounding up the latest research in their book, [NurtureShock: New Thinking About Children](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0446504130/ref=as%5Fli%5Fss%5Ftl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=0446504130&linkCode=as2&tag=spacforrent-20). Here are my highlights: ## 1) Praise Kids For Effort, Not Smarts **Praise kids for something they can easily control —** [**the amount of effort they put in**](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/2013/10/how-to-be-more-confident/)**.** This teaches them to persist and that improvement is possible. Via [NurtureShock: New Thinking About Children](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0446504130/ref=as%5Fli%5Fss%5Ftl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=0446504130&linkCode=as2&tag=spacforrent-20): But praising too often can be a problem. **If a child’s persistence is based only on rewards like praise; when the praise stops, the effort stops.** **Best thing to do? Be like a slot machine. Praise intermittently.** Via [NurtureShock: New Thinking About Children](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0446504130/ref=as%5Fli%5Fss%5Ftl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=0446504130&linkCode=as2&tag=spacforrent-20): ## 2) Make Sure They Get Their Sleep **Losing an hour of sleep reduces your sixth-grader’s intelligence to that of a fourth-grader.** Via [NurtureShock: New Thinking About Children](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0446504130/ref=as%5Fli%5Fss%5Ftl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=0446504130&linkCode=as2&tag=spacforrent-20): If continued long enough, **sleep issues can cause permanent problems**. Teens surliness may actually be due to chronic sleep deprivation. Via [NurtureShock: New Thinking About Children](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0446504130/ref=as%5Fli%5Fss%5Ftl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=0446504130&linkCode=as2&tag=spacforrent-20): **And staying up late on the weekends is problematic too.** Weekend shift causes a drop of 7 IQ points — the equivalent of lead exposure. Via [NurtureShock: New Thinking About Children](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0446504130/ref=as%5Fli%5Fss%5Ftl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=0446504130&linkCode=as2&tag=spacforrent-20): A study of over 3000 high school students showed **a clear correlation between sleep and grades.** Via [NurtureShock: New Thinking About Children](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0446504130/ref=as%5Fli%5Fss%5Ftl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=0446504130&linkCode=as2&tag=spacforrent-20): (More on good sleep [here](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/2013/09/sleep-astronauts/).) ## 3) How To Raise Honest Kids **No, you don’t know when your kid is lying.** That’s your parental ego. Via [NurtureShock: New Thinking About Children](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0446504130/ref=as%5Fli%5Fss%5Ftl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=0446504130&linkCode=as2&tag=spacforrent-20): Kids want to please you. **Tell them that the truth** **makes you happy** **– not just the right answer — and you’re more likely to get the truth.** Via [NurtureShock: New Thinking About Children](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0446504130/ref=as%5Fli%5Fss%5Ftl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=0446504130&linkCode=as2&tag=spacforrent-20): **What’s a quick trick for getting your kid to be honest?** **Say:** **_“I’m about to ask you a question. But before I do that, will you promise to tell the truth?”_** Via [NurtureShock: New Thinking About Children](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0446504130/ref=as%5Fli%5Fss%5Ftl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=0446504130&linkCode=as2&tag=spacforrent-20): ## 4) Kids Need Rules **It’s a myth that being too strict causes rebellion and being permissive equals better behavior.** Via [NurtureShock: New Thinking About Children](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0446504130/ref=as%5Fli%5Fss%5Ftl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=0446504130&linkCode=as2&tag=spacforrent-20): **Parents who set ground rules and consistently enforce them were also the parents who were the warmest.** **And their children lied less than most kids.