--- title: The Three Marriages: Reimagining Work, Self and Relationship description: There are other dynamics at play canonical: https://time.com/3956157/work-self-relationship/ author: Shane Parrish article:opinion: true article:content_tier: free article:published_time: 2015-07-20T11:00:07.000Z article:modified_time: 2026-08-04T07:49:32.239Z article:section: Ideas og:title: Stop Trying to Achieve Work-Life Balance og:description: There are other dynamics at play og:url: https://time.com/3956157/work-self-relationship/ og:site_name: TIME og:image: https://static.time.com/v3/assets/bltea6093859af6183b/blt1d4a5d8c1e0a7696/69885aaacd684892020a0c54/zen-rock-pile.jpg?branch=production&width=513&quality=75&auto=webp&crop=16:9 og:image:width: 513 og:image:height: 289 og:image:alt: zen-rock-pile og:type: article twitter:card: summary_large_image twitter:title: Stop Trying to Achieve Work-Life Balance twitter:description: There are other dynamics at play twitter:image: https://static.time.com/v3/assets/bltea6093859af6183b/blt1d4a5d8c1e0a7696/69885aaacd684892020a0c54/zen-rock-pile.jpg?branch=production&width=513&quality=75&auto=webp&crop=16:9 ---  # Stop Trying to Achieve Work-Life Balance > Sponsored content. 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It explains how TIME's journalism is made, from the first pitch through the editorial decisions behind a finished story or cover. #### How can I read about how TIME chooses its covers? Inside TIME is the newsletter where TIME's Editor-in-Chief explains cover selection and the editorial reasoning behind major stories. It is free at time.com/newsletters. #### Who is the editor of TIME? Sam Jacobs is TIME's Editor-in-Chief. He writes Inside TIME, a twice-weekly newsletter about the newsroom's reporting and editorial decisions. #### Is Inside TIME free? Yes. Inside TIME is a free newsletter, available at time.com/newsletters. A paid TIME subscription is separate and available at time.com/subscribe-agent. ## Video: How Do You Balance Your Work Life and Home Life? [Watch (HLS stream): How Do You Balance Your Work Life and Home Life?](https://cdn.jwplayer.com/manifests/0KCso1uq.m3u8) (1:09)  _Published 2015-06-14. We asked people on the streets of New York City how they manage to keep their home lives and work lives separate, if at all._ by [Shane Parrish](https://time.com/author/shane-parrish/) ## Shane Parrish Jul 20, 2015 11:00 AM UTC  USA, New York State, Lake Placid, Stacked pebbles USA, New York State, Lake Placid, Stacked pebbles Getty Images by [Shane Parrish](https://time.com/author/shane-parrish/) ## Shane Parrish Jul 20, 2015 11:00 AM UTC “_Work-life balance is a concept that has us simply lashing ourselves on the back and working too hard in each of the three commitments. In the ensuing exhaustion we ultimately give up on one or more of them to gain an easier life._” Few [books I’ve read](http://www.farnamstreetblog.com/reading/) contain more marked passages and pages than David Whyte’s passionate and thought-provoking book, [The Three Marriages: Reimagining Work, Self and Relationship](http://a-fwd.com/es=farstrblo068-21&it=farstrblo0a-21&fr=farstrblo08-21&de=farstrblo07-21&uk=farstrblo-21&ca=farst-20&com=farnamstreet-20&asin-es=159448435X&asin-it=159448435X&asin-fr=159448435X&asin-de=159448435X&asin-uk=159448435X&asin-ca=159448435X&asin-com=159448435X), which argues we should stop thinking in terms of work-life balance. --- > “” --- Whyte argues that we come to a sense of meaning and belonging “only through long periods of exile and loneliness.” --- > “” --- These three lifelong pursuits, Whyte believes, “involve vows made either consciously or unconsciously.” Neglecting any one of these “impoverishes them all” because they are not mutually distinct but rather “different expressions of the way each individual belongs to the world.” Our flirtation with each differs and yet we are left to inter-weave the vows into a cohesive person, consciously or unconsciously. Whyte’s premise is also his conclusion: --- > “” --- Perhaps this resonates with me more than most because I’ve always found the argument that we should live a balanced life lacking. At its heart this implies we should trade one aspect for another, compromising as we go. To me this trimming of excess in one area to prop up another serves to remove, not create, meaning. The other argument that Whyte surfaces penetrates the fabric of our human needs: the constant tug of war between our social desires and our need for space. This is another area where we naturally try to find balance and in so doing compromise part of ourselves. [The Three Marriages: Reimagining Work, Self and Relationship](http://a-fwd.com/es=farstrblo068-21&it=farstrblo0a-21&fr=farstrblo08-21&de=farstrblo07-21&uk=farstrblo-21&ca=farst-20&com=farnamstreet-20&asin-es=159448435X&asin-it=159448435X&asin-fr=159448435X&asin-de=159448435X&asin-uk=159448435X&asin-ca=159448435X&asin-com=159448435X) “dispels the myth that we are predominately thinking creatures, who can, if we put our feet in all the right places, develop strategies that will make us the paragons of perfection we want to be, and instead, looks to a deeper, almost poetic perspective.” **_This piece originally appeared on_** [**_Farnam Street_**](https://www.farnamstreetblog.com/2015/06/the-three-marriages/)**_._** **Join over 60,000 readers and get a free weekly update via email** [**here**](http://www.farnamstreetblog.com/newsletter/)**.** ## Transcript [ MUSIC ] I'm on the streets of New York and I'm asking people how they balance their work life and their home life. I guess the extent of that would be moving here and moving away from my family, moving away from friends that I've been around my entire life. This was a big step here. It's pretty much when you come over from over there and try to make it over here, you got to push it hard. I never let it get to me. I keep that under control. It's all stress management. That's the way it's supposed to be I guess. It does help I'm at a smaller company . >> Once I clock out, I'm done for the day . >> You interact with them more on a one to one basis so they do care about you a little bit more sometimes . >> Has your job ever overtaken your life ? >> All the time . >> And how do you deal with that ? >> I go on long vacations . >> I work hard. I play hard. That's the balance. The time they're in school, that's the time I'm working. When they're off of school, then it's all for them. 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