--- title: How Many Dates You Need to Go On Before Sex Is Acceptable: Poll description: A global survey of the dating preferences of 11,000 people in 24 cities has found an answer to a frequent problem of modern etiquette canonical: https://time.com/3702516/number-of-dates-before-sex/ author: Sabrina Toppa article:opinion: false article:content_tier: free article:published_time: 2015-02-10T09:38:47.000Z article:modified_time: 2026-08-04T07:44:27.510Z og:title: This Is How Many Dates You Need to Go On Before Sex Is Acceptable og:description: To two decimal places, no less. og:url: https://time.com/3702516/number-of-dates-before-sex/ og:site_name: TIME og:image: https://static.time.com/v3/assets/bltea6093859af6183b/bltde093bcdab65f2d0/6988d9b9bc6cfc69913e2a3c/time-logo.jpg?branch=production og:image:width: 1200 og:image:height: 675 og:image:alt: TIME og:type: article twitter:card: summary_large_image twitter:title: This Is How Many Dates You Need to Go On Before Sex Is Acceptable twitter:description: To two decimal places, no less. twitter:image: https://static.time.com/v3/assets/bltea6093859af6183b/bltde093bcdab65f2d0/6988d9b9bc6cfc69913e2a3c/time-logo.jpg?branch=production --- # This Is the Exact Number of Dates You Need to Go On Before Sex Is Acceptable > Sponsored content. 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Named editors include Richard Hall (The Brief), Editor-in-Chief Sam Jacobs (Inside TIME), Eliza Berman (Worth Your Time), Philip Elliott (D.C. Brief), Justin Worland (Future Proof) and Harry Booth (In the Loop). Health Matters is written by TIME's health desk. #### How do I sign up for a TIME newsletter? Go to time.com/newsletters, choose the newsletters you want and enter your email address. There is no cost and no subscription requirement. ## Video: How I Learned About Sex [Watch (HLS stream): How I Learned About Sex](https://cdn.jwplayer.com/manifests/5AudUKuq.m3u8) (3:38)  _Published 2014-11-10. Dr. Ruth and others share their stories_ by [Sabrina Toppa](https://time.com/author/sabrina-toppa/) ## Sabrina Toppa Feb 10, 2015 9:38 AM UTC by [Sabrina Toppa](https://time.com/author/sabrina-toppa/) ## Sabrina Toppa Feb 10, 2015 9:38 AM UTC A global survey of the dating preferences of 11,000 people in 24 cities has come up with an answer to a frequent problem of modern etiquette: How many dates do you go on before it becomes reasonable to expect to sleep with someone? The average answer, according to the [Global Dating Survey 2015](http://www.timeout.com/dating-2015/) by _Time Out_, is 3.53 dates — or “mid-fourth date, after the mains have been cleared and just before the crème brûlée arrives.” Only 1 in 10 people feels that it’s O.K. to expect sex at the end of the first date. [Read the rest of the findings here.](http://www.timeout.com/dating-2015/) ### Sex Ed Books Through the Ages  “Those who look at our bodily dwelling can gain a very good idea of what we are... The care of our body, then, adds to our value,” advised Barbara Wood-Allen in 1897's "Self and Series: What a Young Girl Ought to Know."  "When the organs peculiar to woman are displaced or disordered ...pangs shoot through her like winged piercing arrows or darting needlepoints" wrote mail order doctor Lydia Pinkham in 1907.  Published by the Christian Education Service, of Nashville, Tennessee, during the 60s, it was written by one of the founders of SIECUS  "When the natural God-designed and God-honored sex instinct is perverted and base desire supplants love, in the choice of a companion, the home instinct is degraded, love dethroned and inharmony prevails," wrote Thomas Washington Shannon in 1913.  "It is probably best, that the life-like illustrations, some of them photographic, in books of human anatomy be kept away from boys of early adolescent age" counseled Maurice Alpheus Bigelow in 1916.  "... the woman so under the influence of liquor is, for the time being, little more than a "cave woman," or barbarian, with all the lax sex morality of the latter," wrote R.B. Armitage in 1917  This 1928 volume was directed to the "young man whose aim is to be sturdy, strong and successful."  "Dr. Norman Carr," the pamphlet informed readers in 1934, "is probably the most widely read author on this subject in the entire world."  First issued in 1949, this booklet warned: "Don’t forget that any woman who lets you use her, or who consents easily, is not safe."  From 1941, "An intellectual and frank discussion of subjects of Social Hygiene, Physiology, the Science of Sex, Moral Living, Character Building, Motherhood and PreNatal Care."  This 1941 manual includes a diagram entitled "Facts you Should Know for Defloration on Bridal Night."  This 1943 book kept in simple with little line drawings accompanying text like: "Here is the way you looked when you were ready to be born..."  The author of this 1944 guide, Belle Mooney, was touted as "a well-known physician pioneer and lecturer on hygienic and sociological subjects."  "Sooner or later your children are going to learn about sex. They ought to. They must," wrote Fathers Rumble and Carty in this 1950 textbook for Catholics.  