--- description: Does Flirting Actually Work? Very much so. In fact, research says it’s more effective than looking good. Signaling availability and interest trumps attractiveness. Via How... title: How to Flirt — Backed by Scientific Research image: https://static.time.com/v3/assets/bltea6093859af6183b/blta09448cfc62c0afa/69868a4913c79fb6bd191927/463030231.jpg?branch=production&width=3840&quality=75&auto=webp&crop=16:9 ---  * [Ideas](/section/ideas/) ## Ideas Update your preferences in [Account Settings](/account/preferences/) Close * [Psychology](/tag/psychology/) ## Psychology Update your preferences in [Account Settings](/account/preferences/) Close # How to Flirt — Backed by Scientific Research by [Eric Barker](/author/eric-barker/) ## Eric Barker Update your preferences in [Account Settings](/account/preferences/) Close Apr 14, 2014 4:01 AM CUT  Retro couple drinking champagne Retro couple drinking champagneJacquie Boyd—Getty Images/Ikon Images by [Eric Barker](/author/eric-barker/) ## Eric Barker Update your preferences in [Account Settings](/account/preferences/) Close Apr 14, 2014 4:01 AM CUT ## **Does Flirting Actually Work?** Very much so. In fact, research says it’s more effective than looking good. **Signaling availability and interest trumps attractiveness.** Via [How to Make Someone Fall in Love With You in 90 Minutes or Less](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B003Y5IMT4/ref=as%5Fli%5Fss%5Ftl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=B003Y5IMT4&linkCode=as2&tag=spacforrent-20 "undefined"): --- > “” --- ## **What Type of Flirting Works Best?** Two types of flirting are universal: **smiling and eye contact are indicators pretty much everywhere and work for both sexes.** Via [The Mating Game: A Primer on Love, Sex, and Marriage](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1412957052/ref=as%5Fli%5Fss%5Ftl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=1412957052&linkCode=as2&tag=spacforrent-20 "undefined"): --- > “” --- In fact, eye contact is not only a signal – [it can actually make someone more attracted to you](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/2011/11/can-staring-into-someones-eyes-make-them-fall/ "undefined"). **But what works better than anything else?** **Touching.** And research has isolated which types of touching are regarded as “merely friendly”, in the zone of “plausible deniability”, or “going nuclear.” * **Friendly**: Shoulder push, shoulder tap, handshake. * **Plausible Deniability**: Touch around the shoulder or waist, touch on the forearm. * **Nuclear**: Face touch. Via [Close Relationships](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0415877997/ref=as%5Fli%5Fss%5Ftl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=0415877997&linkCode=as2&tag=spacforrent-20 "undefined"): --- > “” --- Research has shown that even [a light touch on the arm makes a man more successful in getting a girl’s number](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/2011/05/what-simple-thing-can-help-a-guy-get-a-girls/ "undefined"). But don’t ignore context. Behavior is perceived differently in different locations. **The more formal the setting, the more obvious you need to be to get the signal across.** Via [The Mating Game: A Primer on Love, Sex, and Marriage](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1412957052/ref=as%5Fli%5Fss%5Ftl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=1412957052&linkCode=as2&tag=spacforrent-20 "undefined"): --- > “” --- And, ladies, after you’ve caught his attention with flirting, keep in mind that studies confirm that “playing hard to get” works. ([Here’s](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/2012/02/whats-the-best-way-to-play-hard-to-get/ "undefined") the trick to doing it the right way.) ### See Photos of Love and Courtship in 1950s Japan  A young couple on a date in a cafe in Tokyo. John Dominis—The LIFE Picture Collection/Getty Images  A Shibui dance function in Tokyo where young people would go to meet other young people in hopes of finding a partner. JOHN DOMINIS—THE LIFE PICTURE COLLECTION/GETTY IMAGES  A Shibui dance function in Tokyo where young people would go to meet other young people in hopes of finding a partner. JOHN DOMINIS—THE LIFE PICTURE COLLECTION/GETTY IMAGES  A young couple walking around in the Ginza district of Tokyo. 1959. JOHN DOMINIS—THE LIFE PICTURE COLLECTION/GETTY IMAGES  Akiksuke Tsutsui, left, bids his girlfriend, Chiyoko Inami, farewell as her train departs. March 1959. JOHN DOMINIS—THE LIFE PICTURE COLLECTION/GETTY IMAGES  Akiksuke Tsutsui, left, and his girlfriend Chiyoko Inami, right, walking around in the Ginza district during their lunch hour. March 1959. JOHN DOMINIS—THE LIFE PICTURE COLLECTION/GETTY IMAGES  Nohito Mukai, left, and his girlfriend, Hiroko Inayaki, go roller skating on a date in Tokyo. March 1959. JOHN DOMINIS—THE LIFE PICTURE COLLECTION/GETTY IMAGES  Hiroko Inayaki, left, goes for a drive with her boyfriend, Nohito Mukai. March 1959. JOHN DOMINIS—THE LIFE PICTURE COLLECTION/GETTY IMAGES  Takahide Inayama (Age 20), left, and his girlfriend, Mitusyo Ogama (Age 20), both are university students. Seen here picking out apples on a date near their university. 