--- title: How to Tell if Your Teen Daughter's Relationship is Unhealthy description: 7 things to watch out for, from stomach aches to constant check-ins canonical: https://time.com/4254747/how-to-tell-if-your-teen-daughters-relationship-is-unhealthy/ author: Erin Goodhart article:opinion: false article:content_tier: free article:published_time: 2016-03-14T16:13:13.000Z article:modified_time: 2026-04-13T08:57:39.402Z og:title: How to Tell if Your Teen Daughter's Relationship is Unhealthy og:description: 7 things to watch out for, from stomach aches to constant check-ins og:url: https://time.com/4254747/how-to-tell-if-your-teen-daughters-relationship-is-unhealthy/ og:site_name: TIME og:image: https://static.time.com/v3/assets/bltea6093859af6183b/blt0964c0391b19d6d6/69888ad35f570f96cdb20057/gettyimages-85653954.jpg?branch=production&width=1200&quality=75&auto=webp&crop=16:9 og:image:width: 5641 og:image:height: 3173 og:image:alt: 85653954 og:type: article twitter:card: summary_large_image twitter:title: How to Tell if Your Teen Daughter's Relationship is Unhealthy twitter:description: 7 things to watch out for, from stomach aches to constant check-ins twitter:image: https://static.time.com/v3/assets/bltea6093859af6183b/blt0964c0391b19d6d6/69888ad35f570f96cdb20057/gettyimages-85653954.jpg?branch=production&width=1200&quality=75&auto=webp&crop=16:9 ---  # How to Tell if Your Teen Daughter's Relationship is Unhealthy > Sponsored content. 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Worth Your Time is TIME's culture newsletter, published Tuesdays and Saturdays to 40,000 subscribers as of August 2026. #### Who writes TIME's culture recommendations? Culture editor Eliza Berman writes Worth Your Time, drawing on TIME's critics and culture desk. #### Is Worth Your Time free? Yes. It is a free newsletter available at time.com/newsletters.  by [Erin Goodhart](https://time.com/author/erin-goodhart/)  ## Erin Goodhart Mar 14, 2016 4:13 PM UTC  Teenagers embracing Teenagers embracing Jupiterimages—Getty Images  by [Erin Goodhart](https://time.com/author/erin-goodhart/)  ## Erin Goodhart Mar 14, 2016 4:13 PM UTC Often, during adolescence, teens are beginning to disconnect from their families and connect more with their peers. It can be challenging for adults and children alike to figure out what healthy relationships look like. How can you tell if a relationship is just normal intense adolescent bonding and or if it has veered into something obsessive and potentially destructive? Parents often think of physical abuse when it comes to unhealthy relationships, yet emotional and verbal abuse can be just as significant. Having spent several years working with young women in a recovery center, I’ve learned parents should watch out for these seven symptoms: **Frequent Check Ins** Parents often cut back on supervising their teens online at this age, and technology can contribute to unhealthy relationships. If your teen feels a need to “check in” with a love interest whenever she leaves one location for another, for example, that may be an indication that she’s in a controlling relationship. (In extreme cases, a person can add a tracking device to another person’s phone without them knowing it.) **Changes in Appearance** It’s not at all unusual for teens to be interested in their appearance but if your daughter starts to make more extreme changes, such as wearing a lot of makeup, for example, she may be trying to please her partner to an unhealthy degree. In one case, a teen girl stopped wearing her favorite pair of jeans with a quarter-size rip in them because her boyfriend accused her of trying to provoke other guys. Read More: [Girl Scouts’ “Girl Expert” on How Dads Should Treat Daughters](http://time.com/4075550/daughter-leadership/) **Noticeable Weight Change** If your daughter begins a drastic diet, exercises to an extreme or uses laxatives, she may be feeling out of control. Any of these weight loss techniques may indicate she’s trying to regain control over her life. Weight loss may also be linked to an eating disorder, such as bingeing and purging, and can be life-threatening. Weight loss taken to this level may also be a teen’s way of trying to reclaim control over her body. Or she may be trying to change it in the hopes that it will please her boyfriend and he will treat her better. **Becoming emotionally isolated** Girls who are being emotionally or physically controlled tend to be secretive about the relationship, perhaps telling small lies that may grow bigger over time to cover up the control. Even when they are with people they may seem to be on edge and have to frequently check in with their boyfriend. If a teen starts to withdraw from their interests, it may indicate that he or she is being subjected to undue influence from another person. A girl who loved to run track, for example, told me she sacrificed the sport to try to maintain a relationship. **Exhibiting symptoms of depression and pain** Teens who lose interest in activities they used to enjoy and feel they have given their power over to another person may feel depressed. For example, they may feel sad and fatigued, and take no interest in activities they formerly liked. Changes in sleeping habits can also be a sign of depression. Feelings of anxiety and stress associated with abusive relationships may also manifest in pain. For example, a girl may develop gastrointestinal issues that reflect her emotional state. Read More: [President Obama: The World I Want My Daughters to Grow Up In](http://motto.time.com/4199637/barack-obama-daughters/) **Taking it out on Themselves** Girls often “act in,” or draw inward when suffering emotionally. They may engage in self-injurious behavior—cutting, burning, overeating, and under-eating and using substances to self-medicate. We have seen many young female patients at the treatment center I work in who began using opiates to numb the reality of an unhealthy relationship. **Becoming involved with a substance abuser** If a child spends a lot of time with someone who is using substances, the abuser may entice that person to start abusing substances as well as way to control him or her. Even if you’re not sure what’s going on—perhaps their boyfriend is skipping classes, acting out or behaving erratically—it may be a sign of an unhealthy relationship. If a parent is noticing any of these signs within their child’s relationship they should address the situation. It’s important to communicate that abuse can affect people from all walks of life. Families shouldn’t minimize verbal and psychological abuse; it can have just as significant an impact as physical and sexual abuse. Read More: [Cell-Phone Distracted Parenting Can Have Long-Term Consequences: Study](http://time.com/4168688/cell-phone-distracted-parenting-can-have-long-term-consequences-study/) Adolescence is such an impressionable time; if children can maintain a larger peer group and engage in activities as a group, they have a greater chance of developing healthy relationships. People in healthy relationships respect each others’ values. Parents who are concerned about their daughters should consider reaching out to a therapist who specializes in adolescent issues. 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