--- title: How to Get What You Want description: The only thing that matters is what you can control and what you do about it canonical: https://time.com/3559438/get-what-you-want/ author: TIME article:opinion: true article:content_tier: free article:published_time: 2014-11-05T21:10:34.000Z article:modified_time: 2026-02-21T11:15:24.071Z article:section: Ideas og:title: How to Get What You Want og:description: The only thing that matters is what you can control and what you do about it og:url: https://time.com/3559438/get-what-you-want/ og:site_name: TIME og:image: https://static.time.com/v3/assets/bltea6093859af6183b/blt3e1501bc4d6d9906/698764522dce01a8969db4f2/reaching.jpg?branch=production&width=1200&quality=75&auto=webp&crop=16:9 og:image:width: 3594 og:image:height: 2022 og:image:alt: Mechanical claw reaching for golden egg og:type: article twitter:card: summary_large_image twitter:title: How to Get What You Want twitter:description: The only thing that matters is what you can control and what you do about it twitter:image: https://static.time.com/v3/assets/bltea6093859af6183b/blt3e1501bc4d6d9906/698764522dce01a8969db4f2/reaching.jpg?branch=production&width=1200&quality=75&auto=webp&crop=16:9 ---  # How to Get What You Want > Sponsored content. 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A paid TIME subscription is separate and available at time.com/subscribe-agent. by [Quora](https://time.com/author/quora/) ## Quora Nov 5, 2014 9:10 PM UTC  Mechanical claw reaching for golden egg Mechanical claw reaching for golden egg Getty Images by [Quora](https://time.com/author/quora/) ## Quora Nov 5, 2014 9:10 PM UTC [_Answer_](http://www.quora.com/How-can-I-get-what-I-want/answer/Oliver-Emberton) _by_ [_Oliver Emberton_](http://www.quora.com/Oliver-Emberton) _on_ [_Quora_](http://www.quora.com/)_._ ## **There are just two reasons why you haven’t done the stuff that you ‘want’ to do.** 1. You can’t because of something external 2. You won’t because of something internal Here’s the thing: nearly everyone who succeeds, will _always assume number #2_. By default, the reason they have failed is themselves. It is, without fail, their own fault. Always. If this sounds like willful bunk, consider the flip side: _those who fail always assume it’s not their fault_. With that attitude, your ego is forever letting itself off the hook. You can’t learn from your experiences, except maybe that you shouldn’t have even tried, because — well — that big bad world was just super-mean to you again. Try listening to a lot of normal conversation: it’s just ego repair. --- > “” --- As Don Draper would say: I hate to break it to you, but there is no big lie. There is no system. _The universe is indifferent._ Whenever “it” or “they”, “he” or “she” is to blame, you’re just diverting the blame. Because the only thing that matters is what you can control: _what-are-you-going-to-do-about-it?_ There are always situations when you really can’t have something that you don’t control. Maybe you dream of being a championship triathlete, but you were born without legs. Well of course. Except that kind of reductio ad absurdum doesn’t excuse 99.99% of the identical, fundamental ridiculousness that most people lament about: their health, jobs and relationships. For this trinity, the principles are well known and within the capability of everyone. Assuming, of course, you accept responsibility for that. ## **Why do we make excuses?** Making excuses can make us feel better. Excuses are like painkillers for our self-respect. Surely they evolved with this purpose. For not everyone can succeed all the time, and if you can’t, it’s better that you don’t become too depressed about it. But the chances are the things that you want — that you want _the most_ — are not fast cars, Angelina Jolie’s chest or a giant catapult to the moon. Most of us crave fundamentally simple things: love, respect, security, health, significance. These things don’t require that we’re born to wealthy parents, or with perfect genes. If you’re reading this, the chances are you have access to education, sanitation, medicine, freedom of speech, shelter and the sum of the world’s knowledge (Google), and that you take them for granted. For over 150,000 years human life would have utterly sucked compared to now, and you’ve been born in the last 70 or so, in the blessed minority, when it doesn’t. You’re so lucky you can’t imagine. ## **You are the problem.** Whenever you hit a wall: find what you can do about it, do it, and forget anything else. All the other stuff just consumes your attention and accomplishes nothing. The solutions to all your problems are probably so obvious, you likely already know them. The trick is simply acknowledging it’s your responsibility alone to make it happen. _This question originally appeared on_ [_Quora: How can I get what I want?_](http://www.quora.com/How-can-I-get-what-I-want/answer/Oliver-Emberton) ```json [{"@context":"https://schema.org","@type":"OpinionNewsArticle","@id":"https://time.com/3559438/get-what-you-want/","mainEntityOfPage":{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"https://time.com/3559438/get-what-you-want/"},"headline":"How to Get What You Want","datePublished":"2014-11-05T21:10:34.000Z","dateModified":"2026-02-21T11:15:24.071Z","description":"The only thing that matters is what you can control and what you do about it","url":"https://time.com/3559438/get-what-you-want/","keywords":["Psychology","advice","Success topic"],"thumbnailUrl":"https://static.time.com/v3/assets/bltea6093859af6183b/blt3e1501bc4d6d9906/698764522dce01a8969db4f2/reaching.jpg?branch=production&width=1200&quality=75&auto=webp&crop=1200:675&height=675","author":[{"@type":"Person","name":"Quora","jobTitle":null,"url":"https://time.com/author/quora/"}],"articleSection":"Ideas","image":[{"@type":"ImageObject","url":"https://static.time.com/v3/assets/bltea6093859af6183b/blt3e1501bc4d6d9906/698764522dce01a8969db4f2/reaching.jpg?branch=production&width=1200&quality=75&auto=webp&crop=1200:675&height=675","width":1200,"height":675,"headline":"Mechanical claw reaching for golden egg","caption":"Mechanical claw reaching for golden egg","creditText":"Getty Images","representativeOfPage":true}],"publisher":{"@type":"Organization","name":"Time","url":"https://time.com/","logo":{"@type":"ImageObject","url":"https://time.com/images/logo.png","width":528,"height":156},"foundingDate":"March 3, 1923","sameAs":["https://www.facebook.com/time","https://www.instagram.com/time/?hl=en","https://twitter.com/time","https://www.pinterest.com/timemagazine"]}},{"@context":"https://schema.org","@type":"BreadcrumbList","itemListElement":[{"@type":"ListItem","position":1,"item":{"@id":"/section/ideas/","name":"Ideas"}},{"@type":"ListItem","position":2,"item":{"@id":"/tag/psychology/","name":"Psychology"}},{"@type":"ListItem","position":3,"item":{"@id":"https://time.com/3559438/get-what-you-want/","name":"How to Get What You Want"}}]}] ```