--- description: How does hostage negotiation get people to change their minds? The Behavioral Change Stairway Model was developed by the FBI’s hostage negotiation unit, and it... title: 6 Hostage Negotiation Techniques That Will Get You What You Want image: https://static.time.com/v3/assets/bltea6093859af6183b/bltd39a36e4b84cf900/6986876155a859d410a7fef2/4529988292.jpg?branch=production&width=2400&quality=75&auto=webp&crop=16:9 ---  * [Ideas](/section/ideas/) ## Ideas Update your preferences in [Account Settings](/account/preferences/) Close * [Psychology](/tag/psychology/) ## Psychology Update your preferences in [Account Settings](/account/preferences/) Close # 6 Hostage Negotiation Techniques That Will Get You What You Want by [Eric Barker](/author/eric-barker/) ## Eric Barker Update your preferences in [Account Settings](/account/preferences/) Close Mar 26, 2014 4:46 PM CUT  Communication Communicationakindo—Getty Images/Vetta by [Eric Barker](/author/eric-barker/) ## Eric Barker Update your preferences in [Account Settings](/account/preferences/) Close Mar 26, 2014 4:46 PM CUT **How does hostage negotiation get people to change their minds?** The _Behavioral Change Stairway Model_ was developed by the FBI’s hostage negotiation unit, and it shows the 5 steps to getting someone else to see your point of view and change what they’re doing. It’s not something that only works with barricaded criminals wielding assault rifles — it applies to most any form of disagreement. There are five steps: 1. **Active Listening**: Listen to their side and make them aware you’re listening. 2. **Empathy**: You get an understanding of where they’re coming from and how they feel. 3. **Rapport**: Empathy is what _you_ feel. Rapport is when _they feel it back_. They start to trust you. 4. **Influence**: Now that they trust you, you’ve earned the right to work on problem solving with them and recommend a course of action. 5. **Behavioral Change**: They act. (And maybe come out with their hands up.) The problem is, you’re probably screwing it up. ## **What you’re doing wrong** In all likelihood you usually skip the first three steps. You start at 4 (Influence) and expect the other person to immediately go to 5 (Behavioral Change). And that never works. Saying “_Here’s why I’m right and you’re wrong_” might be effective if people were fundamentally rational. But they’re not. From [my interview with former head of FBI international hostage negotiation, Chris Voss](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/2013/01/interview-negotiation-secrets-learn-top-fbi-hostage-negotiator/ "undefined"): --- > “” --- The most critical step in the Behavioral Change Staircase is actually the first part: **Active listening**. The other steps all follow from it. But most people are _terrible_ at listening. Here’s [Chris](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/2013/01/interview-negotiation-secrets-learn-top-fbi-hostage-negotiator/ "undefined") again: --- > “” --- The basics of [active listening](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/2012/09/what-can-we-learn-from-fbi-hostage-negotiator/ "undefined") are pretty straightforward: 1. **Listen to what they say.** **_Don’t interrupt, disagree or “evaluate.”_** 2. **Nod your head, and make brief acknowledging comments like “yes” and “uh-huh.”** 3. **Without being awkward, repeat back the gist of what they just said, from their frame of reference.** 4. **Inquire. Ask questions that show you’ve been paying attention and that move the discussion forward.** So what six techniques do FBI hostage negotiation professionals use to take it to the next level? ## **1\. Ask open-ended questions** You don’t want yes/no answers, you want them to open up. Via [Crisis Negotiations, Fourth Edition: Managing Critical Incidents and Hostage Situations in Law Enforcement and Corrections](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1422463230/ref=as%5Fli%5Fss%5Ftl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=1422463230&linkCode=as2&tag=spacforrent-20 "undefined"): --- > “” --- ## **2\. Effective pauses** Pausing is powerful. Use it for emphasis, to encourage someone to keep talking or to defuse things when people get emotional. Gary Noesner, author of [Stalling for Time: My Life as an FBI Hostage Negotiator](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1400067251/ref=as%5Fli%5Fss%5Ftl?ie=UTF8&tag=spacforrent-20&linkCode=as2&camp=217145&creative=399369&creativeASIN=1400067251 "undefined") has [said](http://www.au.af.mil/au/awc/awcgate/fbi/crisis%5Finterven2.htm "undefined"): --- > “” --- ## **3\. Minimal Encouragers** Brief statements to let the person know you’re listening and to keep them talking. [Gary Noesner](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1400067251/ref=as%5Fli%5Fss%5Ftl?ie=UTF8&tag=spacforrent-20&linkCode=as2&camp=217145&creative=399369&creativeASIN=1400067251 "undefined"): **Even relatively simple phrases, such as “yes,” “O.K.,” or “I see,” effectively convey that a negotiator is paying attention to the subject. These responses will encourage the subject to continue talking and gradually relinquish more control of the situation to the negotiator.** ## **4\. Mirroring** Repeating the last word or phrase the person said to show you’re listening and engaged. Yes, it’s that simple — just repeat the last word or two: [Gary Noesner](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1400067251/ref=as%5Fli%5Fss%5Ftl?ie=UTF8&tag=spacforrent-20&linkCode=as2&camp=217145&creative=399369&creativeASIN=1400067251 "undefined"): --- > “” --- ## **5\. Paraphrasing** Repeating what the other person is saying back to them in your own words. This powerfully shows you really do understand and aren’t merely parroting. From [my interview with former head of FBI international hostage negotiation, Chris Voss](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/2013/01/interview-negotiation-secrets-learn-top-fbi-hostage-negotiator/ "undefined"): --- > “” --- ## **6\. Emotional Labeling** Give their feelings a name. It shows you’re identifying with how they feel. Don’t comment on the _validity_ of the feelings — they could be totally crazy — but show them you understand. Via [Crisis Negotiations, Fourth Edition: Managing Critical Incidents and Hostage Situations in Law Enforcement and Corrections](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1422463230/ref=as%5Fli%5Fss%5Ftl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=1422463230&linkCode=as2&tag=spacforrent-20 "undefined"): --- > “” --- Curious to learn more? To **get my exclusive** **full** **interview with former head of FBI hostage negotiation Chris Voss** (where he explains the two words that tell you a negotiation is going very badly) join my free weekly newsletter. **Click** [**here**](http://eepurl.com/o6uAD "undefined")**.** Related posts: [What are the 6 things that can make you dramatically more persuasive?](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/2012/12/6-dramatically-persuasive/ "undefined") [The last damn thing you’ll ever need to read about influence, persuasion and negotiation](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/2012/05/the-last-damn-thing-youll-ever-need-to-read-a-8759/ "undefined") [What are the 18 secrets to giving a presentation like Steve Jobs?](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/2012/10/18-secrets-giving-presentation-steve-jobs/ "undefined") _This piece originally appeared on_ [_Barking Up the Wrong Tree_](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/ "undefined")_._ ```json [{"@context":"https://schema.org","@type":"OpinionNewsArticle","@id":"https://time.com/38796/6-hostage-negotiation-techniques-that-will-get-you-what-you-want/","mainEntityOfPage":{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"https://time.com/38796/6-hostage-negotiation-techniques-that-will-get-you-what-you-want/"},"headline":"6 Hostage Negotiation Techniques That Will Get You What You Want","datePublished":"2014-03-26T16:46:57.000Z","dateModified":"2026-04-13T08:53:53.290Z","description":"How does hostage negotiation get people to change their minds? 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