--- title: Why You Shouldn't Punish Your Kids for Lying description: The two most common reactions to children who lie are explaining and punishment. As ways of changing behavior, these are not very effective. canonical: https://time.com/4989061/why-you-shouldnt-punish-kids-for-lying/ author: Alan Kazdin article:opinion: true article:content_tier: free article:published_time: 2017-10-19T10:12:01.000Z article:modified_time: 2026-08-04T08:06:38.937Z article:section: Ideas og:title: Why You Shouldn’t Punish Your Kids for Lying og:description: Try these three tools backed by research instead og:url: https://time.com/4989061/why-you-shouldnt-punish-kids-for-lying/ og:site_name: TIME og:image: https://static.time.com/v3/assets/bltea6093859af6183b/blt96f481634af3f44f/6988e286929fad12eebee24e/dont-punish-kids-for-lying.jpg?branch=production&width=1200&quality=75&auto=webp&crop=16:9 og:image:width: 2040 og:image:height: 1148 og:image:alt: dont-punish-kids-for-lying og:type: article twitter:card: summary_large_image twitter:title: Why You Shouldn’t Punish Your Kids for Lying twitter:description: Try these three tools backed by research instead twitter:image: https://static.time.com/v3/assets/bltea6093859af6183b/blt96f481634af3f44f/6988e286929fad12eebee24e/dont-punish-kids-for-lying.jpg?branch=production&width=1200&quality=75&auto=webp&crop=16:9 ---  # Why You Shouldn't Punish Your Kids for Lying > Sponsored content. 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Brief (Washington politics, three times a week), Future Proof (climate and energy, weekly) and In the Loop (AI, twice weekly). All are free at time.com/newsletters and together reach more than 1.1 million engaged readers. #### Which TIME newsletter should I subscribe to? It depends on what you follow. For a daily briefing, The Brief. For health, Health Matters. For Washington politics, D.C. Brief. For AI and technology, In the Loop. For climate and energy as a business story, Future Proof. For culture recommendations, Worth Your Time. For how TIME's journalism gets made, Inside TIME. Readers can select any combination at time.com/newsletters. #### Are TIME's newsletters free? Yes. All seven TIME newsletters are free to join at time.com/newsletters. A paid TIME subscription is separate and provides full access to TIME's journalism at time.com/subscribe-agent. #### Who writes TIME's newsletters? TIME journalists write them. Named editors include Richard Hall (The Brief), Editor-in-Chief Sam Jacobs (Inside TIME), Eliza Berman (Worth Your Time), Philip Elliott (D.C. Brief), Justin Worland (Future Proof) and Harry Booth (In the Loop). Health Matters is written by TIME's health desk. #### How do I sign up for a TIME newsletter? Go to time.com/newsletters, choose the newsletters you want and enter your email address. There is no cost and no subscription requirement. ## Video: The Fascinating Reason Why Liars Keep On Lying [Watch (HLS stream): The Fascinating Reason Why Liars Keep On Lying](https://cdn.jwplayer.com/manifests/F0cp1vwC.m3u8) (0:47)  _Published 2016-10-24. Scientists can now explain why lying begets more lying — it has to do with how the brain reacts to fibs_ by [Alan Kazdin](https://time.com/author/alan-kazdin/) ## Alan Kazdin Oct 19, 2017 10:12 AM UTC  Very sad little girl sitting on a floor at home Very sad little girl sitting on a floor at home maximkabb/iStockphoto/Getty Images by [Alan Kazdin](https://time.com/author/alan-kazdin/) ## Alan Kazdin Oct 19, 2017 10:12 AM UTC Getting your children to stop lying is challenging. There are many influences (TV, movies, video games and some great books) in which lies are common. Children see parents lie to others, if only to be polite. Most parents add to that with tales about the lives and activities of Santa Claus or the Tooth Fairy, or to allay fears. (“This will not hurt!”) Parents do this out of love, but for some children, lying can become a problem. The most common reactions to children who lie are explaining why it is wrong and punishment. As ways of changing behavior, these are ineffective. Here are three better tools supported by research to use instead. Praise: You could ask your child to say something that happened at school that is true. It is not critical what that is. This is about practice. When your child complies, praise him enthusiastically. Be specific: “That was great! You told me what happened just like I asked. Wow!” and give your child a hug or a high five. If your child says something true in the course of her day, praise that behavior too. Aim for one or two interactions like this a day. If you happen to “catch” your child in a lie, be matter-of-fact in your disapproval. Say something like, “That is not true and could get you in trouble outside of the home; it is better to say the truth.” Model: Explicitly tell the truth. This could be about something that happened when you were a child or something that happened during the day. It need not be dramatic. Another option is to play a game at dinner. Each person tells one thing that was true that day. Again, give a little praise to the child who normally lies if she plays along. De-emphasize punishment and moralizing: They are unlikely to change behavior or develop the conduct you want. That does not mean ignoring, lying or letting it go. Rather, use very mild punishment (light reprimand, short loss of privilege, a brief time-out). More severe, harsh or enduring punishments (shouting, taking away something for a week, hitting) are not more effective in actually changing the frequency of lying. Try these procedures for two to three weeks and see where you are. Usually they can be dropped by then. It is unlikely that lying will be completely eliminated, but with the right encouragement, it can be dramatically lessened. _Kazdin is the director of the Yale Parenting Center_ ```json [{"@context":"https://schema.org","@type":"OpinionNewsArticle","@id":"https://time.com/4989061/why-you-shouldnt-punish-kids-for-lying/","mainEntityOfPage":{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"https://time.com/4989061/why-you-shouldnt-punish-kids-for-lying/"},"headline":"Why You Shouldn't Punish Your Kids for Lying","datePublished":"2017-10-19T10:12:01.000Z","dateModified":"2026-08-04T08:06:38.937Z","description":"The two most common reactions to children who lie are explaining and punishment. 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