--- title: Science of Sexy: 5 Things That Can Make You Irresistible description: Humor Is Sexy Humor is attractive to men and women — but not in the same way. The research shows women like men who make... canonical: https://time.com/2859728/science-of-sexy-5-things-that-can-make-you-irresistible/ author: Eric Barker article:opinion: true article:content_tier: free article:published_time: 2014-06-12T04:01:34.000Z article:modified_time: 2026-04-13T08:54:14.921Z article:section: Ideas og:title: Science of Sexy: 5 Things That Can Make You Irresistible og:description: No. 1: Humor is attractive to men and women — but not in the same way. og:url: https://time.com/2859728/science-of-sexy-5-things-that-can-make-you-irresistible/ og:site_name: TIME og:image: https://static.time.com/v3/assets/bltea6093859af6183b/bltbe20be1e8b223d69/698697271eebf7795237164d/488806053.jpg?branch=production&width=3840&quality=75&auto=webp&crop=16:9 og:image:width: 1200 og:image:height: 675 og:image:alt: 488806053 og:type: article twitter:card: summary_large_image twitter:title: Science of Sexy: 5 Things That Can Make You Irresistible twitter:description: No. 1: Humor is attractive to men and women — but not in the same way. twitter:image: https://static.time.com/v3/assets/bltea6093859af6183b/bltbe20be1e8b223d69/698697271eebf7795237164d/488806053.jpg?branch=production&width=3840&quality=75&auto=webp&crop=16:9 ---  # Science of Sexy: 5 Things That Can Make You Irresistible ## Video: How I Learned About Sex [Watch (HLS stream): How I Learned About Sex](https://cdn.jwplayer.com/manifests/5AudUKuq.m3u8) (3:38)  _Published 2014-11-10. Dr. Ruth and others share their stories_ by [Eric Barker](/author/eric-barker/) ## Eric Barker Jun 12, 2014 4:01 AM CUT  Party PartyIzabela Habur—Getty Images/Vetta by [Eric Barker](/author/eric-barker/) ## Eric Barker Jun 12, 2014 4:01 AM CUT ## Humor Is Sexy [Humor](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/2012/10/whydowelaugh/ "undefined") is attractive to men and women — but not in the same way. The research shows **women like men who make them laugh, and men like women who laugh at their jokes.** Via [Mating Intelligence Unleashed: The Role of the Mind in Sex, Dating, and Love](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0195396855/ref=as%5Fli%5Fss%5Ftl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=0195396855&linkCode=as2&tag=spacforrent-20 "undefined"): --- > “” --- Why is humor sexy? [**Funny people**](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/2011/03/why-do-women-find-funny-men-attractive/ "undefined") **are smart, and smart is sexy.** Via [Mating Intelligence Unleashed: The Role of the Mind in Sex, Dating, and Love](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0195396855/ref=as%5Fli%5Fss%5Ftl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=0195396855&linkCode=as2&tag=spacforrent-20 "undefined"): --- > “” --- **So ladies can boost their attractiveness by chuckling a bit more.** **And guys, you can garner more attention by learning how to make women laugh.** Via [Mating Intelligence Unleashed: The Role of the Mind in Sex, Dating, and Love](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0195396855/ref=as%5Fli%5Fss%5Ftl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=0195396855&linkCode=as2&tag=spacforrent-20 "undefined"): --- > “” --- ## Being Liked Is Sexy **Want to increase someone’s interest in you? Might be worthwhile to make sure they find out you’re interested in them.** Via [How to Make Someone Fall in Love With You in 90 Minutes or Less](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0761151621/ref=as%5Fli%5Fss%5Ftl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=0761151621&linkCode=as2&tag=spacforrent-20 "undefined"): --- > “” --- This idea is affirmed by studying the effectiveness of **“**[**playing hard to get**](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/2012/02/whats-the-best-way-to-play-hard-to-get/ "undefined")**.” What’s the best way to play that game?** **Establish that you’re hard to get in general — but very enthusiastic about the person you’re with.** Via Richard Wiseman’s excellent book [59 Seconds: Change Your Life in Under a Minute](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0307474860/ref=as%5Fli%5Fss%5Ftl?ie=UTF8&tag=spacforrent-20&linkCode=as2&camp=217153&creative=399349&creativeASIN=0307474860 "undefined"): --- > “” --- ## What You Talk About Is Sexy Random conversation with someone you’re interested in can be a bad idea. Why? [What you talk about can matter — a lot](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/2013/08/first-date-conversation/ "undefined"). **Emotional, personal information exchange promotes powerful feelings of connection.