--- title: Happiness: Childhood and Relationships Are Necessary for Happy Life description: Childhood experiences matter more than you think canonical: https://time.com/3932496/happy-life-ideas-research/ author: Eric Barker article:opinion: true article:content_tier: free article:published_time: 2015-06-25T04:01:04.000Z article:modified_time: 2026-08-04T07:43:17.202Z article:section: Ideas og:title: 2 Things That Lead to a Happy Life, Backed By Research og:description: Childhood experiences matter more than you think og:url: https://time.com/3932496/happy-life-ideas-research/ og:site_name: TIME og:image: https://static.time.com/v3/assets/bltea6093859af6183b/bltd3d32eacece191e7/6988580235ba6f5212c0de3f/548557509-copy.jpg?branch=production&width=508&quality=75&auto=webp&crop=16:9 og:image:width: 508 og:image:height: 286 og:image:alt: children-sitting-fence og:type: article twitter:card: summary_large_image twitter:title: 2 Things That Lead to a Happy Life, Backed By Research twitter:description: Childhood experiences matter more than you think twitter:image: https://static.time.com/v3/assets/bltea6093859af6183b/bltd3d32eacece191e7/6988580235ba6f5212c0de3f/548557509-copy.jpg?branch=production&width=508&quality=75&auto=webp&crop=16:9 ---  # 2 Things That Lead to a Happy Life, Backed By Research > Sponsored content. 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Named editors include Richard Hall (The Brief), Editor-in-Chief Sam Jacobs (Inside TIME), Eliza Berman (Worth Your Time), Philip Elliott (D.C. Brief), Justin Worland (Future Proof) and Harry Booth (In the Loop). Health Matters is written by TIME's health desk. #### How do I sign up for a TIME newsletter? Go to time.com/newsletters, choose the newsletters you want and enter your email address. There is no cost and no subscription requirement. ## Video: A 100-Year-Old Sex Therapist on Having Good Sex, Then and Now [Watch (HLS stream): A 100-Year-Old Sex Therapist on Having Good Sex, Then and Now](https://cdn.jwplayer.com/manifests/uJFYIrvP.m3u8) (3:13)  _Published 2014-08-20. A practicing sex therapist in New York City, Dr. Shirley Zussman has witnessed everything from the legalization of the contraceptive birth control pill to the AIDs epidemic in the 1980s to the rise of internet porn in the new millenium._ by [Eric Barker](https://time.com/author/eric-barker/) ## Eric Barker Jun 25, 2015 4:01 AM UTC  Children sitting on fence with feet dangling Children sitting on fence with feet dangling Getty Images by [Eric Barker](https://time.com/author/eric-barker/) ## Eric Barker Jun 25, 2015 4:01 AM UTC I’ve posted a number of times about two nearly-lifelong studies: the Terman Study (covered in [The Longevity Project](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0452297702/ref=as%5Fli%5Fss%5Ftl?ie=UTF8&tag=spacforrent-20&linkCode=as2&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=0452297702)) and the Grant Study (covered in [Triumphs of Experience](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00A4NF904/ref=as%5Fli%5Fss%5Ftl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=B00A4NF904&linkCode=as2&tag=spacforrent-20).) While different in some respects, both followed a sample of people from youth until death and provided insights into what makes for a happy life. What two big ideas do they both strongly agree on? ## 1) A Happy Childhood Matters More Than You Think The Grant Study found being happy when you’re old is tied to [having had a warm childhood](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/2013/02/good-life/): --- > “” --- The Terman Study realized that “Parental divorce during childhood was the single strongest social predictor of early death.” Via [The Longevity Project: Surprising Discoveries for Health and Long Life from the Landmark Eight-Decade Study:](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0452297702/ref=as%5Fli%5Fss%5Ftl?ie=UTF8&tag=spacforrent-20&linkCode=as2&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=0452297702) --- > “” --- Sadly, our own childhoods are not something we can change, but this is something to keep in mind if you are or will be raising kids. ### These Kids Want to Show You Their Favorite Toys  Ralf, 4 Riga, Latvia Gabriele Galimberti—INSTITUTE  Allenah, 4 El Nido, Philippines Gabriele Galimberti—INSTITUTE  Maudy, 3 Kalulushi, Zambia Gabriele Galimberti—INSTITUTE  Watcharapon, 3 Bangkok, Thailand Gabriele Galimberti—INSTITUTE  Reania, 5 Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia