--- title: Christina Hoff Sommers: Why Masculinity Is More Than a Mask description: Is it O.K. to tell boys to "be a man"? An upcoming film that is much buzzed about on the web ignores the real differences between the sexes canonical: https://time.com/2974/masculinity-is-more-than-a-mask/ author: Christina Hoff Sommers article:opinion: true article:content_tier: free article:published_time: 2014-01-13T05:01:49.000Z article:modified_time: 2026-04-13T08:53:45.796Z article:section: Ideas og:title: Christina Hoff Sommers: Why Masculinity Is More Than a Mask og:description: Is it O.K. to tell boys to "be a man"? An upcoming film that is much buzzed about on the web ignores the real differences between the sexes og:url: https://time.com/2974/masculinity-is-more-than-a-mask/ og:site_name: TIME og:image: https://static.time.com/v3/assets/bltea6093859af6183b/bltde093bcdab65f2d0/6988d9b9bc6cfc69913e2a3c/time-logo.jpg?branch=production og:image:width: 1200 og:image:height: 675 og:image:alt: TIME og:type: article twitter:card: summary_large_image twitter:title: Christina Hoff Sommers: Why Masculinity Is More Than a Mask twitter:description: Is it O.K. to tell boys to "be a man"? An upcoming film that is much buzzed about on the web ignores the real differences between the sexes twitter:image: https://static.time.com/v3/assets/bltea6093859af6183b/bltde093bcdab65f2d0/6988d9b9bc6cfc69913e2a3c/time-logo.jpg?branch=production --- # Masculinity Is More Than a Mask ## Video: Why Men Are Much Worse At Being Sick Than Women [Watch (HLS stream): Why Men Are Much Worse At Being Sick Than Women](https://cdn.jwplayer.com/manifests/8p7QUvK4.m3u8) (0:58)  _Published 2017-02-28. In the debate over which is the stronger sex, the so-called "man flu" inevitably comes up. It’s a popular theory that men get sicker—or at least act sicker—when they contract the virus, while women soldier on with work, childcare and life._ by [Christina Hoff Sommers](https://time.com/author/christina-hoff-sommers/) ## Christina Hoff Sommers Jan 13, 2014 5:01 AM UTC by [Christina Hoff Sommers](https://time.com/author/christina-hoff-sommers/) ## Christina Hoff Sommers Jan 13, 2014 5:01 AM UTC Are school shooters and mass murderers born out of an aggressive emphasis on masculinity in our society? The [trailer](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hc45-ptHMxo) for filmmaker and feminist activist Jennifer Siebel Newsom’s new documentary, _The Mask You Live In_, would have us think so. The recently released trailer has attracted 1 million views on YouTube. It argues that American boys are captive to a rigid and harmful social code of masculinity. From the earliest age, they are told to “Be a man!” “Don’t cry!” “Stop with the emotion!” and “Man up!” This “guy code” suppresses their humanity, excites their drive for dominance and renders many of them dangerous. The trailer features adolescent men describing their isolation, despair and thoughts of suicide, artfully interspersed with terrifying images of school shooters and mass murderers. I admire Newsom for using her considerable talent to advocate for boys. But I worry that she is less concerned with helping boys than with re-engineering their masculinity according to specifications from some out-of-date gender-studies textbook. The trailer is suffused with males-are-toxic ideology but shows little appreciation for how boys’ nature can be distinctively good. _The Mask You Live In_ is scheduled to be released later this year. Let’s hope there is still time for edits. Here are a few suggestions: **1\. Recognize that masculinity is more than a “mask”** The title and content of the film suggest that masculinity is a cultural creation. That is only marginally true. A lot of typical boy behavior, such as rough-and-tumble play, risk taking and fascination with gadgets rather than dolls, appears to have a basis in biology. Researchers have [found](http://www.livescience.com/22677-girls-dolls-boys-toy-trucks.html), for example, that female monkeys play with dolls much more than their brothers, who prefer toy cars and trucks. Are male monkeys captive to a “guy code”? A recent [study](http://www.plosone.org/article/info%3Adoi%2F10.1371%2Fjournal.pone.0029265) on sex differences by researchers from theUniversity of Turin, in Italy, and the University of Manchester, in England, confirms what most of us see with our eyes: with some exceptions, women tend to be more sensitive, esthetic, sentimental, intuitive and tender-minded, while men tend to be more utilitarian, objective, unsentimental and tough-minded. We do not yet fully understand the biological underpinnings of these universal tendencies, but that is no reason to deny they exist. (**MORE:** [It’s a Man’s World, and It Always Will Be](http://ideas.time.com/2013/12/16/its-a-mans-world-and-it-always-will-be/)) **2\. Appreciate the difference between healthy and pathological masculinity** Some boys are hypermasculine or pathologically masculine. They are bullies and worse, establishing their male bona fides through destruction, mayhem and preying on the weak and vulnerable. But most boys evince healthy masculinity. They may enjoy mayhem in games and sports, but in life they like to build, not destroy. Their instinct is not to exploit vulnerable people but to protect and defend them.Of course, all boys needguidance and discipline from the adults in their lives. I agree with Newsom that telling a boy to “man up” can be harsh and degrading. But teaching him to “be a gentleman” is another matter. It’s a tried-and-true way to bring out the best in males. **3\. Acknowledge the virtue of male reserve**Newsom’s film tells us that boys in our society