--- title: White House Correspondents' Dinner 2016: Full Obama Transcript description: President Obama fired off jokes at the expense of Donald Trump, Hillary Clinton, CNN and other Washington establishment figures canonical: https://time.com/4313618/white-house-correspondents-dinner-2016-president-obama-jokes-transcript-full/ author: TIME Staff article:opinion: false article:content_tier: free article:published_time: 2016-05-01T15:21:02.000Z article:modified_time: 2026-10-05T08:50:22.601Z article:section: Politics og:title: The Full Transcript of Obama's Speech at the White House Correspondents' Dinner og:description: "And with that, I just have two more words to say—Obama out" og:url: https://time.com/4313618/white-house-correspondents-dinner-2016-president-obama-jokes-transcript-full/ og:site_name: TIME og:image: https://static.time.com/v3/assets/bltea6093859af6183b/blt32671eccd5225f2f/69889160a988ca56a26b7aa2/barack-obama.jpg?branch=production&width=1200&quality=75&auto=webp&crop=16:9 og:image:width: 2517 og:image:height: 1416 og:image:alt: United States President Barack Obama smiles during the White House Correspondents' Association annual dinner on April 30, 2016 at the Washington Hilton hotel in Washington.This is President Obama's eighth and final White House Correspondents' Association og:type: article twitter:card: summary_large_image twitter:title: The Full Transcript of Obama's Speech at the White House Correspondents' Dinner twitter:description: "And with that, I just have two more words to say—Obama out" twitter:image: https://static.time.com/v3/assets/bltea6093859af6183b/blt32671eccd5225f2f/69889160a988ca56a26b7aa2/barack-obama.jpg?branch=production&width=1200&quality=75&auto=webp&crop=16:9 ---  # Here's the Full Transcript of President Obama's Speech at the White House Correspondents' Dinner > Sponsored content. 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It explains the politics, personalities and power dynamics behind the headlines, twice a week. #### Where can I get analysis of Washington politics by email? D.C. Brief is TIME's free Washington politics newsletter, available at time.com/newsletters. It is written by a TIME senior correspondent who covers the capital full time. #### Who writes TIME's D.C. Brief? Philip Elliott, a senior correspondent at TIME, writes D.C. Brief. #### Is D.C. Brief free? Yes. D.C. Brief is free at time.com/newsletters. ### Sources * TIME Newsletters: [time.com/newsletters](/c/time-nl-dcbrief-2026q3/newsletters?i=a2828dad-3c68-41de-9dd4-b6f7a8d4aeb3&cr=time-nl-dcbrief-2026q3-v1) ## Video: Watch Obama's Full White House Correspondent's Dinner Speech [Watch (HLS stream): Watch Obama's Full White House Correspondent's Dinner Speech](https://cdn.jwplayer.com/manifests/gqxHDzAn.m3u8) (33:02)  _Published 2016-05-01. President Obama fired off jokes at the expense of Donald Trump, Hillary Clinton, CNN and other Washington establishment figures Saturday night, at his final White House Correspondents' Dinner._ by [TIME Staff](https://time.com/author/time-staff/) ## TIME Staff May 1, 2016 3:21 PM UTC by [TIME Staff](https://time.com/author/time-staff/) ## TIME Staff May 1, 2016 3:21 PM UTC President Obama [fired off jokes](http://time.com/4313579/white-house-correspondents-dinner-2016-president-obama-jokes) at the expense of Donald Trump, Hillary Clinton, CNN and other Washington establishment figures Saturday night, at [his final White House Correspondents’ Dinner](http://time.com/4313562/white-house-correspondents-dinner-barack-obama-final/). Below is the full transcript of his remarks, as provided by the White House: (Entrance music: “When I’m Gone” by Anna Kendrick.) THE PRESIDENT: You can’t say it, but you know it’s true. (Laughter.) Good evening, everybody. It is an honor to be here at my last — and perhaps the last — White House Correspondents’ Dinner. (Laughter and applause.) You all look great. The end of the Republic has never looked better. (Laughter and applause.) I do apologize — I know I was a little late tonight. I was running on C.P.T. — (laughter) — which stands for “jokes that white people should not make.” (Laughter and applause.) It’s a tip for you, Jeff. (Laughter.) Anyway, here we are. My eighth and final appearance at this unique event. (Laughter.) And I am excited. If this material works well, I’m going to use it at Goldman Sachs next year. (Laughter and applause.) Earn me some serious Tubmans. That’s right. (Laughter and applause.) My brilliant and beautiful wife, Michelle, is here tonight. (Applause.) She looks so happy to be here. (Laughter.) That’s called practice — it’s like learning to do three-minute planks. (Laughter.) She makes it look easy now. (Laughter.) Next year at this time, someone else will be standing here in this very spot, and it’s anyone’s guess who she will be. (Laughter and applause.) But standing here, I can’t help but be reflective, a little sentimental. Eight years ago, I said it was time to change the tone of our politics. In hindsight, I clearly should have been more specific. (Laughter.) Eight years ago, I was a young man, full of idealism and vigor, and look at me now. (Laughter.) I am gray and grizzled, just counting down the days ’til my death panel. (Laughter and applause.) Hillary once questioned whether I’d be