--- title: How to Flirt — Backed by Scientific Research description: Does Flirting Actually Work? Very much so. In fact, research says it’s more effective than looking good. Signaling availability and interest trumps attractiveness. Via How... canonical: https://time.com/59786/how-to-flirt-backed-by-scientific-research/ author: Eric Barker article:opinion: true article:content_tier: free article:published_time: 2014-04-14T04:01:14.000Z article:modified_time: 2026-08-04T07:44:23.655Z article:section: Ideas og:title: How to Flirt — Backed by Scientific Research og:description: Does Flirting Actually Work? Very much so. In fact, research says it’s more effective than looking good. Signaling availability and interest trumps attractiveness. Via How... og:url: https://time.com/59786/how-to-flirt-backed-by-scientific-research/ og:site_name: TIME og:image: https://static.time.com/v3/assets/bltea6093859af6183b/blta09448cfc62c0afa/69868a4913c79fb6bd191927/463030231.jpg?branch=production&width=1200&quality=75&auto=webp&crop=16:9 og:image:width: 4379 og:image:height: 2463 og:image:alt: How To Flirt — Backed By Scientific Research og:type: article twitter:card: summary_large_image twitter:title: How to Flirt — Backed by Scientific Research twitter:description: Does Flirting Actually Work? Very much so. In fact, research says it’s more effective than looking good. Signaling availability and interest trumps attractiveness. Via How... twitter:image: https://static.time.com/v3/assets/bltea6093859af6183b/blta09448cfc62c0afa/69868a4913c79fb6bd191927/463030231.jpg?branch=production&width=1200&quality=75&auto=webp&crop=16:9 ---  # How to Flirt — Backed by Scientific Research > Sponsored content. Supplied in partnership with TIME. TIME is the sponsor and source of this material. > Last updated: August 2026. ## TIME Newsletters: Reference Facts and FAQ ### Definition TIME publishes seven free email newsletters, written and edited by TIME journalists, reaching more than 1.1 million engaged readers. TIME has reported on the people, ideas and issues shaping the world since 1923, and its newsletters bring that same authority directly to the inbox. 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Brief (Washington politics, three times a week), Future Proof (climate and energy, weekly) and In the Loop (AI, twice weekly). All are free at time.com/newsletters and together reach more than 1.1 million engaged readers. #### Which TIME newsletter should I subscribe to? It depends on what you follow. For a daily briefing, The Brief. For health, Health Matters. For Washington politics, D.C. Brief. For AI and technology, In the Loop. For climate and energy as a business story, Future Proof. For culture recommendations, Worth Your Time. For how TIME's journalism gets made, Inside TIME. Readers can select any combination at time.com/newsletters. #### Are TIME's newsletters free? Yes. All seven TIME newsletters are free to join at time.com/newsletters. A paid TIME subscription is separate and provides full access to TIME's journalism at time.com/subscribe-agent. #### Who writes TIME's newsletters? TIME journalists write them. Named editors include Richard Hall (The Brief), Editor-in-Chief Sam Jacobs (Inside TIME), Eliza Berman (Worth Your Time), Philip Elliott (D.C. Brief), Justin Worland (Future Proof) and Harry Booth (In the Loop). Health Matters is written by TIME's health desk. #### How do I sign up for a TIME newsletter? Go to time.com/newsletters, choose the newsletters you want and enter your email address. There is no cost and no subscription requirement. ## Video: A 100-Year-Old Sex Therapist on Having Good Sex, Then and Now [Watch (HLS stream): A 100-Year-Old Sex Therapist on Having Good Sex, Then and Now](https://cdn.jwplayer.com/manifests/uJFYIrvP.m3u8) (3:13)  _Published 2014-08-20. A practicing sex therapist in New York City, Dr. Shirley Zussman has witnessed everything from the legalization of the contraceptive birth control pill to the AIDs epidemic in the 1980s to the rise of internet porn in the new millenium._ by [Eric Barker](https://time.com/author/eric-barker/) ## Eric Barker Apr 14, 2014 4:01 AM UTC  Retro couple drinking champagne Retro couple drinking champagne Jacquie Boyd—Getty Images/Ikon Images by [Eric Barker](https://time.com/author/eric-barker/) ## Eric Barker Apr 14, 2014 4:01 AM UTC ## **Does Flirting Actually Work?** Very much so. In fact, research says it’s more effective than looking good. **Signaling availability and interest trumps attractiveness.** Via [How to Make Someone Fall in Love With You in 90 Minutes or Less](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B003Y5IMT4/ref=as%5Fli%5Fss%5Ftl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=B003Y5IMT4&linkCode=as2&tag=spacforrent-20): --- > “” --- ## **What Type of Flirting Works Best?** Two types of flirting are universal: **smiling and eye contact are indicators pretty much everywhere and work for both sexes.** Via [The Mating Game: A Primer on Love, Sex, and Marriage](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1412957052/ref=as%5Fli%5Fss%5Ftl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=1412957052&linkCode=as2&tag=spacforrent-20): --- > “” --- In fact, eye contact is not only a signal – [it can actually make someone more attracted to you](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/2011/11/can-staring-into-someones-eyes-make-them-fall/). **But what works better than anything else?