1959 JOHN DOMINIS—THE LIFE PICTURE COLLECTION/GETTY IMAGES  Chiyoko Inami, left, and her boyfriend, Akiksuke Tsutsui, playing a game on a train headed to Kyoto to meet Tsutsui's family. March, 1959. JOHN DOMINIS—THE LIFE PICTURE COLLECTION/GETTY IMAGES  A young couple out on a date in Tokyo. 1959 JOHN DOMINISÑTHE LIFE PICTURE COLLECTION/GETTY IMAGES  Young couple visiting a bridge near the Imperial Palace. 1959 JOHN DOMINIS—THE LIFE PICTURE COLLECTION/GETTY IMAGES  A young couple takes a "selfie" on a self-timer on their camera. 1959 JOHN DOMINIS—THE LIFE PICTURE COLLECTION/GETTY IMAGES  Chiyoko Inami, left, and her boyfriend, Akiksuke Tsutsui, right, sharing an intimate moment on a date. March, 1959. JOHN DOMINIS—THE LIFE PICTURE COLLECTION/GETTY IMAGES  A young couple making out on a date in a park in Tokyo. 1959. JOHN DOMINISÑTHE LIFE PICTURE COLLECTION/GETTY IMAGES ## **What About For Men?** Touching is almost always acceptable for women, but can get men in hot water real fast. And hair flips and lip licking are pretty sex specific to women. So, early on, how can a guy flirt without getting in trouble? **Research has shown that flirting which emphasizes physical attractiveness has little effect when males do it.** **The flirting that is most effective for men involves displays of social dominance.** Via [Close Relationships](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0415877997/ref=as%5Fli%5Fss%5Ftl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=0415877997&linkCode=as2&tag=spacforrent-20 "undefined"): --- > “” --- **How do you know if it’s working? When you start talking to her, ask yourself:** **_“Is she speaking smoothly and quickly?”_** Because [MIT research](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/2012/04/what-behavior-signals-if-a-woman-or-man-is-in/ "undefined") says that’s a very good sign. Overall, ask yourself, “What would James Bond do?” And here’s a guide to [what makes Bond so irresistible](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/2012/05/10-ways-science-explains-why-james-bond-is-so/ "undefined"). ## **Why Aren’t They Getting My Signals!?!** Here’s something you probably don’t hear a lot: **it’s most likely your fault.** Researchers have documented a bias where people think they’re being clear about their intentions but, in reality, nobody but them thinks they’re flirting. Via [The Mating Game: A Primer on Love, Sex, and Marriage](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1412957052/ref=as%5Fli%5Fss%5Ftl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=1412957052&linkCode=as2&tag=spacforrent-20 "undefined"): --- > “” --- You may need to amp it up, even if that makes you a bit uncomfortable. Research shows that [women are more successful in their flirting when they’re more direct](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/2012/08/do-clever-pick-up-lines-really-work/ "undefined"). **What’s Next?** Here are research-based guides on related topics: * [How To Make Someone Fall In Love With You](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/2013/07/make-someone-fall-in-love-with-you/ "undefined") * [How To Be A Good Kisser](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/2013/08/how-to-be-a-good-kisser/ "undefined") * [How To Be More Attractive](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/2013/05/how-to-be-more-attractive-okcupid/ "undefined") * How To Have A Great [First Date Conversation](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/2013/08/first-date-conversation/ "undefined") * [4 Secrets To Reading Body Language Like An Expert](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/2012/10/4-secrets-to-reading-body-language-like-an-ex/ "undefined") * [10 Things Science Can Teach Us About Being Sexy As Hell](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/2012/05/10-things-science-can-teach-us-about-being-se/ "undefined") **For more tips you won’t find on the blog, join 45K+ other readers and get my free weekly update via email** [**here**](http://eepurl.com/o6uAD "undefined")**.** _This piece originally appeared on_ [_Barking Up the Wrong Tree_](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/2013/10/how-to-flirt-scientifically/ "undefined")_._ **MORE** [17 Memorable Kisses Throughout History](http://time.com/8429/17-memorable-kisses-throughout-history/ "undefined") ```json [{"@context":"https://schema.org","@type":"OpinionNewsArticle","@id":"https://time.com/59786/how-to-flirt-backed-by-scientific-research/","mainEntityOfPage":{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"https://time.com/59786/how-to-flirt-backed-by-scientific-research/"},"headline":"How to Flirt — Backed by Scientific Research","datePublished":"2014-04-14T04:01:14.000Z","dateModified":"2026-05-11T04:43:11.454Z","description":"Does Flirting Actually Work? 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