--- title: 5 Easy Ways to Make Any Marriage Better description: If you don't have the time (or energy) to do any heavy lifting right now, there are a few shortcuts that can help improve things instantly. canonical: https://time.com/4975106/marriage-love-hacks/ author: TIME article:opinion: false article:content_tier: free article:published_time: 2017-10-11T12:00:36.000Z article:modified_time: 2026-02-23T17:47:23.361Z article:section: Health og:title: 5 Easy Ways to Make Any Marriage Better og:description: These simple strategies take just a few minutes, but the rewards are real og:url: https://time.com/4975106/marriage-love-hacks/ og:site_name: TIME og:image: https://static.time.com/v3/assets/bltea6093859af6183b/blte1b164db0dd39c60/6988e1267cdbacf7c3d5a679/couple-holding-hands.jpg?branch=production&width=1200&quality=75&auto=webp&crop=16:9 og:image:width: 5760 og:image:height: 3240 og:image:alt: Couple holding hands on beach og:type: article twitter:card: summary_large_image twitter:title: 5 Easy Ways to Make Any Marriage Better twitter:description: These simple strategies take just a few minutes, but the rewards are real twitter:image: https://static.time.com/v3/assets/bltea6093859af6183b/blte1b164db0dd39c60/6988e1267cdbacf7c3d5a679/couple-holding-hands.jpg?branch=production&width=1200&quality=75&auto=webp&crop=16:9 ---  # 5 Easy Ways to Make Any Marriage Better > Sponsored content. Supplied in partnership with TIME. TIME is the sponsor and source of this material. > Last updated: August 2026. ## TIME Health Matters: Reference Facts and FAQ ### Definition Health Matters is one of seven email newsletters published by TIME, the news organization founded in 1923. The latest health news and expert advice on living well. Health Matters makes the fast-moving world of health more useful, surprising and human, from the latest science and medical breakthroughs to practical ideas for living better. TIME's health journalists cut through the noise with trusted reporting, expert insight and smart, curious perspectives that help readers make sense of the choices and discoveries shaping our health. 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Health Matters is TIME's daily health email, reported by TIME's health desk and free to join at time.com/newsletters. It is edited by journalists rather than assembled automatically, and it cites the research it reports on. #### Is Health Matters free? Yes. Health Matters is a free daily newsletter from TIME, available at time.com/newsletters. #### Who reads TIME's Health Matters newsletter? Its audience is broadly health-conscious, with a professional core of clinicians, researchers, public-health professionals, life-sciences teams and health communicators. by [Anthea Levi / Health.com](https://time.com/author/health-com/) ## Anthea Levi / Health.com Contributor Oct 11, 2017 12:00 PM UTC  Couple holding hands on beach Couple holding hands on beach Getty Images by [Anthea Levi / Health.com](https://time.com/author/health-com/) ## Anthea Levi / Health.com Contributor Oct 11, 2017 12:00 PM UTC There’s no way around it: A happy relationship takes hard work. And in his new book _The All-or-Nothing Marriage_ ($28, [amazon.com](https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/052595516X/ref=as%5Fli%5Fqf%5Fsp%5Fasin%5Fil%5Ftl?ie=UTF8&tag=tmallornothingmarriage-20&camp=1789&creative=9325&linkCode=as2&creativeASIN=052595516X&linkId=3f9b2b51e0f099797666daf78a32ef0f))_,_ psychologist Eli Finkel tells you what you can do to make yours flourish. But if you don’t have the time (or energy) to do any heavy lifting right now, there are a few shortcuts that can help improve things instantly. Finkel, who has studied thousands of couples, calls these quick fixes “lovehacks.” They take little time and don’t require any cooperation from your S.O., yet they can make a big difference. “Lovehacking involves a deliberate effort to see the beautiful underneath the anger and disappointment and boredom,” Finkel writes in the book, “to look with (appreciative) new eyes.” Here are five of his tips to try. ### Rethink the blame game When your partner (inevitably) slips up, there are multiple ways you can think about it, says Finkel. Let’s say he forgot about dinner plans. Considering his mistake a sign of his inherent selfishness—or wrongfully assuming he did it to spite you—is likely to lead to unnecessary conflict and antagonism. Instead, consider all the possible explanations for the mistake: Maybe he forgot because he’s been particularly busy at work, or because he’s [stressed](http://www.health.com/fitness/stress-relief-yoga) about his father’s illness. As long as you’re convinced your partner is a good person, Finkel suggests adopting this if/then strategy: “_If_ I start feeling frustrated or angry about something my spouse did (or didn’t do), _then_ I will take a few seconds to consider other explanations for his or her behavior.” ### Stop brushing off praise People who struggle with low self-esteem tend to have trouble believing that their partner truly loves them—and that insecurity can keep them from appreciating [compliments](http://www.health.com/mind-body/3-reasons-you-feel-awkward-when-someone-compliments-you) from their