** Via [Snoop: What Your Stuff Says About You](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0465013821/ref=as%5Fli%5Fss%5Ftl?ie=UTF8&tag=spacforrent-20&linkCode=as2&camp=217145&creative=399369&creativeASIN=0465013821 "undefined"): --- > “” --- How effective is it? **In under an hour it can create a connection stronger than a lifelong friendship.** Via [Click: The Magic of Instant Connections](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0385529066/ref=as%5Fli%5Fss%5Ftl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=0385529066&linkCode=as2&tag=spacforrent-20 "undefined"): --- > “” --- (You can read the most effective things to discuss [here](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/is-there-a-shortcut-to-bonding-with-a-romanti "undefined").) That said, don’t get so nervous about your words that you can’t speak… **When a woman is very attracted to a man, whether his pickup line is good or not doesn’t matter at all.** Via [Mating Intelligence Unleashed: The Role of the Mind in Sex, Dating, and Love](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0195396855/ref=as%5Fli%5Fss%5Ftl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=0195396855&linkCode=as2&tag=spacforrent-20 "undefined"): --- > “” --- ## Personality Is Sexy [Conscientiousness](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/2012/11/personality-trait-determine-future/ "undefined") is predictive of a number of very important positive elements in life. **Agreeable, conscientious people make better spouses and parents — but disagreeable, non-conscientious people have more sex partners.** The former invest in quality, and it seems like the latter make up the difference in, well, _volume_. **Looking to settle down? Check if that person has their ducks in a row, is organized and easy to get along with. That’s marriage material.** Via [Mating Intelligence Unleashed: The Role of the Mind in Sex, Dating, and Love](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0195396855/ref=as%5Fli%5Fss%5Ftl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=0195396855&linkCode=as2&tag=spacforrent-20 "undefined"): --- > “” --- ## How They Make You Feel Is Sexy Research shows **we don’t really fall in love with a person — we fall in love with how we feel when we’re with them.** This is best demonstrated by the concept of [emotional contagion](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/2011/07/whats-the-key-to-a-fantastic-first-date/ "undefined"): we’re bad at telling what made us feel a certain way, but good about making associations. **Feeling excited, stimulated and aroused is often associated with the people around us, even if they’re not the cause.** This can be taken to extremes: [having someone try to kill you](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/2012/04/would-you-be-attracted-to-someone-trying-to-k/ "undefined") can actually make you more attracted to them. Via [The Heart of Social Psychology: A Backstage View of a Passionate Science](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0669211443/ref=as%5Fli%5Fss%5Ftl?ie=UTF8&tag=spacforrent-20&linkCode=as2&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=0669211443 "undefined"): --- > “” --- Some might find the notion that we’re just “feeling junkies” un-romantic, but[this idea can save relationships and prevent divorce](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/2012/03/what-simple-thing-kills-many-relationships/ "undefined"). **By** [**doing things that rekindle those exciting feelings, love can be restored**](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/2010/04/how-to-quickly-and-easily-improve-your-marria/ "undefined")**:** --- > “” --- ## Love At First Sight Is Sexy There’s still a lot about love and sex that can’t be easily quantified. Studies show “love at first sight” is real. Via [How to Make Someone Fall in Love With You in 90 Minutes or Less](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0761151621/ref=as%5Fli%5Fss%5Ftl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=0761151621&linkCode=as2&tag=spacforrent-20 "undefined"): --- > “” --- **How can you increase the chance love at first sight happens to you? By believing in it.** ## What’s Next? Other posts you should read on love, sex, and romance: * [How To Be A Good Kisser – 10 Tips From Scientific Research](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/2013/08/how-to-be-a-good-kisser/ "undefined") * [How To Flirt — Backed By Scientific Research](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/2013/10/how-to-flirt-scientifically/ "undefined") * [How To Make Someone Fall In Love With You](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/2013/07/make-someone-fall-in-love-with-you/ "undefined") * [Recipe For A Happy Marriage: The 7 Scientific Secrets](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/2013/10/recipe-for-a-happy-marriage-2/ "undefined") **Join 45K+ readers. Get a free weekly update via email** [**here**](http://eepurl.com/o6uAD "undefined")**.