--- description: Here’s How To Make Someone Fall In Love With You When researchers asked people to tell the stories of how they fell in love, what... title: How to Make Someone Fall In Love With You image: https://static.time.com/v3/assets/bltea6093859af6183b/blta7f3583e2c7d22fa/6988ac5ee20a8769c8a93092/fall-in-love.jpg?branch=production&width=3840&quality=75&auto=webp&crop=16:9 ---  * [Ideas](/section/ideas/) ## Ideas Update your preferences in [Account Settings](/account/preferences/) Close * [Psychology](/tag/psychology/) ## Psychology Update your preferences in [Account Settings](/account/preferences/) Close # How to Make Someone Fall In Love With You ## Video: TIME's Favorite Movie Kisses [Watch (HLS stream): TIME's Favorite Movie Kisses](https://cdn.jwplayer.com/manifests/bl2FyODa.m3u8) (7:17)  _Published 2014-02-03. Movie critic Richard Corliss reminds us of some of the best smooches in cinema history._ by [Eric Barker](/author/eric-barker/) ## Eric Barker Update your preferences in [Account Settings](/account/preferences/) Close Jun 25, 2014 4:01 AM CUT  Couple behind heart shaped balloon Couple behind heart shaped balloonGetty Images by [Eric Barker](/author/eric-barker/) ## Eric Barker Update your preferences in [Account Settings](/account/preferences/) Close Jun 25, 2014 4:01 AM CUT **Here’s How To Make Someone Fall In Love With You** When researchers asked people to tell the stories of how they fell in love, what were the eleven most common factors? Via [Falling in Love: Why We Choose the Lovers We Choose](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0415951879/ref=as%5Fli%5Fss%5Ftl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=0415951879&linkCode=as2&tag=spacforrent-20 "undefined"): **Variables That Influence Falling in Love** **1\. Similarity in attitudes, background, personality traits** **2\. Geographic proximity** **3\. Desirable characteristics of personality and appearance** **4\. Reciprocal affection, the fact that the other likes us** **5\. Satisfying needs** **6\. Physical and emotional arousal** **7\. Social influences, norms, and the approval of people in our circle** **8\. Specific cues in the beloved’s voice, eyes, posture, way of moving** **9\. Readiness for a romantic relationship** **10\. Opportunities to be alone together** **11\. Mystery, in the situation or the person** Some of these factors are worth a deeper look. **Let’s check out the specifics of how to make someone fall in love with you:** ## Proximity Being nearby helps a lot. Yeah, unromantic and obvious but if you’re looking for love, definitely ask yourself where you’re spending your time. Via [Falling in Love: Why We Choose the Lovers We Choose](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0415951879/ref=as%5Fli%5Fss%5Ftl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=0415951879&linkCode=as2&tag=spacforrent-20 "undefined"): In another study, conducted in Columbus, Ohio, in the 1950s, 431 couples who applied for marriage licenses were interviewed. It turned out that **54% of the couples were separated by a distance of 16 blocks or fewer when they first went out together, and 37% were separated by a distance of 5 blocks or fewer. The number of marriages decreased as the distance increased between the couples’ places of residence.** Who becomes friends in the dorms at college? People who are similar? No.[People who are nearby](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/2013/05/networking-tips-for-shy-people/ "undefined"). Via [Falling in Love: Why We Choose the Lovers We Choose](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0415951879/ref=as%5Fli%5Fss%5Ftl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=0415951879&linkCode=as2&tag=spacforrent-20 "undefined"): Two factors appeared to exercise the greatest influence on personal relationships: the location of the apartments and the distances between them. **The most important factor in determining who would be emotionally close to whom was the distance between their apartments.** What underlies this? Obviously, you have to meet, but there’s something else going on: **repeated exposure.** As marketers know very well (and anyone looking for love should learn about marketing), repeated exposure makes us like almost anything. Via [Falling in Love: Why We Choose the Lovers We Choose](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0415951879/ref=as%5Fli%5Fss%5Ftl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=0415951879&linkCode=as2&tag=spacforrent-20 "undefined"): **Repeated exposure, it turns out, increases our liking for practically everything, from the routine features of our lives to decorating materials, exotic foods, music, or people.** _“What about that annoying person at work, huh? I see them all the time and I don’t fall in love with them.”