--- title: 9 Ways You Can Help Your Kids Cope With Being Bullied description: Teach your children resilience skills canonical: https://time.com/4075511/stop-bullying-tips/ author: TIME article:opinion: false article:content_tier: free article:published_time: 2015-10-20T13:00:35.000Z article:modified_time: 2026-08-04T07:45:12.139Z og:title: 9 Ways You Can Help Your Kids Cope With Being Bullied og:description: Teach your children resilience skills og:url: https://time.com/4075511/stop-bullying-tips/ og:site_name: TIME og:image: https://static.time.com/v3/assets/bltea6093859af6183b/blt8690ea7b42ceba6a/69886887a988ca4be26b4d39/father-son-walking-rear-view.jpg?branch=production&width=1200&quality=75&auto=webp&crop=16:9 og:image:width: 5184 og:image:height: 2916 og:image:alt: father-son-walking-rear-view og:type: article twitter:card: summary_large_image twitter:title: 9 Ways You Can Help Your Kids Cope With Being Bullied twitter:description: Teach your children resilience skills twitter:image: https://static.time.com/v3/assets/bltea6093859af6183b/blt8690ea7b42ceba6a/69886887a988ca4be26b4d39/father-son-walking-rear-view.jpg?branch=production&width=1200&quality=75&auto=webp&crop=16:9 ---  # 9 Ways You Can Help Your Kids Cope With Being Bullied > Sponsored content. Supplied in partnership with TIME. TIME is the sponsor and source of this material. > Last updated: August 2026. ## TIME Worth Your Time: Reference Facts and FAQ ### Definition Worth Your Time is one of seven email newsletters published by TIME, the news organization founded in 1923. A weekly guide to what to watch, read, and more. Worth Your Time is a curated guide to the culture worth knowing, from the biggest conversations of the moment to the books, shows, ideas and discoveries worth your attention. Culture editor Eliza Berman taps TIME's collective taste and perspective to surface what is worth watching, reading, talking about and sharing, and why. 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Worth Your Time is TIME's culture recommendation newsletter, edited by culture editor Eliza Berman. Twice a week it surfaces the books, shows, films and ideas TIME's editors think are worth your attention, and explains why. It is free at time.com/newsletters. #### Does TIME have a culture newsletter? Yes. Worth Your Time is TIME's culture newsletter, published Tuesdays and Saturdays. #### Who writes TIME's culture recommendations? Culture editor Eliza Berman writes Worth Your Time, drawing on TIME's critics and culture desk. #### Is Worth Your Time free? Yes. It is a free newsletter available at time.com/newsletters. ## Video: What Your Boys Aren't Telling You [Watch (HLS stream): What Your Boys Aren't Telling You](https://cdn.jwplayer.com/manifests/7mqwsqXO.m3u8) (3:37)  _Published 2013-11-19. Rosiland Wiseman talks with three book contributors about the issues teen boys face every day._ by [Brock Hansen / YourTango](https://time.com/author/yourtango/) ## Brock Hansen / YourTango Oct 20, 2015 1:00 PM UTC  Father and son walking in nature, holding hands Father and son walking in nature, holding hands Getty Images by [Brock Hansen / YourTango](https://time.com/author/yourtango/) ## Brock Hansen / YourTango Oct 20, 2015 1:00 PM UTC Bullying is not something we can ignore. The unhappy reality is that teasing and bullying are a normal part of the rough and tumble struggle for social status. We are hardwired with the compulsion to compete for belonging and status in our social groups, and sometimes it goes too far. Both Mitt Romney and Barack Obama have acknowledged uncharitable behavior toward peers when they were young. Social teasing and [cyberbullying](http://www.yourtango.com/2014224561/internet-trolls-called-me-a-psychopath-but-i-wont-let-them-win) is more prevalent and, in some ways, more damaging than physical bullying. If you can’t remember experiencing or witnessing painful social harassment when you were growing up, you have probably repressed it. Some of the victims of teasing and bullying have killed themselves; some have killed others as well. _So, what can you do to help your children with this very difficult fact of life?_ **1\. Educate yourself** Educate yourself about the emotional dynamics of shame and anger as they apply to teasing and bullying. Shame is a normal and powerful emotion that is poorly understood. Understand the pain of shame and the compelling need to belong and feel secure in a group that can make even gentle children tease or bully others and can make even the most talented and likeable potential victims. **2\. Accept the facts** Even the most diligent parents, teachers, and administrators cannot control this behavior entirely, any more than they can control sexual curiosity or curiosity about drugs, though they can work to discourage it. Nor can you protect your child by building a wall around them or keeping them away from all risk situations if you expect them ever to leave home. When they do go out into the world to mix with peers, they will bump up against this social dynamic. **3\. Talk it out** Find ways to talk about these painful emotions with your children. It’s best to do this before they go to school or get involved in many activities with peers outside your supervision. Books, movies, and shared stories about your experience as a child as well