Gabriele Galimberti—INSTITUTE  Pavel, 5 Kiev, Ukraine Gabriele Galimberti—INSTITUTE  Bethsaida, 6 Port-au-Prince, Haiti Gabriele Galimberti—INSTITUTE  Julia, 3 Tirana, Albania Gabriele Galimberti—INSTITUTE  Abel, 4 Nopaltepec, Mexico Gabriele Galimberti—INSTITUTE  Shotaro, 5 Tokyo, Japan Gabriele Galimberti—INSTITUTE  Noel, 5 South Dallas, Texas Gabriele Galimberti—INSTITUTE  Roxane, 5 Paris, France Gabriele Galimberti—INSTITUTE ## 2) Relationships are the Most Important Thing What was the Terman study’s [most important recommendation for a longer life](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/2011/12/have-we-got-it-all-wrong-about-what-it-takes/)? --- > “” --- Read that sentence again. It wasn’t receiving help from others, it was giving it: Via [The Longevity Project: Surprising Discoveries for Health and Long Life from the Landmark Eight-Decade Study:](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0452297702/ref=as%5Fli%5Fss%5Ftl?ie=UTF8&tag=spacforrent-20&linkCode=as2&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=0452297702) --- > “” --- The Grant Study found that “the capacity to love and be loved was the single strength most clearly associated with subjective well-being at age eighty.” Via [Flourish: A Visionary New Understanding of Happiness and Well-being](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1439190763/ref=as%5Fli%5Fss%5Ftl?ie=UTF8&tag=spacforrent-20&linkCode=as2&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=1439190763): --- > “” --- _“Vaillant was asked, ‘What have you learned from the Grant Study men?’ Vaillant’s response: ‘_[_That the only thing that really matters in life are your relationships to other people._](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/2011/12/is-there-a-formula-for-a-good-life/)_‘”_ --- > “” --- The Grant Study realized there was a single yes/no question that could predict whether someone would be alive and happy at age 80: --- > “” --- Via [Flourish: A Visionary New Understanding of Happiness and Well-being](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1439190763/ref=as%5Fli%5Fss%5Ftl?ie=UTF8&tag=spacforrent-20&linkCode=as2&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=1439190763): --- > “” --- More on the Terman study [here](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0452297702/ref=as%5Fli%5Fss%5Ftl?ie=UTF8&tag=spacforrent-20&linkCode=as2&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=0452297702). More on the Grant Study [here](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00A4NF904/ref=as%5Fli%5Fss%5Ftl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=B00A4NF904&linkCode=as2&tag=spacforrent-20). **Join over 195,000 readers. Get a free weekly update via email** [**here**](http://eepurl.com/o6uAD)**.** **_This piece originally appeared on_** [**_Barking Up the Wrong Tree_**](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/2013/03/lifelong-studies-agree-living-long-happy-life/)**_._** Related posts: [How To Stop Being Lazy And Get More Done – 5 Expert Tips](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/2014/08/how-to-stop-being-lazy/) [How To Get People To Like You: 7 Ways From An FBI Behavior Expert](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/2014/10/how-to-get-people-to-like-you/) [New Harvard Research Reveals A Fun Way To Be More Successful](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/2014/09/be-more-successful/) ## Transcript Sexual pleasure is only one part of what men and women want from each other. They want intimacy, they want closeness, they want understanding, they want comfort, they want fun, and they want somebody who really cares about them beyond going to bed with them, and I think people are always seeking that. In every generation. [ MUSIC ] My name is Shirley Zussman. I just reached a hundred years of age, and I am a practicing sex therapist. I was invited with my husband to a lecture in New Jersey, in 1966. Masters and Johnson were the speakers. No body knew about them. Human sexual response had just been published, what I saw was a couple who will say that people had problems in an area in their lives that was very important and they were recognizing that it was all not just. Glamorous and wonderful to be sexual. One had to almost had to learn how to be a good partner and to endure the pleasure not only for yourself but for each other. And I thought we can do that. Why can't we do that? And we applied