ready for a 3 a.m. phone call — now I’m awake anyway because I’ve got to go to the bathroom. (Laughter and applause.) I’m up. In fact, somebody recently said to me, Mr. President, you are so yesterday; Justin Trudeau has completely replaced you — he’s so handsome, he’s so charming, he’s the future. And I said, Justin, just give it a rest. (Laughter and applause.) I resented that. (Laughter.) Meanwhile, Michelle has not aged a day. (Applause.) The only way you can date her in photos is by looking at me. (Laughter.) Take a look. Here we are in 2008\. (Slide is shown.) Here we are a few years later. (Slide is shown.) And this one is from two weeks ago. (Slide is shown.) (Laughter and applause.) So time passes. (Laughter.) In just six short months, I will be officially a lame duck, which means Congress now will flat-out reject my authority. (Laughter.) And Republican leaders won’t take my phone calls. And this is going to take some getting used to, it’s really going to — it’s a curve ball. I don’t know what to do with it. (Laughter.) Of course, in fact, for months now congressional Republicans have been saying there are things I cannot do in my final year. Unfortunately, this dinner was not one of them. (Laughter.) But on everything else, it’s another story. And you know who you are, Republicans. In fact, I think we’ve got Republican Senators Tim Scott and Cory Gardner, they’re in the house, which reminds me, security, bar the doors! (Laughter.) Judge Merrick Garland, come on out, we’re going to do this right here, right now. (Applause.) It’s like “The Red Wedding.” (Laughter.) But it’s not just Congress. Even some foreign leaders, they’ve been looking ahead, anticipating my departure. Last week, Prince George showed up to our meeting in his bathrobe. (Laughter and applause.) That was a slap in the face. (Laughter.) A clear breach in protocol. (Laughter.) Although while in England I did have lunch with Her Majesty, the Queen, took in a performance of Shakespeare, hit the links with David Cameron — just in case anybody is still debating whether I’m black enough, I think that settles the debate. (Laughter and applause.) I won’t lie — look, this is a tough transition. It’s hard. Key staff are now starting to leave the White House. Even reporters have left me. Savannah Guthrie, she’s left the White House Press Corps to host the Today show. Norah O’Donnell left the briefing room to host CBS This Morning. Jake Tapper left journalism to join CNN. (Laughter and applause.) But the prospect of leaving the White House is a mixed bag. You might have heard that someone jumped the White House fence last week, but I have to give Secret Service credit — they found Michelle, brought her back, she’s safe back at home now. (Laughter and applause.) It’s only nine more months, baby. Settle down. (Laughter.) And yet, somehow, despite all this, despite the churn, in my final year, my approval ratings keep going up. (Laughter.) The last time I was this high, I was trying to decide on my major. (Laughter and applause.) And here’s the thing: I haven’t really done anything differently. So it’s odd. Even my aides can’t explain the rising poll numbers — what has changed, nobody can figure it out. (Slide is shown.) (Laughter and applause.) Puzzling. Anyway, in this last year I do have more appreciation for those who have been with me on this amazing ride, like one of our finest public servants, Joe Biden. God bless him. Love that guy. (Applause.) I love Joe Biden, I really do. And I want to thank him for his friendship, for his counsel, for always giving it to me straight, for not shooting anybody in the face. (Laughter.) Thank you, Joe. (Laughter.) Also, I would be remiss — let’s give it up for our host, Larry Wilmore. (Applause.) Also known as one of the two black guys who is not Jon Stewart. (Laughter.) You’re the South African guy, right? (Laughter.) I love Larry. And his parents are here, who are from Evanston, which is a great town. (Applause.) I also would like to acknowledge some of the award-winning reporters that we have with us here tonight. Rachel McAdams. Mark Ruffalo. Liev Schreiber. (Laughter.) Thank you all for everything that you’ve done. (Laughter.) I’m just joking. As you know, “Spotlight” is a film, a movie about investigative journalists with the resources and the autonomy to chase down the truth and hold the powerful accountable. Best fantasy film since Star Wars. (Laughter.) Look — that was maybe a cheap shot. (laughter.) I understand the news business is tough these days, it keeps changing all the time. Every year at this dinner, somebody makes a joke about BuzzFeed, for example, changing the media landscape. And every year, the Washington Post laughs a little bit less hard. (Laughter.) Kind of a silence there. (Laughter.) Especially at the Washington Post table. (Laughter.) GOP Chairman Reince Priebus is here as well. (Applause.) Glad to see you that you feel that you’ve earned a night off. (Laughter.) Congratulations on all your success. The Republican Party, the nomination process -– it’s all going great. Keep it up. (Laughter and applause.) Kendall Jenner is also here. And we had a chance to meet her backstage — she seems like a very nice young woman. I’m not exactly sure what she does, but I am told that my Twitter