--- title: PHOTOS: Phil Toledano's Goodbye to a Long-Lost Sister description: In "When I Was Six," Phil Toledano goes back in time when his sister died at age 9 canonical: https://time.com/3737833/phil-toledano-when-i-was-six-photobook/ author: Olivier Laurent article:opinion: false article:content_tier: free article:published_time: 2015-03-10T08:01:06.000Z article:modified_time: 2026-05-11T04:41:38.512Z article:section: World og:title: A Photographer's Goodbye to a Long-Lost Sister og:description: In "When I Was Six" Phil Toledano goes back in time when his sister died, aged 9 og:url: https://time.com/3737833/phil-toledano-when-i-was-six-photobook/ og:site_name: TIME og:image: https://static.time.com/v3/assets/bltea6093859af6183b/blt8c99c4d87b839d7d/698782d68e06011a4945ab2d/phil-toledano-when-i-was-six-photobook-01.jpg?branch=production&width=3840&quality=75&auto=webp&crop=16:9 og:image:width: 1200 og:image:height: 675 og:image:alt: phil-toledano-when-i-was-six-photobook-01 og:type: article twitter:card: summary_large_image twitter:title: A Photographer's Goodbye to a Long-Lost Sister twitter:description: In "When I Was Six" Phil Toledano goes back in time when his sister died, aged 9 twitter:image: https://static.time.com/v3/assets/bltea6093859af6183b/blt8c99c4d87b839d7d/698782d68e06011a4945ab2d/phil-toledano-when-i-was-six-photobook-01.jpg?branch=production&width=3840&quality=75&auto=webp&crop=16:9 ---  # A Photographer's Goodbye to a Long-Lost Sister by [Olivier Laurent](/author/olivier-laurent/) ## Olivier Laurent Mar 10, 2015 8:01 AM CUT  After his parents died, Phillip Toledano found a box of objects that used to belong to his sister, who passed away when he was six.From the series When I Was Six After his parents died, Phillip Toledano found a box of objects that used to belong to his sister, who passed away when he was six.From the series When I Was SixPhillip Toledano by [Olivier Laurent](/author/olivier-laurent/) ## Olivier Laurent Mar 10, 2015 8:01 AM CUT In the last five years, British photographer Phillip Toledano has turned the lens on his life and his family. With [_Days With My Father_](http://www.mrtoledano.com/days-with-my-father "undefined"), he dealt with his mother’s passing and the impact the loss had on his father, who suffered from dementia. In [_A Shadow Remains_](http://mediastorm.com/publication/a-shadow-remains "undefined"), he addressed his father’s death, which, he says, showed him the power of unapologetic love. And, in [_The Reluctant Father_](http://www.mrtoledano.com/the-reluctant-father "undefined"), he studied how the birth of his daughter, dreaded at first, changed his life for the better. In his latest book, [_When I Was Six_](http://www.dewilewis.com/collections/forthcoming/products/when-i-was-six "undefined"), Toledano goes back in time, to the moment when his sister Claudia died in a fire. He was just 6, then, and, to this day, he doesn’t remember how he coped with the unexpected loss. “I don’t have any memories of my life after she died, except for this kind of peculiar fascination with space travel and astronomy,” Toledano tells TIME. “I think it was a way of being somewhere else, far from what had happened.” After the death of his parents, Toledano found a box of Claudia’s things that his mother had kept. “Clothes, toys, health records, notes she wrote,” he says. “But also, everything to do with her death. It was a museum of sorts. But it was also a second chance; a chance to know my sister; to understand the pain my parents carried, and the strength it took not to bury me along with my sister.” In _When I Was Six_, Toledano mixes text, still lifes of these objects with atmospheric space images he created in a fish tank. “It took me a year to have the courage to spend time with this stuff,” he says. “It was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done.” Particularly poignant is a photo album Toledano found. On one page, he’s portrayed with his sister, smiling in Casablanca. On the opposite page, he’s alone, laughing and “ready for sportsday.” “That photo kind of brought me to my knees,” he says. “I couldn’t believe the date. It was two weeks after she died and I looked so normal.”  "In my mind, I’ve always imagined her as a baby or a small kid, and \[in this\] picture she’s a real person," says Phillip Toledano. "She’s eating a piece of chicken." From the series When I Was Six. Phillip Toledano _When I Was Six_ is deeply personal exploration of Toledano’s past — a study that started with _Days With My Father_. “When your parents die, they leave you with a lot of unopened boxes that you can choose to open or not,” he tells TIME. “You can choose to confront the things they’ve left you. And I guess the last five years have been a series of confrontations. It’s about deciding to tacked these things and trying to make sense of them.” _When I Was Six_ is also a way for Toledano to say goodbye to his sister, something, he thinks, his parents tried to shelter him from when he was younger. “I can’t imagine what it must be like to have your kid disappear,” he says. “So I don’t fault my parents. I don’t know if you can understand, when you’re 6, what it means when someone dies.” [**_Phillip Toledano_**](http://www.mrtoledano.com/ "undefined") _is a British photographer based in New York City._ [When I Was Six](http://www.dewilewis.com/collections/forthcoming/products/when-i-was-six "undefined") _is published by Dewi Lewis and will be launched at the_ [_Format festival in Derby, U.K._](http://www.formatfestival.com/artists/phil-toledano "undefined")_, on Friday, March 13._ **_Olivier Laurent_** _is the editor of TIME LightBox. Follow him on_ [_Twitter_](http://twitter.com/olivierclaurent "undefined") _and_ [_Instagram_](http://instagram.com/olivierclaurent "undefined") _@olivierclaurent_  After his parents died, Phillip Toledano found a box of objects that used to belong to his sister, who passed away when he was six.From the series When I Was Six Phillip Toledano  From the series When I Was Six Phillip Toledano  From the series When I Was Six Phillip Toledano  From the series When I Was Six Phillip Toledano  From the series When I Was Six Phillip Toledano  From the series When I Was Six Phillip Toledano  From the series When I Was Six Phillip Toledano  From the series When I Was Six Phillip Toledano  From the series When I Was Six Phillip Toledano  From the series When I Was Six Phillip Toledano  From the series When I Was Six Phillip Toledano  From the series When I Was Six Phillip Toledano  From the series When I Was Six Phillip Toledano  "When I saw the hair, that was really overwhelming because that’s the first time I've touched any part of her in 40 years," sys Phillip Toledano. "It just seemed so healthy, it seemed like it was just cut yesterday. It made her real."From the series When I Was Six Phillip Toledano  From the series When I Was Six Phillip Toledano  From the series When I Was Six Phillip Toledano  "In my mind, I’ve always imagined her as a baby or a small kid, and \[in this\] picture she’s a real person," says Phillip Toledano. "She’s eating a piece of chicken." 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