Scott Gries—Picturegroup/Comedy Central
By Samantha Grossman
December 15, 2014

Stephen Colbert’s eponymous alter ago—known for his hyper-conservative views and aggressively misinformed opinions—loves to talk. A lot. So much that it can be easy, at times, to miss some of his brilliantly absurd quips.

So, to honor the faux pundit as he prepares for the last episode of The Colbert Report, we rounded up nine of his best lines—some that you probably remember, and others that you might have missed. From the offbeat to the downright offensive, here’s a look back at Colbert’s greatest hits.

1. “Yesterday was full of losses for America, the greatest of which was beloved civil rights pioneer Rosa Parks. Which brings us to tonight’s word: overrated.”

2. “I don’t trust books—they’re all fact, no heart.”

3. “George Walker Bush: great president, or the greatest president?”

4. “Anyone can read the news to you. I promise to feel the news… at you.”

5. “…Which brings me to the No. 1 threat to America… stripper bears.”

6. “Folks, the skinnification of the American jeanscape has gone too far.”

7. “I can’t stand people who disagree with me on the issue of Roe v. Wade … which I believe is about the proper way to cross a lake.”

8. “Christianity is the best way to cure gayness—just get on your knees, take a swig of wine, and accept the body of a man into your mouth.”

9. “Equations are the devil’s sentences.”

And, for good measure, here’s a quote from the out-of-character version of Stephen Colbert, when asked to describe his conservative alter ego: “I think of him as a well-intentioned, poorly informed, high-status idiot.”

Contact us at editors@time.com.

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