--- title: The Bachelorette’s Nick Viall: Why I Brought Up Sex description: This article originally appeared on Patheos. On The Bachelorette, the lights dim and the cameramen leave when it comes time for the Fantasy Suites. There’s... canonical: https://time.com/3089514/the-bachelorettes-nick-viall-why-i-brought-up-sex/ author: TIME article:opinion: true article:content_tier: free article:published_time: 2014-08-07T19:12:32.000Z article:modified_time: 2026-08-04T07:44:24.149Z article:section: Ideas og:title: Nick Viall on Why He Brought Up Sex in the Fantasy Suite og:description: "When people are hesitant to discuss sex, especially in the context of The Bachelorette fantasy suites, it feels a little inauthentic." og:url: https://time.com/3089514/the-bachelorettes-nick-viall-why-i-brought-up-sex/ og:site_name: TIME og:image: https://static.time.com/v3/assets/bltea6093859af6183b/blt464a8d53ede67e4f/69869ebbcd68488411095f6b/452933928.jpg?branch=production&width=1200&quality=75&auto=webp&crop=16:9 og:image:width: 2002 og:image:height: 1126 og:image:alt: Adrien Brody, Nick Viall And Tony Hale On "Extra" og:type: article twitter:card: summary_large_image twitter:title: Nick Viall on Why He Brought Up Sex in the Fantasy Suite twitter:description: "When people are hesitant to discuss sex, especially in the context of The Bachelorette fantasy suites, it feels a little inauthentic." twitter:image: https://static.time.com/v3/assets/bltea6093859af6183b/blt464a8d53ede67e4f/69869ebbcd68488411095f6b/452933928.jpg?branch=production&width=1200&quality=75&auto=webp&crop=16:9 ---  # _The Bachelorette's_ Nick Viall: Why I Brought Up Sex > Sponsored content. 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A paid TIME subscription is separate and available at time.com/subscribe-agent. ### Sources * TIME Newsletters: [time.com/newsletters](/c/time-nl-inside-2026q3/newsletters?i=7f790b1a-bd97-440f-8a8d-b5656305e12a&cr=time-nl-inside-2026q3-v1) ## Video: Best Moments from 17 Seasons of 'The Bachelor' Finales [Watch (HLS stream): Best Moments from 17 Seasons of 'The Bachelor' Finales](https://cdn.jwplayer.com/manifests/NnE55q18.m3u8) (3:49)  _Published 2014-03-07. Best Moments from 17 Seasons of 'The Bachelor' Finales_ by [Patheos](https://time.com/author/patheos/) ## Patheos Contributor Aug 7, 2014 7:12 PM UTC  UNIVERSAL CITY, CA - JULY 30: Nick Viall visits "Extra" at Universal Studios Hollywood on July 30, 2014 in Universal City, California. (Photo by Noel Vasquez/Getty Images) UNIVERSAL CITY, CA - JULY 30: Nick Viall visits "Extra" at Universal Studios Hollywood on July 30, 2014 in Universal City, California. (Photo by Noel Vasquez/Getty Images) Noel Vasquez—Getty Images by [Patheos](https://time.com/author/patheos/) ## Patheos Contributor Aug 7, 2014 7:12 PM UTC  _This_ [_article_](http://www.patheos.com/blogs/seanlowe/2014/08/nick-why-i-brought-up-the-fantasy-suite/) _originally appeared on_ [_Patheos_](patheos.com)_._ On _The Bachelorette_, the lights dim and the cameramen leave when it comes time for the Fantasy Suites. There’s an unwritten rule that no one really talks about what happens on those nights. However, what happens there actually affects the relationships in profound ways. It’s a time when a couple can be together and share special time without the cameras. It doesn’t have to mean sex, but, of course, we all know that happens. Sean Lowe believes sex should happen in marriage, but I like that he’s open about the discussion surrounding the topic. When people are hesitant to discuss sex, especially in the context of _The Bachelorette_ fantasy suites, it feels a little inauthentic. By now, everyone knows what happened in the fantasy suite between Andi and me. In the “After the Final Rose” episode, I had no intention of confronting Andi with my now infamous question about why she had sex with me. I figured she had been conflicted about what must’ve been a tough decision. The world of _The Bachelorette_ is a complicated one, after all. However, she started explaining away our relationship in the tidiest terms. In her explanation, she confessed that she had never loved me. I let that sink in. She never loved me. As I sat there on national television, I tried to process this information. In my mind, I went back to that night in the fantasy suite. Though she couldn’t tell me that she loved me, I’d told her in no uncertain terms how I felt. I loved her. This was no fling for me. As far as I was concerned, we’d be engaged in a few days. To me, sex between us was a big deal, and she knew it. That’s why I feel Andi’s decision to have sex with me was not appropriate. Either she was unsure about our relationship or – worse – she was certain she was choosing Josh. In both of those circumstances, I felt as if she didn’t respect my feelings and that she should not have had sex with me. Why? Well, once we had sex, my feelings of love would be solidified in that scenario. That’s not unusual – that’s normal. In the After the Final Rose, her demeanor and perceived disregard for the relationship that we had took me back. That’s why I decided to ask her that very simple question. “Why did you make love to me?” I asked. I used the phrase “make love” because that’s how I felt. It was more than just