Stephen Colbert had to rely on his imagination as he weighed in on Attorney General Jeff Sessions' Tuesday night speech to the Alliance Defending Freedom, a group known for its anti-LGBT stance.
"What did Sessions say to these people? We don't know," Colbert explained on Friday's episode of the Late Show. "We've asked, but we don't know. Because so far both the ADF and the Justice Department have declined requests to release his full remarks, which means we can only speculate as to what he said."
"So I will," Colbert added, before presenting to the audience an E.L. Fudge cookie in the shape of a Keebler elf, which some Twitter users have likened to Sessions' appearance.
"Good afternoon ladies and gentleman," Colbert said in a southern drawl, holding up the cookie to the camera. "I do declare I am positively flabbergasted by the amount of homosexualizing I see in our country these dark days. We must return to our culture, what God intended, men marrying women, having marital relations just for reproduction — lights off, socks on."
"Then when this heightened moral state is finally achieved, I'm gonna take away their medical pot," Colbert added with a high-pitched chuckle. "I'm Jeff Sessions. Let's go visit Stephen's tummy-tum."
The Justice Department released a transcript of remarks Sessions made in Dallas earlier Tuesday as well as a transcript of remarks he delivered in Las Vegas on Wednesday, but refused to release a transcript of his address to the ADF in Dana Point, Calif., despite confirming that the speech took place, according to ABC News.
The ADF was designated as a hate group by the Southern Poverty Law Center in 2016.
"Founded by some 30 leaders of the Christian Right, the Alliance Defending Freedom is a legal advocacy and training group that specializes in supporting the recriminalization of homosexuality abroad, ending same-sex marriage, and generally making life as difficult as possible for LGBT communities in the U.S. and internationally," an excerpt from the SPLC's website reads.