_ True. Repeated exposure amplifies whatever is already there. Via [Falling in Love: Why We Choose the Lovers We Choose](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0415951879/ref=as%5Fli%5Fss%5Ftl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=0415951879&linkCode=as2&tag=spacforrent-20 "undefined"): **…repeated exposure intensifies the dominant emotion in the relationship. When the dominant emotion is anger, repeated exposure enhances the anger. When the dominant emotion is attraction, repeated exposure enhances the attraction.** Love at first sight only happens in 11% of cases and it’s more common in men than women. By the same token, this means [first impressions are huge](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/2010/03/are-first-impressions-really-that-big-a-deal/ "undefined") because repeated exposure has a snowball effect. Looking for love? Then think about where you’re spending your time. What places do you go on a regular basis and do they contain the kind of people you want to date? Sounds obvious but if you’re spending 99% of your waking hours at work and at home, you’re not allowed to be surprised you’re single. ### See the Most Memorable On-Screen Couples  Peter and Ellie - It Happened One Night, 1934 Columbia Pictures/Getty Images  Scarlett and Rhett - Gone With The Wind, 1939 Silver Screen Collection/Archive Photos/Getty Images  Walter Burns and Hildy Johnson - His Girl Friday, 1940 Columbia Pictures/Getty Images  Rich Blaine and Isla Lund - Casablanca, 1942 Popperfoto/Getty Images  Ricky and Lucy - I Love Lucy, 1951 Archive Photos/Getty Images  Don Lockwood and Kathy Seldon- Singin' in the Rain, 1952 Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer/Getty Images  Tony and Maria - West Side Story, 1961 United Artists/Getty Images  Holly Golightly and Paul - Breakfast at Tiffany's, 1961 Movie Poster Image Art/Getty Images  Bonnie and Clyde - Bonnie and Clyde, 1967 Fotos International/Getty Images  Katie and Hubbell - The Way We Were, 1973 Columbia/Getty Images  Danny Zuko and Sandy Olsen - Grease, 1978 Paramount Pictures/Fotos International/Getty Images  Han Solo and Leia Organa - The Empire Strikes Back, 1980 Lucasfilm  Sam and Diane - Cheers, 1982 NBC/Getty Images  Frances 'Baby' Houseman and Johnny Castle - Dirty Dancing, 1987 Vestron/Getty Images  Wesley and Princess Buttercup - The Princess Bride, 1987 20th Century Fox  Harry Burns and Sally Albright - When Harry Met Sally, 1989 Hulton Archive/Getty Images  Vivian and Edward - Pretty Woman, 1990 Buena Vista/Getty Images  Beauty and the Beast - Beauty and the Beast, 1991 Disney  Cory and Topanga - Boy Meets World, 1993 SGranitz—WireImage/Getty Images  Jenny Curran and Forrest Gump - Forrest Gump, 1994 Paramount Pictures  Ross and Rachel - Friends, 1994 NBC/Getty Images  Doug and Carol - E.R., 1994 NBC/Getty Images  Jack and Rose - Titanic, 1997 20th Century Fox/Getty Images  Buffy and Angel - Buffy the Vampire Slayer, 1997 Getty Images  Carrie and Big - Sex and the City, 1998 HBO/Getty Images  Patrick Verona and Kat Stratford - 10 Things I Hate About You, 1999 Buena Vista/Getty Images  Noah and Allie - The Notebook, 2004 New Line Cinema  Jack and Ennis - Brokeback Mountain, 2005 Focus Films  Tom and Summer - (500) Days of Summer, 2009 Fox Searchlight  Carl and Ellie - Up, 2009 Pixar/Disney ## Character People like people who are nice and smart and funny and make them feel good and zzzzzzzzzzzzz. Yeah, of course. Let’s talk about the _other_ side of character. What are you like inside? Having a strong sense of who you are and a lot of self-confidence is a good predictor of whether you’re going to fall in love with anyone. Via [Falling in Love: Why We Choose the Lovers We Choose](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0415951879/ref=as%5Fli%5Fss%5Ftl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=0415951879&linkCode=as2&tag=spacforrent-20 "undefined"): **People who have a high frequency of love experiences tend to have high self-confidence and low defensiveness**… Insecure people who do not have a coherent sense of self and who are not self-actualized tend toward a game-playng style of love and have relationships with low levels of intimacy and high levels of conflict… A study that compared the levels of people’s self-identity to the levels of intimacy in their relationships showed that Erikson was right. **The stronger people’s sense of self, the higher their ability to be intimate.** Get your inside straight and the outside might take better care of itself. ## Similarity [Opposites attract](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/2012/04/do-opposites-attract/ "undefined")… um, not all that much. Via [Falling in Love: Why We Choose the Lovers We Choose](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0415951879/ref=as%5Fli%5Fss%5Ftl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=0415951879&linkCode=as2&tag=spacforrent-20 "undefined"): **People are likely to choose as lovers and marriage partners those with similar characteristics. Furthermore, the more similar couples are in personality and background, the more comfortable they are with each other, the more compatible they feel, and the greater their satisfaction from the relationship. Consequently, couples who are similar in attitudes, temperament, and behavior are more likely to stay together over time.