--- title: Common Mid-Life Regrets description: They can be summed up by the word "don't" canonical: https://time.com/3432628/common-mid-life-regrets/ author: TIME article:opinion: false article:content_tier: free article:published_time: 2014-09-26T15:19:06.000Z article:modified_time: 2026-08-04T07:44:25.943Z og:title: Common Mid-Life Regrets og:description: They can be summed up by the word "don't" og:url: https://time.com/3432628/common-mid-life-regrets/ og:site_name: TIME og:image: https://static.time.com/v3/assets/bltea6093859af6183b/blt45562948766a2de7/6986a596361760e68490e16d/mid-life-regrets.jpg?branch=production&width=1200&quality=75&auto=webp&crop=16:9 og:image:width: 3600 og:image:height: 2025 og:image:alt: Mid-life regrets og:type: article twitter:card: summary_large_image twitter:title: Common Mid-Life Regrets twitter:description: They can be summed up by the word "don't" twitter:image: https://static.time.com/v3/assets/bltea6093859af6183b/blt45562948766a2de7/6986a596361760e68490e16d/mid-life-regrets.jpg?branch=production&width=1200&quality=75&auto=webp&crop=16:9 ---  # Common Mid-Life Regrets > Sponsored content. 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Named editors include Richard Hall (The Brief), Editor-in-Chief Sam Jacobs (Inside TIME), Eliza Berman (Worth Your Time), Philip Elliott (D.C. Brief), Justin Worland (Future Proof) and Harry Booth (In the Loop). Health Matters is written by TIME's health desk. #### How do I sign up for a TIME newsletter? Go to time.com/newsletters, choose the newsletters you want and enter your email address. There is no cost and no subscription requirement. ### Sources * TIME Newsletters: [time.com/newsletters](/c/time-nl-network-2026q3/newsletters?i=40808e1a-2a4d-4d7a-b100-96c8b2ef4ccb&cr=time-nl-network-2026q3-v1) ## Video: A 100-Year-Old Sex Therapist on Having Good Sex, Then and Now [Watch (HLS stream): A 100-Year-Old Sex Therapist on Having Good Sex, Then and Now](https://cdn.jwplayer.com/manifests/uJFYIrvP.m3u8) (3:13)  _Published 2014-08-20. A practicing sex therapist in New York City, Dr. Shirley Zussman has witnessed everything from the legalization of the contraceptive birth control pill to the AIDs epidemic in the 1980s to the rise of internet porn in the new millenium._ by [Quora](https://time.com/author/quora/) ## Quora Sep 26, 2014 3:19 PM UTC  portrait of a man portrait of a man Allison Michael Orenstein—Getty Images by [Quora](https://time.com/author/quora/) ## Quora Sep 26, 2014 3:19 PM UTC [_Answer_](http://www.quora.com/When-people-in-their-30s-40s-and-older-look-back-on-their-life-what-are-some-common-regrets-they-have/answer/James-Altucher) _by_ [_James Altucher_](http://www.quora.com/James-Altucher) _on_ [_Quora_](http://www.quora.com/)_._ Everyone wants to know what dead people say right before they die. Words maybe infused with speckles of a heaven. Beethoven supposedly said on his deathbed, “Friends applaud! the comedy is finished!” Lou Costello said, “This was the best ice cream soda I ever tasted.” Similar is, “What are common regrets of people in their 30s and 40s?” Can they be avoided if known? Here are my regrets. And they can be summed up by the word “don’t.” **Don’t buy things** Buy experiences. A thing is a house. An experience is a trip. An experience is a visit to that girl or guy on the other side of the world who said, “maybe.” An experience is an invitation to meaning instead of material. **Don’t do anything you don’t want to do** You think you have time to get out of it. But you don’t. And then it happens. And then it’s too late. And then it’s something you did. You were the target and you got shot. A black ink stamp leaving its mark on your wrist. You went to the party and the next day, all blurry and inky, it shows and everyone can see. **Don’t try to please people** Nobody is more worthy of love in the entire universe than you. I wish I had reminded myself of that more. I could’ve saved all of that time where I was trying to please someone else. Money you lose you can always make back. But even five minutes of time lost is gone forever. **Don’t fall in love with someone who is in love with somebody else** These people are magnets of love. They’ve sucked all the love out of the room so when you walk in, it’s already too late, you’re past that zone in the black hole where nothing ever gets out and nobody ever knows what’s there. It’s lost in space and time. When I’ve fallen in love with someone who was in love with someone else, only pieces of me have ever survived. And even then I had to put those pieces back together into the Tinkertoy robot that became me for a long time. **Don’t make promises you can’t keep** And to that I can only say, I’m sorry to that one girl. **Run. Don’t walk** I don’t mean run to a goal or a destination. There are no goals and you realize this around the age of 30 or so. I mean just “run.” You build up your blood vessels. More oxygen gets to the brain. You get smarter. Life is better. And you’ll see more in life than the people who are walking. Who take their time failing. Who take their time falling for others. Who take their time while waiting for the right moment. Waiting for the right weather, the right coordinates, the right person, to drop anchor. There’s never a right moment. So just run to get there. **Don’t wait for them to say “yes”** Who is “them”? What are they saying “yes” to? What do you think will happen after the wait is over? Yes. That’s my point. All of the answers to these questions are lesser versions of what happens if you don’t wait so I’ll say it again. “Don’t wait for them to say yes.” Say yes to