Holiday Jeer: Good-for-Nothing Gifts From Back in the Day

2 minute read
A back-scratcher encrusted with gilt, pearls and sea shells is an expensive adaptation of a standard 39-cent model.
Caption from LIFE. A back-scratcher encrusted with gilt, pearls and sea shells is an expensive adaptation of a standard 39-cent model.Yale Joel—The LIFE Picture Collection/Getty Images
By Ben Cosgrove

In December 1953 LIFE featured a number of gifts that, the magazine assured its readers, were far “better to give than to receive.” For our part, after spending a little time with these photos, we’ve come to the reluctant conclusion that, with one or two exceptions (those velvet glasses acting as a hairnet are kind of cool), these items are preposterous whether one is giving or receiving.

As LIFE noted:

When a sequined $7.50 fly swatter turned out to be one of the best-selling gifts last Christmas (a time of year when flies are rare), department stores were quick to turn its success into a trend. This year the country’s gift counters abound in homely household objects which have been gilded, bedecked with pearls and rhinestones and upped in price. Holiday shoppers whose main object is to pamper the recipient may now choose jeweled back-scratchers which are almost too pretty to use, velvet eyeglasses which are designed to be worn instead of a hat, time-pieces for pets who can not tell time. Here is a selection of this year’s silly Christmas gifts.

Thank goodness we’ve evolved as a society and as individuals to the point where ridiculous and overpriced presents are no longer on anyone’s wish list. Right?

Right?

Sleep mask for light sleepers is satin-edged in gold braid, has gold eyelashes, brows and twinkling rhinestone stars.
Caption from LIFE. Sleep mask for light sleepers is satin-edged in gold braid, has gold eyelashes, brows and twinkling rhinestone stars.Yale Joel—The LIFE Picture Collection/Getty Images
A back-scratcher encrusted with gilt, pearls and sea shells is an expensive adaptation of a standard 39-cent model.
Caption from LIFE. A back-scratcher encrusted with gilt, pearls and sea shells is an expensive adaptation of a standard 39-cent model.Yale Joel—The LIFE Picture Collection/Getty Images
Work gloves with red felt fingernails and a big ring on the wedding finger.
Caption from LIFE. Work gloves with red felt fingernails and a big ring on the wedding finger.Yale Joel—The LIFE Picture Collection/Getty Images
Velvet glasses with net lenses, based on the theory that there are women who wear spectacles to hold their hair back.
Caption from LIFE. Velvet glasses with net lenses, based on the theory that there are women who wear spectacles to hold their hair back.Yale Joel—The LIFE Picture Collection/Getty Images
Spray gun is coated with gilt and trimmed with bee and flowers, might be used on household pests when company is around
Caption from LIFE. Spray gun is coated with gilt and trimmed with bee and flowers, might be used on household pests when company is around.Yale Joel—The LIFE Picture Collection/Getty Images
Swiss watch adorning gold collar, maker says, prompts wearer to bark to go out.
Caption from LIFE. Swiss watch adorning gold collar, maker says, prompts wearer to bark to go out. Compass in place of watch costs $22.Yale Joel—The LIFE Picture Collection/Getty Images
Leopard print gives a frivolous look to knitted nylon pants and bra.
Caption from LIFE. Leopard print gives a frivolous look to knitted nylon pants and bra. This is a useful notion of the season, being an economical substitute for the expensive fancy lingerie many men like to give as presents. The spots, which make fabric opaque, do not change with washing.Yale Joel—The LIFE Picture Collection/Getty Images
Glasses have no lenses, but feature what looks to be a costume jewelry tear-drop dangling from the frame.
Glasses have no lenses, but feature what looks to be a costume jewelry tear-drop dangling from the frame.Yale Joel—The LIFE Picture Collection/Getty Images

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