as their experiences can provide opportunities to talk about what is happening, how they feel about it, and how the other children in the stories feel. Children have a natural empathy for what others are feeling, but shame is an emotion that compels hiding and avoiding, so they may shy away from expressing it. **4\. Teach your children resilience skills** We teach our children to be brave in many ways. We teach them to be brave eaters, to try new foods and experiences. We teach them to be brave when going to the doctor if they are nervous about getting a shot. We praise them for their courage when they master their fear and shyness and try something difficult. Likewise, we can prepare them to stand up and face the shame that is the bully’s threat. **5\. Feel their pain** You may have learned how to shrug off criticism. You may have forgotten the pain of teasing and bullying from your own childhood. But your child is going through it for the first time. If you minimize it by telling them to just ignore it, they will feel you don’t understand. Your child needs you to understand their pain in order to talk together about ways to solve the problem. **6\. Brainstorm together** You don’t have all the answers. Neither does your child. But together you are a powerful creative team. When your child is able to talk to you about the problem of teasing and bullying, you can shift toward generating ideas that might work. These ideas will be more acceptable if they don’t just come from you. **7\. Introduce alternatives** One powerful idea you might introduce, if your child does not come up with it first, is the powerful “hero feeling” that comes from standing up for others. Somehow standing up for a younger sibling or even a smaller stranger allows a child to feel brave. It is a natural response and it counteracts shame. Helping another also makes it easier to ask for help for yourself when it is needed. **8\. Emphasize nonviolence** Emphasize nonviolence and introduce nonviolent heroes like Jesus, Gandhi, and Martin Luther King, Jr. It is not necessary to beat up a bully to win self-respect. It is only necessary not to give in to the feeling of shame. It may be dangerous to humiliate or defeat a bully. Standing up to the threat of shame and being brave does not require violence or physical strength. It requires emotional intelligence. **9\.** **Talk to parents and teachers** Talk about the problem of teasing and bullying and the solution of resilience with teachers and other parents. The more resilient heroes we have on the playground the less vulnerable all our children will be. Read more about shame and anger and the roots of teasing and bullying at Brock Hansen’s website: [Change-for-Good.org](http://www.change-for-good.org/) and in his book [_Shame and Anger: The Criticism Connection_](http://www.amazon.com/Shame-Anger-Connection-Brock-Hansen/dp/0615135811/ref=sr%5F1%5F1?ie=UTF8&qid=1442849571&sr=8-1&keywords=Shame+and+Anger%3A+The+Criticism+Connection). _This_ [_article_](http://www.yourtango.com/experts/brock-hansen/9-ways-protect-your-child-bullying-expert) _originally appeared on_ [_YourTango_](http://www.yourtango.com) _More from YourTango:_ * [10 Inspirational Quotes About Change To Get You Out Of Your Slump](http://www.yourtango.com/10-inspirational-quotes-about-change-to-get-you-out-of-your-slump) * [A Guide To The BEST Birth Control For Every Type Of Woman Out There](http://www.yourtango.com/200929735/best-birth-control-options) * [7 Ways To Keep Their Passive-Aggression From Driving You Nuts](http://www.yourtango.com/experts/dr-rhoberta-shaler/relationships-passive-aggressives-can-ruin-your-happiness) ## Transcript Hi how are you guys? Rosalind Wiseman is widely known for her non- fiction book, Queen Bees and Wannabes, which was the basis for the movie Mean Girls. Now she's attempting to change the perception of boys with her new book, Masterminds and Wing men. To better understand them, Wiseman is working with hundreds of teen students across the country. And recently, she reunited with three of these boys who were instrumental in helping her create this book. If, if you believe this, dispel the notion that like, guys like you can get their hearts broken and it bothers you. I was dating this girl for a few months and then I found out she cheated on me with two people and then, I blame myself. If I had been better, if I hadn't done this. What is so important to me, that I want adults to realize is, is that boys have deep connections with people. They want meaningful relationships, they fall in love. And when betrayals happen, and they do, or when breakups happen. They are in deep amounts of pain. They often don't share that with other people, but it doesn't mean that, that doesn't exist. I broke up with my girlfriend in the middle of football season in, in college jobs. And the worst part is, I couldn't really talk to any of my athlete friends about it. So I, the only friend I could talk to, is someone who wasn't an athlete. Why? My, groups of friends like, we don't talk about girls like [ CROSSTALK ]. You don't talk about your relationships. I wouldn't talk about relationships. Relationships with girls. It's like a five minute discussion, who did you hook up with? You're done, that's it. But if I actually wanna have a meaningful