Nothing Was Off Limits in Jimmy Kimmel’s Oscar Monologue. Here Are His Best Jokes

Jimmy Kimmel, who also hosted last year’s Oscars, kicked off his monologue Sunday night at the 90th Academy Awards by acknowledging that La La Land was accidentally announced as the Best Picture winner when in fact Moonlight had won, leading to an onstage debacle.

“This year when you hear your name called, don’t get up right away. Just give us a minute,” he warned the nominees.

“Last year about a week before the show, the producers asked me if I wanted to do comedy with the accountants, and I said ‘nah, I don’t want to do comedy with the accountants.’ So the accountants went ahead and did comedy on their own.”

Despite the fact that he initially said he wouldn’t joke about the #metoo movement in interviews before the show, Kimmel went on to skewer the pervasive culture of harassment in Hollywood. Of the Oscar statue, he said: “He keeps his hand where you can see them. Never says a rude word. And most importantly no penis at all. He’s literally a statue of limitations, and we need more men like that in Hollywood.”

“This is how clueless Hollywood is about women. We made a movie called What Women Want and it starred Mel Gibson,” he added.

On a serious note, he noted that portions of Sunday’s awards would be dedicated to the ##MeToo and Time’s Up movements fighting sexual harassment in the workplace. “If we can work together to stop sexual harassment in the workplace, women will only have to deal with harassment all the time every other place they go,” he said.

He then pivoted to acknowledge Black Panther’s recent success at the box office. He joked: “Black Panther and Wonder Woman were massive hits, which is almost a miracle because I remember a time when studio heads didn’t think a woman or a minority could open a superhero movie—and I remember that time because it was March of last year.”

He then went on to note that several nominees were making history that night, including Get Out creator Jordan Peele, the first person to be nominated for Best Original Screenplay, Best Director and Best Picture for a debut film. “None other than President Trump called Get Out the best first three quarters of a movie this year,” said Kimmel.

That wasn’t the only crack the host made about the White House. Acknowledging that Call Me By Your Name and several other Oscar-nominated films had modest returns at the box office, Kimmel said, “We don’t make films like Call Me By Your Name to make money. We make them to upset Mike Pence.”

Finally, he wrapped up the monologue by encouraging winners to keep their Oscar speeches short. In fact, he incentivized them with a special reward. He then revealed an actual jet ski, presented by legendary actress Helen Mirren.

“Helen Mirren, not included,” Kimmel added.