--- description: Negotiating is an essential skill. Understand the seven pillars of effective influence. Believe that you can improve your negotiating skills and you can. Early on... title: Your A to Z Guide to Influence, Persuasion and Negotiation image: https://static.time.com/v3/assets/bltea6093859af6183b/blt32b7d537fb2db528/69876d6c0b72e307c76dc72a/meeting.jpg?branch=production&width=3840&quality=75&auto=webp&crop=16:9 ---  * [Ideas](/section/ideas/) ## Ideas Update your preferences in [Account Settings](/account/preferences/) Close * [Psychology](/tag/psychology/) ## Psychology Update your preferences in [Account Settings](/account/preferences/) Close # Your A to Z Guide to Influence, Persuasion and Negotiation by [Eric Barker](/author/eric-barker/) ## Eric Barker Update your preferences in [Account Settings](/account/preferences/) Close Dec 9, 2014 5:01 AM CUT  Businesswoman leading meeting with co-workers in lobby Businesswoman leading meeting with co-workers in lobbyGetty Images by [Eric Barker](/author/eric-barker/) ## Eric Barker Update your preferences in [Account Settings](/account/preferences/) Close Dec 9, 2014 5:01 AM CUT Negotiating is an essential skill. Understand the [seven pillars](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/7-of-the-most-powerful-persuasion-techniques "undefined") of effective influence. Believe that [you can improve your negotiating skills](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/a-quick-and-easy-way-to-improve-your-negotiat "undefined") and you can. ## Early on First impressions are [an even bigger deal than you thought](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/are-first-impressions-really-that-big-a-deal "undefined"). A little spinning of the facts here [can be a good thing](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/to-make-the-best-impression-should-you-be-tot "undefined"). There is a [home field advantage](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/is-there-a-home-field-advantage-in-negotiatio "undefined") in negotiation. Even if you’re not on home turf, making yourself at feel at home [can give you some of that advantage](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/can-making-yourself-at-home-turn-you-into-a-b "undefined"). Be socially optimistic. [Expect that people will like you and they probably will](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/a-quick-easy-trick-for-getting-people-to-like "undefined"). Yes, [small talk](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/does-small-talk-make-a-big-difference "undefined") is important. ## Attitude Happiness makes you a [better negotiator](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/does-happiness-or-sadness-make-us-better-nego "undefined"). [Think positive about the negotiation](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/another-quick-trick-to-improve-your-negotiati "undefined") and give others a reason to do so as well. Expecting others to be selfish [can be a self-fulfilling prophecy](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/is-expecting-others-to-be-selfish-a-self-fulf "undefined"). Unless the other guy has few options and you’ll never see him again, [being nice](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/should-you-be-nice-when-negotiating "undefined") is always the way to go. ## The Big Guns [Similarity](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/whats-the-key-to-being-liked-and-being-more-i "undefined"), [mimicry](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/can-mimicry-improve-your-negotiation-skills "undefined") and [being in sync](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/does-being-physically-in-sync-with-someone-el "undefined") are all very powerful. [Always](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/do-we-like-people-and-things-more-when-their "undefined") be thinking about things you have in common. The first thing you should say in a negotiation is [something very similar](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/what-are-the-first-words-you-should-say-in-a "undefined") to what the guy on the other side of the table just said. [Mimicry](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/how-can-you-quickly-and-easily-make-someone-a "undefined") is more [powerful](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/is-mimicry-the-key-to-sales "undefined") than you think. There are solid persuasion lessons to be learned from [top](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/what-are-the-influence-secrets-of-top-telemar "undefined") [telemarketers](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/what-language-tricks-do-call-center-reps-use "undefined"), [great](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/what-are-the-two-qualities-great-salespeople "undefined") [salesmen](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/what-are-the-most-effective-techniques-salesp "undefined") and FBI [hostage](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/can-you-use-hostage-negotiation-techniques-to "undefined") [negotiators](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/what-7-negotiating-tricks-can-we-learn-from-f "undefined"). Make them say “yes yes yes” and they will probably say [yes.](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/how-to-quickly-and-easily-be-more-persuasive "undefined") [Win-win](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/is-win-win-negotiating-the-best-way-to-increa "undefined") is not always a winning strategy. The key to resisting a convincing sales pitch is to think about [money](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/what-trick-can-you-use-to-resist-a-convincing "undefined"). Know how to deal with [angry people](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/what-are-5-effective-methods-for-dealing-with "undefined"). Know [what is proven to work](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/what-2-easy-negotiating-tricks-can-save-you-h "undefined") when buying a new car. Know the [common pitfalls](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/what-are-six-common-pitfalls-in-negotiations "undefined") in negotiations. Attractive people should [negotiate differently](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/should-attractive-people-use-different-techni "undefined") than ugly people. [Guilting](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/does-guilting-people-really-work "undefined") others can work. [Subtle reminders of morality](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/how-do-you-get-others-to-lie-and-cheat-less "undefined") are good for keeping people fair. Want to make sure they follow through? Have them [write it down](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/what-little-thing-can-increase-the-chance-peo "undefined"). There is a time – and a proper way – to [threaten someone](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/when-is-the-best-time-to-threaten-someone "undefined"). ## Communication There are many [ways](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/what-tips-can-help-you-speak-more-persuasivel? "undefined") to speak more influentially. Understand the best ways to [kiss ass](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/what-are-the-7-ways-to-effectively-kiss-ass-w "undefined"). Ass-kissing is [good for your health](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/is-ass-kissing-good-for-your-health "undefined"). Using the word “[we](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/how-can-you-create-an-instant-feeling-of-fami "undefined")” can promote an instant feeling of familiarity with someone. There are good techniques for [dodging uncomfortable