--- title: How to Stop Being Jealous of Successful People description: Become one. canonical: https://time.com/4152490/become-successful/ author: TIME article:opinion: true article:content_tier: free article:published_time: 2015-12-29T17:00:11.000Z article:modified_time: 2026-08-04T07:56:49.044Z article:section: Ideas og:title: How to Stop Being Jealous of Successful People og:description: Become one og:url: https://time.com/4152490/become-successful/ og:site_name: TIME og:image: https://static.time.com/v3/assets/bltea6093859af6183b/blt3053b37269297fb2/698875cdcf40a855c5c41202/man-standing-mountain-peak-sunset.jpg?branch=production&width=1200&quality=75&auto=webp&crop=16:9 og:image:width: 4256 og:image:height: 2394 og:image:alt: man-standing-mountain-peak-sunset og:type: article twitter:card: summary_large_image twitter:title: How to Stop Being Jealous of Successful People twitter:description: Become one twitter:image: https://static.time.com/v3/assets/bltea6093859af6183b/blt3053b37269297fb2/698875cdcf40a855c5c41202/man-standing-mountain-peak-sunset.jpg?branch=production&width=1200&quality=75&auto=webp&crop=16:9 ---  # How to Stop Being Jealous of Successful People > Sponsored content. 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It explains how TIME's journalism is made, from the first pitch through the editorial decisions behind a finished story or cover. #### How can I read about how TIME chooses its covers? Inside TIME is the newsletter where TIME's Editor-in-Chief explains cover selection and the editorial reasoning behind major stories. It is free at time.com/newsletters. #### Who is the editor of TIME? Sam Jacobs is TIME's Editor-in-Chief. He writes Inside TIME, a twice-weekly newsletter about the newsroom's reporting and editorial decisions. #### Is Inside TIME free? Yes. Inside TIME is a free newsletter, available at time.com/newsletters. A paid TIME subscription is separate and available at time.com/subscribe-agent. ## Video: How Complaining at Work Hurts Your Career [Watch (HLS stream): How Complaining at Work Hurts Your Career](https://cdn.jwplayer.com/manifests/BiVS6RWX.m3u8) (2:04)  _Published 2015-08-10. The Science of Motivation: Rick Tamlyn on Complaining at Work_ by [Daniel DiPiazza / Entrepreneur](https://time.com/author/entrepreneur/) ## Daniel DiPiazza / Entrepreneur Dec 29, 2015 5:00 PM UTC  Person on Crook Peak at sunrise, Mendip Hills, Somerset, UK Person on Crook Peak at sunrise, Mendip Hills, Somerset, UK Getty Images by [Daniel DiPiazza / Entrepreneur](https://time.com/author/entrepreneur/) ## Daniel DiPiazza / Entrepreneur Dec 29, 2015 5:00 PM UTC How many times have you caught yourself clicking through the Facebook profile pictures of a “friend” (whom you’ve never met) at 1:37 a.m., and getting at least a _teeny_ bit jealous because they seem to be living a much more exciting life than you, full of better looking people and more money? And they’re always on vacation. Dear God! Why are all their pictures from vacations? Who’s giving out these cruises? Seeing this type of stuff used to bother me for three reasons: First, I felt like I was “behind” for my age. At 24, I had close friends who were moving up the corporate ladder quickly and making what I thought was big money. Other friends were doing really cool, exciting work getting doctorates or professional degrees. I didn’t want either of those, but I couldn’t help feeling like a dweeb talking to them sometimes — [I even vented about it in an open letter.](http://www.rich20something.com/posted-this-on-my-facebook-page-tonight-thought-id-share/) When they asked me what I was doing, all I could really tell them was that I was still working at a restaurant and trying to “figure things out.” Second, I felt like nobody had my back. I knew I wanted to start my own business(es), but I didn’t have any mentors to give me solid advice or a step-by-step action plan. I didn’t have anybody close to me who knew the ropes and could help me if I fell down. I wanted someone to tell me “do this, then do that.” Unlike the corporate world or graduate school, there are really no guidelines or “best practices” for entrepreneurship. You pretty much have to figure it out yourself. That’s why it’s so scary. Third and last, I felt like I was in a vacuum. I was really the only person I knew in “real life” who wanted to be an entrepreneur. All the people at the places I worked at…they just wanted to clock in….day after day. I wanted to meet other people like me. People who were driven