--- title: The ‘Man Up’ Problem: Gender Stereotypes Are Hurting Our Boys, Too description: Feminism has taken the spotlight lately, and rightly so. But there’s another festering gender problem—our boys are in crisis, too. canonical: https://time.com/3728698/gender-stereotypes-boy-empowerment/ author: Maria Shriver article:opinion: true article:content_tier: free article:published_time: 2015-03-02T21:05:12.000Z article:modified_time: 2026-08-04T07:44:48.485Z article:section: Ideas og:title: What Does It Mean to Be “A Man”? og:description: Feminism has taken the spotlight lately, and rightly so. But there’s another festering gender problem—our boys are in crisis, too. og:url: https://time.com/3728698/gender-stereotypes-boy-empowerment/ og:site_name: TIME og:image: https://static.time.com/v3/assets/bltea6093859af6183b/bltde093bcdab65f2d0/6988d9b9bc6cfc69913e2a3c/time-logo.jpg?branch=production og:image:width: 1200 og:image:height: 675 og:image:alt: TIME og:type: article twitter:card: summary_large_image twitter:title: What Does It Mean to Be “A Man”? twitter:description: Feminism has taken the spotlight lately, and rightly so. But there’s another festering gender problem—our boys are in crisis, too. twitter:image: https://static.time.com/v3/assets/bltea6093859af6183b/bltde093bcdab65f2d0/6988d9b9bc6cfc69913e2a3c/time-logo.jpg?branch=production --- # What Does It Mean to 'Be A Man'? > Sponsored content. Supplied in partnership with TIME. 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It explains how TIME's journalism is made, from the first pitch through the editorial decisions behind a finished story or cover. #### How can I read about how TIME chooses its covers? Inside TIME is the newsletter where TIME's Editor-in-Chief explains cover selection and the editorial reasoning behind major stories. It is free at time.com/newsletters. #### Who is the editor of TIME? Sam Jacobs is TIME's Editor-in-Chief. He writes Inside TIME, a twice-weekly newsletter about the newsroom's reporting and editorial decisions. #### Is Inside TIME free? Yes. Inside TIME is a free newsletter, available at time.com/newsletters. A paid TIME subscription is separate and available at time.com/subscribe-agent. ### Sources * TIME Newsletters: [time.com/newsletters](/c/time-nl-inside-2026q3/newsletters?i=6ee68154-7a03-4d63-817b-1404867d8f82&cr=time-nl-inside-2026q3-v1) ## Video: What Your Boys Aren't Telling You [Watch (HLS stream): What Your Boys Aren't Telling You](https://cdn.jwplayer.com/manifests/7mqwsqXO.m3u8) (3:37)  _Published 2013-11-19. Rosiland Wiseman talks with three book contributors about the issues teen boys face every day._ by [Maria Shriver](https://time.com/author/maria-shriver/) and [Jennifer Siebel Newsom](https://time.com/author/jennifer-siebel-newsom-2/) Mar 2, 2015 9:05 PM UTC by [Maria Shriver](https://time.com/author/maria-shriver/) and [Jennifer Siebel Newsom](https://time.com/author/jennifer-siebel-newsom-2/) Mar 2, 2015 9:05 PM UTC “Man up.” “Don’t be a sissy.” “Don’t cry.” “Talk like a man.” “Act like a man.” “Be a man.” Millions of boys hear these words, these phrases, these commands, almost every day of their lives. They absorb the words and then spend a lifetime dealing with their effects. For our young boys, the path from boyhood to manhood is strewn with harmful words and stereotypes. Our new film, [_The Mask You Live In_](http://therepresentationproject.org/films/the-mask-you-live-in/), explores the confining stereotypes that boys are exposed to as they become men. Through personal narratives and expert commentary, the film delves into the destructive and often conflicting messages that boys are being subjected to on a daily basis. Messages that favor dominance over empathy. Physical strength over compassion. Violence over kindness. Sex over love. It’s a hard time to be a boy, and the facts are something that should give us all pause. Today, boys are more likely to be expelled or kicked out of school than girls. Young men are only [43 percent](https://nces.ed.gov/programs/digest/d13/tables/dt13%5F303.10.asp) of enrollees in post-secondary institutions. Boys are more likely to engage in violent crime, binge drinking, and drugs. Male campus sexual assault is commonplace, and mass shootings involving boys and men have become an epidemic. Jails are packed to the rafters with men. And men commit [79 percent](http://time.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/03/suicide%5Fdatasheet-a.pdf) of all suicides in the United States. The status quo is unacceptable. We both have worked for women’s empowerment, and we are both mothers of boys. For years _The Shriver Report_ has chronicled the shifting American family, revealing that the traditional dynamic has changed and both sexes now need a new language with which to communicate, and a new understanding of how to get along. Through our separate work with [_Miss Representation_](http://therepresentationproject.org/films/miss-representation/), [The Representation Project](http://therepresentationproject.org/) and [A Woman’s Nation,](http://awomansnation.org/) which produces [_The Shriver Report_ ](http://shriverreport.org/)_special editions_, we’ve come together to tackle this next subject because we believe it’s no longer enough to just elevate our daughters. Boys _and_ girls benefit when each is empowered and encouraged to be their most authentic selves. Starting today, you can bring _The Mask You Live In_ to your community by hosting a screening. Visit [The Representation Project website](http://therepresentationproject.org/films/the-mask-you-live-in/see-the-film/host-a-screening/) for details. Our mission is to make the film available for all people to see, so these complex topics can be discussed in schools, businesses, foundations, community organizations and homes. We hope the film spurs a national debate about how we can help our young boys. It’s incumbent upon all of us to better understand the pressures they face, the mixed messages they receive, and the lack of guidance that is available to them as they traverse the narrow path towards manhood. _The Mask You Live In_ is not about shaming men or telling them what to do. It’s about bringing us all together to support our boys and to address the alarming statistics around the ‘boy crisis’ in America. We’ve come a long way since women were on Venus and men were on Mars. But we need to go further towards creating a more compassionate, caring, conscious culture for our girls _and_ our boys. This is about understanding what is beneath the surface of our boys’ tough facades, helping them to “take off their masks,” asking them the questions to find out what’s really going on—and being strong enough to accept them for who they really are. Our goal is to work towards a society of gender respect—adopting new language, throwing out stereotypes, and helping boys to share their true feelings. This can only help us move forward in the right direction. We’ve taken the first steps – now we’re asking parents, teachers, coaches, and anyone mentoring young boys to join us. _Maria Shriver is a mother of four, a Peabody and Emmy Award-winning journalist and producer, a six-time New York Times best-selling author, and an NBC News Special Anchor covering the shifting roles, emerging power and evolving needs of women in modern life. She is the founder of A Woman’s Nation, which has produced a series of Shriver Reports that chronicle and explore seismic shifts in American culture and society affecting women today. She is also an Executive Producer of the Academy Award-winning film Still Alice, which tells the tale of a woman affected by early onset Alzheimer’s disease. In the coming weeks, Shriver will announce Maria Shriver’s Campaign to Wipe Out Alzheimer’s in partnership with A Woman’s Nation, the Alzheimer’s Association and a Global Community of Women._ _Jennifer Siebel Newsom is a filmmaker, advocate, and President and CEO of the non-profit organization The Representation Project, which inspires individuals and communities to challenge and overcome limiting gender stereotypes. Her first film, Miss Representation, is an award-winning documentary which exposed the underrepresentation of women in positions of power and influence in America. Her second film, The Mask You Live In, premiered at the Sundance Film Festival in January 2015\. She is also an Executive Producer on The Invisible War and The Hunting Ground. She is married to California Lt. Gov. Gavin Newsom, and is the mother of three young children._ _Read next:_ [_How To Shake Up Gender Norms_](http://time.com/3672297/future-gender-norms/?xid=time%5Freadnext) Sign up [here](http://time.com/t4parents) for TIME’s free weekly parenting newsletter: TIME for Parents [_Listen to the most important stories of the day._](http://time.com/newsletter/the-brief/?sl%5Fautoplay=true&xid=spl-fullbrief-article) ## Transcript Hi how are you guys? Rosalind Wiseman is widely known for her non- fiction book, Queen Bees and Wannabes, which was the basis for the movie Mean Girls. Now she's attempting to change the perception of boys with her new book, Masterminds and Wing men. To better understand them, Wiseman is working with hundreds of teen students across the country. And recently, she reunited with three of these boys who were instrumental in helping her create this book. If, if you believe this, dispel the notion that like, guys like you can get their hearts broken and it bothers you. I was dating this girl for a few months and then I found out she cheated on me with two people and then, I blame myself. If I had been better, if I hadn't done this. What is so important to me, that I want adults to realize is, is that boys have deep connections with people. They want meaningful relationships, they fall in love. And when betrayals happen, and they do, or when breakups happen. They are in deep amounts of pain. They often don't share that with other people, but it doesn't mean that, that doesn't exist. I broke up with my girlfriend in the middle of football season in, in college jobs. And the worst part is, I couldn't really talk to any of my athlete friends about it. So I, the only friend I could talk to, is someone who wasn't an athlete. Why? My, groups of friends like, we don't talk about girls like [ CROSSTALK ]. You don't talk about your relationships. I wouldn't talk about relationships. Relationships with girls. It's like a five minute discussion, who did you hook up with? You're done, that's it. But if I actually wanna have a meaningful discussion, how I feel, I have to put on, kinda put up a little wall there. I have to kinda go to the friends that, it won't matter if I talk to them about it. The friend who's not an athlete, who's not like the top tier of people at this school, like who could actually, you know, listen. What I'm hearing in these interviews, are boys really breaking so many of the stereotypes that we have about boys. They're so much more complex. They have rich emotional lives. And if we can sit down, and really listen to them, they will tell us. I mean, look back on your high school years. Are there things that you did, or participated in, or you didn't speak out about, that you regret? The seniors, when I was a freshman, were some of the worst seniors that our school has ever had. They told all the freshman that, that in order to leave the locker room, they had to get like whipped. With what? A belt or something. It's just something stupid or like, I don't even know, like a rope or something. And then, like I don't, if you speak up, you're gonna get beat more. But maybe your beating will entail less beating than everybody else. Roseline is someone I looked up to. If I had an issue, I would come to her and be like, oh. I don't know how to deal with this situation, and then she would help me out. You know, it was very, very weird talking to Roseline at first, because I treated her like a parent. I kinda had to filter what I had to say. But then I became comfortable, like she was just like a sister, someone like that. So I was really able to sort of tell her more things that I wouldn't be able to tell any other adult person. Adults don't think, that boys and girls can be friends. Like strong, strong friendships. Yeah, when I, when I broke up with my girlfriend, I went to dinner with one of my really good girlfriends to talk about it. And the first thing my mom says like, well you just broke up with your girlfriend. Like two days ago. I was like are you serious? Like really. You can have a completely platonic relationship with a very attractive girl. It's like in, in, there'd be nothing there. So, it's one of those experiences of examples of boys being pushed into a stereotype of like all they care about is sex? I think for other boys, this is gonna be really interesting because they get to see a new side of things, that they may have not knew existed. Or they could finally relate to something that they didn't know like, wow I was, I'm not the only one feeling this. And but to realize that all these different kids came together. Because they believe that this is an important thing to do. 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