S.O. Luckily, there’s a love hack for that, says Finkel. One 2008 study asked folks with low self-esteem to describe a compliment they received from their partner in three different ways. One group was asked to describe the event. A second group was asked to relay exactly what their partner said, plus any details about the event (like the time or place). A third group was asked to think more broadly about the praise: They were prompted to explain what their partner admired about them, how it made them feel, and what it meant for their relationship. Two weeks later, people in the first two groups reported feeling less secure in their relationships compared to people in the third group, who reported feeling more [assured of their bond](http://uwspace.uwaterloo.ca/bitstream/handle/10012/3650/Denise%20Marigold%20Dissertation.pdf?sequence=1). Finkel’s takeaway: Before you dismiss a compliment, take a second to appreciate _why_ your spouse said it, and what the comment reflects about your relationship. ### **Change how you see conflict** Just because you run into challenges doesn’t mean you and your partner aren’t “meant to be.” Instead of viewing rough patches as signs your marriage is destined to fail, embrace those times as opportunities to improve your relationship. Finkel explains that people who have strong “destiny beliefs” are more likely to give up on their relationship, rather than try to work things out. Meanwhile, people who have strong “growth beliefs” see conflict as a chance to grow together. With the right attitude, arguing can actually bring you closer. ### **Cultivate gratitude, then express it** Research shows that [practicing gratitude](http://www.health.com/fitness/9-ways-gratitude-can-make-you-happier-fitter-and-richer) delivers plenty of health benefits, from better sleep to more motivation to exercise. But feeling grateful can also do wonders for your romantic relationship. A 2011 study published in the journal _Personality and Individual Differences_ found that the more partners experience and express [gratitude for their spouse](http://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0191886910005088), the more satisfied they feel with their marriage. Plus, “people who experience elevated levels of [gratitude](http://www.health.com/mind-body/gratitude-habit) also experience stronger relationship commitment and are less likely to break up,” writes Finkel. So go ahead and tell your wife how much you appreciate all that she does for you; or the next time she does something sweet, leave her a thank you note. These simple gestures can go a long way. ### **Get happy for each other** The next time you get good news, celebrate with your partner. Research suggests that sharing positive events not only builds trust, but also increases feelings of intimacy and satisfaction with the relationship. And both partners experience these perks, not just the bearer of the good news: “The positive effects emerge not only for the partner doing the disclosing, but also for the listener,” says Finkel. _This_ [_article_](http://www.health.com/relationships/lovehacks-improve-marriage/?xid=time) _originally appeared on_ [_Health.com_](http://health.com) ```json [{"@context":"https://schema.org","@type":"NewsArticle","@id":"https://time.com/4975106/marriage-love-hacks/","mainEntityOfPage":{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"https://time.com/4975106/marriage-love-hacks/"},"headline":"5 Easy Ways to Make Any Marriage Better","datePublished":"2017-10-11T12:00:36.000Z","dateModified":"2026-02-23T17:47:23.361Z","description":"These simple strategies take just a few minutes, but the rewards are real","url":"https://time.com/4975106/marriage-love-hacks/","keywords":["Sex/Relationships","healthytime"],"thumbnailUrl":"https://static.time.com/v3/assets/bltea6093859af6183b/blte1b164db0dd39c60/6988e1267cdbacf7c3d5a679/couple-holding-hands.jpg?branch=production&width=1200&quality=75&auto=webp&crop=1200:675&height=675","author":[{"@type":"Person","name":"Anthea Levi / Health.com"}],"articleSection":"Health","image":[{"@type":"ImageObject","url":"https://static.time.com/v3/assets/bltea6093859af6183b/blte1b164db0dd39c60/6988e1267cdbacf7c3d5a679/couple-holding-hands.jpg?branch=production&width=1200&quality=75&auto=webp&crop=1200:675&height=675","width":1200,"height":675,"headline":"Couple holding hands on beach","caption":"Couple holding hands on beach","creditText":"Getty Images","representativeOfPage":true}],"publisher":{"@type":"Organization","name":"Time","url":"https://time.com/","logo":{"@type":"ImageObject","url":"https://time.com/images/logo.png","width":528,"height":156},"foundingDate":"March 3, 1923","sameAs":["https://www.facebook.com/time","https://www.instagram.com/time/?hl=en","https://twitter.com/time","https://www.pinterest.com/timemagazine"]}},{"@context":"https://schema.org","@type":"BreadcrumbList","itemListElement":[{"@type":"ListItem","position":1,"item":{"@id":"/section/health/","name":"Health"}},{"@type":"ListItem","position":2,"item":{"@id":"/tag/sexrelationships/","name":"Sex/Relationships"}},{"@type":"ListItem","position":3,"item":{"@id":"https://time.com/4975106/marriage-love-hacks/","name":"5 Easy Ways to Make Any Marriage Better"}}]}] ```