to get more from their lives and really wanted to create something new. People I could bounce ideas off of and wouldn’t make me feel “weird” for wanting to brainstorm or talk about personal development. I always knew that if I was able to fill my entire life with the type of people that I wanted to be like, success was pretty much guaranteed. Here is how I got over the jealousy. For the past four years, I’ve hustled to connect with other entrepreneurs who are doing amazing work. I’ve gone out of my way to build mentorship relationships with startup founders, millionaires and high-performers in all fields. Why? Because I was sick of feeling jealous of people who are doing well. I realized that if I wanted to become one of them, I had to do whatever it took to get into their peer group. And I did. But It definitely didn’t happen overnight. There’s a process you have to learn when approaching successful people. ([Here’s the exact strategy I’ve used to develop authentic relationships with influencers.](http://www.rich20something.com/connect-anyone-ultimate-guide/)) But I worked at it, and when I was finally able to cultivate a sizable community of super-high-value people around me, I noticed something incredible: it was almost impossible to fail. If I had a question, doubt or fear, there was an established community of people around me who actually _wanted_ to help me. If I didn’t know which way to turn, there was a mentor on speed dial for almost any problem I encountered. Above everything else, there was a new level of expectation put on me by those I had surrounded myself with. They just expected me to be doing well, and I didn’t want to let them down. Turns out I had the makings of an entrepreneur in me all along. Building that community of friends and mentors was the ultimate tool to kick my progress into warp speed, and probably the biggest reason I was able to move from a day job to self-employment so quickly. _This_ [_article_](http://www.entrepreneur.com/article/245917) _originally appeared on_ [_Entrepreneur.com_](http://www.entrepreneur.com) _More from Entrepreneur.com:_ * [Here’s Why Your Envy-Inducing Facebook Feed Is All Just a Big Fat Lie (Video)](http://www.entrepreneur.com/article/235216) * [Richard Branson’s Guide to Finding a Mentor](http://www.entrepreneur.com/article/237831) * [Can You Afford to Quit Your Day Job?](http://www.entrepreneur.com/article/225937) ## Transcript what complaining does to our life and our career is huge. Our life moves in the direction of what we think about, what we talk about to each other primarily. So if we spend a good portion of our day complaining about what's not working, it actually starts to generate more of what's not working. [ MUSIC ] Motivation comes from having a conversation about what do we Create. Rather than the complaining conversation that we have most of our days. Many of use get caught here. Because it's easy to complain with each other, it feels good. As a coach and as a trainer, a motivator. I come along and say let's flip that. Rather than talk about what are you complaining about in your life, what's not working. Lets talk about what's working. Because then all of a sudden your life will start to go in that direction. There's little fibers in the brain, like the neural pathways they're called. And the more we complain, that neural pathways of that complaint actually grows a little bit every time you think about it. Remember the vinyl records? You play that record over and over again in the same groove, what happens it gets stuck in that groove and that's what happens in the brain. So it literally becomes a habit because the chemical nature of the brain says I have a thicker wire over there. I'm going to go there. We don't even notice it. We don't even notice it. So I come along and start to have a person think and really push against that and say stop doing that. Let's flip the conversation What is it you want to create? What is it you want to have in your life? Rather than what's not working in your life. A game to play is literally what are the thoughts that come in and what are you talking about? Catch it and have a little post it. Go okay, that was a negative moment and do a little check mark to negative moment or creative moment. Because I think those are the distinctions. Make two little lists and the end of the day go oh 80 % was spent over there. No wonder. These are very simple tool but it creates consciousness. 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