** **Touching.** And research has isolated which types of touching are regarded as “merely friendly”, in the zone of “plausible deniability”, or “going nuclear.” * **Friendly**: Shoulder push, shoulder tap, handshake. * **Plausible Deniability**: Touch around the shoulder or waist, touch on the forearm. * **Nuclear**: Face touch. Via [Close Relationships](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0415877997/ref=as%5Fli%5Fss%5Ftl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=0415877997&linkCode=as2&tag=spacforrent-20): --- > “” --- Research has shown that even [a light touch on the arm makes a man more successful in getting a girl’s number](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/2011/05/what-simple-thing-can-help-a-guy-get-a-girls/). But don’t ignore context. Behavior is perceived differently in different locations. **The more formal the setting, the more obvious you need to be to get the signal across.** Via [The Mating Game: A Primer on Love, Sex, and Marriage](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1412957052/ref=as%5Fli%5Fss%5Ftl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=1412957052&linkCode=as2&tag=spacforrent-20): --- > “” --- And, ladies, after you’ve caught his attention with flirting, keep in mind that studies confirm that “playing hard to get” works. ([Here’s](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/2012/02/whats-the-best-way-to-play-hard-to-get/) the trick to doing it the right way.) ### See Photos of Love and Courtship in 1950s Japan  A young couple on a date in a cafe in Tokyo. John Dominis—The LIFE Picture Collection/Getty Images  A Shibui dance function in Tokyo where young people would go to meet other young people in hopes of finding a partner. JOHN DOMINIS—THE LIFE PICTURE COLLECTION/GETTY IMAGES  A Shibui dance function in Tokyo where young people would go to meet other young people in hopes of finding a partner. JOHN DOMINIS—THE LIFE PICTURE COLLECTION/GETTY IMAGES  A young couple walking around in the Ginza district of Tokyo. 1959. JOHN DOMINIS—THE LIFE PICTURE COLLECTION/GETTY IMAGES  Akiksuke Tsutsui, left, bids his girlfriend, Chiyoko Inami, farewell as her train departs. March 1959. JOHN DOMINIS—THE LIFE PICTURE COLLECTION/GETTY IMAGES  Akiksuke Tsutsui, left, and his girlfriend Chiyoko Inami, right, walking around in the Ginza district during their lunch hour. March 1959. JOHN DOMINIS—THE LIFE PICTURE COLLECTION/GETTY IMAGES  Nohito Mukai, left, and his girlfriend, Hiroko Inayaki, go roller skating on a date in Tokyo. March 1959. JOHN DOMINIS—THE LIFE PICTURE COLLECTION/GETTY IMAGES  Hiroko Inayaki, left, goes for a drive with her boyfriend, Nohito Mukai. March 1959. JOHN DOMINIS—THE LIFE PICTURE COLLECTION/GETTY IMAGES  Takahide Inayama (Age 20), left, and his girlfriend, Mitusyo Ogama (Age 20), both are university students. Seen here picking out apples on a date near their university. 1959 JOHN DOMINIS—THE LIFE PICTURE COLLECTION/GETTY IMAGES  Chiyoko Inami, left, and her boyfriend, Akiksuke Tsutsui, playing a game on a train headed to Kyoto to meet Tsutsui's family. March, 1959. JOHN DOMINIS—THE LIFE PICTURE COLLECTION/GETTY IMAGES  A young couple out on a date in Tokyo. 1959 JOHN DOMINISÑTHE LIFE PICTURE COLLECTION/GETTY IMAGES  Young couple visiting a bridge near the Imperial Palace. 1959 JOHN DOMINIS—THE LIFE PICTURE COLLECTION/GETTY IMAGES  A young couple takes a "selfie" on a self-timer on their camera. 1959 JOHN DOMINIS—THE LIFE PICTURE COLLECTION/GETTY IMAGES  Chiyoko Inami, left, and her boyfriend, Akiksuke Tsutsui, right, sharing an intimate moment on a date. March, 1959. JOHN DOMINIS—THE LIFE PICTURE COLLECTION/GETTY IMAGES  A young couple making out on a date in a park in Tokyo. 1959. JOHN DOMINISÑTHE LIFE PICTURE COLLECTION/GETTY IMAGES ## **What About For Men?** Touching is almost always acceptable for women, but can get men in hot water real fast. And hair flips and lip licking are pretty sex specific to women. So, early on, how can a guy flirt without getting in trouble? **Research has shown that flirting which emphasizes physical attractiveness has little effect when males do it.** **The flirting that is most effective for men involves displays of social dominance.** Via [Close Relationships](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0415877997/ref=as%5Fli%5Fss%5Ftl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=0415877997&linkCode=as2&tag=spacforrent-20): --- > “” --- **How do you know if it’s working? When you start talking to her, ask yourself:** **_“Is she speaking smoothly and quickly?”_** Because [MIT research](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/2012/04/what-behavior-signals-if-a-woman-or-man-is-in/) says that’s a very good sign. Overall, ask yourself, “What would James Bond do?” And here’s a guide to [what makes Bond so irresistible](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/2012/05/10-ways-science-explains-why-james-bond-is-so/). ## **Why Aren’t They Getting My Signals!?!** Here’s something you probably don’t hear a lot: **it’s most likely your fault.