--- description: Who Hasn’t Wanted To Be Cool? We’ve all wanted to be cool. But research shows that it’s not merely a shallow desire. Cool makes a... title: How to Be Cool: 5 Research-Backed Tips image: https://static.time.com/v3/assets/bltea6093859af6183b/bltde093bcdab65f2d0/6988d9b9bc6cfc69913e2a3c/time-logo.jpg?branch=production --- * [Ideas](/section/ideas/) ## Ideas Update your preferences in [Account Settings](/account/preferences/) Close * [Psychology](/tag/psychology/) ## Psychology Update your preferences in [Account Settings](/account/preferences/) Close # How to Be Cool: 5 Research-Backed Tips by [Eric Barker](/author/eric-barker/) ## Eric Barker Update your preferences in [Account Settings](/account/preferences/) Close May 1, 2014 4:01 AM CUT by [Eric Barker](/author/eric-barker/) ## Eric Barker Update your preferences in [Account Settings](/account/preferences/) Close May 1, 2014 4:01 AM CUT ## **Who Hasn’t Wanted To Be Cool?** We’ve all wanted to be cool. But research shows that it’s not merely a shallow desire. Cool makes a difference in life. For instance, **charismatic leaders bring out people’s best.** Via [The Charisma Myth: How Anyone Can Master the Art and Science of Personal Magnetism](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1591844568/ref=as%5Fli%5Fss%5Ftl?ie=UTF8&tag=spacforrent-20&linkCode=as2&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=1591844568 "undefined"): --- > “” --- **But can we become more cool if we try?** Yes. Fake it until you make it [works](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/2013/03/fake-it-until-you-make-it/ "undefined"). As Olivia Fox Cabane, author of [The Charisma Myth](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1591844568/ref=as%5Fli%5Fss%5Ftl?ie=UTF8&tag=spacforrent-20&linkCode=as2&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=1591844568 "undefined"), explains, **attitude can be** [**taught and improved**](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/2013/03/interview-olivia-teaches-charismatic/ "undefined")**:** --- > “” --- So what is cool and how can we embody it? ## **1) Less** **If I had to sum up cool in a word it would be:** **_less_** **.** Cool doesn’t try too hard. Thing is, [trying](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/2012/05/whats-an-absurdly-easy-way-to-improve-all-you/ "undefined") is very effective in life and especially in relationships. So what gives? By not trying, cool people signal, “I’m so smooth, [I don’t have to try](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/2011/08/why-do-the-best-need-a-handicap-to-show-theyr/ "undefined") to get what I want.” **As Olivia Fox-Cabane points out: James Bond doesn’t plead, smile or fidget. He speaks** [**slowly and calmly**](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/2012/04/3-quick-tips-for-being-more-charismatic/ "undefined")**.** Via [The Charisma Myth: How Anyone Can Master the Art and Science of Personal Magnetism](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1591844568/ref=as%5Fli%5Fss%5Ftl?ie=UTF8&tag=spacforrent-20&linkCode=as2&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=1591844568 "undefined"): --- > “” --- (More on the science behind why James Bond is so sexy [here](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/2012/05/10-ways-science-explains-why-james-bond-is-so/ "undefined").) ### 5 Horrible Habits You Need to Stop Right Now  Do Not Email First Thing in the Morning or Last Thing at Night “The former scrambles your priorities and all your plans for the day and the latter just gives you insomnia,” says Ferriss, who insists “email can wait until 10am” or after you check off at least one substantive to-do list item. Chris Pecoraro—Getty Images  Do Not Agree to Meetings or Calls With No Clear Agenda or End Time “If the desired outcome is defined clearly… and there’s an agenda listing topics–questions to cover–no meeting or call should last more than 30 minutes,” claims Ferriss, so “request them in advance so you can ‘best prepare and make good use of our time together.'” Sam Edwards—Getty Images/Caiaimage  Do Not Check Email Constantly Batch it and check it only periodically at set times (Ferriss goes for twice a day). Your inbox is analogous to a cocaine pellet dispenser, says Ferriss. Don’t be an addict. Tools like strategic use of the auto responder and Boomerang can help. Jetta Productions—Getty Images  Do Not Carry a Digital Leash 24/7 At least one day a week leave you smartphone somewhere where you can’t get easy access to it. If you’re gasping, you’re probably the type of person that most needs to do kick this particular habit. by nacoki ( MEDIA ARC )—Getty Images/Flickr RF  Do Not Let People Ramble Sounds harsh, but it’s necessary, Ferriss believes. “Small talk takes up big time,” he says, so when people start to tell you about their weekends, cut them off politely with something like “I’m in the middle of something, but what’s up?” But be aware, not everyone agrees with this one (and certainly not in every situation), and you may want to pay particularly close attention to norms around chit chat when traveling internationally. Reza Estakhrian—Getty Images ## **2) Confidence** Want to know a quick trick for getting people to like you? [Assume they already do](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/2011/07/a-quick-easy-trick-for-getting-people-to-like/ "undefined"). **Yes,** [**we all love confidence**](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/2011/11/do-we-prefer-confidence-or-expertise/ "undefined")**. Combine** **_doing less_** **with supreme confidence and you have the essence of cool.