** Emphasizing [similarity](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/2012/05/whats-the-key-to-being-liked-and-being-more-i/ "undefined") when getting to know someone is always a good idea. It’s one of the key pillars of influence documented by [persuasion expert Robert Cialdini.](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/2013/06/robert-cialdini-influence/ "undefined") ## Arousal Any type of situation that affects us emotionally increases the chance of falling in love. Via [Falling in Love: Why We Choose the Lovers We Choose](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0415951879/ref=as%5Fli%5Fss%5Ftl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=0415951879&linkCode=as2&tag=spacforrent-20 "undefined"): **In one-fifth of the romantic attraction interviews, the relationships described started during stormy periods in the lives of the men and women interviewed. Sometimes, the heightened emotional sensitivity followed an experience of loss, such as the death of a parent or a painful breakup.** This is why people fall in love on the rebound. This is why we see Stockholm Syndrome. This is one of the reasons musicians are more attractive. We can’t really tell what is causing our feelings and we have to guess. It’s called[misattribution of emotions](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/2011/07/whats-the-key-to-a-fantastic-first-date/ "undefined"). So any emotionally arousing situation has the potential to fool us into thinking we’re in love. Via [Falling in Love: Why We Choose the Lovers We Choose](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0415951879/ref=as%5Fli%5Fss%5Ftl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=0415951879&linkCode=as2&tag=spacforrent-20 "undefined"): **When we are aroused, the origin of the arousal does not matter, and it does not matter whether we are aware of the reason. Arousal automatically reinforces our natural response, including attraction to a potential partner.** Even an action movie can do it. Via [Falling in Love: Why We Choose the Lovers We Choose](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0415951879/ref=as%5Fli%5Fss%5Ftl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=0415951879&linkCode=as2&tag=spacforrent-20 "undefined"): Some of the couples watched an action movie; others watched a movie that was less arousing. It turns out that the **couples who watched the arousing action movie expressed more affection toward each other after the movie than they did before seeing it.** The nonaction movie had no effect on the amount of affection expressed by the couples who watched it. [Misattribution of emotions](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/2011/07/whats-the-key-to-a-fantastic-first-date/ "undefined") can even [make you fall in love with someone who is trying to kill you](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/2012/04/would-you-be-attracted-to-someone-trying-to-k/ "undefined"). But, again, you can’t think making someone fall in love with you is as easy as taking them to an action movie. Arnold Schwarzenegger is not cupid. Like repeated exposure, arousal is merely an intensifier. Via [Falling in Love: Why We Choose the Lovers We Choose](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0415951879/ref=as%5Fli%5Fss%5Ftl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=0415951879&linkCode=as2&tag=spacforrent-20 "undefined"): **When the woman looked attractive, the arousal caused an increase in the men’s attraction to her. But, when she looked unattractive, the arousal actually caused a decrease in their attraction to her.** It is noteworthy that the woman was the same in both cases, and that the difference in the men’s response to her was caused by makeup. ## Beauty How to make someone fall in love with you? [Being attractive helps](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/2011/11/is-life-better-for-beautiful-people/ "undefined"), no doubt. Make yourself look good. What’s news about that? Guys, you may not be putting in enough effort. The stereotype that men are more focused on beauty than women proves out – but not nearly as much as you might think. Tell women they’re connected to a lie detector and they are far more likely to say physical attractiveness is important. Via [Falling in Love: Why We Choose the Lovers We Choose](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0415951879/ref=as%5Fli%5Fss%5Ftl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=0415951879&linkCode=as2&tag=spacforrent-20 "undefined"): **When the women thought they were connected to a lie detector, they admitted being more influenced by the physical attractiveness of the men and described physically attractive men as more desirable. When they were not connected to the apparatus, women tended to underreport the impact of the men’s physical attractiveness on their preferences. Apparently, a social norm tends to inhibit, especially women, from admitting the importance of physical attraction.** Got a better idea of how to make someone fall in love with you now? **_This piece originally appeared on_** [**_Barking Up the Wrong Tree_**](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/2013/07/make-someone-fall-in-love-with-you/ "undefined")**_._** **_For more tips join 45K+ other readers and get a free weekly update via email_** [**_here_**](http://eepurl.com/o6uAD "undefined")**_._** Related posts: [What are the four things that kill relationships?](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/2012/10/kill-relationships/ "undefined") [10 ways science explains why James Bond is so irresistible to women](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/2012/05/10-ways-science-explains-why-james-bond-is-so/ "undefined") [Is there a shortcut to bonding with a romantic partner on a deeper level? ](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/2011/08/is-there-a-shortcut-to-bonding-with-a-romanti/ "undefined") _Read next:_ [_Do You Like Romantic Movies More When It’s Cold Outside?_](http://time.com/3716402/romantic-movies-cold-weather/?xid=time%5Freadnext "undefined") [_Listen to the most important stories of the day._](http://time.com/newsletter/the-brief/?sl%5Fautoplay=true&xid=spl-fullbrief-article "undefined") ```json [{"@context":"https://schema.org","@type":"OpinionNewsArticle","@id":"https://time.com/2918758/how-to-make-someone-fall-in-love-with-you/","mainEntityOfPage":{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"https://time.com/2918758/how-to-make-someone-fall-in-love-with-you/"},"headline":"How to Make Someone Fall In Love With You","datePublished":"2014-06-25T04:01:24.000Z","dateModified":"2026-05-11T04:43:09.863Z","description":"Here’s How To Make Someone Fall In Love With You When researchers asked people to tell the stories of how they fell in love, what...","url":"https://time.com/2918758/how-to-make-someone-fall-in-love-with-you/","keywords":["Psychology","relationships","Love","apester"],"thumbnailUrl":"https://static.time.com/v3/assets/bltea6093859af6183b/blta7f3583e2c7d22fa/6988ac5ee20a8769c8a93092/fall-in-love.jpg?branch=production&width=1200&quality=75&auto=webp&crop=1200:675&height=675","author":[{"@type":"Person","name":"Eric Barker","jobTitle":null,"url":"https://time.com/author/eric-barker/"}],"articleSection":"Ideas","image":[{"@type":"ImageObject","url":"https://static.time.com/v3/assets/bltea6093859af6183b/blta7f3583e2c7d22fa/6988ac5ee20a8769c8a93092/fall-in-love.jpg?branch=production&width=1200&quality=75&auto=webp&crop=1200:675&height=675","width":1200,"height":675,"headline":"Couple behind heart shaped balloon","caption":"Couple behind heart shaped balloon","creditText":"Getty Images","representativeOfPage":true}],"publisher":{"@type":"Organization","name":"Time","url":"https://time.com/","logo":{"@type":"ImageObject","url":"https://time.com/images/logo.png","width":528,"height":156},"foundingDate":"March 3, 1923","sameAs":["https://www.facebook.com/time","https://www.instagram.com/time/?hl=en","https://twitter.com/time","https://www.pinterest.com/timemagazine"]}},{"@context":"https://schema.org","@type":"BreadcrumbList","itemListElement":[{"@type":"ListItem","position":1,"item":{"@id":"/section/ideas/","name":"Ideas"}},{"@type":"ListItem","position":2,"item":{"@id":"/tag/psychology/","name":"Psychology"}},{"@type":"ListItem","position":3,"item":{"@id":"https://time.com/2918758/how-to-make-someone-fall-in-love-with-you/","name":"How to Make Someone Fall In Love With You"}}]},{"@context":"https://schema.org","@type":"VideoObject","name":"You Taste Food Differently When You're in a Relationship","description":"People change and adapt when they're in a relationship—and not usually in ways that make them more unique","thumbnailUrl":"https://cdn.jwplayer.com/v2/media/9AJJHP89/poster.jpg?width=720","uploadDate":"2017-09-15T18:28:37.000Z","contentUrl":"https://cdn.jwplayer.com/manifests/9AJJHP89.m3u8","embedUrl":"https://time.com/2918758/how-to-make-someone-fall-in-love-with-you/","duration":"PT1M36S","potentialAction":{"@type":"SeekToAction","target":"https://time.com/2918758/how-to-make-someone-fall-in-love-with-you/?jw_start={seek_to_second_number}","startOffset-input":"required name=seek_to_second_number"}},{"@context":"https://schema.org","@type":"VideoObject","name":"The Business of Beauty Boxes","description":"Mail subscriptions to sample boxes are boosting the beauty industry. 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