--- title: 6 Things to Do to Improve Your Relationship description: In the past I’ve covered the research regarding what you should look for in a marriage partner. What do studies say about what you can... canonical: https://time.com/3154651/6-things-to-do-to-improve-your-relationship/ author: Eric Barker article:opinion: true article:content_tier: free article:published_time: 2014-08-29T04:01:34.000Z article:modified_time: 2026-08-04T07:49:40.266Z article:section: Ideas og:title: 6 Things to Do to Improve Your Relationship og:description: What can science tell us about relationships? og:url: https://time.com/3154651/6-things-to-do-to-improve-your-relationship/ og:site_name: TIME og:image: https://static.time.com/v3/assets/bltea6093859af6183b/blt0b75658709c5fd81/6986a06f3bc999a83b1a4ff0/holding-hands-2.jpg?branch=production&width=1200&quality=75&auto=webp&crop=16:9 og:image:width: 3543 og:image:height: 1993 og:image:alt: holding-hands-2 og:type: article twitter:card: summary_large_image twitter:title: 6 Things to Do to Improve Your Relationship twitter:description: What can science tell us about relationships? twitter:image: https://static.time.com/v3/assets/bltea6093859af6183b/blt0b75658709c5fd81/6986a06f3bc999a83b1a4ff0/holding-hands-2.jpg?branch=production&width=1200&quality=75&auto=webp&crop=16:9 ---  # 6 Things to Do to Improve Your Relationship > Sponsored content. 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It explains how TIME's journalism is made, from the first pitch through the editorial decisions behind a finished story or cover. #### How can I read about how TIME chooses its covers? Inside TIME is the newsletter where TIME's Editor-in-Chief explains cover selection and the editorial reasoning behind major stories. It is free at time.com/newsletters. #### Who is the editor of TIME? Sam Jacobs is TIME's Editor-in-Chief. He writes Inside TIME, a twice-weekly newsletter about the newsroom's reporting and editorial decisions. #### Is Inside TIME free? Yes. Inside TIME is a free newsletter, available at time.com/newsletters. A paid TIME subscription is separate and available at time.com/subscribe-agent. ## Video: The Island That Holds the Secret to Long Life [Watch (HLS stream): The Island That Holds the Secret to Long Life](https://cdn.jwplayer.com/manifests/orlnwhNb.m3u8) (7:08)  _Published 2014-05-23. Here's how the people of Ikaria, Greece reach old age_ by [Eric Barker](https://time.com/author/eric-barker/) ## Eric Barker Aug 29, 2014 4:01 AM UTC  Partnership Partnership Getty Images by [Eric Barker](https://time.com/author/eric-barker/) ## Eric Barker Aug 29, 2014 4:01 AM UTC In the past I’ve covered the research regarding [what you should look for in a marriage partner](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/what-you-should-look-for-in-a-marriage-partne). What do studies say about what you can do to improve your relationship? ## **Excitement** Divorce may have less to do with an increase in conflict and [more to do with a decrease in positive feelings](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/what-determines-whether-a-marriage-succeeds-o). Boredom really can [hurt a relationship](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/we-know-conflict-can-hurt-a-marriage-how-abou): --- > “” --- We spend a lot of time trying to reduce conflict but not enough time experiencing thrills. And the latter may be more important. Via [Flourish: A Visionary New Understanding of Happiness and Well-being](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1439190763/ref=as%5Fli%5Fss%5Ftl?ie=UTF8&tag=spacforrent-20&linkCode=as2&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=1439190763): --- > “” --- The research points again and again to how important thrills are: * What reignited passion in long term marriages? [Doing exciting things together.](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/how-to-quickly-and-easily-improve-your-marria) * Think a pleasant evening is all it takes? Researchers did a 10 week study comparing couples that engaged in “pleasant” activities vs “exciting” activities. [Pleasant lost](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/whats-an-easy-way-to-improve-your-marriage). * Why would doing anything exciting have such a big effect on a relationship? Because we’re lousy about realizing where our feelings are coming from.[Excitement from any source will be associated with the person you’re with, even if they’re not the cause of it.](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/whats-the-key-to-a-fantastic-first-date) So do something [exciting](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/what-should-you-do-to-improve-your-relationsh). Go [dancing](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/can-dancing-together-improve-your-relationshi) together or anything else you can [both participate in as a couple](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/what-can-help-bond-you-and-your-partner-close). ## **Let Yourself Be A Little Deluded With Love** Being a little deluded [helps marriages](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/is-being-slightly-delusional-the-key-to-a-hap): --- > “” --- And it’s [not just true for marriages](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/is-there-a-connection-between-love-and-delusi): --- > “” --- ## **5 to 1** Keep that ratio in mind. You need [five good things for every bad thing](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/how-positive-do-you-need-to-be-to-have-a-happ) in order to keep a happy relationship: A 2.9: 1 means you are headed for a divorce. You need a 5: 1 ratio to predict a strong and loving marriage— five positive statements for every critical statement you make of your spouse. And when you’re dealing with your mother-in-law the ratio is 1000 to 1\. [I’m not kidding](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/should-you-be-nicer-to-your-spouse-or-your-mo). ## **Be Conscientious** Conscientiousness is [the trait most associated with marital satisfaction](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/what-personality-trait-should-you-seek-in-a-s): …our