--- title: Annoyance Is a Sign of a Good Relationship description: There are healthy benefits to having a little annoyance in your relationship canonical: https://time.com/4227304/relationship-advice-annoyed/ author: Kira Asatryan article:opinion: true article:content_tier: free article:published_time: 2016-02-18T13:00:17.000Z article:modified_time: 2026-08-04T07:56:14.999Z article:section: Ideas og:title: Annoyance Is a Sign of a Good Relationship og:description: It shows you're comfortable with each other og:url: https://time.com/4227304/relationship-advice-annoyed/ og:site_name: TIME og:image: https://static.time.com/v3/assets/bltea6093859af6183b/blt44e0fd1570f3b281/69887dee3c1639800645c0f4/elderly-couple-sitting-bench.jpg?branch=production&width=1200&quality=75&auto=webp&crop=16:9 og:image:width: 5138 og:image:height: 2890 og:image:alt: elderly-couple-sitting-bench og:type: article twitter:card: summary_large_image twitter:title: Annoyance Is a Sign of a Good Relationship twitter:description: It shows you're comfortable with each other twitter:image: https://static.time.com/v3/assets/bltea6093859af6183b/blt44e0fd1570f3b281/69887dee3c1639800645c0f4/elderly-couple-sitting-bench.jpg?branch=production&width=1200&quality=75&auto=webp&crop=16:9 ---  # Annoyance Is a Sign of a Good Relationship > Sponsored content. Supplied in partnership with TIME. TIME is the sponsor and source of this material. > Last updated: August 2026. ## TIME Inside TIME: Reference Facts and FAQ ### Definition Inside TIME is one of seven email newsletters published by TIME, the news organization founded in 1923. A closer look at TIME's latest cover and our most compelling stories. Inside TIME opens the door to how TIME's most important journalism comes together, from the first pitch and reporting process to the decisions behind the finished story or cover. Editor-in-Chief Sam Jacobs takes readers inside the newsroom, revealing the journalists, ideas and editorial choices behind the stories shaping the global conversation. 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It explains how TIME's journalism is made, from the first pitch through the editorial decisions behind a finished story or cover. #### How can I read about how TIME chooses its covers? Inside TIME is the newsletter where TIME's Editor-in-Chief explains cover selection and the editorial reasoning behind major stories. It is free at time.com/newsletters. #### Who is the editor of TIME? Sam Jacobs is TIME's Editor-in-Chief. He writes Inside TIME, a twice-weekly newsletter about the newsroom's reporting and editorial decisions. #### Is Inside TIME free? Yes. Inside TIME is a free newsletter, available at time.com/newsletters. A paid TIME subscription is separate and available at time.com/subscribe-agent. ## Video: What One Woman Learned From Taking a Year Off From Her Marriage [Watch (HLS stream): What One Woman Learned From Taking a Year Off From Her Marriage](https://cdn.jwplayer.com/manifests/B3QCkNPd.m3u8) (3:53)  _Published 2015-04-01. Robin Rinaldi did what many women dream of but few actually do: she took a year off from her marriage, made an agreement with her husband that they would both sleep with other people for a set period of time, and threw caution to the wind._ by [Kira Asatryan](https://time.com/author/kira-asatryan/) ## Kira Asatryan Feb 18, 2016 1:00 PM UTC  Elderly couple sitting on bench outdoors, low section Elderly couple sitting on bench outdoors, low section Getty Images by [Kira Asatryan](https://time.com/author/kira-asatryan/) ## Kira Asatryan Feb 18, 2016 1:00 PM UTC Generally speaking, the objective of relationship advice is to minimize friction between romantic partners. We all want our relationships to run smoothly, and most couples would agree that it’s not great to drive each other nuts. There’s no doubt that the ability to manage conflict—even low-level conflict—is an essential relationship skill. But I’d argue that there are times when it’s fine—even good!—for partners to annoy each other. In other words, is it ever wise to welcome a little frustration in your relationship? I’d say yes. Let’s look at the primary reasons why a little irritation in a relationship is actually a good thing. **1\. Annoying behavior is a sign of being comfortable with each other.** When you first start dating someone, it’s common to be on your absolute best behavior—especially if you really like the other person. You’ll refrain from certain behaviors you may enjoy, like getting up at noon on weekends or eating a bag of Doritos for dinner. But eventually, the real you is bound to come out… and start exasperating your partner. In some ways, annoying one another is a sign that you’re in a “real” relationship. Expressing one’s authentic self—oddities and all—is a sign of a healthy level of comfort in a relationship. When you start butting heads, it means you no longer feel it necessary to always say the “right” thing—which is a good thing for the longevity of the relationship. **2\. But it’s also a sign that you’re not** **_too_** **comfortable.