** Researchers gave people a course in charisma and one of the factors that produced results was [acting confident](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/2011/10/how-can-you-learn-to-be-more-charismatic/ "undefined"). It’s no surprise, but research shows [self-esteem is sexy](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/2012/01/is-self-esteem-sexy/ "undefined") and [looking stressed is not](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/2011/09/is-stress-sexy/ "undefined"). For men, [modesty](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/2010/06/should-a-man-be-modest/ "undefined") can actually be a negative: --- > “” --- (More on how to increase confidence [here](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/2013/10/how-to-be-more-confident/ "undefined").) ## **3) Know The Rules — And Break Them** People who are cool aren’t oblivious to proper behavior, in fact, they’re socially savvy. But they deliberately break the rules when it benefits them. In the paper “Coolness: An Empirical Investigation” **rebelliousness was found to be a key component of cool:** --- > “” --- Why is rule breaking cool? Breaking the rules [makes you appear powerful](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/2011/03/another-way-to-appear-more-powerful/ "undefined"). (More on how to appear powerful [here](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/2013/07/leadership-effectiveness/ "undefined").) ## **4) Focus On Attitude And Body Language Will Follow** Are my hands fidgeting? Am I biting my lip? Am I nodding too much? Is my speech slow enough? …That’s enough to drive you insane. **As** [**Fox-Cabane explains**](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/2013/03/interview-olivia-teaches-charismatic/ "undefined")**, there’s no way to monitor and optimize what every part of your body is doing. It’s just too much:** --- > “” --- So how do we make our body language more cool? **By** [**feeling cool**](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/2013/03/interview-olivia-teaches-charismatic/ "undefined") **on the inside, our body language will reflect that:** --- > “” --- (More on how to read people’s body language [here](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/2012/10/4-secrets-to-reading-body-language-like-an-ex/ "undefined").) ## **5) Cool Isn’t Always The Coolest** **Being cool may be a positive but don’t assume it’s the best attitude for** **all** **situations. There is no single perfect way to be.** Being distant creates intrigue but the power of [showing interest in others](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/2013/01/truth-dale-carnegies-how-win-friends-influence-people/ "undefined") has been scientifically validated [over](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/2013/11/how-to-make-friends-easily/ "undefined") and [over](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/2013/11/rapport-building-skills/ "undefined") again. Sometimes [being an outright jerk](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/2011/12/do-young-women-prefer-dating-jerks-or-nice-gu/ "undefined") pays big dividends. Ironically, so does [vulnerability](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/2012/11/5-secrets-clicking-people/ "undefined"). **While seeming detached and calm has its benefits, so does being** [**very enthusiastic.**](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/2013/12/do-not-curb-your-enthusiasm/ "undefined") Via [The Tell: The Little Clues That Reveal Big Truths about Who We Are](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00BKRW51E/?tag=spacforrent-20 "undefined"): --- > “” --- (More on when nice guys finish first — or last — [here](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/2013/05/nice-guys-finish-last/ "undefined").) ## **Sum Up** Let’s round it all up: 1. **Less** 2. **Be Confident** 3. **Know The Rules And Break Them** 4. **Focus On Attitude And Body Language Will Follow** 5. **Cool Isn’t Always The Coolest.** Now get out there and be cool… but don’t try _too_ hard. **Join 45K+ readers.** Get a free weekly update via email [here](http://eepurl.com/o6uAD "undefined"). Related posts: [Science Of Sexy: 5 Things That Can Make You Irresistible](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/2013/11/science-of-sexy/ "undefined") [How To Make Friends Easily And Strengthen The Friendships You Have](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/2013/11/how-to-make-friends-easily/ "undefined") [4 Lifehacks From Ancient Philosophers That Will Make You Happier](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/2014/01/ancient-philosophers/ "undefined") _This piece originally appeared on_ [_Barking Up the Wrong Tree_](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/2014/02/how-to-be-cool/ "undefined")_._ ```json [{"@context":"https://schema.org","@type":"OpinionNewsArticle","@id":"https://time.com/82905/how-to-be-cool-5-research-backed-tips/","mainEntityOfPage":{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"https://time.com/82905/how-to-be-cool-5-research-backed-tips/"},"headline":"How to Be Cool: 5 Research-Backed Tips","datePublished":"2014-05-01T04:01:25.000Z","dateModified":"2026-05-11T04:43:10.841Z","description":"Who Hasn’t Wanted To Be Cool? We’ve all wanted to be cool. But research shows that it’s not merely a shallow desire. Cool makes a...","url":"https://time.com/82905/how-to-be-cool-5-research-backed-tips/","keywords":["Psychology","personality"],"thumbnailUrl":"","author":[{"@type":"Person","name":"Eric Barker","jobTitle":null,"url":"https://time.com/author/eric-barker/"}],"articleSection":"Ideas","image":[],"publisher":{"@type":"Organization","name":"Time","url":"https://time.com/","logo":{"@type":"ImageObject","url":"https://time.com/images/logo.png","width":528,"height":156},"foundingDate":"March 3, 1923","sameAs":["https://www.facebook.com/time","https://www.instagram.com/time/?hl=en","https://twitter.com/time","https://www.pinterest.com/timemagazine"]}},{"@context":"https://schema.org","@type":"BreadcrumbList","itemListElement":[{"@type":"ListItem","position":1,"item":{"@id":"/section/ideas/","name":"Ideas"}},{"@type":"ListItem","position":2,"item":{"@id":"/tag/psychology/","name":"Psychology"}},{"@type":"ListItem","position":3,"item":{"@id":"https://time.com/82905/how-to-be-cool-5-research-backed-tips/","name":"How to Be Cool: 5 Research-Backed Tips"}}]}] ```