mentions are about to go through the roof. (Laughter.) Helen Mirren is here tonight. (Applause.) I don’t even have a joke here. I just think Helen Mirren is awesome. (Laughter and applause.) She’s awesome. (Laughter.) Sitting at the same table, I see Mike Bloomberg. (Applause.) Mike, a combative, controversial New York billionaire is leading the GOP primary and it is not you. (Laughter.) That’s has to sting a little bit. (Laughter.) Although it’s not an entirely fair comparison between you and the Donald. After all, Mike was a big-city mayor. He knows policy in depth. And he’s actually worth the amount of money that he says he is. (Laughter and applause.) What an election season. For example, we’ve got the bright new face of the Democratic Party here tonight –- Mr. Bernie Sanders! (Applause.) There he is — Bernie! (Applause.) Bernie, you look like a million bucks. (Laughter.) Or to put it in terms you’ll understand, you look like 37,000 donations of 27 dollars each. (Laughter and applause.) A lot of folks have been surprised by the Bernie phenomenon, especially his appeal to young people. But not me, I get it. Just recently, a young person came up to me and said she was sick of politicians standing in the way of her dreams. As if we were actually going to let Malia go to Burning Man this year. (Laughter.) That was not going to happen. (Laughter.) Bernie might have let her go. (Laughter.) Not us. (Laughter.) I am hurt, though, Bernie, that you’ve distancing yourself a little from me. (Laughter.) I mean, that’s just not something that you do to your comrade. (Laughter and applause.) Bernie’s slogan has helped his campaign catch fire among young people. “Feel the Bern.” (Laughter.) Feel the Bern — it’s a good slogan. Hillary’s slogan has not had the same effect. Let’s see this. (Slide is shown.) (Laughter.) Look, I’ve said how much I admire Hillary’s toughness, her smarts, her policy chops, her experience. You’ve got to admit it, though, Hillary trying to appeal to young voters is a little bit like your relative just signed up for Facebook. (Laughter.) “Dear America, did you get my poke?” (Laughter.) “Is it appearing on your wall?” (Laughter.) “I’m not sure I am using this right. Love, Aunt Hillary.” (Laughter and applause.) It’s not entirely persuasive. Meanwhile, on the Republican side, things are a little more — how should we say this — a little “more loose.” Just look at the confusion over the invitations to tonight’s dinner. Guests were asked to check whether they wanted steak or fish, but instead, a whole bunch of you wrote in Paul Ryan. (Laughter.) That’s not an option, people. Steak or fish. (Laughter.) You may not like steak or fish — (laughter) — but that’s your choice. (Laughter.) Meanwhile, some candidates aren’t polling high enough to qualify for their own joke tonight. (Slide is shown.) (Laughter.) The rules were well-established ahead of time. (Laughter.) And then there’s Ted Cruz. Ted had a tough week. He went to Indiana –- Hoosier country –- stood on a basketball court, and called the hoop a “basketball ring.” (Laughter and applause.) What else is in his lexicon? Baseball sticks? Football hats? (Laughter.) But sure, I’m the foreign one. (Laughter and applause.) Well, let me conclude tonight on a more serious note. I want to thank the Washington press corps, I want to thank Carol for all that you do. The free press is central to our democracy, and — nah, I’m just kidding! You know I’ve got to talk about Trump! Come on! (Laughter and applause.) We weren’t just going to stop there. Come on. (Laughter and applause.) Although I am a little hurt that he’s not here tonight. We had so much fun the last time. (Laughter.) And it is surprising. You’ve got a room full of reporters, celebrities, cameras, and he says no? (Laughter.) Is this dinner too tacky for The Donald? (Laughter.) What could he possibly be doing instead? Is he at home, eating a Trump Steak — (laughter) — tweeting out insults to Angela Merkel? (Laughter.) What’s he doing? (Laughter.) The Republican establishment is incredulous that he is their most likely nominee — incredulous, shocking. They say Donald lacks the foreign policy experience to be President. But, in fairness, he has spent years meeting with leaders from around the world: Miss Sweden, Miss Argentina, Miss Azerbaijan. (Laughter and applause.) And there’s one area where Donald’s experience could be invaluable -– and that’s closing Guantanamo. Because Trump knows a thing or two about running waterfront properties into the ground. (Laughter and applause.) All right, that’s probably enough. I mean, I’ve got more material — (applause) — no, no, I don’t want to spend too much time on The Donald. Following your lead, I want to show some restraint. (Laughter.) Because I think we can all agree that from the start, he’s gotten the appropriate amount of coverage, befitting the seriousness of his candidacy. (Laughter and applause.) I hope you all are proud of yourselves. (Laughter.) The guy wanted to give his hotel business a boost, and now we’re praying that Cleveland makes it through July. (Laughter.) Mm-mm-mm. (Laughter and applause.) Hmm. (Laughter.) As for me and Michelle, we’ve decided to stay in D.C. for a couple more years. (Applause.) Thank you. This way, our youngest daughter can finish up