--- description: No, you don't necessarily need to have everything in common title: 14 Signs You’re in a Healthy Relationship image: https://static.time.com/v3/assets/bltea6093859af6183b/blt64e04a438c875092/69877e0e428a9e08fdcc7032/over-shoulder.jpg?branch=production&width=3840&quality=75&auto=webp&crop=16:9 ---  * [Living](/tag/time-section-living/) ## Living Update your preferences in [Account Settings](/account/preferences/) Close # 14 Signs You’re in a Healthy Relationship by [Real Simple](/author/real-simple/) ## Real Simple Update your preferences in [Account Settings](/account/preferences/) Close Feb 6, 2015 8:47 PM CUT  Woman carrying boyfriend over shoulder in snow Woman carrying boyfriend over shoulder in snowGetty Images by [Real Simple](/author/real-simple/) ## Real Simple Update your preferences in [Account Settings](/account/preferences/) Close Feb 6, 2015 8:47 PM CUT Nick Hornby once said, “It’s no good pretending that any relationship has a future if your record collections disagree violently or if your favorite films wouldn’t even speak to each other if they met at a party.” I’m not a therapist or relationship expert, but after nearly a decade of marriage, I’m not convinced that your taste in movies or music determines if you and your significant other are destined for happily-ever-after or a bad break-up. My marriage isn’t perfect, but it’s satisfying and happy and it’s taught me a few things about what keeps long-term partnerships working. Thankfully, those things have nothing to do with musical preferences or I would have taken my country albums and left my Beatles-loving husband long ago. Instead, we’ve figured out how to compromise on music, and other things, and settle in for the long haul. Here are a few of those things that I’ve learned _do_ seem to say something about the strength of your union: **You Speak Your Mind** Relationships thrive when couples can express themselves freely and honestly. That means no topic is off-limits, and you both feel heard. Consistent communication is vital to building a lasting life together. **You Have Your Own Space** Just because you’re in love doesn’t mean you have to spend every moment together. Taking time to pursue your own interests and friendships keeps your relationship fresh and gives you both the opportunity to grow as individuals—even while you’re growing as a couple. **_Real Simple:_**[_Break Out of Your Relationship Ruts_](http://www.realsimple.com/work-life/family/relationships/break-relationship-ruts?xid=time-rs "undefined") **You Fight** Disagreements are normal, so if you aren’t fighting, chances are you’re holding back. But when people in healthy relationships fight, they fight productively and fairly. That means avoiding name-calling or put-downs. It also means striving to understand your partner instead of trying to score points. And when you’re wrong? You apologize. **You Like Yourself And Your Partner** Chances are your relationship won’t suddenly get better if you win the lottery, have a baby, or move into your dream house. So don’t base your partnership on the hope that it will change. You recognize that neither of you is perfect, and you accept and value each other for who you are right now—not who you might become. **You Make Decisions Jointly** You don’t call all the shots. Neither does your partner. From what movie to see to how many children to have, you make decisions together and listen to each other’s concerns and desires. Sure, this may mean you see _Transformers_ on Saturday night. But on Sunday night, it’s _your_ turn. **You Find Joy** Healthy relationships are full of laughter and fun. This doesn’t mean you’re giddy every hour of the day—or that she doesn’t drive you up the wall sometimes—but it does mean that your life together is mostly happy in sometimes simple ways. (Making dinner, laughing at the same things, finishing each others’ sentences…) **You Find Balance** Sometimes your partner needs to work longer hours while you play chauffeur and chief cook. Or you must devote time to an elderly parent while your spouse tackles the chores. That’s life. What matters is that, in the long run, your trade-offs seem fair. **_Real Simple:_**[_6 Sneaky Ways You’re Hurting Your Relationship_](http://www.realsimple.com/work-life/family/relationships/habits-hurting-your-relationship?xid=time-rs "undefined") **You Treat Each Other With Kindness** Nothing is more important than treating the person you love with care, consideration, empathy, and appreciation. If you find yourself showing more respect to people you hardly know than you show your partner, take a step back and revisit your priorities. **You Trust Each Other** Healthy relationships are built on trust and a commitment to communication without reservations or secrets. Want to know how much you trust each other _now_? Take this [quiz](http://greatergood.berkeley.edu/quizzes/take%5Fquiz/5/ "undefined") from the University of California, Berkeley. ### Photographing a Kiss: Long Time Love Affairs  Joseph and Dorothy Bolotin Sharon, Pennsylvania Married on June 16, 1938\. Dorothy, "I never think of it in terms of years. I think of it in terms of good years. In love, hot romance doesn’t last forever. So I would say that yes, I think love changes. I would say we’re still in love. It’s focusing, doing little things. He’s an amazing man." Lauren Fleishman  John and Sherma Campbell Star Valley, Wyoming Married on May 13, 1955\. Sherma, "When you start out, you think you love each other as much as you possibly can,but love grows—just like your inner self grows as time goes by and you have experiences.And now at this stage of the game, I love him even more. I can’t even imagine life without him." Lauren Fleishman  Jin Lin and Lai Mei Chen Brooklyn, New York Married on February 4, 1961\. Jin Lin, "We had so many things in common it was like our hearts were the