March 20 is the United Nations' International Happiness Day, though honestly you could've fooled me.
Speaking at a meeting on "Happiness and Well-Being: Defining a New Economic Paradigm" during the sixty-sixth session of the General Assembly, UN Secretary General Ban Ki-moon said the world “needs a new economic paradigm that recognizes the parity between the three pillars of sustainable development. Social, economic and environmental well-being are indivisible."
It's a beautiful thought. But one that should not distract us from the fact that the world is a horrible place full of meaningless suffering, a place in which we toil away until we take our last pathetic breath and disappear into nothingness. Everyone—and I mean everyone—dies in their own arms, after all.
Anyway! Here are the top reasons to ignore this "holiday" and stay as depressed, despondent, and downcast as the other 364 days of 2014.
9. The collapse of the Central African Republic.
6. Also, this.
5. Even cathartic, post-apocalyptic movies are getting boring.
1. You read this article.