yourself first and everyone will say yes later. **Don’t steal paperclips from the office** It seems small. But a million paper clips in life add up to what you are, a mishmash of twisted metal. Be honest. Honesty compounds until your word becomes The Word. Try it and see. **Don’t eat bad food** And by “food” I mean McRibs. But also I mean the news. And dramas that kill lots of people. And coworkers who gossip in the hallway, everyone trying to pull everyone else down. And family who yells at you only because you have become the piano they play their own anguish on. And late nights with the girl who smiles but you know it will never work. At 20, life can either compound into beauty or into insanity. This is the “don’t” that forks into both. **Don’t regret** It may look like these are regrets. But they are just tattoos that live on me right now. The illustrated man at the circus. Don’t time travel into the past, roaming through the nuances as if they can change. Don’t bookmark pages you’ve already read. Today it starts all over again. Every tomorrow is determined by every today. _This question originally appeared on_ [_Quora: When people in their 30s and 40s and older look back on their life, what are some common regrets they have?_](http://www.quora.com/When-people-in-their-30s-40s-and-older-look-back-on-their-life-what-are-some-common-regrets-they-have) ### 5 Horrible Habits You Need to Stop Right Now  Do Not Email First Thing in the Morning or Last Thing at Night “The former scrambles your priorities and all your plans for the day and the latter just gives you insomnia,” says Ferriss, who insists “email can wait until 10am” or after you check off at least one substantive to-do list item. Chris Pecoraro—Getty Images  Do Not Agree to Meetings or Calls With No Clear Agenda or End Time “If the desired outcome is defined clearly… and there’s an agenda listing topics–questions to cover–no meeting or call should last more than 30 minutes,” claims Ferriss, so “request them in advance so you can ‘best prepare and make good use of our time together.'” Sam Edwards—Getty Images/Caiaimage  Do Not Check Email Constantly Batch it and check it only periodically at set times (Ferriss goes for twice a day). Your inbox is analogous to a cocaine pellet dispenser, says Ferriss. Don’t be an addict. Tools like strategic use of the auto responder and Boomerang can help. Jetta Productions—Getty Images  Do Not Carry a Digital Leash 24/7 At least one day a week leave you smartphone somewhere where you can’t get easy access to it. If you’re gasping, you’re probably the type of person that most needs to do kick this particular habit. by nacoki ( MEDIA ARC )—Getty Images/Flickr RF  Do Not Let People Ramble Sounds harsh, but it’s necessary, Ferriss believes. “Small talk takes up big time,” he says, so when people start to tell you about their weekends, cut them off politely with something like “I’m in the middle of something, but what’s up?” But be aware, not everyone agrees with this one (and certainly not in every situation), and you may want to pay particularly close attention to norms around chit chat when traveling internationally. Reza Estakhrian—Getty Images ## Transcript Sexual pleasure is only one part of what men and women want from each other. They want intimacy, they want closeness, they want understanding, they want comfort, they want fun, and they want somebody who really cares about them beyond going to bed with them, and I think people are always seeking that. In every generation. [ MUSIC ] My name is Shirley Zussman. I just reached a hundred years of age, and I am a practicing sex therapist. I was invited with my husband to a lecture in New Jersey, in 1966. Masters and Johnson were the speakers. No body knew about them. Human sexual response had just been published, what I saw was a couple who will say that people had problems in an area in their lives that was very important and they were recognizing that it was all not just. Glamorous and wonderful to be sexual. One had to almost had to learn how to be a good partner and to endure the pleasure not only for yourself but for each other. And I thought we can do that. Why can't we do that? And we applied for training with Masters and Johnson at that time. The patients that came to us were people who read the paper. The only way they do anything about the work that was being done there. And the problems they came with, was somewhat different than the problems they come with today. Mostly, women came because would put out orgasmic, they didn't know how to achieve an orgasm, but they wanted one. It was so over that ,. Goal they had for themselves and how do I get there. That was one Masters and Johnson's contribution that there was a relatively simple way to start learning about your body. In other words, get, get to know your, who you are sexually and physically and that was. And encouragement for masturbation for learning what makes you feel good. I see a big change in the we view casual sex. In the 60's I think it was not just casual it was frantic. I'm shocked at the lack of connection with people; because of iPhones, even I love my iPhone. There is so much less actual physical connection, there's less touching, there's less talking, there's less holding, there's less looking, [ INAUDIBLE ]. People get pleasure from looking at each other. But the most common problem, I would say, in the sex therapy that I live in, is a lack of desire. You have to look at your priorities. You have to decide what is important to make you feel good about yourself and your life. 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