don’t feel safe talking about emotions and personal struggles. To do so violates the boy code and subjects them to shame and ridicule. The driving message of Newsom’s film is that we must free our young men to become emotionally expressive. Of course, parents should do all they can to improve their sons’ emotional literacy. But parents (as well as wives and girlfriends) should keep in mind that male reticence has its advantages. A 2012 a [study](http://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1111/j.1467-8624.2012.01734.x/abstract) surveyed and observed nearly 2,000 children and adolescents and found that boys and girls have very different expectations about the _value_ of problem talk. Girls were more likely to report that personal disclosure made them feel cared for and understood. Boys, overall, found it to be a tedious waste of time — and “weird.” Contrary to what we learn from Newsom’s film, boys did not find personal disclosure embarrassing or unmasculine. According to the study’s author, Amanda Rose: “Boys’ responses suggest _they just don’t see talking about problems to be a particularly useful activity_” (emphasis added). But in girls, excessive problem talk is in fact linked to anxiety anddepression. Male stoicism may be adaptive and protective. If you want a boy to be more forthcoming, Rose has good advice for parents and counselors: “You will have to persuade him that it serves a practical purpose.”Engage his male instinct for problem solving. (**MORE:** [What Boys Want: Hook-Up Culture Doesn’t Just Hurt Girls](http://content.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,2158150,00.html)) **4\. Make clear that most boys are psychologically sound and resilient** _The Mask You Live In_ gives the impression that the average adolescent boy is severely depressed. In fact, clinical depression is rare among boys. (National Institute of Mental Health [data](http://www.nimh.nih.gov/statistics/1mdd%5Fchild.shtml) show that the prevalence of depression among among 13- to 17-year-old boys is 4.3%; among girls of the same age group, it is 12.4%.) Newsom’s film reports that every day in the U.S. three or more boys take their own lives. Suicide is, indeed, primarily a male disease. Among 10- to 24-year-olds, 81% of suicide victims are male. In 2010, a total of 3,951 young men died by their own hands. Male suicide is a much [neglected](http://www.theboysinitiative.org/boysmensuicide.html) scourge, and Newsom’s efforts to raise awareness are admirable. Still, in a nation of nearly 33 million boys, that means that the percentage of boys who commit suicide is close to 0.01%. Each of these deaths is a tragedy. But it helps no one to pretend that suicide is typical male behavior. Attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) does appear to be an epidemic among boys, but the implications of that are ambiguous. It could be that as a society, we are pathologizing age-old male rambunctiousness. Some [experts](http://evolution.binghamton.edu/evos/wp-content/uploads/2008/11/Pellegrini02.pdf) have suggested that ADHD would be significantly reduced if we allowed boys more unstructured recess and occasions for spirited rough-and-tumble play. Yet, in Newsom’s documentary, scenes of boys engaging in mock fisticuffs, playfully head-butting and chasing one another around the playground are offered as evidence of how young males are driven to “prove” their aggressive masculinity. **5\. Include specific ideas on how to help boys with depression or thoughts of suicide**Some of the most promising, innovative ideas are coming out of Australia. In 2006, a [report](http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/17137440?dopt=Abstract&holding=f1000,f1000m,isrctn) in the _Medical Journal of Australia_ argued for a paradigm shift in the nation’s mental-health system. Rather than blaming “masculinity” or trying to “re-educate” men away from their reluctance to seek help, the author asks, “Why not provide health services that better meet the needs of men?” The Australians are now developing male-specific mental-health protocols. A 2012 Australian [study](http://www.biomedcentral.com/1471-244X/13/119), for example, found that large majorities of young men associate the term _mental health_ with _insanity_ and _straightjackets_. _Mental fitness_ seems to go over better with men. The Australians recently launched a mental-fitness [app](http://inspire.org.au/the-sorter/) for guys. The focus is on acquiring “skills,” developing “strengths” and achieving “self-mastery.” But doesn’t that reinforce traditional narratives of masculinity? It certainly does — that’s the point, and the key to its promise. The energy, competitiveness and corporal daring of normal males are responsible for much good in the world. No one denies that boys’ aggressive and risk-taking tendencies must be socialized and channeled toward constructive ends. But the de–Tom Sawyering of the American boy should not be anyone’s agenda. I am sure it is not Newsom’s. Yet her film in progress suggests otherwise. **MORE:** [Women in Combat: A Mirror of Society?](http://nation.time.com/2013/06/20/women-in-combat-a-mirror-of-society/) ```json [{"@context":"https://schema.org","@type":"OpinionNewsArticle","@id":"https://time.com/2974/masculinity-is-more-than-a-mask/","mainEntityOfPage":{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"https://time.com/2974/masculinity-is-more-than-a-mask/"},"headline":"Masculinity Is More Than a Mask","datePublished":"2014-01-13T05:01:49.000Z","dateModified":"2026-04-13T08:53:45.796Z","description":"Is it O.K. to tell boys to \"be a man\"? 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