questions](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/how-to-dodge-uncomfortable-questions "undefined") in a negotiation. Learn [how to be a better listener](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/how-to-quickly-and-easily-improve-your-listen "undefined"). If what you’re saying sounds final people will be [more likely to accept it](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/whats-the-best-way-to-phrase-requests-for-max "undefined"). When you’re a novice, speak confidently. When you’re an expert on a subject, [act unsure](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/to-be-more-convincing-do-you-need-to-behave-d "undefined"). Men are [easier to persuade via email](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/is-it-easier-to-persuade-men-or-women-via-ema "undefined"). With women stick to face-to-face. Learn about [effective posture and body language](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/is-improving-your-life-as-easy-as-changing-ho "undefined"). If you want to increase the attractiveness of an offer, your [body language](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/whats-the-most-effective-body-language-when-t "undefined") should be upbeat and sales-y. If you want to reduce resistance, think calm and authoritative. Trying to seem smart [makes you seem stupid](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/does-trying-to-look-smart-make-us-seem-stupid "undefined"). We often [prefer eloquence to honesty](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/do-we-prefer-honesty-or-eloquence "undefined"), sadly. Use [rhetorical questions](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/do-rhetorical-questions-make-arguments-more-o "undefined") to be more persuasive. And you do want to be more persuasive, don’t you? ## Numbers We can be weird about numbers. Sellers who [listed their homes more precisely](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/how-to-make-more-money-when-you-sell-your-hou "undefined")—say $494,500 as opposed to $500,000—consistently got closer to their asking price. We are irrationally positive toward hearing “[100%](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/im-100-certain-youll-read-this-post "undefined")“. Yes, we like [$1.99 more than $2.00](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/does-seeing-199-instead-of-200-really-make-us "undefined") even if we say we know it’s a trick. Know how to [anchor](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/why-you-should-only-reference-low-numbers-whe "undefined") because it is ridiculously [effective](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/why-do-people-always-sue-for-ludicrous-amount "undefined"). ## Little things Just [remembering the other person’s name](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/another-simple-trick-for-persuading-people "undefined") makes you more persuasive. [Asking someone how they feel](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/a-quick-and-simple-way-to-influence-others "undefined"), having them verbally respond, and then acknowledging that response, facilitates compliance. Listen to what they have to say and [ask them to tell you more](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/how-to-easily-be-more-likable-and-make-people "undefined"). [Touch](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/another-quick-and-easy-way-to-improve-your-pe "undefined") [people](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/is-a-touch-on-the-arm-all-it-takes-to-make-yo "undefined"). Be [funny](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/does-humor-mentally-disarm-us "undefined"). Always ask [if this is a good time](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/another-trick-for-increasing-compliance "undefined"). Let them [sleep on it](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/after-making-someone-an-offer-should-you-let "undefined"). People will be more likely to agree with you if you [make your choice sound like the status quo](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/how-can-you-make-others-more-likely-to-agree "undefined"). [Telling stories](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/how-to-easily-increase-the-money-you-get-from "undefined") is powerful in negotiating. “Obscenity at the beginning or end of the speech [significantly increased the persuasiveness](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/does-swearing-make-you-more-or-less-persuasiv "undefined") of the speech.” [Emotion](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/how-to-easily-be-more-credible-when-complaini "undefined") is the key to being more credible when complaining. [Name dropping](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/does-name-dropping-work "undefined") doesn’t work. (Nobody famous told me that.) [Obvious](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/does-obvious-flattery-work "undefined") and [insincere flattery](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/does-insincere-flattery-actually-work "undefined") does. [Bragging](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/whats-the-best-way-to-brag "undefined") is all about context. Having a third party praise you can influence others – [even if that third party is obviously biased.](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/does-having-a-third-party-praise-you-influenc "undefined") [Sit in the middle](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/where-should-you-sit-during-a-meeting-to-be-m "undefined") to be more influential during a meeting. And [repeat yourself](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/does-repeating-yourself-make-you-more-influen "undefined"). No evidence can sometimes [be more persuasive](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/is-no-evidence-more-persuasive-than-weak-evid "undefined") than weak evidence. What are Jedi level tools of negotiation? [Coffee](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/can-the-strategic-use-of-coffee-make-you-more "undefined") and a [cheeseburger](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/is-a-cheeseburger-an-effective-persuasion-too "undefined"). ## Practice is key Not sure if you’re quite ready to put all this into action? Well, “[fake it ’til you make it](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/should-you-fake-it-until-you-make-it "undefined")” does work. **_This piece originally appeared on_** [**_Barking Up the Wrong Tree_**](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/2012/05/the-last-damn-thing-youll-ever-need-to-read-a-8759/ "undefined")**_._** **Join over 145,000 readers. Get a free weekly update via email** [**here**](http://eepurl.com/o6uAD "undefined")**.** Related posts: [How To Stop Being Lazy And Get More Done – 5 Expert Tips](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/2014/08/how-to-stop-being-lazy/ "undefined") [6 Things The Most Productive People Do Every Day](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/2014/06/most-productive-people/ "undefined") [New Harvard Research Reveals A Fun Way To Be More Successful](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/2014/09/be-more-successful/ "undefined") ```json [{"@context":"https://schema.org","@type":"OpinionNewsArticle","@id":"https://time.com/3624018/guide-influence-persuasion-negotiation/","mainEntityOfPage":{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"https://time.com/3624018/guide-influence-persuasion-negotiation/"},"headline":"Your A to Z Guide to Influence, Persuasion and Negotiation","datePublished":"2014-12-09T05:01:08.000Z","dateModified":"2026-03-31T08:04:20.252Z","description":"Negotiating is an essential skill. 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