Photographed by Patrick Demarchelier, Vogue, July 2015
By Ashley Ross
June 19, 2015

Cara Delevingne will appear on the big screen in July playing the part of the ever enigmatic Margo Roth Spiegelman, the lead character in the film adaptation of John Green’s Paper Towns. And, like Margo, she’s been quite the enigma herself — known to most as either a pretty face on a billboard or a crazy model whose Instagrams make you laugh at the industry. But now, in a revealing interview with Vogue‘s Rob Haskell, the real Cara is unfiltered and in full focus. From her acting goals to her diet, depression and more, see what we learned about the model-turned-movie-star.

1. She’s Seriously Dieting for Suicide Squad

Delevingne is playing Enchantress in the upcoming Suicide Squad, alongside Will Smith, Margot Robbie and others. Though she once indulged regularly on fast food and alcohol, she’s had to tone it down for the role. “I’m not allowed to drink. I’m not allowed good food,” she says. “After turning 20 and eating McDonald’s all the time and drinking too much, it started to show on my stomach and on my face. But I’m playing a homicidal witch, so I need to look ripped.”

2. She Struggled with Depression

At age 15 she fell into a serious depression. “This is something I haven’t been open about, but it’s a huge part of who I am,” she told the magazine. “All of a sudden I was hit with a massive wave of depression and anxiety and self-hatred, where the feelings were so painful that I would slam my head against a tree to try to knock myself out. I never cut, but I’d scratch myself to the point of bleeding. I just wanted to dematerialize and have someone sweep me away.”

She even thought about suicide at one point, but didn’t go through with it. “The worst thing was that I knew I was a lucky girl, and the fact that you would rather be dead . . . you just feel so guilty for those feelings.”

3. She Finds Modeling Fake

“The thrill of acting is making a character real. Modeling is the opposite of real. It’s being fake in front of the camera,” she says.

4. She Had a Difficult Childhood

Not only did Cara deal with a mother who was battling her own addiction, she also spent “an inordinate amount of time in the offices of mental health professionals,” and was diagnosed with dyspraxia, a developmental coordination disorder.

5. She’s Been Confused About Her Sexuality

Being gay frightened her, she explains. “It took me a long time to accept the idea, until I first fell in love with a girl at 20 and recognized that I had to accept it,” she explains. “But I have erotic dreams only about men.” She does admit that if she fell in love with a man, she’d want marriage and children but fears that being her true self around a man will reveal what she calls a “whole bunch of crazy.” “I always worry that a guy will walk away once he really, truly knows me.”

6. She Has The “Addict Gene”

She hit a dangerous wild streak at one point, explaining that she “had to be doing things with people at all times. The life of the party is an easy part for me to play. It rots your insides, though.” The spiral led to her developing psoriasis, a skin condition that can flare up because of stress. “It was like the disgusting way I felt inside was transposing itself on my skin. Somebody should have said stop.”

7. She’s Not Exactly A Method Actor

“People tell me I’m just like Margo,” she says. “But as a seventeen-year-old I was nothing like her, so mischievous, so sure of herself.” She did try staying in character, and found it exhausting. “But after playing Margo, I broke up with my boyfriend in a totally Margo way. I wrote him a letter and left. That wasn’t me, it was Margo.”

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