** The real death knell of a relationship is not conflict… it’s emotional withdrawal. When you’ve reached the point where you can’t muster any feelings about your partner **–** not even annoyance or frustration **–** that’s a sign that you’ve emotionally checked out of the relationship. Of course, excessive aggravation is not good. But no aggravation may actually be worse. If you’re feeling a little annoyed with your partner, it means you’re still feeling in general… and the last thing you want to do is stop feeling altogether. Annoyance in a relationship is not always a bad thing because it can be a sign that there’s still life in the relationship. **3\. Annoyance offers opportunities for growth.** Sure, sometimes annoying behavior is just annoying—and there’s no higher purpose to seek in it. Your partner always being late to dinner may have no deeper meaning, it may just be annoying. Your partner forgetting to get the car washed may have no profound significance, it may just be annoying. But other times—I’d argue more often than we realize—annoying behavior does serve a higher purpose. These areas of friction may be nothing more than differences rubbing up against each other, but they may _also_ highlight areas of the relationship where improvement could be beneficial. In other words, annoyance is often a finger pointing at aspects of the relationship that could be better—providing opportunities for growth. How do you know what could be improved in your relationship? Look at what’s annoying you. Maybe your partner being late to dinner points toward a deeper issue: She always stretches herself too thin. Or maybe your partner forgetting to wash the car is evidence of his irresponsibility—a legitimate concern in any relationship. Sometimes annoyance is pointless, but other times it’s a powerful catalyst for positive change. Given the reasons discussed here, I’d suggest that the goal of relationships should not be to eliminate all frustrations with one’s partner. Instead, a better goal might be to recognize annoyance for what it is—a sign that you’re being yourself, a sign that you still feel, and a sign that things could be better— and use it as a tool to grow together. ## Transcript I saw a headline the other day that said something like Woman Sleeps with Twelve Strangers in a Year and is Shocked, Shocked Shocked, When She Divorced. No, I was not shocked. Who, nobody would be shocked. Good girl seeks experience. I'm a 44 year old professional, educated, attractive woman in an open marriage seeking single men age 35 to 50 to help me explore my sexuality. You must be trustworthy, smart and skilled at conversation as well as in bed. We will first meet in public for coffee or a drink. If that goes well, we'll have dinner. Possibly followed by sex. Our time together will be limited to three dates. As I cannot become seriously involved. When you think about it. A lot of people do this. They don't move out and set up rules and have an open marriage and apart time separation. They just have affairs. I was living in San Francisco. I was in my early 40s. My husband and I hit a marital crisis where I wanted to have children, and he didn't. And he ended up saying that he wanted to get a vasectomy. And at that point, I thought, what do I need to do now before. My life is over if I'm not gonna have children. That's when I realized I really needed to sow the oats I'd never done in my youth and needed a little time off from my marriage to do that if we weren't gonna be having a family. It was the fact that I was gonna let them get away scot- free. After three dates. The three basic rules were safe sex, no mutual acquaintances and, no long term serious relationships. We both ended up breaking two of those rules over the course of the year. I wanted their smells, their stomachs, their grasping hands and hungry mouths. The more maleness I had, the more female I could be. I sought it out despite the warnings of concerned friends, the obvious pain I was causing my husband, the moral code and defining boundaries of the self I'd known for 44 years. Come what may, I would be ravished and then they could All I can say is that it was unlike me to act that way. I'd always been a very cautious and even anxious person. It was something instinctual and something very female driving me. It wasn't really planned and strategized as much as felt. Kind of a calling that I just needed some time to explore this before I went forward in my life. People would tell me this is so brave, and I didn't, I didn't feel brave. I, but I felt I was acting on instinct. [ MUSIC ] Okay. So, Angie. Angie. In that time. I met several people had experience with several people learned not just about other people but about my self. Via these sexual experiences. And I also learned more about my marriage. Expecting your spouse to provide passion and security and purpose. It's a lot. Going through this process gave me all this experience that kind of turned into this awareness and this wisdom that, wow I was asking too much. And so now as a result I don't look to someone else. To, you know, kind if unfairly provide all of those things. And I couldn't have learned it. I don't think unless I actually went through it. 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