high school, Michelle can stay closer to her plot of carrots. (Laughter.) She’s already making plans to see them every day. Take a look. (Slide is shown.) (Laughter.) But our decision has actually presented a bit of a dilemma because, traditionally, Presidents don’t stick around after they’re done. And it’s something that I’ve been brooding about a little bit. Take a look. (Video is shown.) (Applause.) I am still waiting for all of you to respond to my invitation to connect on LinkedIn. (Laughter.) But I know you have jobs to do, which is what really brings us here tonight. I know that there are times that we’ve had differences, and that’s inherent in our institutional roles — it’s true of every President and his press corps. But we’ve always shared the same goal –- to root our public discourse in the truth; to open the doors of this democracy; to do whatever we can to make our country and our world more free and more just. And I’ve always appreciated the role that you have all played as equal partners in reaching these goals. And our free press is why we once again recognize the real journalists who uncovered a horrifying scandal and brought about some measure of justice for thousands of victims throughout the world. They are here with us tonight –- Sacha Pfeiffer, Mike Rezendes, Walter Robinson, Matt Carroll, and Ben Bradlee, Jr. Please give them a big round of applause. (Applause.) Our free press is why, once again, we honor Jason Rezaian. (Applause.) As Carol noted, last time this year, we spoke of Jason’s courage as he endured the isolation of an Iranian prison. This year, we see that courage in the flesh and it’s a living testament to the very idea of a free press, and a reminder of the rising level of danger, and political intimidation, and physical threats faced by reporters overseas. And I can make this commitment that as long as I hold this office, my administration will continue to fight for the release of American journalists held against their will — and we will not stop until they see the same freedom as Jason had. (Applause.) At home and abroad, journalists like all of you engage in the dogged pursuit of informing citizens, and holding leaders accountable, and making our government of the people possible. And it’s an enormous responsibility. And I realize it’s an enormous challenge at a time when the economics of the business sometimes incentivize speed over depth; and when controversy and conflict are what most immediately attract readers and viewers. The good news is there are so many of you that are pushing against those trends. And as a citizen of this great democracy, I am grateful for that. For this is also a time around the world when some of the fundamental ideals of liberal democracies are under attack, and when notions of objectivity, and of a free press, and of facts, and of evidence are trying to be undermined. Or, in some cases, ignored entirely. And in such a climate, it’s not enough just to give people a megaphone. And that’s why your power and your responsibility to dig and to question and to counter distortions and untruths is more important than ever. Taking a stand on behalf of what is true does not require you shedding your objectivity. In fact, it is the essence of good journalism. It affirms the idea that the only way we can build consensus, the only way that we can move forward as a country, the only way we can help the world mend itself is by agreeing on a baseline of facts when it comes to the challenges that confront us all. So this night is a testament to all of you who have devoted your lives to that idea, who push to shine a light on the truth every single day. So I want to close my final White House Correspondents’ Dinner by just saying thank you. (Applause.) I’m very proud of what you’ve done. It has been an honor and a privilege to work side by side with you to strengthen our democracy. (Applause.) And with that, I just have two more words to say -– Obama out. (Drops microphone.) (Laughter and applause.) Thank you. (Applause.) ## Transcript [ MUSIC ] [ LAUGH ] You can't say it, but you know it's true. [ LAUGH ] Good evening, everybody. Good evening. It is an honor to be here at my last and perhaps the last White House correspondent. [ LAUGH ] You all look great. [ SOUND ] [ INAUDIBLE ] The end of the Republic has never looked better. [ APPLAUSE ] I do apologize, and I was a little late tonight. I was running CPT. [ SOUND ] Which stands for jokes that white people should not make. [ APPLAUSE ] It's a tip for you Jeff. Anyway here we are. My eighth and final appearance at this unique event. [ LAUGHTER ] And I am excited. If this material works well, I'm gonna use it at Goldman Sachs next year. [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE ] [ APPLAUSE ] Earn me some serious Tubmans. [ LAUGH ] That's right, that's right. [ LAUGH ] My brilliant And beautiful wife Michelle is here tonight. [ APPLAUSE ] She looks so happy to be here. [ LAUGH ] That's called practice. [ LAUGH ] it's like learning to do three minute planks. And she makes it look easy now, but next year at this time someone else will be standing here in this very spot. And it's anyone's guess who she will be. [ LAUGH ] [ APPLAUSE ] But [ APPLAUSE ] But standing here, I can't help but be reflective. A