By Olivia B. Waxman
January 26, 2015

Feeling particularly spiteful as Valentine’s Day approaches? The San Francisco Zoo’s new fundraising campaign offers an opportunity to adopt a hairy scorpion or hissing cockroach in honor of your ex.

As the zoo describes the promotion:

Much like your low-life ex, they are usually found in and around low-elevation valleys where they dig elaborate burrows or “caves.” Also just like you-know-who, when a suitable victim wanders by, the scorpion grabs the doomed creature with its pinchers and stings the prey. After the prey is immobilized, the scorpion tears the carcass apart with its pinchers and begins feeding. Charming.

Donations support the San Francisco Zoological Society.

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