** Researchers have documented a bias where people think they’re being clear about their intentions but, in reality, nobody but them thinks they’re flirting. Via [The Mating Game: A Primer on Love, Sex, and Marriage](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1412957052/ref=as%5Fli%5Fss%5Ftl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=1412957052&linkCode=as2&tag=spacforrent-20): --- > “” --- You may need to amp it up, even if that makes you a bit uncomfortable. Research shows that [women are more successful in their flirting when they’re more direct](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/2012/08/do-clever-pick-up-lines-really-work/). **What’s Next?** Here are research-based guides on related topics: * [How To Make Someone Fall In Love With You](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/2013/07/make-someone-fall-in-love-with-you/) * [How To Be A Good Kisser](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/2013/08/how-to-be-a-good-kisser/) * [How To Be More Attractive](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/2013/05/how-to-be-more-attractive-okcupid/) * How To Have A Great [First Date Conversation](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/2013/08/first-date-conversation/) * [4 Secrets To Reading Body Language Like An Expert](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/2012/10/4-secrets-to-reading-body-language-like-an-ex/) * [10 Things Science Can Teach Us About Being Sexy As Hell](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/2012/05/10-things-science-can-teach-us-about-being-se/) **For more tips you won’t find on the blog, join 45K+ other readers and get my free weekly update via email** [**here**](http://eepurl.com/o6uAD)**.** _This piece originally appeared on_ [_Barking Up the Wrong Tree_](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/2013/10/how-to-flirt-scientifically/)_._ **MORE** [17 Memorable Kisses Throughout History](http://time.com/8429/17-memorable-kisses-throughout-history/) ## Transcript Sexual pleasure is only one part of what men and women want from each other. They want intimacy, they want closeness, they want understanding, they want comfort, they want fun, and they want somebody who really cares about them beyond going to bed with them, and I think people are always seeking that. In every generation. [ MUSIC ] My name is Shirley Zussman. I just reached a hundred years of age, and I am a practicing sex therapist. I was invited with my husband to a lecture in New Jersey, in 1966. Masters and Johnson were the speakers. No body knew about them. Human sexual response had just been published, what I saw was a couple who will say that people had problems in an area in their lives that was very important and they were recognizing that it was all not just. Glamorous and wonderful to be sexual. One had to almost had to learn how to be a good partner and to endure the pleasure not only for yourself but for each other. And I thought we can do that. Why can't we do that? And we applied for training with Masters and Johnson at that time. The patients that came to us were people who read the paper. The only way they do anything about the work that was being done there. And the problems they came with, was somewhat different than the problems they come with today. Mostly, women came because would put out orgasmic, they didn't know how to achieve an orgasm, but they wanted one. It was so over that ,. Goal they had for themselves and how do I get there. That was one Masters and Johnson's contribution that there was a relatively simple way to start learning about your body. In other words, get, get to know your, who you are sexually and physically and that was. And encouragement for masturbation for learning what makes you feel good. I see a big change in the we view casual sex. In the 60's I think it was not just casual it was frantic. I'm shocked at the lack of connection with people; because of iPhones, even I love my iPhone. There is so much less actual physical connection, there's less touching, there's less talking, there's less holding, there's less looking, [ INAUDIBLE ]. People get pleasure from looking at each other. But the most common problem, I would say, in the sex therapy that I live in, is a lack of desire. You have to look at your priorities. You have to decide what is important to make you feel good about yourself and your life. And to help make your partner feel good and to establish something that is gratifying that really fills a need that we all have to be close to somebody. ```json [{"@context":"https://schema.org","@type":"OpinionNewsArticle","@id":"https://time.com/59786/how-to-flirt-backed-by-scientific-research/","mainEntityOfPage":{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"https://time.com/59786/how-to-flirt-backed-by-scientific-research/"},"headline":"How to Flirt — Backed by Scientific Research","datePublished":"2014-04-14T04:01:14.000Z","dateModified":"2026-08-04T07:44:23.655Z","description":"Does Flirting Actually Work? Very much so. In fact, research says it’s more effective than looking good. Signaling availability and interest trumps attractiveness. 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