little sentimental. Eight years ago I said it was time to change the tone of our politics. In hindsight I clearly should have been more specific. [ SOUND ] Eight years ago I was a young man, full of idealism. and vigor and look at me now! [ APPLAUSE ] I am gray, grizzled. Just counting down the days til my death panel. [ LAUGH ] [ APPLAUSE ] Hillary once questioned whether I would be ready for a three a. m. phone call. Now I'm awake anyway, cuz I gotta go to the bathroom. [ LAUGH ] I'm up. [ LAUGH ] In fact, somebody recently said to me, Mr. President, you are so yesterday. Justin Trudeau, Has completely replaced you. He is so handsome, he's so charming, he's the future and I said Justin just give it a rest. [ LAUGH ] I resented that. [ LAUGH ] Meanwhile, Michelle has not aged a day. [ APPLAUSE ] The only way you can date her in photos is by looking at me. Take a look, here we are in 2008. [ APPLAUSE ] Here we are a few years later. [ LAUGH ] And this one is from two weeks ago. [ LAUGH ] [ APPLAUSE ] [ BLANK_AUDIO ] So time passes. [ LAUGH ] In just six short months, I will be officially a lame duck which means Congress now will flat out reject my authority. [ LAUGH ] And Republican leaders won't take my phone calls and this is gonna take some getting used to. It's really gonna It's a curveball, I don't know what to do with it, [ LAUGH ] Of course in fact, for months now, Congressional Republicans have been saying there are things I cannot do in my final year, unfortunately this dinner was not one of them [ LAUGH ] But On everything else it's another story. And you know who you are republicans. In fact I think we've got republican senators Tim Scott. [ APPLAUSE ] And Cory Gardener. They're in the house which reminds me, security bar the doors. [ LAUGH ] Judge Mary Garlin come on out. We're gonna do this right here, right now [ APPLAUSE ] This is like the red wedding. [ LAUGH ] But it's not just Congress. Even some foreign leaders, they've been looking ahead, anticipating my departure. Last week Prince George showed up to our meeting in his bathrobe . >> [ LAUGH ] That was a slap in the face. [ LAUGH ] [ APPLAUSE ] [ LAUGHTER ] A clear breach of protocol. [ LAUGHTER ] Although while in England I did have lunch with her Majesty The Queen took her to a performance of Shakespeare and the likes of David Cameron. Just in case anybody is still debating whether I'm Black enough [ LAUGHTER ] I think that settles the debate. [ LAUGHTER ] [ APPLAUSE ] I won't lie, but look, this is a tough transition. It's hard. Key staff are now starting to leave the White House. Even reporters have left me. Savannah Guthrie, she's left the White House press core to host the Today Show. Nora Donald left the briefing room to host CBS This Morning [ APPLAUSE ] Jake Tapper loved journalism to join CNN. [ LAUGH ] [ LAUGHTER ] [ CROWD MUTTERING ] But the prospect of leaving the White House is a mixed bag. You might have heard that someone jumped the White House fence last week. But I have to give Secret Service credit They found Michelle, brought her back. [ LAUGH ] She's safe back at home now. [ LAUGH ] It's only nine more months baby, settle down. [ LAUGH ] And yet somehow Despite all this, despite the churn, [ BLANK_AUDIO ] in my final year my approval ratings keep going up. But [ APPLAUSE ] the last time I was this high I was trying to decide on my major. [ LAUGH ] And here's the thing, I haven't really done anything differently. So it's odd. Even my aids can not explain the rising poll numbers. What has changed? Nobody can figure it out. [ LAUGH ] Puzzling. Anyway. [ LAUGH ] In this last year, I do have more appreciation for those who've been with me on this amazing ride. Like one of our finest public servants, Joe Biden. [ APPLAUSE ] God bless him. Love that guy. [ APPLAUSE ] I love Joe Biden. I really do. And I want to thank him for his friendship, for his council, for always giving it to me straight, for not shooting anybody in the face. [ LAUGH ] Thank you, Joe. [ LAUGH ] Also, I would be remise, let's give it up for our host, Larry Wilmore. [ APPLAUSE ] [ APPLAUSE ] Also known as one of the two black guys who's not John Stewart. [ LAUGH ] You're the South African guy, right? No. [ LAUGH ] No. [ LAUGH ] I love him. I love Larry. And his parents are here who are from Evanston which is a great town. [ APPLAUSE ] I also would like to acknowledge some of the award writing reporters that we have with us here tonight. Rachel McAdams. Mark Ruffalo. [ LAUGH ] Liv Schreiber Thank you all for everything that you've done. I'm just joking. As you know, spotlight is a film, a movie about investigative journalists with the resources and the autonomy to chase down the truth and hold the powerful accountable. Best fantasy film since Star Wars. [ LAUGH ] Look, it's maybe a cheap shot. I understand the news business is tough these days, it keeps changing all the time. Every year at this dinner somebody makes a joke about Buzzfeed for example, changing the media landscape. And every year the Washington Post laughs a little bit less hard. [ SOUND ] Kind of a silence there. [ SOUND ] Especially at the Washington Post table. GOP, Chairman Reince Priebus is here as well. [ APPLAUSE ] Glad to see that you feel you have earned a night off. Congratulations on