Bachelorette Andi Dorfman’s dad has played a prominent role (if not roadblock) in her journey to love. So if he could crash a Bachelorette event — Andi’s People blog said he made a “surprise” flight to LA to suss out the guys at the first rose ceremony, which producers criminally edited out — then I figured that it was appropriate for my dad to crash my weekly, cheap white wine fueled Bachelorette watch and impart his words of wisdom:
Please date someone with a real job
My dad didn’t enter this week’s episode with high expectations. “This is a high powered DA and she got rid of the ER doctor and the lawyer in the first round?” he asked. “Is it just me or are some of these guys doofuses?” In Andi’s defense, the doctor used a pickup line that was almost as awkward as his haircut. In my dad’s defense, she kept a guy who says he’s a “Pantsapreneur” for a living and a professional hairstylist (pictured) who appears to be on the verge of a mullet.
When on dates, it’s good to have actual conversations
Eric Hill tragically died last month in a paragliding accident — and watching his one-on-one date with Andi was heartbreaking. The explorer, whose goal was to visit every country in the world, was curious, kind, and eloquent. While most suitors only initially have amorphous conversations about love-everlasting and how great it is that their grandparents still hold hands, Hill engaged in a deep and socially relevant conversation about the Syrian uprising. Conversations about current affairs are almost unheard of on the show. Dad’s conclusion: “You won’t get any snarky quotes about this guy from me.”
If I ever make guys put on a strip show for me on a first date — even if it’s for charity — I’m grounded
“This is a way to make a perfectly nice man look like an asshole.” And a perfectly gross man look like even more of an asshole.
Later in the group date, when a drunk suitor jumped into a pool with with his clothes on — and when given the opportunity to ask Andi anything went with “What’s the worst thing about your parents?” (huh?) — my dad shifted his counsel to a more sweeping: “At this point, the only dating advice I have is don’t.” Noted.
“Don’t kiss anyone until you’ve had a coherent conversation with him first”
Former professional baseball player Josh assured Andi that he wasn’t your stereotypical former pro-athlete. Unfortunately, he never clarified what he actually was — apart from reassuringly telling her he hasn’t had a girlfriend in five years (umm, was it because you were only hooking up with and then ghosting ladies?) We have no idea what Josh’s second conversation with Andi was about, as it mostly involved rapid fire, unblinking, breathless ramblings that made us wonder if he was a) really nervous or b) if producers were giving out more than just booze behind the scenes.
Never discount a man with a bow tie.
Bow ties were worn both by the clearly planted old man who spontaneously told Andi that he and his wife still love each other after 100 years of marriage, and Chris, the Iowa farmer who’s so sweet he says “darnit” to swear:
While dad warns Chris might be “a little too smooth, I want to check his farmer bona fides,” he approves of his accessorizing. “That’s how we did it in the 70’s”: