--- title: 6 Things to Do to Improve Your Relationship description: In the past I’ve covered the research regarding what you should look for in a marriage partner. What do studies say about what you can... canonical: https://time.com/3154651/6-things-to-do-to-improve-your-relationship/ author: Eric Barker article:opinion: true article:content_tier: free article:published_time: 2014-08-29T04:01:34.000Z article:modified_time: 2026-08-04T07:49:40.266Z article:section: Ideas og:title: 6 Things to Do to Improve Your Relationship og:description: What can science tell us about relationships? og:url: https://time.com/3154651/6-things-to-do-to-improve-your-relationship/ og:site_name: TIME og:image: https://static.time.com/v3/assets/bltea6093859af6183b/blt0b75658709c5fd81/6986a06f3bc999a83b1a4ff0/holding-hands-2.jpg?branch=production&width=3840&quality=75&auto=webp&crop=16:9 og:image:width: 1200 og:image:height: 675 og:image:alt: holding-hands-2 og:type: article twitter:card: summary_large_image twitter:title: 6 Things to Do to Improve Your Relationship twitter:description: What can science tell us about relationships? twitter:image: https://static.time.com/v3/assets/bltea6093859af6183b/blt0b75658709c5fd81/6986a06f3bc999a83b1a4ff0/holding-hands-2.jpg?branch=production&width=3840&quality=75&auto=webp&crop=16:9 ---  # 6 Things to Do to Improve Your Relationship ## Video: The Island That Holds the Secret to Long Life [Watch (HLS stream): The Island That Holds the Secret to Long Life](https://cdn.jwplayer.com/manifests/orlnwhNb.m3u8) (7:08)  _Published 2014-05-23. Here's how the people of Ikaria, Greece reach old age_ by [Eric Barker](https://time.com/author/eric-barker/) ## Eric Barker Aug 29, 2014 4:01 AM UTC  Partnership PartnershipGetty Images by [Eric Barker](https://time.com/author/eric-barker/) ## Eric Barker Aug 29, 2014 4:01 AM UTC In the past I’ve covered the research regarding [what you should look for in a marriage partner](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/what-you-should-look-for-in-a-marriage-partne). What do studies say about what you can do to improve your relationship? ## **Excitement** Divorce may have less to do with an increase in conflict and [more to do with a decrease in positive feelings](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/what-determines-whether-a-marriage-succeeds-o). Boredom really can [hurt a relationship](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/we-know-conflict-can-hurt-a-marriage-how-abou): --- > “” --- We spend a lot of time trying to reduce conflict but not enough time experiencing thrills. And the latter may be more important. Via [Flourish: A Visionary New Understanding of Happiness and Well-being](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1439190763/ref=as%5Fli%5Fss%5Ftl?ie=UTF8&tag=spacforrent-20&linkCode=as2&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=1439190763): --- > “” --- The research points again and again to how important thrills are: * What reignited passion in long term marriages? [Doing exciting things together.](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/how-to-quickly-and-easily-improve-your-marria) * Think a pleasant evening is all it takes? Researchers did a 10 week study comparing couples that engaged in “pleasant” activities vs “exciting” activities. [Pleasant lost](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/whats-an-easy-way-to-improve-your-marriage). * Why would doing anything exciting have such a big effect on a relationship? Because we’re lousy about realizing where our feelings are coming from.[Excitement from any source will be associated with the person you’re with, even if they’re not the cause of it.](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/whats-the-key-to-a-fantastic-first-date) So do something [exciting](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/what-should-you-do-to-improve-your-relationsh). Go [dancing](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/can-dancing-together-improve-your-relationshi) together or anything else you can [both participate in as a couple](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/what-can-help-bond-you-and-your-partner-close). ## **Let Yourself Be A Little Deluded With Love** Being a little deluded [helps marriages](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/is-being-slightly-delusional-the-key-to-a-hap): --- > “” --- And it’s [not just true for marriages](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/is-there-a-connection-between-love-and-delusi): --- > “” --- ## **5 to 1** Keep that ratio in mind. You need [five good things for every bad thing](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/how-positive-do-you-need-to-be-to-have-a-happ) in order to keep a happy relationship: A 2.9: 1 means you are headed for a divorce. You need a 5: 1 ratio to predict a strong and loving marriage— five positive statements for every critical statement you make of your spouse. And when you’re dealing with your mother-in-law the ratio is 1000 to 1\. [I’m not kidding](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/should-you-be-nicer-to-your-spouse-or-your-mo). ## **Be Conscientious** Conscientiousness is [the trait most associated with marital satisfaction](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/what-personality-trait-should-you-seek-in-a-s): …our findings suggest that conscientiousness is the trait most broadly associated with marital satisfaction in this sample of long-wed couples. Actually, you can kill a lot of birds with this one stone because [it’s also associated with longevity, income, job satisfaction and health](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/what-personality-trait-is-associated-with-lon). ## **Gratitude** Gratitude can be [a booster shot for a relationship](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/how-to-give-your-relationship-a-booster-shot): …gratitude had uniquely predictive power in relationship promotion, perhaps acting as a booster shot for the relationship. It can even create a self-perpetuating [positive feedback loop](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/is-there-a-way-to-create-a-positive-feedback-98910): Thus, the authors’ findings add credence to their model, in that gratitude contributes to a reciprocal process of relationship maintenance, whereby each partner’s maintenance behaviors, perceptions of responsiveness, and feelings of gratitude feed back on and influence the other’s behaviors, perceptions, and feelings. ## **Try** Sounds silly but it’s true. Want a better relationship? Try. Sounds ridiculous but: * Improving any relationship is as easy as [actively showing interest in the other person](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/how-to-easily-be-more-likable-and-make-people) or [sharing with them.](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/how-to-improve-your-relationship-in-5-seconds) * Pretending time with a romantic partner was a first date makes it [more enjoyable for you](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/another-way-to-easily-improve-your-relationsh) and [for your partner](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/whats-a-quick-way-to-improve-our-relationship). Why? On first dates we make an effort to impress. * Worried that all this is fake and contrived? Relax. Putting your best face forward [actually reveals your true self](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/does-putting-your-best-self-forward-reveal-yo). * [Reminisce](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/another-quick-and-easy-way-to-increase-relati) and share laughter. Stare into each others eyes. Sound corny? It [works](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/can-staring-into-someones-eyes-make-them-fall). **Join 45K+ readers.** Get a free weekly update via email [here](http://eepurl.com/o6uAD). Related posts: [The Science Of “Happily Ever After”: 3 Things That Keep Love Alive](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/2014/04/happily-ever-after/) [What are the four things that kill relationships?](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/2012/10/kill-relationships/) [What are the 5 things that make love last?](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/2012/11/what-makes-love-last/) _This piece originally appeared on_ [_Barking Up the Wrong Tree_](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/)_._ ```json [{"@context":"https://schema.org","@type":"OpinionNewsArticle","@id":"https://time.com/3154651/6-things-to-do-to-improve-your-relationship/","mainEntityOfPage":{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"https://time.com/3154651/6-things-to-do-to-improve-your-relationship/"},"headline":"6 Things to Do to Improve Your Relationship","datePublished":"2014-08-29T04:01:34.000Z","dateModified":"2026-08-04T07:49:40.266Z","description":"In the past I’ve covered the research regarding what you should look for in a marriage partner. 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