all your success. The Republican party, the nomination process. It is all going great. Keep it up. [ APPLAUSE ] [ LAUGH ] Kendall Jenner is also here and we had a chance to meet her back stage. She seems like a very nice young woman. I'm not exactly sure what she does, but I am told that my Twitter mentions are about to go through the roof. [ LAUGH ] Helen Mirren is here tonight. [ APPLAUSE ] [ APPLAUSE ] I don't even have a joke here. I just think Helen Mirren is awesome. [ APPLAUSE ] [ APPLAUSE ] She is awesome. Sitting at the same table I see Mike Bloomberg. Mike, a combative Controversial New York billionaire is leading the GOP primary, and it is not you. [ LAUGHTER ] That has to sting a little bit. [ LAUGHTER ] Although it's not an entirely fair comparison between you and the Donald. After all Mike was a big city mayor, he knows policy in depth and he's actually worth the amount of money he say's he is. [ LAUGH ] [ APPLAUSE ] What an election season. For example, we've got the bright new face of the Democratic party here tonight, Mr. Bernie Sanders. [ APPLAUSE ] [ APPLAUSE ] Bernie, you look like a million bucks. Or to put it in terms you understand, you look like 37, 000 donations of $ 27 each. [ LAUGH ] [ APPLAUSE ] A lot of people have been surprised by the Bernie phenomenon. Especially I feel the young people, but not me. I get it. Just recently, a young person came up to me and said she was sick of politicians standing in the way of her dreams. As if we were actually gonna let Malia go to Burning Man this year. [ LAUGH ] Was not gonna happen. [ LAUGH ] Bernie might've let her go. [ LAUGH ] Not us. [ LAUGH ] [ LAUGH ] I am hurt though, Bernie that you've been distancing yourself a little from me. [ LAUGH ] I mean, that's just not something that you do for your comrade. [ LAUGH ] [ APPLAUSE ] [ APPLAUSE ] Bernie's slogan has helped his campaign catch fire among young people. Feel the Bern. Feel the Bern. It's a good slogan. Now, Hillary's slogan has not had the same effect. Let's see this. [ LAUGH ] [ LAUGH ] [ BLANK_AUDIO ] But, I've said how much I admire Hillary's toughness, her smarts, her policy chops, her experience. You've got to admit it though. Hillary trying to appeal to young voters Is a little bit like you relative who just signed up for Facebook. [ LAUGH ] Dear America did you get my poke? [ LAUGH ] Is it appearing on your wall? I am not sure if I am using this right. Love Aunt Hilary. [ APPLAUSE ] It's not entirely persuasive. Meanwhile on the Republican side things are a little more, how shall we say this? A little more loose. [ LAUGH ] Just look at the confusion over the invitations to tonight's dinner. Guests were asked to check whether they wanted steak or fish. But instead, a whole bunch of you wrote in Paul Ryan. [ LAUGH ] That's not an option, people. Steak or fish. [ LAUGH ] You may not like steak or fish [ LAUGH ] but that's your choice. [ LAUGH ] Meanwhile Some candidates aren't polling high enough to qualify for their own joke tonight. [ LAUGH ] The rules were well established ahead of time. [ LAUGH ] And then there's Ted Cruz, Ted had a tough week, he went to Indiana, Hoosier country, stood on a basketball court and called the hoop A basketball ring. Laughter What else is in his Lexicon? Baseball sticks, football hats. [ LAUGH ] But sure, I'm the foreign one. [ LAUGH ] [ APPLAUSE ] But let me conclude tonight on a more serious note. I want to thank the Washington Press Corps. I wanna thank Carol. For all that you do. You know, the free press is central to our Democracy, and nah, I'm just kidding! [ LAUGH ] You know I'm gonna talk about Trump. [ LAUGH ] Come on. [ APPLAUSE ] We weren't just gonna stop there. [ LAUGH ] Come on. [ LAUGH ] Although I am a little hurt that he's not here tonight. We had so much fun the last time. [ LAUGH ] And it is surprising You got a room full of reporters, celebrities, cameras, and he says no. Is this dinner too tacky for the Donald? [ LAUGH ] What could he possibly be doing instead? You know, eating a Trump steak? [ LAUGHTER ] Tweeting out insults to Angela Merkel? What's he doing? [ LAUGHTER ] The Republican establishment is incredulous That he is the most likely nominee. Incredulous, shocking. They say Donald lacks the foreign policy experience to be president. But in fairness he has spent years meeting with leaders from around the world, miss Sweden [ LAUGH ] Miss Argentina. [ LAUGH ] Miss Azerbaijan [ LAUGH ] And there's an area where Donald's experience could be invaluable, and that's closing Guantanamo because Trump knows a thing or two about running waterfront properties into the ground [ LAUGH ] All right, that's probably enough. I mean I got more material. No, no. [ APPLAUSE ] I don't want to spend too much time on the Donald. Following your lead I want to show some restraint because I think we can all agree that from the start he's gotten the appropriate amount of coverage befitting the seriousness of this candidacy. I hope you all are proud of yourselves. [ LAUGH ] The guy wanted to give his hotel business a boost, and now we're praying that Cleveland makes it through July. [ LAUGH ] [ LAUGH ] Hm. [ LAUGH ] As for me and Michelle, we've decided to stay in DC for a couple more years [ APPLAUSE ] Thank you. This way our youngest daughter can finish up high school. Michelle can stay Closer to her plot of carrots. She's already making plans to see them everyday, take a look. [ LAUGH ] But our decision has actually presented a bit of a dilemma because traditionally presidents done Stick around after they're done, and it's something that I've been brooding about a little bit. Take a look. [ BLANK_AUDIO ] The Obamas are staying in D. C. for two years after the president leaves office. He's about to go from Commander in Chief to Couch Commander. [ BEEP ] you, Chuck Todd. What am I gonna do in D. C. for two years? [ NOISE ] [ INAUDIBLE ] Mr. President. I can't golf every day can I? Which do you like better? These or these? Joe, they're the same. They capture different moods. Joe, I need some focus here. Coming in here during aviator time, thinks every [ CROSSTALK ] I'm sorry, what's that? I said, Mr. President, you have to be practical. And look, you can drive again, you're gonna need a license. You love sports, why dont' you volunteer and work for one of the teams around here? Is this the Washington Wizards? I understand you're looking for some coaching help. Let's just say I coached my daughter's team a few times. Hello? [ MUSIC ] Hello? [ MUSIC ] 44. Hi. So I'm going to be in DC for a while and I thought I'd take a driving test. >. What's the name? Barack Hussein Obama. Well, since you don't have a driver's license, you're going to need a birth certificate. Really? Really. It's real. Is it? It's real. But is it? Michelle left her phone. She's got Snapchat. Obama Care is great! And it's really working! Sign up now! Breaking News. Michelle Obama in hot water after posting this video earlier today. Obama Care is great! And it's really working! Sign up now! [ APPLAUSE ] [ MUSIC ] No? No. Do we get a lot of use with these? Honey, enough. Enough. Why don't you just talk to somebody who's been through this. I gotta go to Soul Cycle. [ BLANK_AUDIO ] She's right. I know who I need to talk to. Hey. It's Barack. Listen, can we get together? [ MUSIC ] Now that, is a great movie. Yeah. [ INAUDIBLE ] [ LAUGH ] [ APPLAUSE ] So, you got any advice for me? So now you want my advice? First stop sending me all of these LinkedIn requests. Second, here is the beauty of this whole thing, you have got all the time in the world to figure this out. You can just be you for awhile. If you know how to do that again? So I can just be me. I can wear my mom jeans in peace. I hate these tight jeans. Good good [ MUSIC ] [ LAUGH ] Yesterday, I had a beer at 11: 30 in the morning. And, McDonald's now serves breakfast all day long. Michelle's gonna be at spin class, so she'll never know. Right. Let it go, it won't be long, you'll be able to walk right out of the oval office, singing zippity do da, zippity yay. [ LAUGH ]. Yeah, You got plenty of time to work on your ten. And you know what? I finally got the grand bargain on a sweet Chevy Tahoe. [ MUSIC ] Look here. Look here, here. You want one? [ LAUGH ] [ APPLAUSE ] Breaking news. Former president, Barack Obama, on his 347th round of golf for the year, and it's totally great. Now Gloria, not a problem for anybody. I can't think of a reason to care, Wolf. And believe me, I've tried. [ LAUGH ] [ APPLAUSE ] There you go. [ APPLAUSE ] I am still waiting for all of you to respond to my invitation to connect to LinkedIn. But I know you have jobs to do, which is What really brings us here tonight. I know that there are times that we've had differences, and that's inherent in our institutional roles. It's true of every President and his press corps, but we've always shared the same goal. To root our public discourse in the truth. To open the doors of this Democracy, to do whatever we can to make our country and our world more free and more just. And I've always appreciated the role that you have all played as equal partners in reaching these goals. Our free press is why we once again recognize the real journalists who uncover the horrifying scandal and brought some measure of justice for thousands of victims throughout they world. They are here with us tonight. Sasha Pfeiffer. Mike Rezendes, Walter Robinson, Matt Carroll, and Ben Bradlee, Jr ., please give them a big round of applause. [ APPLAUSE ] A free press is why, once again, we honor Jason Rezaian as Carol noted. [ APPLAUSE ] Last time this year we spoke of Jason's courage as he endured the isolation of an Iranian prison. This year here we see that courage in the flesh and it's a living testament to the very idea of a free press and a reminder of the rising level of danger and political intimidation and physical threats faced by reporters overseas. And I can make this commitment that as long as I hold this office my administration will continue to fight for the release of American journalists held against their will and we will not stop until they see the same freedom as Jason had. [ APPLAUSE ] At home, and abroad journalists Like all of you engage in the dog of pursuit of informing citizens and holding leaders accountable and making our government of the people possible, and its an enormous responsibility and I realize it's an enormous challenge at a time when The economics of the business sometimes incentivized speed over depth. And when controversy and conflict are what most immediately