** **_This piece originally appeared on_** [**_Barking Up the Wrong Tree_**](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/ "undefined")**_._** _Read next:_ [_5 Things Your Clothes Are Saying About You_](http://time.com/3600204/clothes-say-about-you/?iid=time%5Freadnext "undefined") [_Download TIME’s mobile app for iOS to have your world explained wherever you go_](https://itunes.apple.com/us/app/time-mobile/id328218429 "undefined") ```json [{"@context":"https://schema.org","@type":"OpinionNewsArticle","@id":"https://time.com/2859728/science-of-sexy-5-things-that-can-make-you-irresistible/","mainEntityOfPage":{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"https://time.com/2859728/science-of-sexy-5-things-that-can-make-you-irresistible/"},"headline":"Science of Sexy: 5 Things That Can Make You Irresistible","datePublished":"2014-06-12T04:01:34.000Z","dateModified":"2026-04-13T08:54:14.921Z","description":"Humor Is Sexy Humor is attractive to men and women — but not in the same way. The research shows women like men who make...","url":"https://time.com/2859728/science-of-sexy-5-things-that-can-make-you-irresistible/","keywords":["Psychology","relationships"],"thumbnailUrl":"https://static.time.com/v3/assets/bltea6093859af6183b/bltbe20be1e8b223d69/698697271eebf7795237164d/488806053.jpg?branch=production&width=1200&quality=75&auto=webp&crop=1200:675&height=675","author":[{"@type":"Person","name":"Eric Barker","jobTitle":null,"url":"https://time.com/author/eric-barker/"}],"articleSection":"Ideas","image":[{"@type":"ImageObject","url":"https://static.time.com/v3/assets/bltea6093859af6183b/bltbe20be1e8b223d69/698697271eebf7795237164d/488806053.jpg?branch=production&width=1200&quality=75&auto=webp&crop=1200:675&height=675","width":1200,"height":675,"headline":"488806053","caption":"488806053","creditText":"Izabela Habur—Getty Images/Vetta","representativeOfPage":true}],"publisher":{"@type":"Organization","name":"Time","url":"https://time.com/","logo":{"@type":"ImageObject","url":"https://time.com/images/logo.png","width":528,"height":156},"foundingDate":"March 3, 1923","sameAs":["https://www.facebook.com/time","https://www.instagram.com/time/?hl=en","https://twitter.com/time","https://www.pinterest.com/timemagazine"]}},{"@context":"https://schema.org","@type":"BreadcrumbList","itemListElement":[{"@type":"ListItem","position":1,"item":{"@id":"/section/ideas/","name":"Ideas"}},{"@type":"ListItem","position":2,"item":{"@id":"/tag/psychology/","name":"Psychology"}},{"@type":"ListItem","position":3,"item":{"@id":"https://time.com/2859728/science-of-sexy-5-things-that-can-make-you-irresistible/","name":"Science of Sexy: 5 Things That Can Make You Irresistible"}}]},{"@context":"https://schema.org","@type":"VideoObject","name":"A 100-Year-Old Sex Therapist on Having Good Sex, Then and Now","description":"A practicing sex therapist in New York City, Dr. Shirley Zussman has witnessed everything from the legalization of the contraceptive birth control pill to the AIDs epidemic in the 1980s to the rise of internet porn in the new millenium.","thumbnailUrl":"https://cdn.jwplayer.com/v2/media/uJFYIrvP/poster.jpg?width=720","uploadDate":"2014-08-20T13:40:15.000Z","contentUrl":"https://cdn.jwplayer.com/manifests/uJFYIrvP.m3u8","embedUrl":"https://time.com/2859728/science-of-sexy-5-things-that-can-make-you-irresistible/","duration":"PT3M13S","potentialAction":{"@type":"SeekToAction","target":"https://time.com/2859728/science-of-sexy-5-things-that-can-make-you-irresistible/?jw_start={seek_to_second_number}","startOffset-input":"required name=seek_to_second_number"}},{"@context":"https://schema.org","@type":"VideoObject","name":"How I Learned About Sex","description":"Dr. Ruth and others share their stories","thumbnailUrl":"https://cdn.jwplayer.com/v2/media/5AudUKuq/poster.jpg?width=720","uploadDate":"2014-11-10T16:10:43.000Z","contentUrl":"https://cdn.jwplayer.com/manifests/5AudUKuq.m3u8","embedUrl":"https://time.com/2859728/science-of-sexy-5-things-that-can-make-you-irresistible/","duration":"PT3M38S","potentialAction":{"@type":"SeekToAction","target":"https://time.com/2859728/science-of-sexy-5-things-that-can-make-you-irresistible/?jw_start={seek_to_second_number}","startOffset-input":"required name=seek_to_second_number"}}] ```