** Via [NurtureShock: New Thinking About Children](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0446504130/ref=as%5Fli%5Fss%5Ftl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=0446504130&linkCode=as2&tag=spacforrent-20): That doesn’t mean you should be a [Tiger Mom](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B004CLYKLI/ref=as%5Fli%5Fss%5Ftl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=B004CLYKLI&linkCode=as2&tag=spacforrent-20). **Parents that are too controlling = kids that are bored. And bored kids are the ones who drink and do drugs** Via [NurtureShock: New Thinking About Children](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0446504130/ref=as%5Fli%5Fss%5Ftl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=0446504130&linkCode=as2&tag=spacforrent-20): ## 5) Arguing With Teens Is Normal — And Healthy **Moderate conflict with teens produces better adjustment than none.** Via [NurtureShock: New Thinking About Children](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0446504130/ref=as%5Fli%5Fss%5Ftl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=0446504130&linkCode=as2&tag=spacforrent-20): More than 3/4 of daughters felt arguments with their mother strengthened the relationship. Via [NurtureShock: New Thinking About Children](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0446504130/ref=as%5Fli%5Fss%5Ftl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=0446504130&linkCode=as2&tag=spacforrent-20): ## 6) Fighting In Front Of The Kids Can Be Good **Fighting with your spouse in front of the kids can be a good thing — if the children see the argument resolved in front of them.** Fighting and sending the kids away before it’s resolved — that’s what causes problems. Via [NurtureShock: New Thinking About Children](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0446504130/ref=as%5Fli%5Fss%5Ftl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=0446504130&linkCode=as2&tag=spacforrent-20): ## 7) A Gratitude Journal Works Magic I’ve posted before about the incredible benefits of [keeping a gratitude journal](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/2013/09/how-to-live-a-happy-life/). It works for kids too. **Students who kept a gratitude journal were happier, more optimistic, and healthier.** Via [NurtureShock: New Thinking About Children](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0446504130/ref=as%5Fli%5Fss%5Ftl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=0446504130&linkCode=as2&tag=spacforrent-20): ### These Kids Want to Show You Their Favorite Toys  Ralf, 4 Riga, Latvia Gabriele Galimberti—INSTITUTE  Allenah, 4 El Nido, Philippines Gabriele Galimberti—INSTITUTE  Maudy, 3 Kalulushi, Zambia Gabriele Galimberti—INSTITUTE  Watcharapon, 3 Bangkok, Thailand Gabriele Galimberti—INSTITUTE  Reania, 5 Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia Gabriele Galimberti—INSTITUTE  Pavel, 5 Kiev, Ukraine Gabriele Galimberti—INSTITUTE  Bethsaida, 6 Port-au-Prince, Haiti Gabriele Galimberti—INSTITUTE  Julia, 3 Tirana, Albania Gabriele Galimberti—INSTITUTE  Abel, 4 Nopaltepec, Mexico Gabriele Galimberti—INSTITUTE  Shotaro, 5 Tokyo, Japan Gabriele Galimberti—INSTITUTE  Noel, 5 South Dallas, Texas Gabriele Galimberti—INSTITUTE  Roxane, 5 Paris, France Gabriele Galimberti—INSTITUTE ## What Next? Here are three other research-backed posts that can help build a great family: 1. [How To Have A Happy Family – 7 Tips Backed By Research](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/2013/10/how-to-have-a-happy-family/) 2. [Recipe For A Happy Marriage: The 7 Scientific Secrets](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/2013/10/recipe-for-a-happy-marriage-2/) 3. [Parent myths: How much of what your parents told you was wrong?](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/2013/06/parent-myths/) **For more helpful tips, join 45K+ other readers and get my free weekly update via email** [**here**](http://eepurl.com/o6uAD)**.** _This piece originally appeared on_ [_Barking Up the Wrong Tree_](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/)_._ Happy Mother's Day! 7 Research-Backed Ways to Raise Kids Right ```json [{"@context":"https://schema.org","@type":"OpinionNewsArticle","@id":"https://time.com/90954/mothers-day-parenting-skills/","mainEntityOfPage":{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"https://time.com/90954/mothers-day-parenting-skills/"},"headline":"Good Parenting Skills: 7 Research-Backed Ways to Raise Kids Right","datePublished":"2014-05-10T11:00:38.000Z","dateModified":"2026-08-04T07:38:17.449Z","description":"I’ve posted about the research behind happy families and solid marriages, but what does science say about good parenting skills? 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