physical. It was an act – I thought – of love. Whatever your beliefs about sex, we live in a very sexual world. To me what’s most important is that the two people involved have a clear understanding of what sex means to the other person. If the emotional attachment to sex isn’t equal, sex can be hurtful. Consequently, it should be treated with the greatest amount of respect. Yes, both men and women need to respect it. Sometimes people laugh off any emotional damage that sex can do to guys. The boys-will-be-boys mentality suggests the majority of men are really just looking to add another “notch on their belt.” Because of this unfair – inaccurate – stereotype, it’s often considered unmanly for a man to speak about the emotional repercussions of sex. But I’m here to attest that men fall in love just as hard as women do and that sex can be just as powerful to a man as it is to a woman. Sex, when enjoyed in the right context, is a wonderful way to solidify a relationship. But when expectations aren’t the same for both partners, it can be devastating. Let me say this: don’t shame Andi to support me. We all make mistakes, I’ve made mistakes. In a culture where sex has no bounds, it’s hard to figure out how to fit it into your life without hurting each other. That’s why it’s important to be sensitive to the emotional attachment that sex has to your potential partner and to treat it with the greatest amount of respect. Also, I want to emphasize that I wish Andi and Josh all the best. I hope they have incredible happiness in their life together for years and decades to come. I’m speaking out about this incident because I hope _Bachelor Nation_ will have a more honest conversation about the Fantasy Suites and the emotional repercussions of sex. _Nick Viall was the runner-up on_ The Bachelorette_._ _More from Patheos:_ * [Tell Me What You Think: How Should The Bachelorette Handle the “Fantasy Suites?”](http://www.patheos.com/blogs/seanlowe/2014/08/tell-me-what-you-think-how-should-the-bachelorette-handle-the-fantasy-suites/) * [“How Contrived is The Bachelor?” A Pastor Asks Sean Lowe About Faith, Life, and Reality TV](http://www.patheos.com/blogs/seanlowe/2014/08/how-contrived-is-the-bachelor-a-pastor-asks-me-about-faith-life-and-reality-tv/) * [Arie: How a Cracker Barrel Waitress and a Baptist Mechanic Opened My Heart](http://www.patheos.com/blogs/seanlowe/2014/08/arie-how-a-cracker-barrel-waitress-and-a-baptist-mechanic-opened-my-heart/) ## Transcript [ MUSIC ] I know its time. I know what I need to know, and I have to choose, and I'm going to. You know, its hard, but its, its definitely, definitely time. I can't wait to be able to look this woman in the eye and say, you're the one. [ MUSIC ] Will you accept this rose? I will absolutely accept this rose. Andrew who's heir to the Firestone Tire Company and Firestone Winery proposed to Jen Schefft in 2003. I am going to be Mrs. Firestone which is incredible. Maybe not so incredible. They dated for seven months before deciding to go their separate ways. And this now represents my promise to you. Oh, my God. [ LAUGH ] To see where we can go with this. Okay. Where they went was splitsville. Brad Womack knows the exact moment when he became known as one of the most hated bachelors ever. In the season 11 finale, he shocked viewers by deciding he had not found true love. Not with Jenny. And here I am, telling you goodbye. Not with Deanna. Hold on real quick. It was the fairy tell ending Melissa had dreamed of. Will you marry me? You want to marry me? I would love to marry you and spend the rest of my life with you. But just six short weeks after Jason proposed, he dropped a bombshell on his new fiancee. We're not right for each other. I wish more than anything that last day you would have just let me go. [ INAUDIBLE ] doing this to me. You're such a bastard. Minutes after dumping Melissa on national TV. Jason asked runner up Molly for a second chance. I came here to find somebody to spend the rest of my life with, without a doubt. And somebody who brings out the best in me in a way that I've never felt before. You are that right person. I've been waiting to hear that. [ MUSIC ] You know what I need. And we can build through this destruction. As we are standing Please make me happier than I've ever been in my life, and marry me. I would love that and I loved to. You are not ready to get married right now. You're, you are ready to put this off a little bit. Right now in this instance I love you, but no. [ NOISE ] You're putting on a brave smile over there. I am. That's gotta suck to hear that. Yeah. Sorry. Absolutely. No. Hey look the one thing. That I love about you. Courtney, will you marry me? America cringed just a little bit Monday night when bachelor Ben Flajnik finally made that decision. Yes, of course I will. But it was after the final rose that Ben said, he finally saw Courtney for who she really was. Well while this show aired we were essentially broken up. Leading to the big question, are they or aren't they still together. What do you want to do with this? I very much want her to have this again. Alright. Hm. [ BLANK_AUDIO ] Catherine. [ BLANK_AUDIO ] Will you marry me? Yes. 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