--- description: Know it or not, you often decide whether or not to trust someone based on crazy reasons. How attractive someone is, whether they’re the same... title: How to Get People to Treat You Right: The Science Behind Trust image: https://static.time.com/v3/assets/bltea6093859af6183b/blt06e948280bc65754/698763165f570fb384b12f64/hand-shake2.jpg?branch=production&width=3840&quality=75&auto=webp&crop=16:9 ---  * [Ideas](/section/ideas/) ## Ideas Update your preferences in [Account Settings](/account/preferences/) Close * [Psychology](/tag/psychology/) ## Psychology Update your preferences in [Account Settings](/account/preferences/) Close # How to Get People to Treat You Right: The Science Behind Trust by [Eric Barker](/author/eric-barker/) ## Eric Barker Update your preferences in [Account Settings](/account/preferences/) Close Oct 29, 2014 4:01 AM CUT  relief of handshake relief of handshakeGetty Images by [Eric Barker](/author/eric-barker/) ## Eric Barker Update your preferences in [Account Settings](/account/preferences/) Close Oct 29, 2014 4:01 AM CUT **Know it or not, you often decide whether or not to trust someone based on crazy reasons.** How [attractive](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/10-fascinating-facts-about-beauty "undefined") someone is, whether they’re [the same gender as you are](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/do-women-trust-women-or-men-more-do-men-trust "undefined"), whether someone [blushes](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/does-seeing-someone-blush-make-us-trust-them "undefined"), and the state of your ever-changing [mood](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/do-good-moods-make-people-less-trusting "undefined") all affect whether you trust somebody. In some situations you trust people more just because they have [a _beard_](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/do-we-think-people-with-beards-are-more-trust "undefined"): --- > “” --- **You make up your mind about someone in** [**100 milliseconds**](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/how-long-does-it-take-us-to-make-up-our-mind "undefined")**.** Yeah, read it again: _100 milliseconds_. What happens when you’re given additional time? _You become more convinced you’re right:_ --- > “” --- **And what quality do you value in a friend more than any other? You guessed it:** [**trustworthiness**](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/what-quality-do-we-most-desire-in-other-peopl "undefined")**.** What’s the reason most people cite for wanting to leave their job? [Not trusting their employer](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/whats-the-reason-most-people-want-to-leave-th "undefined"). And maybe you’re right to be wary. Most people do [violate the trust of even close friends:](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/2012/08/who-can-you-trust-to-keep-a-secret/ "undefined") --- > “” --- Research shows that in life-or-death situations, you can probably forget about all that better-angels-of-our-nature stuff. It’s pretty much [every man for himself](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/2012/08/how-do-most-people-react-in-life-or-death-sit/ "undefined"). But is that the best way to live? Probably not if you want a long, enjoyable life. **People who give others the benefit of the doubt are both** [**happier**](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/2010/12/what-factors-are-consistently-associated-with/ "undefined")**and** [**healthier**](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/2011/01/are-more-trusting-people-healthier/ "undefined")**. In fact, high-trusters are actually** [**better at lie detection**](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/2010/12/is-trusting-people-the-secret-to-detecting-li/ "undefined")**:** --- > “” --- **Expecting others to be selfish** [**can be a self-fulfliing prophecy**](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/2011/04/is-expecting-others-to-be-selfish-a-self-fulf/ "undefined")**:** --- > “” --- And cynicism can lead to a [downward spiral](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/2010/04/why-are-people-cynical-what-can-be-done-about/ "undefined"): --- > “” --- Think that people are poor because they trust too much and the wealthy get their money by duplicity? Actually, being skeptical of people’s motives [isn’t the path to riches](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/2012/01/how-much-should-we-trust-others-what-are-the/ "undefined"): --- > “” --- **Clearly, on average, it’s better to trust too much than too little, even from a financial perspective.** Okay, but does this mean trust everyone? How do you pick? You can tell Nobel Peace Prize winners from America’s Most Wanted [at a rate much better than chance](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/2011/12/can-you-tell-nobel-peace-prize-winners-from-a/ "undefined"). **More often than not for first impressions, you** [**can**](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/2011/05/should-you-trust-your-gut-to-tell-you-who-is/ "undefined")[ **trust your gut**](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/2011/05/should-you-trust-your-gut-to-tell-you-who-is/ "undefined")**:** --- > “” --- But how does this affect how you should handle relationships? Oddly enough, **nothing worked better than good ol’** [**tit-for-tat**](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/2011/04/is-tit-for-tat-the-best-way-to-deal-with-peop/ "undefined")**:** --- > “” --- That old rule we all know turned out to be incredibly robust. **All it required was imitating the other player’s last move. If they’re cooperative, you cooperate. If they screw you, you screw them back.** Robert Axelrod, who documented the findings in his book, [The Evolution of Cooperation](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0465005640/ref=as%5Fli%5Fss%5Ftl?ie=UTF8&tag=spacforrent-20&linkCode=as2&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=0465005640 "undefined"), explained [what we can learn from the findings](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/2011/12/can-computers-teach-us-everything-we-need-to/ "undefined"): --- > “” --- At least in the [Prisoner’s Dilemma game](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Prisoner%27s%5Fdilemma "undefined"), **“doing unto others as they do unto you” may not put you ahead, but with time it educates others that, all other things being equal, it’s clearly more profitable to work with you than not.** So… **All things being equal, trust people or at least trust your gut. Early in ongoing relationships, consider tit-for-tat.** **_This piece originally appeared on_** [**_Barking Up the Wrong Tree_**](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/2012/09/should-you-trust-anyone-how-do-you-know-who-t/ "undefined")**_._** **Join over 130,000 readers. Get a free weekly update via email** [**here**](http://eepurl.com/o6uAD "undefined")**.** Related posts: [How To Stop Being Lazy And Get More Done – 5 Expert Tips](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/2014/08/how-to-stop-being-lazy/ "undefined") [6 Things The Most Productive People Do Every Day](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/2014/06/most-productive-people/ "undefined") [8 Things The World’s Most Successful People All Have In Common](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/2013/12/successful-people/ "undefined") ```json [{"@context":"https://schema.org","@type":"OpinionNewsArticle","@id":"https://time.com/3544288/people-trust-you-science/","mainEntityOfPage":{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"https://time.com/3544288/people-trust-you-science/"},"headline":"How to Get People to Treat You Right: The Science Behind Trust","datePublished":"2014-10-29T04:01:04.000Z","dateModified":"2026-03-31T07:59:08.564Z","description":"Know it or not, you often decide whether or not to trust someone based on crazy reasons. 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