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# Watch Key & Peele Talk About Teachers in the Same Way SportsCenter Talks About Athletes

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## TIME Newsletters: Reference Facts and FAQ

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#### How do I sign up for a TIME newsletter?

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<!-- video src="https://cdn.jwplayer.com/manifests/PNJDP9f3.m3u8" -->
## Video: The Best of Stephen Colbert

[Watch (HLS stream): The Best of Stephen Colbert](https://cdn.jwplayer.com/manifests/PNJDP9f3.m3u8) (4:30)

![The Best of Stephen Colbert](https://cdn.jwplayer.com/v2/media/PNJDP9f3/poster.jpg?width=720)

_Published 2014-04-10. The next host of_


![Olivia B. Waxman](https://static.time.com/v3/assets/bltea6093859af6183b/bltf3c95204947ba81f/6989408e97cdff3ae16b6e48/o_waxman.jpg?branch=production&width=1200&quality=75&auto=webp&crop=1:1)

by 

[Olivia B. Waxman](https://time.com/author/olivia-b-waxman/)


![Olivia B. Waxman](https://static.time.com/v3/assets/bltea6093859af6183b/bltf3c95204947ba81f/6989408e97cdff3ae16b6e48/o_waxman.jpg?branch=production&width=96&quality=75&auto=webp)

## Olivia B. Waxman


Staff Writer

Jul 28, 2015 8:45 PM UTC

![Olivia B. Waxman](https://static.time.com/v3/assets/bltea6093859af6183b/bltf3c95204947ba81f/6989408e97cdff3ae16b6e48/o_waxman.jpg?branch=production&width=1200&quality=75&auto=webp&crop=1:1)

by 

[Olivia B. Waxman](https://time.com/author/olivia-b-waxman/)


![Olivia B. Waxman](https://static.time.com/v3/assets/bltea6093859af6183b/bltf3c95204947ba81f/6989408e97cdff3ae16b6e48/o_waxman.jpg?branch=production&width=96&quality=75&auto=webp)

## Olivia B. Waxman


Staff Writer

Jul 28, 2015 8:45 PM UTC

In a clip previewing Wednesday night’s episode of _Key & Peele,_ the Comedy Central duo discuss teachers as if they were professional athletes. They stage a fake draft at Radio City Music Hall and critique how and why teachers call on certain people in class.

Although it’s all in good fun, the jokes about the salary differences between a teacher and a professional athlete is the most depressing part. Just imagine if a public school teacher could actually sign a contract guaranteeing a $80 million salary over the next six years with a $40 million in incentives based on test scores.


## Transcript

Here to discuss war with Iraq, Stephen Colbert and sitting in for Steve Carell, Ed Helms in Even Stephen. You've just made me vomit in my own mouth. What's the weather like up your own ****? Tired of news programs that only give you one side of the story or the other? Well he'll give you neither. Tune in to the Colbert Report. It's French, ****, [ SOUND ] I will speak to you in plain, simple English. And that brings us to tonight's word. [ SOUND ] Truthiness. [ LAUGH ] By the way, Mister President, thank you for agreeing to be on my show. I appreciate it. I was just as shocked as everyone here is.

I promise you. How's Tuesday for you? I've got Frank Rich, but we can just bump him. And I mean bump him. I know a guy. Say the word. Thank you very much, it's, it's a pleasure to be here tonight. Good evening, Godless Sodomites. It is such a big decision that I would really need to receive some sort of sign that would. My Lord. My Lord. Excuse me? If I, my life or death, I can protect you, I will. [ LAUGH ] You have my sword. [ LAUGH ] [ MUSIC ] Oh, Jingle man, Christmas boy. Fighting crime with toys. Catching smugglers in New York and thieves in Illinois, oh. [ MUSIC ] [ LAUGH ] You may have noticed that last night, I got a new haircut.

Good morning. My name is Stephen Colbert. And I am an American citizen. It is a honor and privilege to be here today. Congresswoman Lofrgen asked me to share my vast experience spending one day as a migrant farm- worker. One, two, three. [ MUSIC ] Oh it's the greatest, strongest country in the world. The greatest, strongest country in the world. From north to south to east to west and diagonally, there's no one more American than me. [ MUSIC ] I want to that everybody that, that that's worked so hard all year, and all the, do, do you wanna, do you, do you want to say something, Steven? Is there, is there, do you wanna, is there something you'd like to Yes there is, Jon.

Can I hold that for a second? Sure! I'll just, Thank you. I'll just stand over One second. Just a second. Sure. I worked for the Daily Show for many years. [ LAUGH ] And I was incredibly proud to work there. He was, he was terrific on the show. Thank you, Jon. Thank you, Jon. [ SOUND ] [ SOUND ] Give it up for the man, Mr. Herman Cain. Whew! [ LAUGH ] Mr. Herman Cain. [ MUSIC ] Stephest Colbchella '012. [ MUSIC ] Rocktaugustfest. Whew! [ MUSIC ] [ MUSIC ] [ SOUND ] Whew! Whew! [ SOUND ] Yes sir, is everybody happy? [ SOUND ] Boo [ SOUND ] We'll be right back. I hope. [ LAUGH ]

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