findings suggest that conscientiousness is the trait most broadly associated with marital satisfaction in this sample of long-wed couples. Actually, you can kill a lot of birds with this one stone because [it’s also associated with longevity, income, job satisfaction and health](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/what-personality-trait-is-associated-with-lon). ## **Gratitude** Gratitude can be [a booster shot for a relationship](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/how-to-give-your-relationship-a-booster-shot): …gratitude had uniquely predictive power in relationship promotion, perhaps acting as a booster shot for the relationship. It can even create a self-perpetuating [positive feedback loop](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/is-there-a-way-to-create-a-positive-feedback-98910): Thus, the authors’ findings add credence to their model, in that gratitude contributes to a reciprocal process of relationship maintenance, whereby each partner’s maintenance behaviors, perceptions of responsiveness, and feelings of gratitude feed back on and influence the other’s behaviors, perceptions, and feelings. ## **Try** Sounds silly but it’s true. Want a better relationship? Try. Sounds ridiculous but: * Improving any relationship is as easy as [actively showing interest in the other person](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/how-to-easily-be-more-likable-and-make-people) or [sharing with them.](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/how-to-improve-your-relationship-in-5-seconds) * Pretending time with a romantic partner was a first date makes it [more enjoyable for you](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/another-way-to-easily-improve-your-relationsh) and [for your partner](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/whats-a-quick-way-to-improve-our-relationship). Why? On first dates we make an effort to impress. * Worried that all this is fake and contrived? Relax. Putting your best face forward [actually reveals your true self](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/does-putting-your-best-self-forward-reveal-yo). * [Reminisce](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/another-quick-and-easy-way-to-increase-relati) and share laughter. Stare into each others eyes. Sound corny? It [works](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/can-staring-into-someones-eyes-make-them-fall). **Join 45K+ readers.** Get a free weekly update via email [here](http://eepurl.com/o6uAD). Related posts: [The Science Of “Happily Ever After”: 3 Things That Keep Love Alive](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/2014/04/happily-ever-after/) [What are the four things that kill relationships?](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/2012/10/kill-relationships/) [What are the 5 things that make love last?](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/2012/11/what-makes-love-last/) _This piece originally appeared on_ [_Barking Up the Wrong Tree_](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/)_._ ## Transcript [ MUSIC ]. Ikaria is a very unique island. The people are not what you would find in other places, they have a different lifestyle, a different way of looking at life. We might seem like we're not getting things done, or we might be moving slowly, but we just move at our own pace and things do get done in the end. Being Ikaria is an identity unto itself. [ MUSIC ] [ FOREIGN ]. [ FOREIGN ] People wanna live long, it's natural. Life is a gift, and people want to enjoy it. [ MUSIC ] Unfortunately, you know, Athens is not a carrier. Athens is a big city, people are crowded, crowding alone is a major stress. It's difficult to live there, connected life. There is a lot of obesity, there is a lot of anxiety. We've started already to be seeing the results of stress. In Ikaria they're not crowded, they have the water right next to them. Just the environment where they live, it's better. [ FOREIGN ] [ INAUDIBLE ]. [ FOREIGN ]. It's the people of Ikaria that make the difference, the people are really for Ikaria. In Ikaria, it's cultural, it's an epicurean culture, they avoid stress, or cope well with it. When they cannot avoid it, they seek small pleasures. They live the day as it comes. So, somehow naturally, they're doing things that we should all be doing. [ FOREIGN ]. I got money from my uncle Giannis. He said to me, come with me for work, for one week and I will give you money, I said, okay. I went first three days, and then I said, I, I quit, I cannot do it anymore. I was waking up at 6 o'clock and working until, four, five and he was saying, come on, let's go, let's go until night. [ FOREIGN ]. [ MUSIC ] [ FOREIGN ]. In the documentaries they show only old people, they don't show nothing else, old people and the nature. They don't show the young people, what are they doing in their lives, you know? [ NOISE ]. I don't think that I would live so many years as them because, with the live that we are doing now it's, it's bad because we drink alcohol so much. We don't sleep good. [ NOISE ] [ FOREIGN ]. [ FOREIGN ]. [ FOREIGN ]. I'm looking forward to the people of Ikaria being able to come together, and work for the good of their island. And I'm also looking forward to the next generation, to see how they turn out and where they're going to be in 20 years time. I think it's gonna be a very interesting journey. We like the tradition of Ikaria, the history, the music, the culture, everything. We like it, and we trying, I think, my generation is trying to keep it, you know, not lose it. What I learn a lot from the older people is their sense of continuity, their strong sense of family, their strong sense of, my children have grown. I've seen my grandchildren, my life is complete, I'm fulfilled. They're not looking for new things. They're enjoying the things that they have in the moments they have. They're not looking for the next one, and the next one before they've actually enjoyed the present one. 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