--- title: This Is the Quickest Way to Become an Expert Negotiator description: It's about having a good reputation canonical: https://time.com/3970200/become-expert-negotiator/ author: Eric Barker article:opinion: true article:content_tier: free article:published_time: 2015-07-25T04:01:12.000Z article:modified_time: 2026-03-31T08:37:57.401Z article:section: Ideas og:title: This Is the Quickest Way to Become an Expert Negotiator og:description: It's about having a good reputation og:url: https://time.com/3970200/become-expert-negotiator/ og:site_name: TIME og:image: https://static.time.com/v3/assets/bltea6093859af6183b/bltde093bcdab65f2d0/6988d9b9bc6cfc69913e2a3c/time-logo.jpg?branch=production og:image:width: 1200 og:image:height: 675 og:image:alt: TIME og:type: article twitter:card: summary_large_image twitter:title: This Is the Quickest Way to Become an Expert Negotiator twitter:description: It's about having a good reputation twitter:image: https://static.time.com/v3/assets/bltea6093859af6183b/bltde093bcdab65f2d0/6988d9b9bc6cfc69913e2a3c/time-logo.jpg?branch=production --- # This Is the Quickest Way to Become an Expert Negotiator by [Eric Barker](https://time.com/author/eric-barker/) ## Eric Barker Jul 25, 2015 4:01 AM UTC by [Eric Barker](https://time.com/author/eric-barker/) ## Eric Barker Jul 25, 2015 4:01 AM UTC Be nice. We often associate negotiation with being tough or manipulative. While there are certainly situations where that’s the case, a great deal of the recent research says we can improve our results by thinking more about making friends than waging war. A great deal of what it takes to influence others, gain their compliance and lead successful negotiations is just good advice on how to be a decent person. * **Be warm.** We value [warmth more than competence](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/what-do-we-value-more-in-people-warmth-or-com). Happy people [are better negotiators](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/does-happiness-or-sadness-make-us-better-nego). Making small talk — even when it had nothing to do with the issue at hand — [dramatically increased the fairness of offers and the rate at which they were accepted](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/does-small-talk-make-a-big-difference). Compliments ([even obvious flattery](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/does-obvious-flattery-work)) work. * **Be optimisitc.** Feeling positive about negotiations makes them [more likely to work out and both parties happier with the result](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/should-you-be-optimistic-going-into-negotiati). * **Be polite.** Just remembering the other person’s name [increases compliance with requests](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/another-simple-trick-for-persuading-people). Asking [“Is this a good time for you?”](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/another-trick-for-increasing-compliance) does too. Something a simple as [asking someone how they’re doing](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/a-quick-and-simple-way-to-influence-others), waiting for a response and acknowledging it has notable effects. * **Listen.** [Listening to people and asking them to tell you more](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/how-to-easily-be-more-likable-and-make-people) makes people like you more and makes them more receptive. Listening is [the fundamental skill for FBI hostage negotiators](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/what-7-negotiating-tricks-can-we-learn-from-f). You can learn how to be a better listener [here](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/how-to-quickly-and-easily-improve-your-listen) and [here](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/an-easy-way-to-dramatically-improve-your-list). * **Offer them something to eat or drink.** Yes, a cheeseburger can be an [effective persuasion tool](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/is-a-cheeseburger-an-effective-persuasion-too) and the [strategic use of coffee](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/can-the-strategic-use-of-coffee-make-you-more) can make you a better negotiator. * **Be funny.** Humor generates [higher levels of trust](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/can-humor-make-you-a-better-negotiator) and, mentally, it [disarms people](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/does-humor-mentally-disarm-us). * **Don’t assume the other guy is out to get you.** People are often [kinder than you think](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/are-people-more-or-less-helpful-than-you-thin). Mistrust is [self-fulfilling](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/is-mistrust-self-fulfilling), as is expecting others to be [selfish](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/is-expecting-others-to-be-selfish-a-self-fulf). The most powerful strategy is often as simple as [tit-for-tat](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/is-tit-for-tat-the-best-way-to-deal-with-peop). Taking advantage of the other guy, not reciprocating and being too clever have all been shown to [backfire frequently](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/can-computers-teach-us-everything-we-need-to). Could you be taken advantage of? Yes, but in the long run a good reputation [pays off](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/does-a-good-reputation-pay-off). And if you find that being nice isn’t working, then there is always [the darker side of negotiation technique](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0609608002/ref=as%5Fli%5Fss%5Ftl?ie=UTF8&tag=spacforrent-20&linkCode=as2&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=0609608002). For more on how to be a better negotiator, from the former lead international hostage for the FBI, click [here](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/2013/06/hostage-negotiation/). **_This piece originally appeared on_** [**_Barking Up the Wrong Tree_**](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/2012/03/is-being-a-nice-person-the-quickest-route-to/)**_._** **Join over 195,000 readers. Get a free weekly update via email** [**here**](http://eepurl.com/o6uAD)**.** Related posts: [How To Stop Being Lazy And Get More Done – 5 Expert Tips](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/2014/08/how-to-stop-being-lazy/) [How To Get People To Like You: 7 Ways From An FBI Behavior Expert](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/2014/10/how-to-get-people-to-like-you/) [New Harvard Research Reveals A Fun Way To Be More Successful](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/2014/09/be-more-successful/) ```json [{"@context":"https://schema.org","@type":"OpinionNewsArticle","@id":"https://time.com/3970200/become-expert-negotiator/","mainEntityOfPage":{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"https://time.com/3970200/become-expert-negotiator/"},"headline":"This Is the Quickest Way to Become an Expert Negotiator","datePublished":"2015-07-25T04:01:12.000Z","dateModified":"2026-03-31T08:37:57.401Z","description":"It's about having a good reputation","url":"https://time.com/3970200/become-expert-negotiator/","keywords":["Psychology","communication","Humor","negotiation"],"thumbnailUrl":"","author":[{"@type":"Person","name":"Eric Barker","jobTitle":null,"url":"https://time.com/author/eric-barker/"}],"articleSection":"Ideas","image":[],"publisher":{"@type":"Organization","name":"Time","url":"https://time.com/","logo":{"@type":"ImageObject","url":"https://time.com/images/logo.png","width":528,"height":156},"foundingDate":"March 3, 1923","sameAs":["https://www.facebook.com/time","https://www.instagram.com/time/?hl=en","https://twitter.com/time","https://www.pinterest.com/timemagazine"]}},{"@context":"https://schema.org","@type":"BreadcrumbList","itemListElement":[{"@type":"ListItem","position":1,"item":{"@id":"/section/ideas/","name":"Ideas"}},{"@type":"ListItem","position":2,"item":{"@id":"/tag/psychology/","name":"Psychology"}},{"@type":"ListItem","position":3,"item":{"@id":"https://time.com/3970200/become-expert-negotiator/","name":"This Is the Quickest Way to Become an Expert Negotiator"}}]}] ```