Written in 1950 by pioneering sexologist David Cauldwell, who's credited with inventing the term transexual.  In cheerful 1950 parlance it reads: "Lucky boys and girls whose parents, teachers and leaders provide this book for them! It would be a good idea for the old folks to read it too."  "The smart writer... who says flatfootedly or insinuates cleverly that sex experience before marriage is necessary for happiness in marriage is a plain liar and an elaborate traitor to young people," cautioned Daniel Lord in 1951.  "Here is a complete analysis of young people's sexual problems and mores—from kindergarten to college —a comprehensive case-history study of the new rebellion," promised this 1962 paperback.  "Before boys are ready to get married and start a family, they must at least be able to earn a living," claimed this otherwise very hip Lutheran church publication in 1967.  "At the most basic level, a concern with sex education must stem from the recognition that human socio-sexual development is a learning process," said this scholarly 1974 journal.  This 1974 pamphlet was part of a collection of self help books from Ms. Landers including: “Teen-age Sex. And 10 Ways to Cool It!” and “Love or Sex. And How to Tell the Difference.”  From 1983: "Ugly women have boyfriends, mean women have boyfriends, hopelessly insecure women have boyfriends, stupid women have boyfriends, women covered with hideous warts have boyfriends."  This 1993 book claims that "classroom sex education is always wrong and always harmful; that it destroys modesty; awakens the passions; promotes sexual activity and fosters acceptance of sexual sins."  "Sex is many different things, and people have many different feelings and opinions about it," says this 1994 classic, in admirable understatement. Read more: Why Schools Can't Teach Sex Ed ## Transcript Where I grew up in Germany, I believed that it's the stork who brings babies to this world. Mother, is it wrong to feel [ MUSIC ] Warm and affectionate when you, when you're with a boy you really like? No dear, it is not wrong. My mom had no problem talking about it. She just said, wait 'til you get married. Maybe, like, when I was in first grade. Around fifth grade. I was about seventh grade. I do remember my mother and grandmother wanted to tell me about the facts of life. I was playing hide and go seek with my friends. Someone got rid of all their, their whole stash of pornos. Like, [ LAUGH ] [ UNKNOWN ]. I pick it up and I'm just like, this is the greatest thing I ever seen. I didn't know that I would talk about sex for my entire professional life. And now I'm 86, and I'm still talking about relationships and sex . >> I remember accidentally coming across what sex was really like on the Playboy channel when we finally got cable TV [ LAUGH ] [ MUSIC ] Sexuality education has to start at a very early age. Your belly button, it's too small. Mary, the baby doesn't come out of your navel. Let me tell you how it is. The first time I had a talk talk was in seventh grade health class. My father was so old- fashioned that. It was just I got sort of Andy back before. He would be like go talk to your brother, and he'd go, go talk to Mom. Asians don't really get that talk. It's just the, the conversations aren't there. You know, like the story of the birds and the bees I don't know that story. I don't know, I still don't know what that is. [ LAUGH ] They told me you could get pregnant by eating watermelon seeds and drinking water and eating dirt. Which I did [ LAUGH ] throwing up, I was throwing up mud when my mom got home. When the sperm and the egg get together they make a tiny person. So tiny that not even the mother knows it's there for the first few weeks. When I was a child I just thought, oh it's bad. It's bad unless you get married. And now that I'm adult I understand there's nothing wrong with that. Good sexuality education. That starts when a child is growing up is going to be beneficial for that child for the rest of his or her life. Coming from a Pentecostal Christian family, I was definitely. Not only challenging to be trying to find myself, around my sexuality and my gender identity. But I just remember always feeling this conflict of being very curious about it but then feeling very very dirty and just wrong at the same time. mom, you know, taught us a lot about self esteem and self love and it comes here first inside. Not to run off and find it in someone else. I think that when you, when you make something so taboo to somebody, you make them even more curious about it. I've realized that this really, ultimately, is about companionship and love and togetherness. I think if they say, okay, it's okay for us to talk about sex, I think they'll think, oh, more people are gonna have it. It's okay to be a sexual being. I don't think we talk enough about trust and sex. We talk a lot about love and sex and of course we want to say oh I love you, I love you and that's all that matters. But no, we also have to trust one another. And if you don't trust somebody then don't make yourself that vulnerable, which we do. In sex we're very vulnerable to one another. 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