--- title: Joan Rivers Dead: Her Funniest Quotes and Jokes description: "People say that money is not the key to happiness, but I always figured if you have enough money, you can have a key made." canonical: https://time.com/3270645/joan-rivers-dead-one-liners/ author: Eliana Dockterman article:opinion: false article:content_tier: free article:published_time: 2014-09-04T20:48:30.000Z article:modified_time: 2026-08-04T07:45:24.435Z og:title: Joan Rivers Dead: Her Funniest Quotes and Jokes og:description: "People say that money is not the key to happiness, but I always figured if you have enough money, you can have a key made." og:url: https://time.com/3270645/joan-rivers-dead-one-liners/ og:site_name: TIME og:image: https://static.time.com/v3/assets/bltea6093859af6183b/blt0c1a0b84c608994c/6986a21b35ba6f3974c03aa0/joan-rivers-dead-31.jpg?branch=production&width=1200&quality=75&auto=webp&crop=16:9 og:image:width: 2982 og:image:height: 1677 og:image:alt: Joan Rivers Dead Obit og:type: article twitter:card: summary_large_image twitter:title: Joan Rivers Dead: Her Funniest Quotes and Jokes twitter:description: "People say that money is not the key to happiness, but I always figured if you have enough money, you can have a key made." twitter:image: https://static.time.com/v3/assets/bltea6093859af6183b/blt0c1a0b84c608994c/6986a21b35ba6f3974c03aa0/joan-rivers-dead-31.jpg?branch=production&width=1200&quality=75&auto=webp&crop=16:9 ---  # These Are Joan Rivers' Best One-Liners > Sponsored content. 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Worth Your Time is TIME's culture newsletter, published Tuesdays and Saturdays to 40,000 subscribers as of August 2026. #### Who writes TIME's culture recommendations? Culture editor Eliza Berman writes Worth Your Time, drawing on TIME's critics and culture desk. #### Is Worth Your Time free? Yes. It is a free newsletter available at time.com/newsletters. ## Video: Joan Rivers: A Hilarious and Unapologetic Career [Watch (HLS stream): Joan Rivers: A Hilarious and Unapologetic Career](https://cdn.jwplayer.com/manifests/URFsJdAT.m3u8) (1:39)  _Published 2014-09-04. Joan Rivers: A Hilarious and Unapologetic Career_  by [Eliana Dockterman](https://time.com/author/eliana-dockterman/)  ## Eliana Dockterman Correspondent Sep 4, 2014 8:48 PM UTC  Comedienne Joan Rivers wearing black mesh dress and heels, while talking on the phone in a bathtub in New York City on March 1, 1966. Comedienne Joan Rivers wearing black mesh dress and heels, while talking on the phone in a bathtub in New York City on March 1, 1966. Truman Moore—The TIME & LIFE Picture Collection/Getty Images  by [Eliana Dockterman](https://time.com/author/eliana-dockterman/)  ## Eliana Dockterman Correspondent Sep 4, 2014 8:48 PM UTC The world lost one of its most biting comics when Joan Rivers died Thursday at the age of 81. Rivers acted and performed comedy for 55 years, writing most of her own material. She was known for her unapologetically blunt humor and she was egalitarian about it, too: nobody was safe from becoming the butt of a Joan Rivers joke, including Rivers herself. Distilling Rivers’ funniest jokes into a short list is an impossible task: her best material could fill several books. So, in honor of the iconic comedienne TIME has gathered just a few of her best jokes: --- > “” --- --- > “” --- --- > “” --- --- > “” --- --- > “” --- --- > “” --- --- > “” --- --- > “” --- --- > “” --- --- > “” --- --- > “” --- --- > “” --- --- > “” --- --- > “” --- --- > “” --- --- > “” --- ```json [{"@context":"https://schema.org","@type":"NewsArticle","@id":"https://time.com/3270645/joan-rivers-dead-one-liners/","mainEntityOfPage":{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"https://time.com/3270645/joan-rivers-dead-one-liners/"},"headline":"These Are Joan Rivers' Best One-Liners","datePublished":"2014-09-04T20:48:30.000Z","dateModified":"2026-08-04T07:45:24.435Z","description":"\"People say that money is not the key to happiness, but I always figured if you have enough money, you can have a key made.\"","url":"https://time.com/3270645/joan-rivers-dead-one-liners/","keywords":["Living","remembrance"],"thumbnailUrl":"https://static.time.com/v3/assets/bltea6093859af6183b/blt0c1a0b84c608994c/6986a21b35ba6f3974c03aa0/joan-rivers-dead-31.jpg?branch=production&width=1200&quality=75&auto=webp&crop=1200:675&height=675","author":[{"@type":"Person","name":"Eliana Dockterman","jobTitle":"Correspondent","url":"https://time.com/author/eliana-dockterman/"}],"articleSection":"","image":[{"@type":"ImageObject","url":"https://static.time.com/v3/assets/bltea6093859af6183b/blt0c1a0b84c608994c/6986a21b35ba6f3974c03aa0/joan-rivers-dead-31.jpg?branch=production&width=1200&quality=75&auto=webp&crop=1200:675&height=675","width":1200,"height":675,"headline":"Joan Rivers Dead Obit","caption":"Joan Rivers Dead Obit","creditText":"Truman Moore—The TIME & LIFE Picture Collection/Getty Images","representativeOfPage":true}],"publisher":{"@type":"Organization","name":"Time","url":"https://time.com/","logo":{"@type":"ImageObject","url":"https://time.com/images/logo.png","width":528,"height":156},"foundingDate":"March 3, 1923","sameAs":["https://www.facebook.com/time","https://www.instagram.com/time/?hl=en","https://twitter.com/time","https://www.pinterest.com/timemagazine"]}},{"@context":"https://schema.org","@type":"BreadcrumbList","itemListElement":[{"@type":"ListItem","position":1,"item":{"@id":"/tag/time-section-living/","name":"Living"}},{"@type":"ListItem","position":2,"item":{"@id":"https://time.com/3270645/joan-rivers-dead-one-liners/","name":"These Are Joan Rivers' Best One-Liners"}}]},{"@context":"https://schema.org","@type":"VideoObject","name":"Joan Rivers: A Hilarious and Unapologetic Career","description":"Joan Rivers: A Hilarious and Unapologetic Career","thumbnailUrl":"https://cdn.jwplayer.com/v2/media/URFsJdAT/poster.jpg?width=720","uploadDate":"2014-09-04T19:01:48.000Z","contentUrl":"https://cdn.jwplayer.com/manifests/URFsJdAT.m3u8","embedUrl":"https://time.com/3270645/joan-rivers-dead-one-liners/","duration":"PT1M39S","potentialAction":{"@type":"SeekToAction","target":"https://time.com/3270645/joan-rivers-dead-one-liners/?jw_start={seek_to_second_number}","startOffset-input":"required name=seek_to_second_number"}}] ```