--- description: Trick question. Don’t blame. It makes you less able to deal with the problems of life. Via The Blame Game: How the Hidden Rules of... title: Who’s to Blame for This Mess? image: https://static.time.com/v3/assets/bltea6093859af6183b/bltcc4973f6a9944b3a/69876210cd684805070973c8/finger-point-dog.jpg?branch=production&width=3840&quality=75&auto=webp&crop=16:9 ---  * [Ideas](/section/ideas/) ## Ideas Update your preferences in [Account Settings](/account/preferences/) Close * [Psychology](/tag/psychology/) ## Psychology Update your preferences in [Account Settings](/account/preferences/) Close # Who’s to Blame for This Mess? by [Eric Barker](/author/eric-barker/) ## Eric Barker Update your preferences in [Account Settings](/account/preferences/) Close Oct 27, 2014 4:01 AM CUT  Person scolding embarrassed dog Person scolding embarrassed dogGetty Images by [Eric Barker](/author/eric-barker/) ## Eric Barker Update your preferences in [Account Settings](/account/preferences/) Close Oct 27, 2014 4:01 AM CUT Trick question. Don’t blame. It makes you less able to deal with the problems of life. Via [The Blame Game: How the Hidden Rules of Credit and Blame Determine Our Success or Failure](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B005GNKJF2/ref=as%5Fli%5Fss%5Ftl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=B005GNKJF2&linkCode=as2&tag=spacforrent-20 "undefined"): --- > “” --- Blaming others can actually [make you physically ill](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/2011/08/can-blaming-others-make-you-physically-ill/ "undefined"). And it makes you [miserable](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/2012/07/what-lessons-can-divorced-people-teach-marrie/ "undefined"): --- > “” --- Blaming external factors is even bad for corporations. Via [The Blame Game: How the Hidden Rules of Credit and Blame Determine Our Success or Failure](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B005GNKJF2/ref=as%5Fli%5Fss%5Ftl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=B005GNKJF2&linkCode=as2&tag=spacforrent-20 "undefined"): --- > “” --- And, sadly, blaming is [contagious](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/2009/11/blaming-others-is-contagious-behavior-miller/ "undefined"). ## **Stop Blaming Yourself** Yes, you want to learn from mistakes but turns out punishing yourself has a lot of negative consequences. Forgiving yourself can help you reduce [procrastination](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/could-forgiveness-be-the-cure-to-procrastinat "undefined"), increase [creativity](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/is-compassion-the-key-to-creativity "undefined"), and, ironically, even increase self-control. Via [The Willpower Instinct: How Self-Control Works, Why It Matters, and What You Can Do To Get More of It](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1583334386/ref=as%5Fli%5Fss%5Ftl?ie=UTF8&tag=spacforrent-20&linkCode=as2&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=1583334386 "undefined"): --- > “” --- Forgiveness, not guilt, increases accountability. Via [The Willpower Instinct: How Self-Control Works, Why It Matters, and What You Can Do To Get More of It](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1583334386/ref=as%5Fli%5Fss%5Ftl?ie=UTF8&tag=spacforrent-20&linkCode=as2&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=1583334386 "undefined"): --- > “” --- Resisting blame makes you more productive and happier. Via [The Winner’s Brain: 8 Strategies Great Minds Use to Achieve Success](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0738214698/ref=as%5Fli%5Fss%5Ftl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=0738214698&linkCode=as2&tag=spacforrent-20 "undefined"): --- > “” --- ## **How can we resist the urge to blame?** When you want to blame yourself, try to find a benefit in the failure. Via [The Winner’s Brain: 8 Strategies Great Minds Use to Achieve Success](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0738214698/ref=as%5Fli%5Fss%5Ftl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=0738214698&linkCode=as2&tag=spacforrent-20 "undefined"): --- > “” --- Learn from it and move on. Experts don’t waste time with blame. They see what they’re doing wrong and use it as information to improve. Via [The Talent Code: Greatness Isn’t Born. It’s Grown. Here’s How](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/055380684X/ref=as%5Fli%5Fss%5Ftl?ie=UTF8&tag=spacforrent-20&linkCode=as2&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=055380684X "undefined"): --- > “” --- Admitting error and using it to get better is a sign of a great team. Via [The Blame Game: How the Hidden Rules of Credit and Blame Determine Our Success or Failure](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B005GNKJF2/ref=as%5Fli%5Fss%5Ftl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=B005GNKJF2&linkCode=as2&tag=spacforrent-20 "undefined"): --- > “” --- What surprised Edmondson and her fellow researchers was that**the most cohesive and best-led medical teams and institutions actually reported** **_more_** **errors than their counterparts… the higher-functioning teams were more willing to disclose their errors and, therefore, to learn from and avoid repeating them.** ## **What about when you want to blame others?** We [blame the victim](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/2010/02/why-do-we-blame-the-victim/ "undefined") because we want to believe the world is fair and just. It’s too depressing to think otherwise, right? When we see terrible things happen to innocent people, **it’s much easier to believe that it’s the person’s fault than to radically shift our worldview.** **Consider that the situation might have been caused by** [**their circumstances, not their personality**](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/2011/11/how-can-you-deal-with-angry-people-without-lo/ "undefined"). Is someone angry and freaking out at you? Assume they are having a bad day, not that they are a bad person. Our brains [naturally tend to assume things are deliberate](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/2011/08/is-this-why-its-so-hard-to-be-compassionate/ "undefined"). When you act badly you say it’s because of a mood; when others do the same you say it’s because they’re rotten to the core. [**Give others the same benefit of the doubt you give yourself**](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fundamental%5Fattribution%5Ferror "undefined")**.** **_This piece originally appeared on_** [**_Barking Up the Wrong Tree_**](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/2012/10/wins-blame-game/ "undefined")**_._** **Join 45K+ readers.** Get a free weekly update via email [here](http://eepurl.com/o6uAD "undefined"). ```json [{"@context":"https://schema.org","@type":"OpinionNewsArticle","@id":"https://time.com/3528913/blame-for-mess/","mainEntityOfPage":{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"https://time.com/3528913/blame-for-mess/"},"headline":"Who’s to Blame for This Mess?","datePublished":"2014-10-27T04:01:03.000Z","dateModified":"2026-03-31T07:58:44.150Z","description":"Trick question. Don’t blame. It makes you less able to deal with the problems of life. 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