for training with Masters and Johnson at that time. The patients that came to us were people who read the paper. The only way they do anything about the work that was being done there. And the problems they came with, was somewhat different than the problems they come with today. Mostly, women came because would put out orgasmic, they didn't know how to achieve an orgasm, but they wanted one. It was so over that ,. Goal they had for themselves and how do I get there. That was one Masters and Johnson's contribution that there was a relatively simple way to start learning about your body. In other words, get, get to know your, who you are sexually and physically and that was. And encouragement for masturbation for learning what makes you feel good. I see a big change in the we view casual sex. In the 60's I think it was not just casual it was frantic. I'm shocked at the lack of connection with people; because of iPhones, even I love my iPhone. There is so much less actual physical connection, there's less touching, there's less talking, there's less holding, there's less looking, [ INAUDIBLE ]. People get pleasure from looking at each other. But the most common problem, I would say, in the sex therapy that I live in, is a lack of desire. You have to look at your priorities. You have to decide what is important to make you feel good about yourself and your life. And to help make your partner feel good and to establish something that is gratifying that really fills a need that we all have to be close to somebody. ```json [{"@context":"https://schema.org","@type":"OpinionNewsArticle","@id":"https://time.com/3932496/happy-life-ideas-research/","mainEntityOfPage":{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"https://time.com/3932496/happy-life-ideas-research/"},"headline":"2 Things That Lead to a Happy Life, Backed By Research","datePublished":"2015-06-25T04:01:04.000Z","dateModified":"2026-08-04T07:43:17.202Z","description":"Childhood experiences matter more than you think","url":"https://time.com/3932496/happy-life-ideas-research/","keywords":["Psychology","Childhood","relationships","Happiness"],"thumbnailUrl":"https://static.time.com/v3/assets/bltea6093859af6183b/bltd3d32eacece191e7/6988580235ba6f5212c0de3f/548557509-copy.jpg?branch=production&width=1200&quality=75&auto=webp&crop=1200:675&height=675","author":[{"@type":"Person","name":"Eric Barker","jobTitle":null,"url":"https://time.com/author/eric-barker/"}],"articleSection":"Ideas","image":[{"@type":"ImageObject","url":"https://static.time.com/v3/assets/bltea6093859af6183b/bltd3d32eacece191e7/6988580235ba6f5212c0de3f/548557509-copy.jpg?branch=production&width=1200&quality=75&auto=webp&crop=1200:675&height=675","width":1200,"height":675,"headline":"children-sitting-fence","caption":"children-sitting-fence","creditText":"Getty Images","representativeOfPage":true}],"publisher":{"@type":"Organization","name":"Time","url":"https://time.com/","logo":{"@type":"ImageObject","url":"https://time.com/images/logo.png","width":528,"height":156},"foundingDate":"March 3, 1923","sameAs":["https://www.facebook.com/time","https://www.instagram.com/time/?hl=en","https://twitter.com/time","https://www.pinterest.com/timemagazine"]}},{"@context":"https://schema.org","@type":"BreadcrumbList","itemListElement":[{"@type":"ListItem","position":1,"item":{"@id":"/section/ideas/","name":"Ideas"}},{"@type":"ListItem","position":2,"item":{"@id":"/tag/psychology/","name":"Psychology"}},{"@type":"ListItem","position":3,"item":{"@id":"https://time.com/3932496/happy-life-ideas-research/","name":"2 Things That Lead to a Happy Life, Backed By Research"}}]},{"@context":"https://schema.org","@type":"VideoObject","name":"A 100-Year-Old Sex Therapist on Having Good Sex, Then and Now","description":"A practicing sex therapist in New York City, Dr. Shirley Zussman has witnessed everything from the legalization of the contraceptive birth control pill to the AIDs epidemic in the 1980s to the rise of internet porn in the new millenium.","thumbnailUrl":"https://cdn.jwplayer.com/v2/media/uJFYIrvP/poster.jpg?width=720","uploadDate":"2014-08-20T13:40:15.000Z","contentUrl":"https://cdn.jwplayer.com/manifests/uJFYIrvP.m3u8","embedUrl":"https://time.com/3932496/happy-life-ideas-research/","duration":"PT3M13S","potentialAction":{"@type":"SeekToAction","target":"https://time.com/3932496/happy-life-ideas-research/?jw_start={seek_to_second_number}","startOffset-input":"required name=seek_to_second_number"}}] ```