same." Lauren Fleishman  de'Spagnolis Aldo de’Spagnolis and Maria Filiozzi Itri, Italy Married on October 23, 1949\. Aldo, "When I first saw her, she was 14 and I was 22.Was there a concern that she was too young for me? No! Even now I look like a young child! Yes, even now I’m still young." Lauren Fleishman  Jake and Mary Jacobs Solihull, England Married on April 27, 1948\. Mary,"Jake said to me,'Would it ever be possible for me to marry you?' And I said,'Possible but not probable!' And that’s how it was. It wasn’t likely that I would ever marry him, and he knew that. So when he went home to Trinidad, my mother and father breathed a sigh of relief. But he used to write, and he said, 'I’m thinking I might come back to England.'" Lauren Fleishman  Kissin Yevgeniy and Lyubov Kissin Brooklyn, New York Married on June 29, 1941\. Yevgeniy, "We met at a dancing party. It was in January 1938\. My friend invited me to the party, he said there would be a lot of beautiful young girls. Another cadet with high boots had approached her, but she didn’t like high boots and so she said no to him. I was the second one to approach her. I had a different uniform, but I’m still not sure if it was my uniform or my face that attracted her to me." Lauren Fleishman  Itig and Golda Pollac Brooklyn, New York Married on August 13, 1946\. Golda, "I would say love came little by little. Not right away.We were young.And he was older, but I liked him. He spoke to me in a very nice way." Lauren Fleishman  Yaakov and Mariya Shapirshetyn Brooklyn, New York Married on July 6, 1949\. Yaakov, "What is the secret to love? A secret is a secret, and I don’t reveal my secrets." Lauren Fleishman  Gino and Angie Terranova Staten Island. New York Married on September 27, 1947\. Angie, "You really don’t think about getting older. First of all, you’re aging together, and when you see a person constantly,you don’t notice big changes. Like you don’t notice, oh you’re getting a little wrinkle here and tomorrow you say it’s a little deeper. No, those are things that just happen." Lauren Fleishman **You Let Things Go** Your partner will annoy you. You will annoy him or her, too. You will say things you don’t mean. You will behave inconsiderately. The important thing is how you deal with all this. So he forgot to pick up milk for the second time? Tell him you’re disappointed, of course—then let it go. **You Are Intimate** Sex is an important part of healthy relationships, but it’s only one part, and it’s different than intimacy, which is less about physical satisfaction than about bonding, friendship, and familiarity. If you’re in a healthy relationship, you’ll feel connected—in and out of bed. **Your Relationship Is Your Safe Place** Your relationship should be a safety net—a stable place to come home to at the end of the day. That doesn’t mean you don’t fight—it just means that when things are hard, you’d rather see your partner than commiserate with coworkers at Happy Hour. **_Real Simple:_** [_6 Ways Your Relationship is Good for Your Health_](http://www.realsimple.com/health/preventative-health/relationship-good-for-health?xid=time-rs "undefined") **You Talk To Your Partner, Not To Other People** When you have issues and concerns, you share them with your partner, not your Facebook friends. You can use pals as a sounding board, of course, but not as a crutch to avoid hard conversations with your significant other. **You Say The Magic Words** “I love you”, “Thank you,” and “I’m sorry.” _This_ [_article_](http://www.realsimple.com/work-life/family/relationships/healthy-relationship-signs?xid=time-rs "undefined") _originally appeared on_ [_Real Simple_](http://www.realsimple.com "undefined") ```json [{"@context":"https://schema.org","@type":"NewsArticle","@id":"https://time.com/3699452/healthy-relationship-signs/","mainEntityOfPage":{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"https://time.com/3699452/healthy-relationship-signs/"},"headline":"14 Signs You’re in a Healthy Relationship","datePublished":"2015-02-06T20:47:35.000Z","dateModified":"2026-05-11T04:42:40.905Z","description":"No, you don't necessarily need to have everything in common","url":"https://time.com/3699452/healthy-relationship-signs/","keywords":["Living","Mental Health","Marriage","Dating","relationships","Love & Relationships","health"],"thumbnailUrl":"https://static.time.com/v3/assets/bltea6093859af6183b/blt64e04a438c875092/69877e0e428a9e08fdcc7032/over-shoulder.jpg?branch=production&width=1200&quality=75&auto=webp&crop=1200:675&height=675","author":[{"@type":"Person","name":"Real Simple","jobTitle":null,"url":"https://time.com/author/real-simple/"}],"articleSection":"","image":[{"@type":"ImageObject","url":"https://static.time.com/v3/assets/bltea6093859af6183b/blt64e04a438c875092/69877e0e428a9e08fdcc7032/over-shoulder.jpg?branch=production&width=1200&quality=75&auto=webp&crop=1200:675&height=675","width":1200,"height":675,"headline":"couple-snow","caption":"couple-snow","creditText":"Getty Images","representativeOfPage":true}],"publisher":{"@type":"Organization","name":"Time","url":"https://time.com/","logo":{"@type":"ImageObject","url":"https://time.com/images/logo.png","width":528,"height":156},"foundingDate":"March 3, 1923","sameAs":["https://www.facebook.com/time","https://www.instagram.com/time/?hl=en","https://twitter.com/time","https://www.pinterest.com/timemagazine"]}},{"@context":"https://schema.org","@type":"BreadcrumbList","itemListElement":[{"@type":"ListItem","position":1,"item":{"@id":"/tag/time-section-living/","name":"Living"}},{"@type":"ListItem","position":2,"item":{"@id":"https://time.com/3699452/healthy-relationship-signs/","name":"14 Signs You’re in a Healthy Relationship"}}]},{"@context":"https://schema.org","@type":"VideoObject","name":"Study Says Marriage Is Good For Your Heart ... 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