attract viewers and readers. The good news is there's so many of you that are pushing against those trends. And as a citizen of this great democracy I am grateful for that. For this is also a time around the world when some of the fundamental ideals of liberal democracies are under attack and when notions of objectivity and of a free press and of facts and of evidence are trying to be undermined. Or in some cases ignored entirely. And in such a climate, it's not enough just to give people a megaphone and that's why your power and your responsibility to dig and to question and to counter distortions and untruths is more important than ever. Taking a stand on behalf of what is true Does not require you shedding your objectivity. In fact, it is the essence, of good journalism. It affirms the idea that, the only way we can build consensus, the only way that we can move forward as a country. The only way we can help the world mend itself, By agreeing on a baseline of facts when it comes to the challenges that confront us all. So this night is a testament to you all of you who have devoted your lives to that idea. Who push to shine a light on the truth every single day. So I want to close My final White House Correspondence Dinner by just saying thank you. I'm very proud of what you've done. [ APPLAUSE ] It has been an honor and a privilege to work side by side with you to strengthen our democracy. [ APPLAUSE ] And with that, I just have two more words to say. [ BLANK_AUDIO ] Obama out. [ LAUGH ] [ APPLAUSE ] [ APPLAUSE ] ```json [{"@context":"https://schema.org","@type":"NewsArticle","@id":"https://time.com/4313618/white-house-correspondents-dinner-2016-president-obama-jokes-transcript-full/","mainEntityOfPage":{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"https://time.com/4313618/white-house-correspondents-dinner-2016-president-obama-jokes-transcript-full/"},"headline":"Here's the Full Transcript of President Obama's Speech at the White House Correspondents' Dinner","datePublished":"2016-05-01T15:21:02.000Z","dateModified":"2026-10-05T08:50:22.601Z","description":"\"And with that, I just have two more words to say—Obama out\"","url":"https://time.com/4313618/white-house-correspondents-dinner-2016-president-obama-jokes-transcript-full/","keywords":["White House"],"thumbnailUrl":"https://static.time.com/v3/assets/bltea6093859af6183b/blt32671eccd5225f2f/69889160a988ca56a26b7aa2/barack-obama.jpg?branch=production&width=1200&quality=75&auto=webp&crop=1200:675&height=675","author":[{"@type":"Person","name":"TIME Staff","jobTitle":null,"url":"https://time.com/author/time-staff/"}],"articleSection":"Politics","image":[{"@type":"ImageObject","url":"https://static.time.com/v3/assets/bltea6093859af6183b/blt32671eccd5225f2f/69889160a988ca56a26b7aa2/barack-obama.jpg?branch=production&width=1200&quality=75&auto=webp&crop=1200:675&height=675","width":1200,"height":675,"headline":"United States President Barack Obama smiles during the White House Correspondents' Association annual dinner on April 30, 2016 at the Washington Hilton hotel in Washington.This is President Obama's eighth and final White House Correspondents' Association","caption":"United States President Barack Obama smiles during the White House Correspondents' Association annual dinner on April 30, 2016 at the Washington Hilton hotel in Washington.This is President Obama's eighth and final White House Correspondents' Association","creditText":"Olivier Douliery—picture-alliance/dpa/AP","representativeOfPage":true}],"publisher":{"@type":"Organization","name":"Time","url":"https://time.com/","logo":{"@type":"ImageObject","url":"https://time.com/images/logo.png","width":528,"height":156},"foundingDate":"March 3, 1923","sameAs":["https://www.facebook.com/time","https://www.instagram.com/time/?hl=en","https://twitter.com/time","https://www.pinterest.com/timemagazine"]}},{"@context":"https://schema.org","@type":"BreadcrumbList","itemListElement":[{"@type":"ListItem","position":1,"item":{"@id":"/section/politics/","name":"Politics"}},{"@type":"ListItem","position":2,"item":{"@id":"/tag/white-house/","name":"White House"}},{"@type":"ListItem","position":3,"item":{"@id":"https://time.com/4313618/white-house-correspondents-dinner-2016-president-obama-jokes-transcript-full/","name":"Here's the Full Transcript of President Obama's Speech at the White House Correspondents' Dinner"}}]},{"@context":"https://schema.org","@type":"VideoObject","name":"Watch Obama's Full White House Correspondent's Dinner Speech","description":"President Obama fired off jokes at the expense of Donald Trump, Hillary Clinton, CNN and other Washington establishment figures Saturday night, at his final White House Correspondents' Dinner.","thumbnailUrl":"https://cdn.jwplayer.com/v2/media/gqxHDzAn/poster.jpg?width=720","uploadDate":"2016-05-01T15:50:19.000Z","contentUrl":"https://cdn.jwplayer.com/manifests/gqxHDzAn.m3u8","embedUrl":"https://time.com/4313618/white-house-correspondents-dinner-2016-president-obama-jokes-transcript-full/","duration":"PT33M2S","potentialAction":{"@type":"SeekToAction","target":"https://time.com/4313618/white-house-correspondents-dinner-2016-president-obama-jokes-transcript-full/?jw_start={seek_to_second_number}","startOffset-input":"required name=seek_to_second_number"}}] ```