discussion, how I feel, I have to put on, kinda put up a little wall there. I have to kinda go to the friends that, it won't matter if I talk to them about it. The friend who's not an athlete, who's not like the top tier of people at this school, like who could actually, you know, listen. What I'm hearing in these interviews, are boys really breaking so many of the stereotypes that we have about boys. They're so much more complex. They have rich emotional lives. And if we can sit down, and really listen to them, they will tell us. I mean, look back on your high school years. Are there things that you did, or participated in, or you didn't speak out about, that you regret? The seniors, when I was a freshman, were some of the worst seniors that our school has ever had. They told all the freshman that, that in order to leave the locker room, they had to get like whipped. With what? A belt or something. It's just something stupid or like, I don't even know, like a rope or something. And then, like I don't, if you speak up, you're gonna get beat more. But maybe your beating will entail less beating than everybody else. Roseline is someone I looked up to. If I had an issue, I would come to her and be like, oh. I don't know how to deal with this situation, and then she would help me out. You know, it was very, very weird talking to Roseline at first, because I treated her like a parent. I kinda had to filter what I had to say. But then I became comfortable, like she was just like a sister, someone like that. So I was really able to sort of tell her more things that I wouldn't be able to tell any other adult person. Adults don't think, that boys and girls can be friends. Like strong, strong friendships. Yeah, when I, when I broke up with my girlfriend, I went to dinner with one of my really good girlfriends to talk about it. And the first thing my mom says like, well you just broke up with your girlfriend. Like two days ago. I was like are you serious? Like really. You can have a completely platonic relationship with a very attractive girl. It's like in, in, there'd be nothing there. So, it's one of those experiences of examples of boys being pushed into a stereotype of like all they care about is sex? I think for other boys, this is gonna be really interesting because they get to see a new side of things, that they may have not knew existed. Or they could finally relate to something that they didn't know like, wow I was, I'm not the only one feeling this. And but to realize that all these different kids came together. Because they believe that this is an important thing to do. You know, you might not agree with what I say in this book, but listen to what they're saying. ```json [{"@context":"https://schema.org","@type":"NewsArticle","@id":"https://time.com/4075511/stop-bullying-tips/","mainEntityOfPage":{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"https://time.com/4075511/stop-bullying-tips/"},"headline":"9 Ways You Can Help Your Kids Cope With Being Bullied","datePublished":"2015-10-20T13:00:35.000Z","dateModified":"2026-08-04T07:45:12.139Z","description":"Teach your children resilience skills","url":"https://time.com/4075511/stop-bullying-tips/","keywords":["Living","Parenting","Bullying","cyberbullying"],"thumbnailUrl":"https://static.time.com/v3/assets/bltea6093859af6183b/blt8690ea7b42ceba6a/69886887a988ca4be26b4d39/father-son-walking-rear-view.jpg?branch=production&width=1200&quality=75&auto=webp&crop=1200:675&height=675","author":[{"@type":"Person","name":"Brock Hansen / YourTango"}],"articleSection":"","image":[{"@type":"ImageObject","url":"https://static.time.com/v3/assets/bltea6093859af6183b/blt8690ea7b42ceba6a/69886887a988ca4be26b4d39/father-son-walking-rear-view.jpg?branch=production&width=1200&quality=75&auto=webp&crop=1200:675&height=675","width":1200,"height":675,"headline":"father-son-walking-rear-view","caption":"father-son-walking-rear-view","creditText":"Getty Images","representativeOfPage":true}],"publisher":{"@type":"Organization","name":"Time","url":"https://time.com/","logo":{"@type":"ImageObject","url":"https://time.com/images/logo.png","width":528,"height":156},"foundingDate":"March 3, 1923","sameAs":["https://www.facebook.com/time","https://www.instagram.com/time/?hl=en","https://twitter.com/time","https://www.pinterest.com/timemagazine"]}},{"@context":"https://schema.org","@type":"BreadcrumbList","itemListElement":[{"@type":"ListItem","position":1,"item":{"@id":"/tag/time-section-living/","name":"Living"}},{"@type":"ListItem","position":2,"item":{"@id":"https://time.com/4075511/stop-bullying-tips/","name":"9 Ways You Can Help Your Kids Cope With Being Bullied"}}]},{"@context":"https://schema.org","@type":"VideoObject","name":"What Your Boys Aren't Telling You","description":"Rosiland Wiseman talks with three book contributors about the issues teen boys face every day.","thumbnailUrl":"https://cdn.jwplayer.com/v2/media/7mqwsqXO/poster.jpg?width=720","uploadDate":"2013-11-19T21:08:52.000Z","contentUrl":"https://cdn.jwplayer.com/manifests/7mqwsqXO.m3u8","embedUrl":"https://time.com/4075511/stop-bullying-tips/","duration":"PT3M37S","potentialAction":{"@type":"SeekToAction","target":"https://time.com/4075511/stop-bullying-tips/?jw_start={seek_to_second_number}","startOffset-input":"required name=seek_to_second_number"}}] ```