--- description: Improving any relationship is as easy as actively showing interest in the other person or sharing with them title: 5 Secrets to Clicking With People image: https://static.time.com/v3/assets/bltea6093859af6183b/bltd86137000932019c/69876e550b72e30ed96dc8fe/people.jpg?branch=production&width=3840&quality=75&auto=webp&crop=16:9 ---  * [Ideas](/section/ideas/) ## Ideas Update your preferences in [Account Settings](/account/preferences/) Close * [Psychology](/tag/psychology/) ## Psychology Update your preferences in [Account Settings](/account/preferences/) Close # 5 Secrets to Clicking With People by [Eric Barker](/author/eric-barker/) ## Eric Barker Update your preferences in [Account Settings](/account/preferences/) Close Dec 12, 2014 5:01 AM CUT  Woman holding up a colorful people paper chain Woman holding up a colorful people paper chainGetty Images by [Eric Barker](/author/eric-barker/) ## Eric Barker Update your preferences in [Account Settings](/account/preferences/) Close Dec 12, 2014 5:01 AM CUT ## How can you make a good first impression? First impressions matter [even more than you think](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/are-first-impressions-really-that-big-a-deal "undefined"). They’re [the most important part](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/whats-the-most-important-part-of-a-job-interv "undefined") of any job interview. And once they’re set, they are [very hard to resist](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/are-we-a-slave-to-our-first-impressions "undefined"). Most advice on the subject is defensive, just telling you how to not offend. How can you strategically make a good impression? From the outset, frame the conversation with a few well-rehearsed sentences regarding how you want to be perceived. This will end up being the structure the other person forms their memories around. Via [Choke: What the Secrets of the Brain Reveal About Getting It Right When You Have To](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1416596178/ref=as%5Fli%5Fss%5Ftl?ie=UTF8&tag=spacforrent-20 "undefined"): --- > “” --- And keep in mind that whenever you’re speaking emotionally, the words you use almost don’t matter at all. Voice tone and body language are far more important. Via [The Heart of Social Psychology: A Backstage View of a Passionate Science](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0669211443/ref=as%5Fli%5Fss%5Ftl?ie=UTF8&tag=spacforrent-20 "undefined"): --- > “” --- ## What makes us click with other people? In [Click: The Magic of Instant Connections](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0385529066/ref=as%5Fli%5Fss%5Ftl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=0385529066&linkCode=as2&tag=spacforrent-20 "undefined") Ori Brafman and Rom Brafman (authors of the interesting book [Sway: The Irresistable Pull of Irrational Behavior](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0385530609/ref=as%5Fli%5Fss%5Ftl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=0385530609&linkCode=as2&tag=spacforrent-20 "undefined")) explore how people connect and give some solid insights. They discuss a number of the more obvious causes of connection like proximity and similarity but what struck me most was their emphasis on **_vulnerability_**_._ Via [Click: The Magic of Instant Connections:](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0385529066/ref=as%5Fli%5Fss%5Ftl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=0385529066&linkCode=as2&tag=spacforrent-20 "undefined") --- > “” --- ## How can you improve any relationship? Just try. Put a small amount of conscious effort into trying to be a better friend, spouse, whatever. That’s it. Sounds ridiculous but: * Improving any relationship is as easy as [actively showing interest in the other person](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/how-to-easily-be-more-likable-and-make-people "undefined") or [sharing with them.](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/how-to-improve-your-relationship-in-5-seconds "undefined") * Pretending time with a romantic partner was a first date makes it [more enjoyable for you](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/another-way-to-easily-improve-your-relationsh "undefined") and [for your partner](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/whats-a-quick-way-to-improve-our-relationship "undefined"). Why? On first dates we make an effort to impress. * Racists actually make a better first impression on minorities than non-racists do. Why? Because they have to try to not act racist and [the effort makes them come off better than someone who doesn’t have to try](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/do-racists-make-a-better-first-impressions-th "undefined"). * Worried that all this is fake and contrived? Relax. Putting your best face forward [actually reveals your true self](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/does-putting-your-best-self-forward-reveal-yo "undefined"). ## How do you win over someone who doesn’t like you? [Here’s](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/2012/09/what-two-things-can-help-you-win-over-someone/ "undefined") what Robert Cialdini, author of the must-read book [Influence](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/006124189X/ref=as%5Fli%5Fss%5Ftl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=006124189X&linkCode=as2&tag=spacforrent-20 "undefined"), had to say: --- > “” --- ## How do you keep relationships strong over time? Remember 5 to 1. From Richard Conniff’s interesting book, [The Ape in the Corner Office: How to Make Friends, Win Fights and Work Smarter by Understanding Human Nature](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1400052203/ref=as%5Fli%5Fss%5Ftl?ie=UTF8&tag=spacforrent-20 "undefined"): --- > “” --- More on strengthening friendships [here](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/2012/09/5-ways-to-strengthen-your-friendships/ "undefined"). ## Other tips to keep in mind: * Assume everyone [already likes you](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/a-quick-easy-trick-for-getting-people-to-like "undefined") and they probably will. * Mistrust is [self-fulfilling](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/is-mistrust-self-fulfilling "undefined"). * [Name-dropping](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/does-name-dropping-work "undefined") doesn’t work. [Flattery](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/does-insincere-flattery-actually-work "undefined") and [mimicry](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/how-to-quickly-and-easily-make-people-like-yo "undefined") do. * Trying to seem smart [makes you seem stupid](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/does-trying-to-look-smart-make-us-seem-stupid "undefined"). * What you say about others [says more about you](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/how-does-what-you-say-about-others-reflect-on "undefined"). **_This piece originally appeared on_** [**_Barking Up the Wrong Tree_**](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/2012/11/5-secrets-clicking-people/ "undefined")**_._** **Join over 145,000 readers. Get a free weekly update via email** [**here**](http://eepurl.com/o6uAD "undefined")**.** Related posts: [How To Stop Being Lazy And Get More Done – 5 Expert Tips](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/2014/08/how-to-stop-being-lazy/ "undefined") [6 Things The Most Productive People Do Every Day](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/2014/06/most-productive-people/ "undefined") [New Harvard Research Reveals A Fun Way To Be More Successful](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/2014/09/be-more-successful/ "undefined") ```json [{"@context":"https://schema.org","@type":"OpinionNewsArticle","@id":"https://time.com/3630784/clicking-with-people/","mainEntityOfPage":{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"https://time.com/3630784/clicking-with-people/"},"headline":"5 Secrets to Clicking With People","datePublished":"2014-12-12T05:01:10.000Z","dateModified":"2026-03-31T08:04:50.033Z","description":"Improving any relationship is as easy as actively showing interest in the other person or sharing with them","url":"https://time.com/3630784/clicking-with-people/","keywords":["Psychology","relationships","People"],"thumbnailUrl":"https://static.time.com/v3/assets/bltea6093859af6183b/bltd86137000932019c/69876e550b72e30ed96dc8fe/people.jpg?branch=production&width=1200&quality=75&auto=webp&crop=1200:675&height=675","author":[{"@type":"Person","name":"Eric Barker","jobTitle":null,"url":"https://time.com/author/eric-barker/"}],"articleSection":"Ideas","image":[{"@type":"ImageObject","url":"https://static.time.com/v3/assets/bltea6093859af6183b/bltd86137000932019c/69876e550b72e30ed96dc8fe/people.jpg?branch=production&width=1200&quality=75&auto=webp&crop=1200:675&height=675","width":1200,"height":675,"headline":"Woman holding up a colorful people paper chain","caption":"Woman holding up a colorful people paper chain","creditText":"Getty Images","representativeOfPage":true}],"publisher":{"@type":"Organization","name":"Time","url":"https://time.com/","logo":{"@type":"ImageObject","url":"https://time.com/images/logo.png","width":528,"height":156},"foundingDate":"March 3, 1923","sameAs":["https://www.facebook.com/time","https://www.instagram.com/time/?hl=en","https://twitter.com/time","https://www.pinterest.com/timemagazine"]}},{"@context":"https://schema.org","@type":"BreadcrumbList","itemListElement":[{"@type":"ListItem","position":1,"item":{"@id":"/section/ideas/","name":"Ideas"}},{"@type":"ListItem","position":2,"item":{"@id":"/tag/psychology/","name":"Psychology"}},{"@type":"ListItem","position":3,"item":{"@id":"https://time.com/3630784/clicking-with-people/","name":"5 Secrets to Clicking With People"}}]}] ```